| Sentosa |

the sun, the sand, and the sea. that's where i was yesterday! an afternoon of sun-basking, gossipping, sleeping, water therapy, aahhhh total relaxation for the mind, body and soul!
hey dearie, when's your turn to take your baby there huh?? i wanna go sentosa AGAIN, quick quick take me there soon!!! *laughz*


::haha bikini babes!!!::


::i kinda like this collage, hee::


::ok, i think i've got a round face, *lolx*::

i came home yesterday, and after awhile, my head was spinning, my nose was running, and my forehead was burning. i fell sick again! *pouts*

| Goodbye |

effectively, yesterday was my last day at work. many people whom know me personally would actually support my decision and cheer me on. to these people, my deepest thanks.

it was abrupt, but i guess i saw it coming. if she had been able to just shut her mouth and not talk so much, everything would have been fine and i would probably be able to work on perhaps till next year. but that was not to be.

open confrontation was what happened.
she initiated it.

maybe you thought it was cool, but let me tell you, it was immature and childish. you are too young to handle anything, you CANNOT handle things. you made things so ugly, and conveniently gave me a chance to leave, so i took it. why not? i got nothing to lose. except that all the shit will be on you i guess.
and isn't the whole idea of your confrontation for me to leave?
or did you stupidly think it would clear things up?
if you really thought was the latter,
then you're really dumb.
i know you'll be reading this,
my whole office will probably be reading this,
but heck it, i dun give a damn anymore.
i'm outta that place,
i dun have to give you face.

you were never my friend,
you never gave me a reason to trust you.
from the way i saw it,
you were trying too hard to sow discord.
doesn't matter how hard you try to defend yourself,
i am entitled to my thoughts, my views, my perception.
you do not have a say in whatever i think about you,
got it?

the vibes i had about you right from the start was undeniably much.
i never understood what 'body chemistry' meant,
but now i do.

like i said,
i hope you're happy.
cos i am.
i've never been happier leaving that place.
not that the place is bad,
but because you were there, you made it suck.

do yourself a favor,
after this post,
do not ever come to my blog again.
you're NOT welcome here.
i dun want you to know anything about my life,
cos you're not part of it.
one thing i'll assure you,
i'll be alot better off than you like how i've always been, and also in the future.
and i want you to know,
after this post, i will forget you and how you look like,
and never think of you again.
it'll be as though you never came into my life.

to [insert name]:
you've been a great friend, really.
i'm very thankful to have you right from the start, along the way, and even to the end.
you've been a great help to me too,
and i appreciate your every gesture.
remember how i told you i would get over you?
i finally did it. and i had wanted to tell you the good news, but never had the chance.
you said if i ever did it, you'd want to know how.
its very easy, it was just a matter of making up your mind. like i made my decision, and i've never been happier. you always wished me happiness, and said to be happy no matter what i did. you made me realise that my happiness is being with daniel, not you. thank you for showing me that. to me, you'll always be that angel guarding me. thank you. i found my true happiness. i hope you'll find yours too. i'll just miss those car rides home, haha!

to bosses:
you guys have been great. working with you guys for the past one year was good, really good, until nicole left, and she came along. i guess the turning point was when the one interviewee i detested big time was your best choice. i tried my best to accomodate, i tried to teach her everything her mind could possibly absorb. but she wasn't such a fantastic student, in addition, her dishonesty made her credibility highly questionable. with regards to her, i have nothing else to say.
just that i'm sorrie i couldn't carry on helping you guys out. i would have carried on if she hadn't created such a scene yesterday. i reckon my departure would give everybody less tension, and perhaps a more peaceful working environment.
i want you guys to know that, i've given you my best in that one year. i hope that was enough. i wish you guys well, and i wish you guys success in your future endeavours. :)

and so, this ends another chapter of my life.

after getting off these off my chest, i can finally sleep. *yawnz*

| Freedom of Speech |

where is freedom of speech? there's no liberty anymore, there's no discretion anymore. everything seems to be controlled, everything seems to be watched.

[insert name] mentioned that the purpose of a blog means everyone has a right to read what i pen, and to search the web for that matter. i agree. but what if i dun welcome certain people? or should i say, if people would be offended after reading, then what's the point of bookmarking my blog? another way of putting it would be, blogging entitles people to judge me. being the ever sinful-natured humans are, whatever i write, my feelings, emotions etc would be judged and used against me assuming i get myself into a very precarious and delicate situation. wouldn't be very fair to me isn't it?

therefore i've concluded. if people are gonna take my honesty and turn it against as my weakness, so be it. ethically it'll be wrong. but if that's what it takes for you to get rid of me and/or perhaps put me down, you are so wrong. i'm telling you now, that will never happen. i'll make sure it doesn't happen, i'm alot stronger than you think. you'll be surprised.

in short, blogging on this web space of mine is my prerogative! period.

| Rumours |

spreading rumour is the one killer that ruin relationships, turning good pals to enemies, making situations awkward, and also having reservations about a particular somebody. this is especially true in an office setting.

i guess that is what's happening now.

would love to go into details, but can i?

"Information is power, and lots of information comes in the form of rumors. But too many people believe too much of what they hear - and make bad decisions as a result. Whenever I hear a rumor, I think about it for a day. Does it make any sense? Who stands to gain from spreading it? Is there an acid test that I can use to evaluate whether it's true? Nine times out of ten, I conclude that it just doesn't hold water."

| Quote |

"Love is about finding someone you cannot live without"

| Our Story Continues |

and so it is, our story continues, my fairy tale still exists, my prince still loves me.
who says you dun get a second chance in life??? *heh*
okok, maybe i sound a little too smug, but i'm real thankful for this lil break for me to get myself back together. all i ever wanted was 3 full days to myself, and having had that, i'm more certain of myself, and we've never been happier!!! *laughz*
i'm the world happiest and luckiest gal! *winkz*

| Wrong |

i'm wrong, i know i did wrong.
judge me, but dun piss me off.
i'm not having a great time either!
stone me, but dun get on my nerves.
i'm just gonna take this time to find myself,
nothing else is going to happen!!!

| The End |

within a matter of two days, i am now alone.
it was a mutual agreement.
there was a momentary sense of release when we got things off our chest.
but i haven't stopped crying since we said goodbye.

i'm suppose to be happy,
because after all, that was what i wanted.
but i've become so unsure of myself,
i can't think anymore.

while i was in the shower last night,
thoughts of the past with him came flashing through my mind.
i regretted the actions i had done to hurt him
one wrong move and i could never erase the pain i'd caused.

what else is there left for me to hold on to,
when everything's been said and done?
we've come to the end.
i've been advised not to think if we still have a chance with each other,
because more often than never,
things never work out the way you want them to.
i'm on the verge of a break-down.

this seperation, he said, is for a good cause,
so that if ever we cross paths again,
our love will be stronger than before,
and we'll be happier.
but until that day comes,
i pray that Lord, You'll be with him every step of his way,
that You'll mould him to become the man You created him to be.

to [him],
i never regretted being with you,
i just regretted all those wrong choices i made to hurt you.
i'm sorrie.
maybe this seperation will really do us good,
maybe it won't.
like you said, we'll leave it to God.
thank you for giving me time to find myself again.

| Suddenly |

as i walked outta my driving school after my lesson in the morning,
i had a sudden urge to return to the past,
where our love was innocent,
where our love was strong.

the green grass, the cloudy sky.
i wonder where i will end up in a few years' down the road.

i wanted to do so many things that we did before,
a walk by the beach,
catching the sunrise,
sleeping the afternoon away.

i suddenly wanted to visit the place which held my old church,
wanna go swimming,
wanna go tanning,
wanna go blading,
wanna go cycling.

memories...ah, what happened to me?
i've lost my sense of direction,
i'm aimless.
what am i going to do?

truth, lies.
hypocrisy, sincerity.
i can only go in riddles now,
until i am freed from evil.

| Initial D |

who wants to watch this movie with me??? any volunteers???

| Recent Movies |

the two recent movies which i caught within the last two weeks. both were not bad, though i prefer Mr and Mrs Smith to A Lot Like Love.

Mr & Mrs Smith
Angelina Jolie is gorgeous, as usual. she looked really good in almost every scene and she always had that very sexy and sensual kissable lips which would make all men go weak on their knees. oh and not to mention her, ahem, figure. Brad Pitt was equally gorgeous, if not more, why? because i am a girl, not a guy. ha! despite his age, he's still as charming as ever. *faints*
those who haven't caught it yet, MUST!

A Lot Like Love
i guess i have slightly more stuff to write about this movie. the plot was good but it was rather dry at certain points in time and being the sneaks at midnight, i had a hard time catching up.
the morale of the story: you'll get a second chance in life. then it occured to me, would life really give you a second chance? highly impossible isn't it? does everyone get two tries or more in life? i wish it would happen to me. *shrugz*

| Classmate |

he was the guy who was my next-door neighbour during our 6-months attachment.
he was the guy who always helped me open the freaking heavy metal door shutters in the morning.
he was the guy who wrote mushy shakespeare poems.
he was the guy i met 2 weeks ago at mambo.
he's the guy who lives near me.
and he was one of my classmates whom i met up with on saturday night. :)

| Enough |

i'm appalled. i abhor some acts of indecency. not the past, but present. dunno what i'm talking about? good, let's keep it this way. i'm mad, boy am i fuming!!!!!!!!!!!!! tell me again, why am i still here? i've had it. enough is enough!

| Absolution? |

the last i saw of him was two nights ago.
two nights ago, i confessed to him.
i lied again.
my heart was in turmoil,
his heart was in pain.

maybe its a sign our time is up?
even if we make it through this period,
can i guarantee there will be none of this anymore?

i am skeptical of myself.
"the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak".
when will there be an absolution to this?
oh God...

| Hypocrisy |

i'm surprised at the sheer hypocrisy that is happening right under my nose, right smack in my face. oh god, save me! i wanna leave this place this very instant!

looking into their eyes,
i feel cold.
the words that they say,
i feel weary.
i dunno when the truth is spoken,
i dunno how many times i've been stabbed in the back,
all i know is that i can't wait to leave this place.

i treated all of them with sincerity,
and this is the shit that i got.
WTF?
never pays to be kind?
yah i guess.
and please, just leave me alone,
get outta my life!

| Emotions |

i'm totally disgusted with myself. i hate myself for being so easily swayed by influences. think i'll be better off alone, so nobody can hurt me, and i won't have to hurt anyone.

i've lost control, i never had it right from the start. if i had practiced a little prudence, i wouldn't be caught in a mess i'm in right now. feel like digging a hole and hiding myself. but i cannot. since i created such a mess, i must be brave enough to face it and fight it nevertheless.

liking someone isn't wrong, just that its wrong when i am attached, and engaged nonetheless, and still i have feelings developing outta something totally platonic. i seemed to have lost all my sense and reasoning. and thus, this action itself is wrong.

knowing how damn well i should avoid [insert name] but didn't, somewhere, sub-consciously, i wanted something to happen with him. though thinking about it now sends shiver down my spine.

i thought i was strong. i give most people this wrong impression. i'm not that strong as i look, i'm not that tough as i seem to be. so please don't misjudge me. i may be confident of myself, i was confident of myself, so sure i would be able to get him to reciprocate, ha but guess what? reality check - NO [insert name] never did.

the most frustrating thing of all is that, people would actually give you "kind" advices on how you should "follow your heart" and all those crap, leaving you to think that, hey perhaps [insert name] does have a lil something for me? reality check again - NO [insert name] never did.

all along, i'd seen it coming. i knew nothing was gonna work out, but still the curiosity in me never failed to get the better of me, and hence, this mess.

i had hurt the one person whom loved me with all his heart. i had put my 4-year relationship into jeopardy, and i almost screwed my future happiness because of my folly. we're currently in the midst of a cool-off period. i don't exactly know how that works or how long it will take, just that i know i need to collect myself back from the many scattered pieces, and my dear has promised to give me time.

and now i finally understand this: Love is a Decision, Love is a Commitment. my big sis had been trying to teach me the meaning of this 2 sentences, and now i am slowly able to grasp the meaning of it. you don't just run away or look for the easiest way out when feelings fade, or when the passion is gone. the crux of Love is when you try to work the differences out, and when you try to make alive the passion that had died, or re-create passion. its a constant process. no doubt being with a person after a long time would turn monotonous, that's when you try to excite things around you.

i'm aware blogging this entry would entitle the entire world to judge me, so be it. its tough keeping it to myself anyway.

dearie, i'm sorrie i lied. i was out with [insert name] last night and for the first time in ages, i was happy. i can't figure out why i would feel that way for [insert name], it isn't right i know. and even if i left you, it would never be possible for [insert name] and me. it was happiness at the expense of you. i've made up my mind, i've decided i will get him outta my mind, and outta my life. thank you for giving me time to myself.

[insert name], i think you know who you are and i hope you read this. i wanna tell you that though it was my fault for falling for you and even harboring thoughts about being with you. as of this moment, i have made up my mind that you are just a passer-by in my life, that we were never meant to be even if you were to open your heart to me. i said this to you before, and i will say this to you the last time, i WILL get over you. you will no longer mean that much to me. i hope you will be able to find the girl you've been hoping and wishing for. i wish you happiness.

thus, this closes another chapter of my life.

| Dress |

as usual, i wanna write, i wanna rant, but when i see the blogger screen, i'm lost for words. i had no time in the office to blog today, not because i was busy. it didn't seem so busy today, just that i can't figure out why i didn't find any time to do so.

my life is getting mundane! *argh*

there's this dinner & dance that we - my company - are invited to this saturday at York Hotel. ain't that grand or glam but yah we're expected to turn up, i wonder why. sounds kinda lame to me if you ask me. the theme? bollywood & hollywood, on the invitation card clearly states : please dress to the theme. *blank* ok, like what vague theme is that? for a start, who on a friday night, after work, would actually bother to dress up and attend this D&D? i definitely will not. but i guess that's beside the point. point is, we're going, but have no idea what to wear. don't wanna dress to the nines and be laughed at for OVER-dressing. dress down, and we might also be mocked at. WTH? what is average?

oh got a black dress from Daniel Yam on sunday. its pretty! had wanted to wear it for this friday's D&D but i guess that would be a lil exaggerated. so am keeping it for my company's own D&D come mid-july and for my friend's wedding next week. i'm sure it'll come in handy somehow.

| Pre-Syndromes |

i absolutely hate this time of the month, especially when its the pre-syndromes. *sigh* simply kills me. my appetite gets uncontrollably bigger and bigger, and so will my tummy (but thank the Lord it flattens back after i am done with the week). i get terrible migraine where i feel like the sharpest thing ever driven into my head. i feel moody and i complain alot. i get extremely fiesty and fed up at the slightest notion. i crave for the weirdest food like super spicy tom yam soup, bbq stingray and sotong, and maybe chilli crab? *argh* i get occassional cramps here and there, my spine is achy and i feel lethargic everywhere in my body. what is wrong with me?! why can't it just bludder hell come and let me be done with it?
i have a friend's baby's full month party to attend tomorrow after work, and i dun really wanna go for some reasons i'd prefer to keep private. i'd like to go, but if i bleed tomorrow, i'm gonna be in such great pain that would just end my life. oh..i'm so groany and so moany and it's not like i can help it coz if i could, i would, really.

oh and did i mention how busy i've been the entire day? while some pple just sit there on their fat ass and msn, surf the net and chat all day long? its annoying and frustrating. i wish there were some stuff she could do, after all, she's suppose to be here helping me isn't it? well but guess what? she's NOT! and honestly, tell me what is she here for? to beautify the place? oh please dun make me laugh. *lolx* okok, now i'm mean and hurtful. i shall shut up here. *zlitch*

| *argh* |

this person just pissed me off BIG time!!! i wonder why he gets especially defensive whenever there's a brief mention of a mutual friend. *argh* i feel like killing him, and strangling him and slapping his face!!! and he's the first guy in my entire being as a girl to say i'm rude because i slammed the phone down on him, *argh* like he's so sissy!!!

anger turned into disappointment. i thought he knew me, i thought he understood me given the amount of time we've actually been together, but i was SO wrong! why would i want a friend like him? why would i want a friend who doesn't understand me, and trust me for that matter? *argh*
i HATE you to the core and i have NOTHING else to say to you, JERK!

| Better |

ok, so i'm feeling better now and i think i would be free to blog till i drop until i end work today. ha!

so my current template is disgusting right? so unlike me, yours truly right? yah i totally agree man! which is why, after i am done with this post, i will continue my quest for a new blogskin. though i wish i had more time to myself to design and create one that i can call my own.

*sigh* my lady boss took off for home, she looked terrible. she's down with food poisoning. my sympathies to her. and the other colleague of mine, well, some problems with her and her boyfriend i reckon. i dunno, she came in about 2 hours late today, and is going off another 2 hours earlier, all in all? half day leave i figure. which leaves me here, alone, and having to face the fate of leaving even later than expected because some aunties are just so super "gan chiong" about their collagen drink, which by way, are also distributed by my company apart from Fancl. though i must say, i think ours are better. *heh*

and about the weekend that just ended, well, there was a lil pup that dropped by my dear's house. his owners were outta town for pleasure and left their pup with their care for 3 days. he may look cute and be the absolute darling you'll want to cuddle, but trust me, this pup's gotta a fiesty lil temper that you dun wanna go near when he starts to growl. *lolx*

::*aawww* dun you just wish you could cuddle him?::

please do check out his extremely fierce video on my dear's new blog. oh yah, i realised i didn't mention anything about deardear's new blog. he started writing again and oh, i'm SO glad. really. *smilez*

| Moody |

i'm not in a good mood today, or rather, i got no mood to do anything, or to talk to anybody. i'm just feeling moody because i'm starting to PMS. do NOT provoke me, or i swear i'll BITE.

| Headache |

my head is spinning, the air-con is switched off, my entire body is buring and i'm hunrgy and still at work nonetheless! DAMN! what is wrong with these pple?! argh!

| Lost |

more than a week since i last blogged, oh how i miss pouring my soul out on the blogger screen.

figured i must be in a transient period of my life now, i'm beginning to ponder about lotsa stuff - work, future, friendships, family, and namely, love and relationship. i'm in a state of confusion filled with complexity. i dunno how intense this situation is gonna be, but it doesn't seem to be going anywhere. where am i going in life? i'm lost. can anyone tell me what i should do? where i should head?
suppression isn't good, harms the heart. my heart has been aching and aching, how on earth did i get myself into this mess? i'm very tired, tired of life, tired of having to make decisions everyday, tired of choosing, just plain tired.

the new gal is still here and i dunno why. though i have nothing against her, she isn't as simple as i think she is. she found my blog though, i must congratulate her on her resourcefulness. i guess that's why people say ignorance is bliss. since you decided to search for my blog yourself, and found it, dun blame me for being honest. this is my blog space, my own space where i am entitled to my own thoughts and feelings about a particular something. if you dun wanna read about yourself on my blog, i suggest you dun even come here. i have a site meter, i know who comes and when they visit and for how long they stay for and so forth. though i can't stop you from visiting my blog, i reckon you'll be happier if you dun read about yourself? spare yourself. no hard feelings though. period.

| Unwanted Pregnancy |

the one person that kept asking when daniel and i will tie the knot is actually getting married before us. she's more of dear's friend than mine, i hardly talk to his school/army friends. younger than us with regards to age and the length of her relationship. reason for early marriage: carelessness. (by carelessness, i'm sure you know what i mean dun you?)

how many of such cases do you hear of these days? its all around us isn't it? it has come to my attention that the rate of infanticide and/or abortion is getting increasingly high. are women uneducated when it comes to contraception? just read an article on New Paper the other day that clearly states how women, as modern as they should be, are still letting their husbands dominate and take control of the way they prevent unwanted pregnancies. just heard on the news that the rate of abortion, though has lowered as compared to previous years, aren't first-timers. why?

well at least i'm glad my friend isn't choosing the easy way out and is bravely trying to make right their mistake. the price: lost of freedom at such an incredibly young age.
dear and i were in a state of shock for the entire half of the day after we saw her message. but we'll be attending her wedding, definitely.

i guess maybe that's why i haven't had the courage to totally let go of myself even though i've been with daniel for 4 years. hard to believe, and some people may even think we're lying but that's the plain truth. my parents taught me well, and i'll always remember their teachings, and hopefully, pass it on to my children in future. because you'll never know, in the heat of the moment, you'll never be able to be rational and clear-headed, let alone, rememeber to take your dick (pardon my crude language) out before ejaculation occurs. *lolz* this is funny, trust me. and according to the dictionary, ejaculation is:
1. An abrupt discharge of fluid.
2. The expulsion of seminal fluid from the urethra of the penis during orgasm.
3. A sudden short exclamation
*rolling on floor laughing* alright, enough said.

| Thoughts |

nah...i got no mood to blog today even though i have tons of stuff moving around in my head now...*bleah*

| Relinquish |

i have a sudden urge to blog now.

but when i see the blogger's screen, i'm lost for words.

despite me feeling unwell, i had a lovely weekend with my dear boy. *smilez*

went to his friend's birthday party on saturday which i thought was good catch-up for him. i enjoyed myself, though i wasn't sure if i would before i made the decision to turn up. it was nice seeing familiar faces around, some of which i knew.

[insert name] was there. i guess she was part of the reason why i wasn't sure if i wanted to be there. wasn't sure what to expect from it, wasn't sure what would happen. i guess part of me wished for peace and an absolution to that incident. but that wasn't to be.
she looked happy with her new bunch of friends, and i'm happy for her. total ignorance was what i got, ha! why did i even hope she would come talk to me?
just read her blog actually, i believe the person she talked about was me. haha now yours truly is doing self-confession, well heck it, i just wanna be [ME]. and after this post, there would be nothing else i ever write about her.
"rude" was her description of me, yah perhaps. and gossiping, didn't you join in? don't you do it now as well? don't talk like as if you're a saint. we're all imperfect people in an imperfect world trying to live a perfect life. i'm only human. they say time will heal, i guess not. and even if it does, memories linger. pointless in my opinion.

there was once i worried about you.
there was once i cared about you.
there was once your friendship meant alot to me.
now, i will still wish you well and hope you find true happiness.

i gave that friendship up a long time ago, from the time she accused me, and even after knowing the truth she still doubted me. i should just forget about it. why befriend someone who doubts you, and has little or no trust in you? it ain't worth it. definitely not.
and therefore, i close this chapter of my life and relinquish all ties with [insert name].

and now for the happier stuff. i got 2 pics at the party on saturday! well, at least i have 2 outta the entire time i was there catching up? *shrugz* oh whatever.


::the missing guy, yang replaced by another fellow tp BIT student? ha! from left to right, zhongli, my boy, robbie and oops, i dun think i got his name!::

::the bunch of us, marketing students::

| Love |

lunched out with a new friend today and she gave me some insights that i would like to share. it caught me in a fix and i'm still wondering at this point of time.

are you in love with your partner?
OR
do you love your partner?

there's a difference. the latter, is of course like how one would love their parents/siblings etc. BUT the former would tell if there's still a future in your relationship, whether or not the flames of passion are still there.

so now i post it back to you guys reading, do you love or are you in love?

| Kind |

being kind is the one thing i regret BIG time now i tell you. never take advantage of people's kindness, if that's one thing you dunno, let me tell you now.

i took pity on you.
with only an 'o' level cert,
where else would have given you another chance?
how many chances have i given you already?
how many times have you screwed that up?
its idiert-proof and still you fumble.
its so simple and yet you have troubles following orders.
i'm not the boss here, but hullo, you're suppose to be helping me?
i thought saturday was your last day,
i was happy.
but i saw how sad you looked and thought maybe i could give you another chance.
guess i was wrong. BIG time.
why dun you know how to cherish what is given you?
what is in that brain of yours?
what issit that you keep thinking of that you're not concentrating here?
after announcing to the whole world that saturday was her last day,
she's still here.
when asked why, she said "boss's mother asked me to stay. bosses also asked me to stay." OMG, what are you??? you've been here barely a fortnight and you have like the biggest shots asking you to stay?! are you sure that's the case or were they just asking because you looked too pathetic beyond words??? must be the latter. and for your info, reconsidering does not equate to asking you to stay. its DIFFERENT.
and if i threaten to resign, i might have the entire network of members, plus colleagues from indonesia asking me to stay, to really STAY and not reconsider. STUPID STUPID GAL!!!

seriously, maybe i should just resign.
though my leave has been approved.
and i'm used to doing these stuff.
maybe greener pastures would be good.
give myself another go at other jobs.
maybe she's alright,
but i just dun like her.
ha if that's the case then she should stay,
i'll leave. *blah*

| My Prezzie from [Him] |

p.s you can link it up to the bigger version here and right-click to start playing the flash

Enjoy!!!

| Friday the 13th, My Anniversary? |

yes as a matter of fact, today is the actual day which marks the 4th year of our love. 4 years ago on this very day, [he] asked me to be [his], and i became [his] girl. everything that happened on that day is still replaying clearly in my head, i never regretted loving [him].

i dunno what i can buy [you].
i dunno what i can make [you].
i dunno what else i can do to mark our 4th anniversary,
except that i'll stay by [you], no matter what.
and this post pledges my commitment to [you].
-----------------
i know this is kinda off but there's this little girl, who is SO adorable! she's one of the aunties' granddaughter and she's only 2 and a half. they came by today and i was playing with her, she's SO chubby and cute!!!


::wanna pinch her chubby chubby cheeks!::


::she kept wanting to sit on my lap, hee::
-------------------
ok and i know how even off this will sound, but i've got 2 tongue twisters from the New Paper today. the article made me laugh and tried these tongue twisters over and over again. ha! here, go on, try it!

tongue twister number one:
She stood on the balcony inexplicably mimicking him hicupping but amicably welcoming him in,

tongue twister number two:
Amidst the mists and coldest frosts,
with barest wrists and stoutest boasts,
he thrusts his fists against the posts
and still insists he sees the ghosts.
-----------------
and this is even more off but wth? i'm pms-ing, i'm gonna bleed like real soon, i have a madhouse seminar tomorrow night and i might be cramping by then! i'm hungry and i'm tired because i'm still at work at this time. the only consolation is that [my love] is coming straight from camp to get me. *wide grinz*

| Celebration of Our Love |

::weren't we just adorable when we were lil???::


::celebrating 4 years of our love::

| Last Night |

the dinner at jack's place was good.
the steak cooked at medium was lovely.
the power punch fruit juice with apple and honeymelon was delightful.

clubbing with lady boss and uncle mu for the first time was cool.
drinking tequila pop for the first time was an experience.
seeing them try lamboguinea (i have no idea how to spell that!) for the first time - hard liquor with fire, i was impressed.
BUT drinking was never my kinda fun.
dancing the night away at mambo, i felt relieved.
a new friend, an old friend, both i had fun chatting with.

the music was good,
the handsign was funny,
i had a hard time catching up with 'em.

waiting for his love to appear with her new boyfriend,
i almost wanted to wake him up and welcome him back into reality.
2 years ago, i would have encouraged you to wait on,
but now, don't waste your time, she ain't worth it anymore.

as the night grew darker,
my body felt weaker,
i knew i had to leave.
waved goodbye to the night,
i hailed myself a cab.

so long peeps!
only thing missing last night was [YOU]!!!

| Secret |

a secret resided in my heart for a long time,
denied the make-believe,
stopped anything from happening,
i'm glad i finally decided to tell you the truth.

he came, unassumingly captivated my heart.
he came, unknowingly led me on.
he came, unintentionally gave me feelings.

i hid, i denied, i concealed, i lied.
i protected, i guarded, i prevented, i avoided.
i couldn't, i shouldn't, i wouldn't, i didn't.

[you] loved, [you] pampered, [you] adored, [you] doted, [you] gave.
the best, the most, EVERYTHING.

i didn't have enough reason to leave [you].
i didn't have enough reason to stop loving [you].
i didn't have enough reason to ruin my happiness.

a test, a trial, a rocky path, temptation.
bad period, worst times, suspicious minds.
tears, honesty, sincerity, LOVE.

couldn't bear to see [you] cry,
couldn't bear to see [you] upset,
couldn't bear to see [your] heart shatter into pieces,
believe me, i'll mend it back.

[you] said, "although [your] heart was shattered, it wasn't broken."
tears fell uncontrollably.
the love, [YOUR] love for me,
how could i?

ashamed, afraid, guilty.
acceptance, assurance, declaration, affirmation.

i hope [you] won't regret,
because i know i wouldn't.
a confession just before our 4th anniversary,
to make sure [you'd] still want me.

[you] accepted, [you] forgave.
only one word - TOUCHED.

our promise, our commitment, our love.
faith, trust and God's help.
i wanna walk down the church aisle,
dressed in a pretty white gown,
with [you] waiting at the altar stretching out [your] hand to me.

*My Fairy Tale*
~To Thee I Bestow~
Lim Te Zhong Daniel
13th May 2001

| Issit Pure Stupidity Or What? |

i've been trying not to talk about the new gal but i just couldn't bear to be silent, therefore i've decided, am still gonna blog about it just to provide some entertainment. *lolz*
alright, i'm mean, but i DO NOT care anymore. i might as well blog it out or my blood vessels might get really conjested and i might die of a heart-attack! getting angry and being frustrated is very harmful to my health. AND, i'm PMS-ing, so like it just adds on and i'm SO gonna explode soon!

i gave her very specific instructions today knowing how well she's slow and stupid after she finally admitted to her inability. not that i despise her or what, but if she had been honest right from the start, we wouldn't be in this tensed situation now. and how on earth would i know if she's speaking the truth or not? she's always twisting the facts, i find her credibity a question.

so as i was saying, i gave her very specific instructions to go to the storeroom to get something for me. the instruction went as follows:

yours truly: go to the storeroom, and bring me the two most colorful paperbags. its the biggest paperbags you can find in there. ok?
her: ok.

i repeated the above at least three times, knowing how long she takes to absorb. so when she finally said ok, i thought she got it. guess i was wrong. any idea what she brought out instead? any takers? i'll be nice and let you in on this.

she came out, brought along with her 2 mooncake paperbags which were just red and white in color!!! does this sound very colorful to you??? well not to me. i was speechless, i asked her to walk with me to the storeroom, still holding on to the white and red mooncake paperbags. i pointed to the colorful paperbags, and asked her:
"between this and that, which looks more colorful to you?"
she kept quiet, and i just want to DIE!!!
now let me ask you, is she just dumb or dumb??? i've concluded, she's DUMB!

OMG!!! what have i done to deserve this? AND i just received a call from this job agency, and i have lotsa job offerings, but i declined, why was i SO STUPID??? i should have said ok, gimme a month. argh!!! see, i've been influenced and have thus became stupid-er too!

AND. this is pretty common sense too. let me ask you: which side should the stamp be on an envelope? right or left? even a primary 3 year old can tell you its the RIGHT side! why doesn't she know? can i blame her for not knowing? can i blame her for never posting a single letter or card in her entire life living here in singapore??? can i blame her for acting dumb and for asking stupid questions? i answered her, told her it was the right side, and then shot her back this question to make her feel even stupid-er: you never post a single letter before in your whole life huh? how can you not know? DUH!

BITE me! i'm on the verge of suicide. she ain't worth my anger and frustration. she makes me ill. the disgusting color of her hair, and the sick smell of her shampoo sends dizzy spells to my head. she keeps looking and observing me, like WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM???!!! STOP LOOKING AT ME!!! she even changed her handphone to the same model as mine?! thank God her's is the UGLY SILVER one. but HULLO, WASSUP man?! we DO NOT have to be identical sisters! YOU are GROSSING me OUT!!! the minute i saw her handphone, i had a sudden urge to smash my red one, but then i thought, why should i? i should SMASH YOURS, NOT MINE!!! my RED one is ALOT PRETTIER than YOUR UGLY SILVER ONE!!!!!!

seriously, i should STOP giving her attention. she's probably just seeking attention.

HEY YOU: if you think this is fun, we'll wait and see. i can be EXTREMELY sarcastic and be VERY VERBALLY ABUSIVE so DO NOT mess with me! if you do, you'll wish you were NEVER BORN!

| Fourth Anniversary Part Two |

::final collage of pics::

all in all, we had a lovely time catching up during our short R&R. 4 years didn't come easy, we've had our bad days, quarrels and fights, but still we stood strong, because of the one promise we first made.

~To Thee I Bestow~

| Fouth Anniversary Part One |

after my previous post of non-stop explosion, i am in a better mood to blog about my lovely weekend stay at Conrad Centennial Singapore. actually, i have more pictures than words to post, so enjoy!

::right after church::

::[he] just had to stop me for a shot::

::[him]::

after church, we had lunch at our favourite coffeeshop where they specialise in Big Prawn Noodles. *yumz* then, we headed down to Suntec where we just wanted to 'blow aircon'. *lolz*


::@ Suntec's Sky Garden::

::i like this fountain, i think its lovely!::

::still so in love after 4 years::

::[he] kept stopping me for shots!::

::yet another one::

::then biscuit called me up for a gossip session leaving my poor boy alone taking all those very artistic shots::

time for check-in @ 2pm, we headed straight to Conrad where it was the start of our 2-day stay, total relaxation.


::just had too many pics i had to consolidate them in a collage::

i have more pics on the way, but i just have to show you my little gift from the hotel first:

::ain't it cute?! aaaaawwwwwww::

watch this space for MORE pictures! *winkz*

| Frustration |

where do i start when i have LOADS of stuff to write/complain/explode??? the main thing on my mind right now is the STUPID NEW GAL in my office! she is DUMB, STUPID, SLOW, what else you wanna know about her?

she's 18, just completed the big 'O's, has barely any working experience, and has a 15 year old boyfriend!!!??? yah i know i know, pathetic. she's SHORT, has BIG BOOBS, has a 29 YEAR OLD guy chasing after her, hasn't even been on a date with the 29 year old guy and yet she can't decide if she should leave her current 15 year old boyfriend to be with this 29 year old guy. but that's beside the point. bottomline is: she's DUMB.

she doesn't know how:
1. to use the telephone and therefore do not know how to make outgoing calls(hello, its just a normal office phone?! DUH!)
2. to operate an idiert-proof database
3. use the touch-sensor mouse on a laptop
4. doesn't know how use a laptop without a mouse
5. to use a super user-friendly photocopier
6. to operate a powerpoint slideshow without a mouse
7. to read the word MERGE

i mean like comon, the simplest task and she cannot do, then what is her purpose of working here? instead of helping me, she's adding on to my workload! as it is, i'm already doing TWO persons work, now that she's here, its THREE! why issit that bosses can't see that she's simply NOT suitable for this job?
its not that i dun wanna give her a chance, its not that i am mean, its not that i'm too fierce and that she doesn't dare to ask me questions. i dun wanna belittle anyone, but let's face it, some people just ain't suitable for certain jobs. my job is SO idiert-proof you know, any normal primary six student can do it, i dun understand why she can't?!

maybe she's trying too hard. personally, i dun like her, and i dun wanna ever be friends with her. we're just of a totally different wavelength, we CANNOT CONNECT. even if we could, i DUN WANT to. maybe its body chemistry, its just absolutely PAINFUL to talk to her and to look at her. its INSUFFERABLE to even sit on the same table to have lunch with her! i just dun like her and i feel very repulsive towards her.

note: if YOU ever find my blog and read this post, PLEASE get the HINT and LEAVE!!!

period.

| Collage of Russ |

::from me to my big sis & kor in aussie::

p.s you may lick on the pic for a bigger version

| Kittens |

was on my way for driving lesson today when i saw a little baby kitten by the side of the bus stop. it was SO adorable!!!
kittens, like any other young cubs are very trusting. i fear that their innocence and trust for humans and the environment will take advantage of them. the little baby kitten was very playful and very small in size, it was also hungry and was licking the cement floor, oh the poor thing! if only i had more time, i would have ran across to the coffee-shop to get some food to fill its tummy.
its my prayer that humans would have a heart and not abuse helpless animals like them.
i pray that some kind souls would take them in, and care for them as if their own children.
-------------------------
guess what? i made it for my advance theory test! three cheers for me? i freaked out when i saw the envelope lying on my table when i got home last night. didn't dare open, and nobody was willing to open it for me, so i had to pluck all the courage that i had, and slowly opened it myself. *drum roll* i made it i made it!!! no more stupid blue book!!!! *lalalalalala*
but i must praise Big Papa for His grace. the results go to Him!

| Record |

just realised the amount of clothes i have in my wardrobe, and yet i am still buying nevertheless. just a rough count, i have:

5 pairs of Levi's jeans
2 Levi's skirts
2 Guess pants
2 Guess tops
4 Morgan de toi bottoms
at least 10 Morgan de toi tops
at least 20 tops and bottoms from Victoria Secrets
countless tops from Mango
countless tops from Topshop
i shan't go into how many pairs of heels/shoes/sandals i have from Charles and Keith, and the other brands of clothing that are sitting in my wardrobe.

and therefore i have:
1. Mango Privilege Card
2. Topshop F3 Card
3. Club Levi's Card
4. Charles & Keith Privilege Card
5. Tannlines Privilege Card
6. Soo Kee Diamond Card
7. G2000 advantage Card

amazing isn't it? the amount of money spent in order to be a privilege card holder, i'm disgusted by my spendthrift nature.

| Princess and her Days |

Princess is keeping her promise,
abstaining from VS.
Princess wants to go to Sentosa,
when will i get the chance to go?
Princess is going to aussie in july,
but her Prince will not be joining her. *pouts*
Princess has a facial appointment with mommy dearest,
she can't wait!
Princess feels unappreciated at work,
wondering when will resignation be a reality?
Princess is feeling down and missing her Love,
when are [you] coming out to take me away?
Princess sux at driving,
when will she get her license?
Princess needs a break,
a break from LIFE.
Princess keeps fantasizing about a long long vacation,
will i ever have the chinks to do that?
Princess wants to be on the top of the highest mountain shouting her lungs out,
and then she'll be happy.
Princess wants to go clubbing too,
when was the last time she did that?
Princess wants to go back to school to be a student again,
or her brains will turn rusty.
Princess wishes to play with snow,
to have it melting in her warmth.
Most importantly,
Princess is going to have her 4th anniversary with her Love - her Prince @ Conrad Centennial Singapore this long may day weekend.

| Dun Understand |

warning to all readers: this post may or may not be directed at you. please do not get unneccessarily paranoid and do self-confessions here thinking i am aiming at a particular someone. do yourself and yours truly a favour, respect yourself and respect my blog space, i just want to write, thank you very much.

got many stuff to blog about, but dunno where to begin. am disturbed by many things i've read around me. mostly about love.

third party. indecisiveness. confusion. dilemma. doubt.
one should fight for their own happiness.
but what if its at the expense of another person?
ethically, issit right?
or assuming you fight for the one only to realise it was never meant to be?
so outta confusion, you choose to leave your current love, and remain single,
hoping this action will justify your "decisiveness"?
it doesn't.
not only you will live in constant turmoil and guilt, you'll probably never be able to rationalise the reason for your screwed up love life.

is your status as 'single' just a temporary diversion to let others know you did take a break to think things through? eventually choosing the one with novelty? well that's my guess.

like i said, i'm disturbed. why do people do this? i mean, why can't they be faithful to the one they first loved? does practicality really affect one's relationship? doesn't fairy tale exist in this world anymore? at least it still does to me. where is commitment?

its not right for you to leave someone in search of "greener pastures". if you decide to play with fire, and yet lucky enough to still have a spare tyre waiting for you, what's gonna happen when you get burnt? run back to your spare tyre? ridiculous! self-seeking if you ask me. noble on the part of the spare tyre, but selfish on your part. it's not even any form of love because love is "never selfish" (cor 13:5).

i'm so mad i dunno what else i can say! people just don't have anymore regards for fellow humans! its so sad to be here witnessing all these misery happening, i just dun understand!

| Driving |

pat got her license yesterday, or was it the day before?
i'm real proud of her, especially since its her own money.
way to go gal!

well, for me? i just started.
yesterday was my first driving lesson and i miraculously managed to move the car, ha! pretty cool though i must say i was a nervous wreck!
"your shoulders are too stiff, relax!" the one sentence my instructor kept repeating. i'm trying here, it ain't easy alright? but i did have fun. *smilez*

today was my final theory test, or otherwise known as advance theory test. dunno how i did, had no confidence on my part, maybe because it was too technical, i had a hard time understanding the entire book on the mechanism of the vehicle.
anyhow, its over. and no matter how i keep thinking about it, i can only pray that i make it through cos i dun wanna re-study that stupid blue color book again.
before i started the test, i lifted it up to the Lord and asked for His divine wisdom. somehow i knew the answers, and i knew how to do. BUT if its gonna be like the 2 mock tests that i did yesterday which i thought i knew how to do, then i would definitely have to face that stupid blue color book!

tomorrow is my next lesson. sounds like i'm rushing huh? maybe i am. procrastinated way too long. a license that i was suppose to have 3 years back, but because of the fun i had back then in school, i put it on hold. well now, if i dun buck up, my dad's gonna be real disappointed.
guess i'm afraid i'll stop halfway. i'm afraid i'll procrastinate again and drag myself down again. i must overcome this fear for driving, i must i must i must!

| Hormones Stabilised |

honestly, i'm getting quite bored thinking of a blog title everytime i need to let out some frustrations. so in the meanwhile, it shall be some unrelated crap.

my lil sister-in-law has started a blog on her own. my oh my, kids these days, really high-tech huh? or am i simply just getting old?

last weekend was so lovely, loved every minute of it even though i turned nasty to my darling at certain points in time. due mainly to the monster called PMS. *shrugz*

its a luxury being able to cramp at home i tell you. its been months since i last had the comfort of my bed. totally appreciative of my little pillows and bolsters, teddy bears and even my warm comforter.

bosses are outta town for the entire week, until friday afternoon that it. meanwhile, its freedom to the ears and eyes for me even though i'll still be confined to this area in their absence.

biscuit finally got her wish and was let off from duty as of last friday. as for me, i'll see how long i can hang on in this place.

my dearest got me a surprise - a bottle full of carefully hand-picked seashells.

::so sweet, i almost melted at the sign of his gesture::

friday night, we went for dinner at the beach, and took a slow walk through what we call "twlight zone" and finally reached the resort where we realised how long we had taken because most of the shops were already closed.
that walk made me reminisce and appreciate everything that i am today. from the time of our very first date until today, it made me hold dearie even tighter and closer to me. the love of my life, my family, and the honour of knowing my Big Daddy, i felt warmth.

did some retail therapy on saturday AGAIN. wonder when will i ever stop??? i need to save money for my aussie trip, which by the way, is confirmed. will be leaving in mid-july, for about a week. i know i'll miss my baby loads, but i need to get outta of this place for awhile or i'll go crazy! maybe i'd previously been too pampered by my parents leaving the country at least once annually. but at least this time round, i'll be paying most of the stuff myself, so i guess its fine?

my advanced theory test is this thursday. my first prac lesson will be this wednesday. and i'm FREAKING out! *screaming*

and i'm heading for home now. *yay*

p.s shhhhh...just between us huh? *tongue sticking out*

| Colleagues |

haven't posted any pics for the longest time, so here!


::did this on Paint, impressed? it wasn't on Photoshop ok?!::

oh oh, and my advanced theory is just NEXT WEEK! *screaming* i hope i make it through. *keeping fingers, toes, hands and legs crossed*

| Ponders |

sometimes i wonder what is the point of working? for me, work is getting aimless. issit experience that we gain? is money our main motivator? what issit exactly that we are hoping to get outta our work? pay increment? bonus? promotion? beats me. *shrugz*

after working close to a year, i start to question the crux of working. money, the root of all evil, yet without it, its almost painful. i guess pple work for money, how many actually work for passion? what is passion when you need to eat and pay the bills? it's nothing when you talk about the practicalities of our high-living expenses in today's world.

pay day is the most satisfying day of the month. it becomes more gratifying when you are able to splurge on branded and expensive clothes, accessories, food, entertainment and the what-nots.
and yet you become almost depressed when you realised you're pretty close to your credit card's daily spending limit.

sigh.

in less than 2 hours, i had already signed my credit card for:
1. a diamond necklace
2. a morgan top and pants
3. biotherm's powder foundation
4. dinner at magic wok

and now i'm beginning to regret it.
yah, guess that's what i wanna say.

| ME |

i think alot,
i care too much.
i have an opinion in every little thing that comes to my knowledge.
there was never one person who could understand me,
until i found [him].
[he] understands me more than myself,
[he] knows me better than i know myself.
and every minute of my waking hours,
i thank God for [him].

maybe if i knew less things, there would be lesser thoughts.
maybe if i didn't care so much, there wouldn't be so much trouble.
maybe if i could practice a little self-control,
and not let my thoughts run freely,
i would be able to keep more friends.

but this is [ME], yours truly.
whether you guys like it or not,
whether you can accept me for what i am or not,
whether you can accept me for who i am or not,
regardless of what you think,
this is [ME].

i am not on this earth to live up to anybody's expectations,
i am always [myself].
i never follow rules,
i only play by my rules.
this is [ME].
period.

| Christianity |

i think many people have this misconception with Love, God and Christianity.

a friend gave up the guy she loved simply because he wasn't in the light of the Lord. letting someone go, breaking up with the one you love because that person is not a christian, is a backslider, is not a man or woman after God's heart, in my opinion, is wrong. do not give the blame to God when the world fails to give you your expectation. accusing God and failure to give Him glory is an even greater sin.

maybe i have no right to talk about people this way, but its just my few cents' worth.

the couple, both are christians. the guy just returning to the Lord after backsliding for awhile, and the girl, who just got to know God, is therefore definitely on fire for the Lord. the guy, when in comparison to the girl, has failed to lead and guide her to the Lord, a break-up surfaced. her reason being, "its the man who should lead and guide the woman", yes God did say that in the Bible, but Jesus's specific instructions right after his death, just before he returned to the Father was to "make disciples of all nations" (matthew 28:19). Jesus didn't just instruct the males to evangelise, his instructions were to every single christian, regardless of whether you are a guy or a girl. evangelising, spreading the gospel and helping a certain brethen to know the Lord, or let him come back to the Lord doesn't just fall on the guys' shoulders, its every boy and every girl's destiny.

my point is, just because the guy is not able to lead and guide you for now, doesn't mean he wouldn't be able to do so when he has matured in the Lord. giving him up at this crucial point will only cause him more hurt and grief in the Lord instead of helping him return to Him. the poor guy would be questioning and wondering, and end up hating and grudging against God. what has the guy learnt? nothing.

serving the Lord. you mean to say only singles can serve God? couples can't serve God in their own special way? rubbish. i know of this couple in my church who serves God together, they serve God by being back-up singers to the worship leader. how about ushering? you can do it together. your service to the Lord is not whether its significant or not, big or small. its the heart that counts.

surrendering to the will of God. yes i agree we as humans are weak, and need the power and healing grace of the Father, surrendering to His will is only right. it is unless you heard God's soft voice yourself, saying this relationship with so-so is wrong and will hurt you in the long run, then i wouldn't have anything else to say. but did God say those words to you? i'm sure He didn't. because clearly God said, the only thing he has given us in this life, is freewill. freewill means that God doesn't force you to do anything against your will, but rather, you choose to do it on your own accord.

as to the man leading and guiding the woman, i believe is in context with married couples, meaning husbands and wives. God did say a man is to guide and lead his wife, and wives are to obey and submit to their husbands, just like Christ is the head of the church, husbands are the head of the family (ephesians 5:22-33).
i haven't conformed to the world even though i admit i am guilty of it sometimes. God's words last forever, this i know. heaven and earth will pass away, but God's words will never pass away (luke 21:33). and beware of religious leaders and pastors, authorities placed over us, that they may not give wise advices, for who can fathom the wonder, wisdom and mysteries of the Lord? (job 9:10, 11:7; psalms 145:3) no one. not even these religious leaders. so never trust men, only trust in God and His holy words.

"his basis of his christianity is on me, not on his love for the lord". why don't you look at it that you may be the only means of him returning to the Lord? the basis of daniel's religion is also on me, but over the past 4 years, he has learnt to love God on his own, he has learnt and seen the Lord work in his individual life and he has believed His power. the one reason why you haven't been able to totally let go is probably because somewhere deep inside, you know that wasn't the best way out.

'Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day, teach a man to fish and you feed him for life'. same logic. i rest my case.

| Broken Nail |

i broke my toe nail on friday! *cries* it was extremely painful and i cried because i was all alone at home when that happened. i have this gruesome picture of my broken and bloody nail that i took that night, but i'll hang onto the pic for awhile before grossing pple out. *lolz*

its much better now, but half the toenail is gone, which means half my skin is exposed. its still red and sore. *sobs* and i even had to do a mini operation myself because only i would know better where to cut and where not to cut.

oh my poor toe......

| Last Week |

was on leave last week because i had a few commitments and dear's open house was one of 'em:


::smart & sweet huh?::

::biscuit said i was super retro *heh*::

::his buddy jianyi came along too::

::i like this pic though i think i look fat *pouts*::

and last weekend, i whipped up a feast for dear's family, and they enjoyed it thoroughly as much as i had enjoyed cooking it. *smilez*


::action...like real..*sniggers*::

::fish & chips close-up *lolz*::