Just met up with a friend/ex-colleague for lunch near my old office. As the taxi turned in, tears welled up my eyes. I still miss that oh-so-familiar place where I spent the happiest times working.
As we sat down, I secretly hoped I would see a familiar face whenever the door swung open; how silly of me. Knowing very well I wouldn't be able to control my emotions if I ever saw my ex-boss again now, and still a part of me wanted to see and know if he and the rest are doing ok.
Im hopeless.
We chatted while we waited for our food and when she asked how the new job was, I was honest and shared with her what I was going through. She, like all the rest, thought that I was happy here. So it really came as a surprise to her when she heard about my plight. But she's always been sweet to me and I thank the Lord, from the bottom of my heart, for her friendship.
On a lighter note, today marks another milestone – a decade together with the fiancé.
Happy 10th Anniversary love, so glad its always been you! ♥
Wedding Ticker
Friday, May 13, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
| Interview |
Had an interview this morning and now is the time where I am officially allowed to emo.
Perhaps there was a better FIT this time round, but they will only let me know in mid-June since this position is only required from July onwards. The practical side of me knows I cannot possibly resign now and be jobless without knowing if I will ever get this job - especially where there was a long list of candidates that the HR manager had in his possession albeit trying to hide from my view – but it does not conceal the fact that every cell in my body wants to get out of this company!
I’ve considered the possibilities and the alternatives, gave it a shot for a while now, and still I cannot see myself here for long.
Call me stubborn, but I've made up my mind on leaving and this time, I will have to make a decision to tender either on 13 May or 16 May because I still need to serve two weeks’ notice.
I have peace whenever I think about leaving this company. The only uneasy thing I feel is not securing a job first. But leaving I know is a right decision, something ive never been more certain of. So now; its the TIMING.
Thought of my ex-bosses again during the interview and had to fight back the emotions. But I no longer sob uncontrollably when I think of how cruel reality is. Im into my 4th week and I’ve seen past the tears, regrets and pain. It was my bad, so I can only move on now. And im praying for that one job that will let me work on from now till I am married with kids. Yes, I hope to work that long in my next company.
Perhaps there was a better FIT this time round, but they will only let me know in mid-June since this position is only required from July onwards. The practical side of me knows I cannot possibly resign now and be jobless without knowing if I will ever get this job - especially where there was a long list of candidates that the HR manager had in his possession albeit trying to hide from my view – but it does not conceal the fact that every cell in my body wants to get out of this company!
I’ve considered the possibilities and the alternatives, gave it a shot for a while now, and still I cannot see myself here for long.
Call me stubborn, but I've made up my mind on leaving and this time, I will have to make a decision to tender either on 13 May or 16 May because I still need to serve two weeks’ notice.
I have peace whenever I think about leaving this company. The only uneasy thing I feel is not securing a job first. But leaving I know is a right decision, something ive never been more certain of. So now; its the TIMING.
Thought of my ex-bosses again during the interview and had to fight back the emotions. But I no longer sob uncontrollably when I think of how cruel reality is. Im into my 4th week and I’ve seen past the tears, regrets and pain. It was my bad, so I can only move on now. And im praying for that one job that will let me work on from now till I am married with kids. Yes, I hope to work that long in my next company.
Friday, May 06, 2011
| 9am to 6.15pm? |
Thank God for iPhone. Truly, its one of the best inventions ever!
I cannot imagine being at work, facing a dinosaur-slow computer with virtually every website blocked, having nothing nor much to do and just waiting for the world to go by from 9am - 6.15pm. Yes the working hours suck.
Question: Didn’t you know about the working hours before you accepted the job?
Answer: No I had no idea.
Dang!
It was only after I signed the employment letter and started work did I realize the official working hours for this particular department is 9am to 6.15pm and even then, all eyes would be on me if I attempt to leave punctually even though I am so early for work now than where I was! It’s ridiculous!
I don’t deny how this is partly my fault for not asking properly and just assuming, complete blooper on my part I know. BUT they should have made it clearer. Oh and another thing, they have no employee handbook, nothing at all to govern the company’s human resources and/or terms and conditions of employment. So sad! How can a conglomerate not have such basic information for its employees? I was appalled! Although I'm slowly coming to terms with it now.
Like I said, there’s really nothing wrong with this job. The only thing wrong is how he should not have painted a completely different picture of the working environment (which isn’t beautiful) plus beautifying the expectations of this position. Looking back, its as if he was frantically adding icing to the cake where all these while, the joke was actually on me! He could have been honest and forefront about how sucky the way things; the extremely high turnover rate in his department alone (like more than 10 staff in 15 years?! something is definitely wrong here). He did not have to resort to hiding the truth and to a certain extent, lying. Right from the start, he already displayed a lack of integrity, so tell me, how could I continue working for a person like him? I cannot.
I am definitely leaving, its just a matter of time now.
That said, he is not too bad to me, although he is starting to show his fangs.
Day by day, until I leave this place, I will slowly uncover everything that happened along the way - the hints that I failed to see and the signs that I missed. Till then.
I cannot imagine being at work, facing a dinosaur-slow computer with virtually every website blocked, having nothing nor much to do and just waiting for the world to go by from 9am - 6.15pm. Yes the working hours suck.
Question: Didn’t you know about the working hours before you accepted the job?
Answer: No I had no idea.
Dang!
It was only after I signed the employment letter and started work did I realize the official working hours for this particular department is 9am to 6.15pm and even then, all eyes would be on me if I attempt to leave punctually even though I am so early for work now than where I was! It’s ridiculous!
I don’t deny how this is partly my fault for not asking properly and just assuming, complete blooper on my part I know. BUT they should have made it clearer. Oh and another thing, they have no employee handbook, nothing at all to govern the company’s human resources and/or terms and conditions of employment. So sad! How can a conglomerate not have such basic information for its employees? I was appalled! Although I'm slowly coming to terms with it now.
Like I said, there’s really nothing wrong with this job. The only thing wrong is how he should not have painted a completely different picture of the working environment (which isn’t beautiful) plus beautifying the expectations of this position. Looking back, its as if he was frantically adding icing to the cake where all these while, the joke was actually on me! He could have been honest and forefront about how sucky the way things; the extremely high turnover rate in his department alone (like more than 10 staff in 15 years?! something is definitely wrong here). He did not have to resort to hiding the truth and to a certain extent, lying. Right from the start, he already displayed a lack of integrity, so tell me, how could I continue working for a person like him? I cannot.
I am definitely leaving, its just a matter of time now.
That said, he is not too bad to me, although he is starting to show his fangs.
Day by day, until I leave this place, I will slowly uncover everything that happened along the way - the hints that I failed to see and the signs that I missed. Till then.
Wednesday, May 04, 2011
| "Reset" Button |
3 weeeks ago, i lamented on how sorry i was to have left my previous job that had wonderful bosses and a great environment with good colleagues. that was the darkest period of my life - i cried every single day - on my way to work in the train when i take an extra stop to Raffles Place instead of good ol' City Hall, in the shower and in church when i pray and sing to my Lord. i couldn't sleep well, which was quite unusual because im sucha pig but strangely i still ate like a pig *snorts
i wondered if there was a "reset" button in life for me to turn back time to carefully seek counsel from my cell leaders and parents; to carefully watch the hints and signs that God dropped along my way from the time i attended this interview to the time i was offered this job, right up to the time i signed the appointment letter and tendered my resignation and everything that happened during the one month that i served my notice (my ex-bosses kept asking me to reconsider and to take back the resignation letter even on my last day of work!); to pay attention to His still small voice that was telling me to "STAY PUT"; to prayerfully ask and know that when i don't hear anything from Him, it means to stay put wherever i was! i cannot emphasise enough on how my time in my third company was not up yet and still i chose to harden my heart to leave. that's why i said making that decision to leave my previous employment was a very painful one.
i've given this job a shot for close to 3 weeks now and i still don't feel comfortable here. my colleagues treat me well and so does the now-boss BUT i still cannot bring myself to really care for the now-boss like how i geniunely cared for my other bosses before. i've also been trying my best-est to adapt to the environment here which is working well and though things have improved and im no longer crying or fearful coming to work now, i honestly still do not enjoy my time here or what im doing.
the picture that the now-boss painted at the interview and the actual job scope are world's apart. i reckon i could continue working here, but i wouldn't be happy and i wont be true to myself; its like the past 3 weeks had been a lie and i don't wanna continue living a lie because right from the onset, this job was never meant to be! i was attracted to a different portfolio and the opportunies i thought this job would give me, and of course the money and not to mention, the silly thought that would put me on par with the fiancé because he sometimes, unknowingly puts me and my job down, but i was so wrong. money cannot buy happiness. and is it only when we lose something that we begin to realise the value of what we had.
i can never turn back time or gain the trust of my ex-bosses again. plainly said, they will never take me back even if there was a vacancy. try and hope as hard as i might, with humans, there is no such thing as second chances and i don't blame them, it was my bad. a huge mistake i made that i would have to live with for the rest of my life. but God is merciful, He hasn't left me; He's still here.
and He's been opening doors of opportunies for me i.e. interviews and though so far there's no news, i think that maybe, just maybe i will get something soon. i guess this is what they call "exercising faith". i know something is gonna happen soon, i just dunno what or where so i will prayerfully wait upon the Lord. last week's sermon talked about God putting different seasons in our lives to prepare us for the things ahead and one season the speaker spoke about was that of being monotonous. and when it is that season - which was what i was experiencing in my ex-company - we have to remain where we are because God is teaching us how to be faithful and to learn the spirit of enduring. if only i heard this sermon a month ago, without a qualm, i would definitely have taken back my resignation letter.
so i've been doing alot of thinking. im not afraid or fearful anymore because i know that my future in Him is safe and secured. but im really praying for another chance to honor God by showing loyalty to another company and to a boss and its definitely not in this company and the now-boss.
nevertheless i learnt something through this incident - my calling in life (apart from Seven Dresses) and how im always intertwined with this particular country. like in my first job, the company i worked for carried products from that country, and i almost had that chance of a free trip if not for some personal reasons and i resigned. then came my second job where i really matured; it was a refining process that God used to mould me through the course of my part-time studies. after 4 years in that job and it was time to go, i was never more certain about that and thereafter landed myself in my third job and again related to that country. so maybe that country is where my calling is...and maybe one day, God will bring me there to do full-time missionary work! but for now, i am certain about the path that God has laid out for me and this time round, i'll know when God speaks to me.
i wondered if there was a "reset" button in life for me to turn back time to carefully seek counsel from my cell leaders and parents; to carefully watch the hints and signs that God dropped along my way from the time i attended this interview to the time i was offered this job, right up to the time i signed the appointment letter and tendered my resignation and everything that happened during the one month that i served my notice (my ex-bosses kept asking me to reconsider and to take back the resignation letter even on my last day of work!); to pay attention to His still small voice that was telling me to "STAY PUT"; to prayerfully ask and know that when i don't hear anything from Him, it means to stay put wherever i was! i cannot emphasise enough on how my time in my third company was not up yet and still i chose to harden my heart to leave. that's why i said making that decision to leave my previous employment was a very painful one.
i've given this job a shot for close to 3 weeks now and i still don't feel comfortable here. my colleagues treat me well and so does the now-boss BUT i still cannot bring myself to really care for the now-boss like how i geniunely cared for my other bosses before. i've also been trying my best-est to adapt to the environment here which is working well and though things have improved and im no longer crying or fearful coming to work now, i honestly still do not enjoy my time here or what im doing.
the picture that the now-boss painted at the interview and the actual job scope are world's apart. i reckon i could continue working here, but i wouldn't be happy and i wont be true to myself; its like the past 3 weeks had been a lie and i don't wanna continue living a lie because right from the onset, this job was never meant to be! i was attracted to a different portfolio and the opportunies i thought this job would give me, and of course the money and not to mention, the silly thought that would put me on par with the fiancé because he sometimes, unknowingly puts me and my job down, but i was so wrong. money cannot buy happiness. and is it only when we lose something that we begin to realise the value of what we had.
i can never turn back time or gain the trust of my ex-bosses again. plainly said, they will never take me back even if there was a vacancy. try and hope as hard as i might, with humans, there is no such thing as second chances and i don't blame them, it was my bad. a huge mistake i made that i would have to live with for the rest of my life. but God is merciful, He hasn't left me; He's still here.
and He's been opening doors of opportunies for me i.e. interviews and though so far there's no news, i think that maybe, just maybe i will get something soon. i guess this is what they call "exercising faith". i know something is gonna happen soon, i just dunno what or where so i will prayerfully wait upon the Lord. last week's sermon talked about God putting different seasons in our lives to prepare us for the things ahead and one season the speaker spoke about was that of being monotonous. and when it is that season - which was what i was experiencing in my ex-company - we have to remain where we are because God is teaching us how to be faithful and to learn the spirit of enduring. if only i heard this sermon a month ago, without a qualm, i would definitely have taken back my resignation letter.
so i've been doing alot of thinking. im not afraid or fearful anymore because i know that my future in Him is safe and secured. but im really praying for another chance to honor God by showing loyalty to another company and to a boss and its definitely not in this company and the now-boss.
nevertheless i learnt something through this incident - my calling in life (apart from Seven Dresses) and how im always intertwined with this particular country. like in my first job, the company i worked for carried products from that country, and i almost had that chance of a free trip if not for some personal reasons and i resigned. then came my second job where i really matured; it was a refining process that God used to mould me through the course of my part-time studies. after 4 years in that job and it was time to go, i was never more certain about that and thereafter landed myself in my third job and again related to that country. so maybe that country is where my calling is...and maybe one day, God will bring me there to do full-time missionary work! but for now, i am certain about the path that God has laid out for me and this time round, i'll know when God speaks to me.
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