::Enlightenment::

had a family meeting last night, which lasted till close to 2am. dad, the three of us, and my pup. my mom had a long day, so she slept early.
i can't say it was good or otherwise, but it did help us clear some bad air. realised where i went wrong, and i am determined to change for the better.
i guess they were right in a way: i should love and respect tommi, my sister's boyfriend, even though how much i resent the guy, or have bad feelings about him, because God taught us to love. before Jesus left this earth, He specifically commanded us to "Love one another".
loving the lovable is easy, but the challenge comes when you have to love the unlovable. everyone is different and special in his or her own way, and who am i to judge if this person deserves my respect or not? i'm equally a sinner, just like him, except that maybe i have been forgiven and cleansed by the blood of Jesus Christ, and he hasn't yet. everyone of us were brought up differently, and he had been less fortunate than us, so why was it that i couldn't find any capacity in my heart to accept the poor guy? i was crucified in the Lord for crying out loud! i'm ashamed to be a Christian. i backslided, indeed i've fallen short of the glory of God.
thus i have decided that no matter how i feel toward that guy, no matter how he insulted me, i am going to show him the due respect that he deserves for the simple fact that he's a human being, just like me.
spoke to my dad with regards to the harsh words he used on me, and he realised he shouldn't have said those words. but he being the father, will never apologise to his children. just a guilty expression was enough. it gave me comfort, alot of comfort, and now i am better. *smilez*

::Missing::

When you have cared about someone
as much as i do about you,
being apart is a hard thing to get used to.

I thought i'd handle it fine,
and that i'd be happy just to
keep you on my mind.
But it isn't always that easy.

Sometimes the only thing
that would please me the most...
is seeing you.
I knew i'd miss you.
I just didn't know that i'd miss you as much as i do.

::Bright Side::

decided i shouldn't harp on certain things that are beyond my control, so here i am blogging as a form of release.
i'm happy. why? because:
1. i received my order from victoria secrets about 2 days back and it's real cool! had wanted to announce it but so many things have been happening lately, making it almost impossible for me to do so.
2. made another online order from this Japan site for a customised mobile phone strap. its real sweet and i can't wait for it to arrive in about the next 3-8 days' time!
3. just made reservations for Le Meridien Changi Village Hotel for our Valentine's Day celebration. *hee* real neat i tell you! let me show you some pics of the hotel yah? after their renovation, it looks like a paradise! can't wait for that day to come!
no dirty thoughts please, its just gonna be prince and princess for two days, one night, away from the bustling city, right here, with the nature. *smilez* at least this will give me something to look forward to. *grinz*

:: their rooms. pretty huh?::

:: the tub that's equipped in every room::

::the swimming pool by night, so romantic right?::

::Silence::

quarrelled with my dad, i'm beginning to doubt my parents.
he made me sound like i'm the worst thing alive,
he sounded like he's starting to regret bringing me into the world after 21 years of my existence.

i'm hurt.

he said that he'll write me off if i continue being the way i am.
he said that if i don't change, someday somehow someway, someone will teach me a real good lesson.
he said that i'll never make it big in life.

i'm hurt.

he said that i've been climbing over my parents' head ever since i got my diploma,
he said he cannot imagine what i'll be like if i had a degree.
he said that i've been very arrogant and disrespectful to my parents.

i'm hurt.

he said i should stop to think and reflect on what i've done.
he said he will not sponsor my degree.
he said such horrible and mean words to me.

i'm hurt.

this ain't the first time i've quarrelled with him.
but this time, i cried alot.
i've been thinking and reflecting.

silence.
i've been silent whenever quarrels break out.
i've been silent whenever misunderstandings happen.
i've been silent whenever something bad is against me.
i've been silent whenever i've been accused.
i've always been silent and yet i'm still the worst in their eyes.
maybe my silence is my biggest weakness.

if ever i've been rude and disrespectful,
it was never my intention.
i'm only human.
i've been trying, i've been changing.
everyday i'm trying.

God sees the difference,
God knows i've tried real hard,
and God knows i've been a good girl.
my dear sees the difference,
my dear knows i've tried real hard,
and my dear also knows i've been a good girl.

but they just dun see it.
they only remember the bad side of things.
they only remember my ugly side.

maybe what they say is true.
maybe i am what they say.
talk about giving chances,
i just lost my only chance.

::Some Stupid Quiz::

You Are Fun Sexy

You're funny, quirky, cute, and sassy.
Guys always have a great time with you, and that alone is sexy.
You've got an upbeat, optimistic spirit that totally shines through.
Any guy would be crazy to turn you down!

What Kind of Sexy Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

::When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms::

a very touching story, a little long but definitely worth the read. received this email quite some time back, but didn't post it. chanced upon it again while clearing my dear's mail for him today, and decided to post it. enjoy!

On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home.

She was then plump and shy.

I was a strong and happy bridegroom.

This was the scene of ten years ago.

The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid, I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb.

She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.
Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.

Dew came into my life. It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.

Dew said, "You are the kind of man who best draws girls". Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we just got married, my wife said, "Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls". Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn' t help doing so.

I moved Dew's hands aside and said, "You go to select some furniture, O.K.? I've got something to do in the company." Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see with her.

At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me.

However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt. Honestly, she was a good wife.

Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew's body. This was the means of my entertainment.

One day I said to her in a slight joking way, "Suppose we divorce, what will you do?" She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn' t imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.

When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking with her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.

Once again, Dew said to me, "Divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together." I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.

When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. "I've got something to tell you," I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn' t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. "I want to divorce." I raised a serious topic calmly.

She didn t seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, "Why?" I'm serious. I avoided her question. This so-called answer turned her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, "You are not a man!"

At that night, we didn t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces.

I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.

A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fell asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.

She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn t want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month's time before divorce, and in the month's time we must live as normal life as possible.

Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didnt want him to see our marriage was broken.

She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, "Do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day?" This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me.

I nodded and said, "I remember." "You carried me in your arms," she continued, "So, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce."

"From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning." I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage with a romantic form.

I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. "No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce," she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, "daddy is holding mummy in his arms!"

His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms.

She closed her eyes and said softly, "Let us start from today, don t tell our son." I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for bus, I drove to office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn' t looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me, "The outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there."

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became more vague.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn t tell Dew about this. I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, "It seems not difficult to carry you now."

She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, "All my dresses have grown fatter." I smiled.

But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart.

Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head. Our son came in at the moment. "Dad, it's time to carry mum out." he said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute.

I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school.

She said, "Actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old." I held her tightly and said, "Both you and I didn t notice that our life was lack of such intimacy."

I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision.

I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, "Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm serious."
She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. "You got no fever." She said. I moved her hand off my head.
"Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I won t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn t value the details of life, not because we didn t love each other any more."

"Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you." Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears.

I walked downstairs and drove to the office. When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favourite. The salesgirl asked me to write the greeting words on the card. I smiled and wrote, "I'll carry you out every morning until we are old."

::Growing Old::

after dinner last night, i walked the orchard underpass and was on my way home. the streets were almost deserted because it was pretty late, say about 10.30pm odd. there was this handicapped man who was blind and was standing in the middle of this flight of stairs, hoping to sell some tissue packs. figured he didn't know he was in the middle of nowhere because he couldn't quite see. i felt sorry for him almost immediately and i had wanted to help him. but i wasn't sure if i should because i was alone, and besides, i'm a girl.
i called dear, who was doing his guard duty, and told him about it. he said that it was ok because i was alone and a girl at that. he said that if he was with me, we would be able to help the poor man together. with that, i felt better, but the uneasiness didn't go away until some time.
then it occured to me, why didn't that this poor man have anyone with him? where was his family? his parents, brothers or sisters? why was he alone? so sad... then i also thought about all those old uncles and aunties collecting empty drink cans at hawker centers, and old aunties cleaning the toilets. also those at hawker centers clearing the bowls and cleaning the tables, and others collecting worthless cupboards hoping to earn some money for survival. where were their children? have they done something bad in the earlier part of their lives to deserve working at such a ripe age? shouldn't you be enjoying with your children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren at this ripe age? my heart really goes out to them.
hopefully when i do have a family on my own, i can teach my children well to learn to love my parents and not shun them away just because they are old. and i will give the best to my parents who have brought me up this far and taught me this well. sometimes the thought of growing old scares me, but if i have my deardear by my side, as a witness for my life, i will not fear. *smilez* and that was taken from the movie Shall We Dance? when asked why do two people get married, Susan Sarandon's answer was, "so that either party can bear witness to each other's life". thought that was rather true, and decided to quote it. anyway, i'm officially brain-dead, and thus ends this post.

::Mezzanine @ Grand Hyatt::

yesterday was my boss's birthday and we had a little celebration for him in the office, and later at the classy Mezzanine. it was classy alright, but i didn't think the food was up to yours truly's standard. wasn't anything wow or great, tried the seafood and meat platter with a selection of appetizers beforehand. dessert for me was strawberry cheesecake because i just felt like it? hah! the rest had stuff like chocolate fondue and ice-cream.
to me, mezzanine was just like a higher-class of Marche, except that instead of self-service, you have waiters/waitresses serving you. ok, enough. some pics for entertainment.

::in the office; a pleasant surprise for my boss::

::later in the night at mezzanine; the little gal in front is boss' daughter::

::Beautiful Weekend::

it was lovely beyond description, awesome beyond words. and now, i'm back to missing him. *sobs* of course i have the memories to accompany me, and i have his heart and soul with me, but i just can't help the missing.
thursday:
i'm aware i have already blogged this last saturday, but since i'm so free now, i can afford to go into the details. fine, i just want to blabber alright? my prince came to pick me up after work, the first time i saw him in 2 weeks. i've missed him a great deal and when i saw him, the feeling was lovely. after so many years, my heart still pounds when we arrange to meet. *chuckles* so after our romantic movie, we went for supper at bedok, the 85 market. a lovely, cooling night but the waiting time came close to an hour. so we spent the time catching up under the lovely stars. *smilez* it was so sweet, and it was then did i realise i'm still madly in love with this guy! amazing isn't it?
friday:
had a hard time getting up for my facial appointment, but i was still on time. lucky me! just laid there and relaxed while the beautician worked her way on my face. hah! nice feeling and her cats were pretty cute. i'm not such a cat-lover because i get this girlie feeling whenever they're around, but i don't dislike them, just not really my type. i prefer dogs alot more. her cats were cute, and really well-trained. listens to the owner (unlike my pup!) and did a cat-walk in front of me because i wanted to see and sayang them. how adorable was that?
lunch was at the airport with my family except my dad because he was gonna keep the pup company? anyway we had the world best ban-mian, lovely!
we went to tampines thereafter. had wanted to have the chinese physician look at my boy's injured knee but they were all closed, so we ended up renting VCDs.

the first movie was alright, pretty young, the kinda movie teenagers would love. Duplex was alot better, grown-up, matured, and most importantly, hilarious! *lolz*
saturday:
at work for half a day, left punctually though. retail therapy was in process the minute dear came to pick me up. bought a heart-shaped diamond pendant from Meyson. affordable and pretty, sweeter than the Soo Kee one i initially set my eyes on, so i decided to get it! *tongue sticking out* yes, this will be my last diamond, promise. went for our chilli crab as planned, just dear and me. perfect! had our fill and amazed the waitresses by finishing our 2 chilli crabs, fried vermicelli, sambal kang kong and shark's fins. *yumz* haha, that's how much our little bodies can take! went home after that and lazed the night away.
sunday:
attended church in the morning. sermon was good, a reminder that gave all christians a reality check. the sermon was titled Stay Focus. talked about how we're suppose to be consistent in our daily walk with the Lord so as to be able to a walking testimonial in the secular world, to be the "salt" and "light" of the world, so that people may see Jesus in our lives. got convicted by the Holy Spirit during the course of the sermon, and cried alot. whenever i get conviction by the Holy Spirit, i cry, because i've been broken once again, overwhelmed by my sins. i pray for determination to walk daily with the Lord.
went for a swim and reflected in the pool thereafter. had our fair share of water therapy and loved it to bits! i love swimming, it will always remain my favourite sport. *smilez*

::right after our swim, heading for home::
totally shagged out by the time we got home but i still made lunch for my boy because he got hungry again?! (he's always hungry by the way, bottomless pit. *hee*) i slept after lunch while my dear carried on his 3-disc korean epic war movie, Brotherhood. woke up a while later and went to my home for dinner. had a good dinner and spent quality time with my family. headed home after that and started on my spring-cleaning. decided not to tire him out even though he kept insisting on washing my window and helping my mom with the kitchen. i firmly said no and instead, we did some changes in my room. *hee* shall show you guys one of these days. stayed up still 2am and was beginning to miss him already. couldn't sleep at first so he patted me till i fell asleep. but i woke up in the middle of the night again because i never really got to sleep? and he was sleeping and snoring like a pig! anyhow, the night passed so quickly, and before i knew it, dawn came and i only managed to take a little nap. got up with a heavy heart because i knew i was gonna be super late again, and it would be another 2 full weeks before i see him again. *sobs*

::God's Covenant::

in the bible, there were many examples of God's convenant with men, one such example was the convenant that God made with Noah. i was reading this particular passge two nights back and i thought of sharing.
according to the dictionary, a convenant is:
1. A binding agreement; a compact. or
2. A formal sealed agreement or contract.
i'm sure many of you would be familiar with the flooding of the world, and Noah's ark where he was required to bring along with him "seven of every kind of clean animal, a male and its mate, and two of every kind of unclean animal, a male and its mate, and also seven of every kind of bird, male and female, to keep their various kinds alive throughout the earth." Genesis 7:2-3
after the flood, God felt bad and said in His heart, "Never again will I curse the ground because of man, even though every inclination of his heart is evil from childhood. And never again will I destroy all living creatures, as I have done." Genesis 8:21
so God made a convenant with Noah and his descendants, which means us, that He will never flood the earth again. the rainbow is a sign of God's promise. so people, whenever you guys see a rainbow, remember God's covenant with us, remember that God will never flood the earth again. *smilez*
there you have it again, daily bread for your soul!

"Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life." Genesis 9:14-15

::Work on Saturday::

Shall We Dance? was good, better than expected. will give it 5 outta 5 stars? *hee* richard gere was the all-time charming faithful husband, while j lo was sexy in her dance steps. for ya info, she wasn't trying to seduce richard gere, and neither did any of them fall for each other, the theme was passion for dancing, ballroom dancing. only one word to describe the movie: lovely! pure, innocent and beautiful.
------------------
collected my pretty diamond bracelet from Soo Kee yesterday and saw this other heart-shaped diamond pendant which was the loveliest thing i've ever since! so pretty, so sparkling and i couldn't wait to lay my hands on it. tried it on and loved it even more. although i'm aware its not a need, its a want, and i can honestly make do without it, its beauty kept flashing across my mind! *argh* materialism. i must stop.
------------------
my weekend so far has been well-spent. except for today because i have to come back to work *frownz*, but i guess its fine because its almost time to knock off! *hee*. so i'm suppose to finish up the stupid HSA application, but i've decided to pretend i'm blind, deaf, mute and basically just oblivious to the surrounding until i leave for work, and until i return for work on monday. my evil plan! *lolz* because the stupid stupid system will really piss me off and spoil the rest of my day, so thank you very much, i won't even consider it unless my bosses demand to get it done by today. *keeping fingers, toes, hands and legs crossed*
------------------
my sisters and their respective other halfs are gonna be making new year goodies today. one pair's making pineapple tarts, the other other, the white biscuit thingy that i do not know how to spell, something like "kueh-bang-cake". so my parents asked me to come home after work today to give them a hand? they like have their partners helping them already, what more do i need to do? besides, by the time i reach home, they'll probably be done making it already. where is the rationale behind? i don't understand. and anyway, i made the kueh-bang-cake thingy last year, all by myself. even dearie wasn't there with me to help me. and only until i was about done making it did my daddy come to help me. *major eyeroll* i did not even complain, and now, they dare to make noise?! *frownz* these pple! *shaking head* i refuse to go home to help them, i refuse! i don't even wanna go home, i'm angry! my parents are seriously getting old. my deardear got confined last weekend, and this weekend i get to spend 3 whole days with him before he gets another confinement next weekend, why can't i even spend this limited time with him? why is everyone so mean? *pouts*
-----------------------
oh and the other happy thing: retail therapy and chilli crabs tonight! *drooling*

::Stupid Stupid System::

i need to burst!!! *screaming* work is killing me, and suffocating me, i simply cannot breathe anymore!!! work sux, i've been so busy the last couple of days i haven't really had the time to blog. that aside, its just the ridiculous work that i've been assigned to that is driving me nuts!
first i was suppose to be preparing documents to be sent in to Health Sciences Authority (HSA) for our products to be tested on. previously when we sent our health supplements in, its been a rather simple and easy job, but now when it comes to cosmetics, its the worst thing around!
we are required to submit an online application for a product license before we can sell our products to the public. and anything to do with online application requires our SingPass. so my boss was the one signing in because he's obviously the boss, but what you didn't know was that i have to be the one typing stuff like manufacturer's details, company's details and list of ingredients for my products and so on and so forth. fair enough. by the way, this application is for our lipstick (yes we do carry lipsticks). so i have 12 different shades of color, but with the same 21 ingredients. if you're smart enough, you would have figured out i have to type out 21 times of 12, with no copying or attachment of files allowed. isn't this pure stupidity?! oh wait wait, you haven't heard the worst of the worst: everytime i'm almost done with the application, my whole com will hang and this error message comes up after countless hits of the refresh button: "our system has encountered an error. please try again later." *mouth wide open* and all my information typed in will be gone, erased, just like that! from yesterday until today, the same thing has been happening over and over and over again! how can i not get pissed off?! and its not because i haven't been patient enough, its just that these government websites have no idea how freaking slow and pathetic their systems are! oh and did you know that HSA was the exact same agency who approved SlimTen and thus the Andrea de Cruz' spoiled liver case? and guess what? they do not, i repeat, do not offer any other alternatives like maybe faxing hardcopy in or emailing or anything, nothing whatsoever!!!!!!!!! *screaming* how can this be? so stupid, pure stupidity!!! *arghz* i am so mad! and now my mood is totally spoiled even though i have a beautiful movie waiting for me tonight.
boy am i glad tomorrow is public holiday, meanwhile i'll just wait for my prince to come and rescue me! *pouts*

::my fifth template; pretty cute but something was just lacking::

---::This Is How I Want Our Love To Be::---

I want to be part of your life
and all of your hopes and dreams.
I want to share all of your happiness and sorrow
as if it were my own...
I want to hold you as close
as i possibly can.
At all times,
even if its is only in my heart
and mind.
I want us to create our own road
to follow,
so that we can rejoice in each other.
I want to spend time learning about both of us
and make time for walking
in both the rain and sunshine.
Mostly, i want to remember always
why I first said "i love you".
I want to remember how you've
make me laugh
and sometimes make me cry.
And I never want to forget just how
special and different you are,
and how you touch my heart
in a way that no one else can.

::Good Weekend Ahead::

today is tuesday but i'm already looking forward to this long weekend (well, almost) because:
1. i have a scheduled facial appointment with mommy dearest this friday, time for vanity to be unleashed, hah!
2. my favourite chilli crab is so waiting for me. *yumz*
3. deardear is booking out on thursday afternoon! i've been waiting so long for him to return, i miss him so much! so double yay for me! *winkz*
4. deardear says he'll be bringing me for a swim, because he knows i haven't been exercising ever since forever. *hee*
5. spring-cleaning so far, has been rather enjoyable. moreover deardear is coming over to wash the windows for me this weekend too! *grinz*
6. we'll be catching either Shall we Dance? or Let's talk About Sex this weekend, with or without his stupid friends. *tongue sticking out*
7. retail therapy is so gonna happen this weekend, can't wait can't wait!
8. just received a call from Soo Kee Jewellery and my diamond bracelet is here!
9. finally made appointment for my manicure and pedicure. *chuckles*
10. and lastly, i'm going home in about 10 minutes' time. yippy!

::Shall We Dance?::

i've heard relatively positive comments with regards to this movie and i am dying to watch it! any takers? *winkz*

::Final Template::

*hee* finally, one template that i really really like (guaranteed, confirmed, plus chop), so rest assure, it should be quite some time before i do another major overhaul again. *winkz*
today when i came to work, i was expected to be screamed at, because:
1) i was 15 minutes late. blame it on the weather coz it was just so cold, so windy and so nice to be in a warm cozy bed? anyway, my excuse was i'm constipating. *lolz* its true by the way! *pouts* (stop sniggering over there!)
2) i was so certain i was gonna be called in to be scolded again for my late-coming. punctuality sista!
3) after the seminar last saturday, we had to do a stock-take. but because our database system was down, my lady boss couldn't tally the figures and thus couldn't scream at us YET. just give her a couple more days yah.
4) i was online shopping at victoria secrets and because i don't want my dad to find out about it, i have to use my own credit card instead of his supp card. and i was suppose to be working remember?
5) there's no number five yet because currently, i just can't think of anyone else who would scream at me for something that i've done, or rather, something that i haven't done. make sense? nah, it doesn't. anyway, i'm real glad monday's gonna be history because i'm almost frozen in this north pole of mine here in the office, and it also means its about 2 more days to book-out day! *yay* i have been dreaming of it for the longest time. *lalalala*

::Seminar::

today's turnout for our health seminar was alot lower than expected even though efforts this time round was alot more. even sales wasn't as good as the previous time. i guess part of the reason is that the speaker is always the same, and its at the same hotel like the other time, and the topics covered are always the same as well. people now want change, and novelty is what they're looking for. its so not gonna work if this carries on. *shaking head* technically speaking, its none of my business, and i'll be happy just to mind my own business because ignorance is bliss? hah, crap!
my precious boy is confined this weekend, which explains why i'm blogging blogging blogging on a saturday?! *shrugs* i've got no plans, no nothing, so i came home to spend some time with mommy dearest. *smilez* i'm so sleepy but i'm also pretty bored, so i decided to blog some stuff before resting for the night.
oh by the way, i'm still looking for a blog skin. hmmmm how shall i put it? this present precious moments one is fine, and its pretty alright, just that i don't like it THAT much, ya know what i mean? *lolz* i feel like i'm going crazy! *screaming* i dun even know what i'm talking about!
okok, shall just post a pic, shut up and tuck myself up in my nice, warm and cozy little bed. nitey pple! *winkz*

::why do i always look this tan? *wondering*::

::Another New Template::

as you can see, this is another template of yours truly! no matter how much i try to change the black one, i just didn't like it that much, so i decided i gotta do something about it. how does this look? alot better huh? more like my style, more like me right? *hee* oh oh and check out the scrolling filmstrip, i did it today! nice???
i'm feeling alot better after taking medication and resting. i started some spring-cleaning today, just a tiny part of my room. i'm waiting for my boyfriend to help me wash the windows and clean up some of my stuff, just like previous years. *tongue sticking out*
today is the start of his 4-day field camp. he called me early this morning to tell me he was gonna be setting off soon, and he'll be back on sunday afternoon. i miss him, but i have to be patient and strong and wait for him to come back. meanwhile, i'm gonna be posting my previous template up for remembrance sake ok?

::my fourth and most recent template which just didn't go with my style::

::Art Piece::

i'm actually not feeling that well, it's a strange horrible feeling BUT i did this outta boredom, what do ya think? *grinz*

::My art piece, nice?::

::Memories::

i'm on MC today, and will be for tomorrow as well. its good that i can finally rest without anyone being mean or sarcastic to me. i'm glad to be away from work for 2 days, i finally have time to myself.
as i was on my way home from the doc this morning, i needed to settle breakfast/lunch in order for me to take medication, so i walked to the NTUC just downstairs my house to see what i could get. nothing much, just got some fishball.

then i realised, its been a long time since i last stepped into the place where my dear and i first met. it was a nice, warm, familiar feeling and before i knew it, i was smiling to myself. *smilez*
looking back, it's hard to believe we're almost 4 years old, but everything seemed like it just happened yesterday. from complete strangers to colleagues, to friends and then to something more intimate, and to classmates (well almost) as well, it's just amazing how this love has been blessed by the Lord.

from cheap pasar-malam clothes to mango, to morgan.
from cheap silver to swarvoksi crystals, to diamonds.
from fast-food restaurants to real high-class restaurants.
from self-manicure/pedicure to professional ones.
from black and white mobiles, to limited edition mobiles.
from brand-less jeans to levis and topshop.

i've changed, and so did he.
from funny ugly hairstyles to cool kempt ones.
from giordano/bossini to nautica, to springfield.
from adidas shoes to oakley shoes.
from normal body wash to hugo boss' body wash.
from fast-food restaurants to real high-class restaurants.
from brand-less underwear to Calvin Klein. *lolz*

trials came and went, our relationship has been tested countless times, but still we survived it all. like other relationships, we've had our fair share of ups and downs, been nasty and mean to one another, but at the end of the day, we still love each other. and even now, another test is here - national service. its something we both know we have to live through it, and distance isn't gonna seperate us, because our hearts already belong to one other. the best days of our lives are those spent with each other.
i guess what i'm really trying to say is that, i miss him so much.

::something he did last year, for our third year anniversary::

::Premonition::

when two hearts beat as one, telepathy exists. yesterday's bad feeling proved to be accurate when i received my usual phonecall from my baby in the night. he sounded terrible, as if in alot of pain. when asked what's wrong, his answer was a soft "i fell". immediately my heart sank. i wanted so much to rush over to the dreaded island to be with him, but the only comfort he was to get from me was my voice.
with my body system breaking down as well, i couldn't offer much except a "i will be here for you anytime you need me". i prayed and i asked for God's blessing to be upon him. worried-stricken and with no news from him, i fretted until i finally saw a message this morning that he was on the way to the MO. after an x-ray confirming no bone fracture, he's been instructed to rest well and to avoid exercise for the next three days. moreover, a three-day outfield camp awaits him this friday, which explains why he'll be confined. how can i not worry? how can i remain calm? how can i not fret about his health? but no matter what happens, he'll still be the strongest guy i've ever known, and most importantly, he'll still be my hero.
--------------
at work - today hasn't been exactly a good day.
1. got told off because i came in 5 minutes earlier, i was suppose to be 10 minutes earlier. why issit that my effort isn't appreciated?
2. i haven't been feeling well the past week but i have been struggling to come to work, trying not to absent myself because we have a seminar this coming saturday, and alot of preparation has to be done.
3. i greeted the members when i came in, acknowledged them with a smile and said a soft hi because i haven't been feeling well. but got told off because he didn't hear, he didn't know.
i feel so accused and so unappreciated. i should really consider sending in my resignation letter. i don't need this job.
only at 5 plus did they finally realise i'm very sick and asked if i wanna go home, sarcastically. why should i try so hard? why should i care so much? i should have just gone to the doc to asked for MC and get the company to reimburse as usual. look what i got in return? lousy treatment and i got told off. if this is the kind of treatment i have to bear in order for me to go to Japan, i would rather skip it. i can jolly well earn myself a trip there in the near future. even as i'm typing this, my body is feverish and my head is spinning real bad. i'm almost frozen because of the darn air-con and its still about 2 hours away from knock-off time. i'm so going to the doc straight after work. i hate this place! i need a break!

::Long Week::

after spending a sweet weekend, i foresee an extremely long and dreaded week ahead of me, reason being, my baby's gonna be confined. *sigh* how on earth am i gonna get used to not seeing him for 2 weeks?! *screaming* i don't get it! why does the army enjoy locking people up on weekends just to satisfy their sadistic cravings of seeing the misery on their soldiers' face! *fuming*
i know i should just relax and calm down, its not that bad? i'm trying to be positive here too but it just doesn't feel right without him by my side! i'm feeling so depressed, help?
anyway, on a happier tone, rocky relationships seemed to be well again with friends and that's good. my weekend was an enjoyable one, and that's good too. i'm gonna be busy with a seminar this saturday, and that's good too coz then it'll take my mind off my baby. my blog skin looks alot more pleasing to my eyes after my constant revamping, and that's good too. my dear still prefers to my old ones? my sentiments exactly but i'm just feeling too crappy to do anything anymore than just sitting here blogging. i'm on the verge of crying! *pouts*
::my most recent skin, the third one to be exact::

::my second skin, the one with the christmas theme::

okok, i know the sequence is a bit off, but the first shall be the last and the last shall be first? ok crap but which is nicer?

::Women::

woman, as the name suggests, was taken from the word man. in the book of Genesis 2:21-22, God "took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib He had taken out of the man, and He brought her to the man."
so shouldn't women be men's beloved and be of great help to men? so shouldn't women be treated as princesses and be treated well by men since we are obviously the weaker vessels? if so, then why issit there are still so many girls out there crying out because their guys don't treat them right? why issit that some guys can bring themselves to treat their girls so shabbily? i don't understand. women go through some of the most hardships beyond comprehension, for instance, the 9 months long pregnancy, motherhood and even the task of being a housewife, a career woman, and also bringing up the children. and yet with all those also comes breast-feeding (and even then, not every woman lactate?), the risk of womb cancer, cervical cancer, and the various forms of cysts in the uterus! not to mention, when we reach a certain age, at about 35 and above, we have to go for regular mammogram to screen for any unusual growth in the breasts. and just for your information, mammogram is painful. "the breast is gently flattened between two plates of the X-ray machine for a few seconds, to spread the tissue apart and to get a good image of the breast. afterwhich, the images are then developed by a radiographer who then gives the X-ray films to a radiologist to check for abnormalities." how painful is that? *ouch* and yet some men treat women like sex objects, like sex toys, just for the sake of pure pleasure, of satisfying their own gross needs! disgusting. and women's greatest weakness is being too obliging to the man they love, they let them have their way with them. and when things go wrong, men's first instinct is to shun them away, avoid them, all because they are unable to handle the situation! in my opinion, men are weak!
women are the greatest creature created by God, because women are sensitive and at the same time, strong. tough being a girl huh? but i'm glad my boy treats me well, just like a princess. *smilez* i will never settle for anything lesser, he also knows never to short-change me, because i deserve every sacrifice he's ever made for me, for i am every bit worth the trouble. *winkz*

::Love::

this is my fourth template! changed it especially for pat who claims my previous forever friends template had the cute bear overlapping my posts and that she can't read? anyway, you better appreciate and leave me a note!!! haha but this may be temporary, will let my baby see it first and see what he says. *chuckles*
took almost forever to change it and honestly, i don't quite like it. dunno why...just not my style i guess. and i don't like to change blogskins this often so yah, i'll see what i can do about it. *winkz*
its 2 more days to bookout day and i just can't wait! i'm on the verge of falling ill again, sore throat came back after about a month, and the same horrible warm feeling and headache. damn! what is wrong with my immunity?! i didn't used to fall sick this much, i tell you, air-con is really bad for the body. imagine breathing in artificial air for 9 hours?! not to mention its freezing cold in here, just makes every part of my body shiver. *shaking head*
anyway, i guess what i really wanted to write in here is that i'm really upset, my heart is feeling heavy with all the love stories evolving around me.
what is love? what exactly is it? in the Bible, God gave the 2 greatest commandments as these: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself'. " Matthew 22:36-39 Also in the Bible, God described Love as such: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not selfseeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
the above 2 verses were taken from New International Version. in the New King's James Version, it says that "love suffers long" and it also "bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things".
according to the definition given from the dictionary, bear means to:
1. To hold up; support.
2. To be accountable for
3. To have a tolerance for; endure.
so doesn't it mean that love should overlook faults and weaknesses?
despite the 3 different forms of love namely,
1. agape love - a spiritual type of unconditional lovel; or God's love
2. phileo - a brotherly type of friendship love
3. eros - a romantic type of passionate love
in each of these different forms of love, the above can be applied meaning how love can bear all things, endure all things, hope all things and believe all things. when you love someone, its not about feelings, its about a decision of commitment. feelings will fade, making one unsure if that's the right person for you or not, but think about why you got together in the beginning. think about how you wanna spend the rest of your life with this one person. think about the promises first made.

::Engagement Rings::

after one long month of endless waiting, my engagement rings are finally here! *screaming* this pair of rings was custom-made because my wedding ring finger is too small, so i had to get it specially done. and since i had to custom make mine, my dear said he'll get his custom made too so that neither of us will get it first, and we'll both wait together. its a together thing remember? oh i'm so glad its here. its so lovely, mine has diamonds on it! *chuckles* diamonds are a girl's best friend? *lolz* i can't help but ogle at diamonds and crystals. *tongue sticking out* okok i know...save money for rainy days and for deardear and mine wedding fund. oh oh but i just have to blog this. so i was in Soo Kee Jewellery collecting my rings and thinking of what to engrave in our rings because we only had very limited space, my eye caught sight of this diamond bracelet which was too pretty beyond words. *drooling* i just had to get it! moreover, my parents have been bugging me to get some jewellery for my 21st birthday as a sign of adulthood, so there i was, in a dilemma. the money was given to me a long time ago, but it had been conveniently used up by yours truly, and now, i am using my own money to pay for that bracelet. it was calling out my name, asking me to try it on, and naturally, trying leads to liking it even more and eventually buying it. *tsk* sinful sinful. so the decision to flash the credit card further confirms the bracelet will be my property in less than a minute. but again my wrist is too small, so it had to be sent back for cutting and repolishing.
and yes, i'll be waiting this saturday for my fiance to put on this ring for me. *smilez*
::how does it look on me???::

::the actual rings::

with your name engraved in my ring,
and mine in yours,
our lives are sealed as one.
"to thee i bestow",
means my heart belongs to you,
and yours to me,
as we take this step to being one.
--:...21st November 2004...:--

::Clarification::

apart from starting off the new year pretty well, sadly in the way i handled people-to-people relationships were pretty disappointing. i refer to the post Break-Up dated 29 December 2004. my friend, the so-called "accused" had apparently read my post and found out about what i wrote about her. though i admit it was my wrong concluding certain information from hearsay, i must say i still believe i'm entitled to my own views?
anyway, i apologise for any hurt, upset or grief intended, though unintentionally, i understand i may have ruined your reputation and insulted your integrity. i beg for your forgiveness and will learn to do things more discreetly. this ends it and clears it, i hope. *keeping fingers, toes, hands and feet crossed*

::New Year 2005::

well, for me, 2005 came with a big bang right down at my, ahem...abdomen area (if you know what i mean) *lolz*, and with mommy dearest's birthday celebration, indeed it was!
::started off mommy dearest's birthday dinner; the coolest parents in the whole wide world::

::my family without my baby because he has to book in, damn!::

::Blessed New Year::

new morning, new year, new beginning and new happenings, Blessed New Year everyone! where there's an end, there always will be a beginning, and today will be that new beginning. reached back home at about 5.15am, shagged to the max and i so much just wanted to find any spot on the streets to lie down to sleep, if not for my dear dragging me. *lolz* that's how shagged i was! but the movie was good, at least i definitely appreciate hollywood movies better than chinese/hongkong/local productions which are a total waste of time and money. ben stiller was good, as usual. a face full of expression that just tickles my funny bones even when he doesn't say anything. *hee*
church was good too, we had a little countdown on our own, which was also as usual, a little late because the coordination with the nation's countdown always goes a little hay-wire. haha but still good, nevertheless. at least i have every new year to remember my dear spending it with me. *smilez* so, here's a little recap on some of the major things that happened to me in 2004:
1. dear and i graduated with our Diploma in Marketing, School of Business, Temasek Poly, after working so hard for it for 3 years.
2. my big sis and bro went to aussie for further studies.
3. dear started his 2 year 4 months national service.
4. i turned 21 this year. *chuckles*
5. dear and i got engaged at my birthday party.
praise You Father for all Your gifts and blessings! may 2005 be a better year for everyone especially the people that i love!