| Free Day |

my boss is on leave today, wonderful isn't it?
its good to have authority off your back sometimes, even though i can't say he's a tyrant. so while he's away, i'll cherish all that there is today, until i have to face tomorrow.
its quite gossipy in here, i guess that's what big organisations are like. pple stabbing pple in the back, hypocrites lining up the entire office, pple trying to dig secrets outta you and blah blah blah. therefore, i have to be absolutely discreet while blogging, or tongues would wag big time.
i don't think i'm doing too good myself. am still financially cripple and until i get my next pay, i don't think i'll ever be stable enough. needless to say, its got to do with my spending. i've been watching it, serious. which is why in the midst of drawing up my new year resolution, one of them is to cease online shopping because i've almost lost tons of cash. the seduction of this new age, it must stop.

and talking about my previous post, the one about my in-laws. that was in the midst of frustration that gave birth to that entry. again i stress that, as far as possible, i will try to live at peace with them.
its the whole package you see, my dear and his family/friends, they are not sold seperately when i eventually get to marry him. get the idea? and i guess its time to stop harping over something i can't change. now that i've had about 2 days to think about the whole issue, i should be stupid enough to forget how favouritism works in the family. how they spend and favour way too much on the lil sister than the 2 big boys, and also, obvious difference in treatment. anyhow, i should drop it and move on.

and about my vacation trip, i guess i can't quite go, because of the bird flu, and because no matter how big i am, i'll always still be daddy and mommy's lil girl. they're worried, and they wanna be there personally to protect me, but how to when they are bound for their own vacation? chances are slim, but i'm wishing, praying and hoping a miracle would happen. i'm just sick of working, i'm just sick of being in one place for too long, i'm just fed up and i need a break! why won't they listen, or understand? they were the ones who instilled this annual holiday thingy since i was a lil gal, and now that i'm all grown up and can make my own way there, they refuse to let me go!
my big sister said God gave us parents to guide and watch over us and they must have their reasons for not letting me go. i reckon so, but i'm still really sore about this whole thing.

i really am still a lil gal huh?

| Christmas Skin |

this was my christmas skin last year, and i've decided to put it back up again this year.

its funny how time flies and yet you still feel like you're struggling in between.

| .... |

i can't think of a title right now, maybe its because i'm terribly disturbed, or hurt if you will.

last night was bad. i walked down orchard road with all the lovely lightings all by myself, with no one with me, just myself. they were lovely, and i wished i had my special someone with me, but i didn't.

what is friendship? i'm sure, out of my 360-odd posts here, i had asked this question before and i still hadn't got the answer.

dear's friends, a bunch of guys he grew up with since primary school, would rather celebrate somebody else's girlfriend's birthday than mine, even though i had been hanging out with them more than she had. and i thought what we had was friendship. never mind about the presents, i'm not talking about materials, i just wanted wishes. simple birthday wishes, is that so hard to do? i think.
in all my being, i was as sincere as i possibly could be when it came to friendships, but i never ever get the kind of treatment back. why? its not meant to be? why issit so hard for me to even want to have some friends i can call my own? too hard.

i give up. i will never trust another person to be the kinda friend i hope he/she would be, because it just doesn't ever happen to me.

what about family, or future in-laws if you will?
suddenly a new addition to the family would have the entire family swirling in novelty and excitement. and they conveniently forget about the one who's always been there, quietly.
new things are always nicer, always more fun, always fresher. and because of that one addition, she would have her future mother-in-law serving food right to her DOORSTEP. unbelievable. i've never seen her take so much care about me when i was sick in his house. but because she's a foreigner, she's alone in this land and i would have this sort of unfair treatment.
she's never loved me as her own anyway, though i thought she did.
i wanted to meet her the first time she was here, i was just as excited as anyone in the family. but because she was sick, she was locked behind closed doors the entire day with no toilet trips, no food, and probably no water too, i couldn't meet her. fine. and when i was tired after a long long day and i didn't have the mood to meet anybody new, i was still forced to say hi to her.
obvious change of treatment? duh.
enough of competition, enough of vying for attention. enough.

issit wrong of me to think of it this way? i'm only human.

i will never expect anything from anyone ever again in this lifetime, i am after all, a visitor on this earth.

| PDL Lessons |

let's see, i stopped at lesson 4. so now here's a brief summary of what i've studied so far.

Lesson 5: God's view of Life

Life is a Test, Trust and a Temporary Assignment.

Test - God uses various trials to test us and to help us develop a God worthy character.
Trust - God wants to see how well we handle things on this earth that God has entrusted us.

Lesson 6: Life is a Temporary Assignment

as compared with eternity, our time on earth is extremely brief.
"my identity is in eternity, my homeland is in heaven"

Lesson 7: Reason for Everything

- everything on earth is God's glory
- we can bring glory to God by:
1) worshipping Him
2) becoming like CHrist
3) serving others with our gifts
4) loving other believers
5) by telling others about Him

Lesson 8: Planned for God's Pleasure

- i was made for God's pleasure
- anything that brings God's pleasure is an act of worship

Lesson 9: Smile of God

God smiles when we:
1) trust Him completely
2) obey Him wholeheartedly
3) praise and thank Him continually
4) when we use our abilities

Lesson 10: Heart of Worship

the essence of worship is:
- surrendering
- total submission to His will
- bring God pleasure

and to be able to fulfill the above conditions would require a certain level of maturity on our part.

can i do it?

| My HatchDay |

not today of course.

i find that words are getting lesser and lesser as each entry is posted. maybe its because suddenly, i feel like i'm being monitored by some psychopath that i'm unable to express how i really really feel for fear of being judged.

anyhow, i spent my birthday in a very quiet and simple way this year as compared to the party i had last year, which i personally feel, was more fulfilling.

and unlike my dearest who is pretty popular with his circle of friends, i on the other hand, had no birthday wishes except from the people closest to me of course, my family.

we caught Just Like Heaven and i thought it was a rather sweet story with a lil twist at the end. well worth the money spent. then dinner after dinner, good food after good food and i ended up taking MC yesterday due to food poisoning. *lolx

and why do i sound so rigid in my entry?


::my day @ orchard::


::my day with my family and also again @ orchard::

| Tagging |

got tagged by pat and now i have to do this.

well, if you're still wondering how many people still read your blog, this should answer your question!

5 facts about myself:

1) my skin color is natural, i never had to tan much.
2) i don't like reading (i hate going to the libraries) and sports (i have a phobia towards the track)
3) i dun have much friends, i can practically count them!
4) like pat, i spend way too much.
5) and in case you don't already know, i PMS alot!

issit my turn to tag others?
hmmm...deardear, nicole, robbie, daphne koh and hongda (that is if your gf hasn't already tagged you, ha!)

| To Go or Not To Go? |

should i go home now?

i'm gonna start cramping in approx 2 hours' time.

i'm already feeling horrible, tired and drained out.

BUT i have so much work i need to finish by today,

because my boss needs them for his meeting tomorrow.

how?

why should i even fret about a matter as small as this?

insignificant.

and i wanna watch movie this weekend, i don't care!

indeed i'm a walking contradiction.

| Day 4, Lesson 4 |

Day 4, Lesson 4: We are Made to Last Forever

1. death is only but a transition before eternal life in heaven
2. life on earth as human being is like preschool, preparing us for eternity with the Father
3. "(He) set eternity in the hearts of men" (Ecclesiastes 3:11). God gave all of us this desire of immortality when he created us, therefore its no wonder mankind, throughout centuries, have been trying ways and means to live a longer life.

i figured i actually already knew all of these teachings even before i read the book. and somehow, this book serves as a reminder of things i had put aside for too long a time.

40 days, in God's eyes, is a holy time. Jesus fasted for 40 days in the desert, resisting the devil's temptations, He became much stronger after that. i hope too, after this holy 40 days of reading the book, i will grow to be more like Jesus.

fyi, i read the book at night, which is why when i update what i've learnt, it always seems i'm a day late.

| The Purpose Driven Life & My Life |

Day 2, Lesson 2: I am not an Accident

i may not have been planned by my parents, but God had plans for me way before i was conceived in my mothers' womb.

before the world began, you were on His mind.
and every tear you cry, is precious in His sight.
because of His great love, He gave His only Son.
everything was done so you would come.

come to the Father though your gift is small.
broken hearts, broken lives,
He would take them all.
because of His great love,
He gave His only Son,
everything was done so you would come.

Day 3, Lesson 3: What is the Driving Force of My Life?

i should keep my eye on Jesus, keep my focus on Him, so that everything else will fall nicely in place.
but its tough - the cost of discipleship.
Jesus never said being his disciple was an easy task, He said to "take up your cross and follow me"!
whatever we do, we should do it unto the Lord (Col 3:23) .
focus focus focus on Jesus!

**********************************************************************

its been three days since i last saw you.
alright, i admit, its painful.
i thought i had lived through the hardest,
but three days, gave me more pain than i expected.
i want to cry at the thought of you,
but God has been good, He has sustained me.

i miss you so much,tell me how long more???

| Fight |

had a fight again last night with her.

sometimes i wonder why we fight for, especially since its always because of a guy.

we used to be really close. i've always loved her this much.
but she always thinks i'm out to harm her, hurt her, and to put her down.

she doesn't have a mind of her own when it comes to the matters of the heart.
she always puts her guy over herself and never thinks for herself.

i can't say he's a bad guy, but even up till now, this guy still gives me the vibes.
i try and try and try to accept him, but sometimes the things they do, is way overboard.

and my poor parents, being the ever kind and peaceful ones will just consent to all their unreasonable and demanding requests.

sometimes i wonder if my parents are oblivious.

he acts like he's the flesh and blood of my parents.
behaves like everything in my house is to his entitlement.
how detestable!

but if my parents keep quiet, what case have i got?

she says i'm fake. well, i'm only human.
i can only try my very best to accept things that are beyond my liking, and if i can't, i'm sorrie.
i don't think this is justified as fake.

take me to court for slander she says, because her boyfriend is now in the Police Force and knows the law. i know the law too, and if you ever dare, trust me, the Singapore Police Force will be so disgraced and so ashamed to have an officer like him who'd have to resort to abuse his authority just because he's unable to handle his personal issues.
pathetic.

all these years, since we were born, since we were sisters, i've always loved you and tried my best to take care of you.
no doubt i am over-protective, but i just want you safe.
but at 15, you started quarrelling with me over guys, over your very first boyfriend, right up to the one you call fiance now.

all these happened because i loved you too much, i cared for you too much.
and now i realise, i have to stop.

| More Pics |

::sure looks like we're in a bridal studio::


::click on it for a larger view::

| Free |

i've been wanting to write.

13 November 2005
its my turn on the much-talked-about book, The Purpose Driven Life.

lesson of the day:
1. its not about me.
2. God created us for His pleasure (Col 1:16)
*********************************************
i was late for work again today. sucks.

there's a yearly appraisal that everyone has to go through, and i'm not exempted though i've barely been there for 3 months.

i feel drained out.

i've reached my threshold level for the year, i need a break.

i need a break from LIFE!

i wanna be free, i wanna be free and happy where i can SMILE and LAUGH till every muscle in my face is cramped up!

i wanna be out there somewhere holidaying.
i need my vacation!

*hints

| Turning 21 |

another turned 21 yesterday.

it felt strange meeting up with some; people whom you were once close with.

maybe its the lack of communication, even on msn when its always "Busy" or "Away".

anyhow, for others, i had a great catch up, especially with kelvin.


::YK, pat, myself, birthday gal, daphne and kelvin::


::all from poly; though i also qualified from the 'KC primary' bunch. and bad posture on my part i must add *tsk::

*****************************************
this was long overdue.

also another 21st birthday.

just a simple and small affair.


::birthday gal's face got covered by her boyfriend!::

| Last Time |

i went to see her for the last time yesterday.

she looked peaceful.

throughout her last moments on this earth, while she was struggling with the disease, i didn't have the courage to visit her.

i didn't want to relive the agony when my grandmama was suffering from colon cancer.

she may have lost life's battle to cancer, but she has definitely won a place in heaven, just like my grandmama.

today is the crematorial service, even as i write, the service is going on.

i can't be there because of work.

God bless her soul and comfort her family.

| Passed On |

news just came, that my auntie had left us...

| Q & A |

its time for a Q & A session!
trust me, its real fun. remember to take a pen and paper to try it yah?
i'll reveal the answers tomorrow! *chuckles

1. If you went to bed at 8 at night and set the alarm to get up at 9, how many hours of sleep would you get?

2. You have 2 coins which total 30 cents. Since one of the coins is not a 10-cent coin, what are the 2 coins?

3. You are the driver of a bus. At the first stop, 13 children got on. At the 2nd stop, 5 children got off and 2 got on. At the next stop, 4 more got on and 1 sneaks off. How old is the driver?

4. How many birthdays does an average man have? How many does the average woman have?

5. Is there a law against a man marrying his widow's sister?

6. Divide 40 by a half and add 15. What is the answer?

7. According to international law, if an airplane should crash on the exact border between 2 countries, would unidentified survivors be buried in the country they were traveling to, or the country they were traveling from?

8. If you only had 1 match and entered a cold room that had a kerosene lamp, an oil heater, and a wood stove, which would you light first for maximum heat?

| Lesson |

Lesson of the week: Everything Has Its Time
Verse: Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:

A time to be born, And a time to die;
A time to plant, And a time to pluck what is planted;
A time to kill, And a time to heal;
A time to break down, And a time to build up;
A time to weep, And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, And a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, And a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to gain, And a time to lose;
A time to keep, And a time to throw away;
A time to tear, And a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, And a time to speak;
A time to love, And a time to hate;
A time of war, And a time of peace.

i may not have gotten what i wanted simply because it wasn't time yet. so don't be discouraged, and don't be disheartened, try again!

| Conviction |

its been a stressful week, and tomorrow will end it all. i'm glad in a way, but i just can't help the tension.

for all who love me, please do not put high hopes on me. all i can say is, i'll do my best.

anyway, we've been attending church faithfully the last couple of weeks, praise the Lord for that! =)

Jesus shall take the highest honour,
Jesus shall take the highest place
let all men join Heaven in exalting
the Name which is above all other names

let's bow our knee in humble adoration
for at His name
every knee must bow
let all tongue confess
He is Christ God's only Son,
Sovereign Lord we give You glory now

for all honour, and blessing and power
belongs to You, belongs to You
for all honour, and blessing and power
belongs to You, belongs to You
Lord Jesus Christ You are the Son of the living God

i got convicted by the Holy Spirit today and tears were flowing freely during worship. it was then i realised how far i've drifted from the Lord despite His faithfulness. i need to be broken once again, i need to rekindle the passion, the lost fire.

in all of my being, i want to honour Your name.

help me burn for You once again.

| 0930 |

friday morning and its raining cats and dogs.

i was late.

its my 5th time this month, i'm so screwed.

well, but its friday!



his name is also Baby.

he's 6 months old, and is the "child" of this couple friend of ours. *laughz

| After Camping |

::when morning came...::


::feeling artistic::

the rest of the pictures, the rest of the story, you can read them all on my dear's blog. i think he did a pretty decent story-telling about our first adventure together. *winks