| Russ |

think i'm calm enough to blog now since the news on saturday.

after seeking a second opinion, russ' heart murmur was confirmed by his usual attending vet on monday. its mainly due to old age, his bad temper, as well as the fact that he eats human food. Dr. Chua did not say how long russ can live but as long as russ is taking the long-term medication that Dr. Chua has put him under, he should be fine.

but now russ has to do a complete diet change; one that is low in sodium. he can't have his favorite milk, biscuits and stuff anymore. i hope he'll adapt well. the last few days when he was coughing, he did not have any appetite, it made us all so worried.

thank God he seems to be responding pretty well to the medication; we have to call Dr. Chua to report this to him today. his appetite also came back and his cough stopped. but he's still pretty tired and restless all the time and pico definitely cannot go near russ anymore because russ cannot afford to be agitated. he also can't go for long walks anymore because its too taxing on his lil heart.

russ will be 9 years old this national day. we'll celebrate earlier since we'll be away for the hols.

and i am still tearing as i'm typing this entry.

truth is, i can't take it!

i don't want russ to leave us so soon! i don't wanna come home just to see pico alone, i wanna be able to see russ too!

russ has been a big part in my life. he came the same year as the fiance came into my life in 2001. he was so tiny back then and we all grew to love him very much. i remember the very first time he set foot in our home, the three of us were lying on the floor and watching him curiously walking around us. shortly after, we smelled a fart and asked who did it and all three of us denied, next thing we knew, he poo-ed on the floor mat. he was real cute cos he contemplated for a long time and he wasn't sure where he could poo and because he was only paper-trained, he went to the nearest paper-looking thing to poo. what a smart boy! he's sucha dear in our hearts.

russ is God's gift to us, especially in a time where we needed stronger family ties - something or someone that could bond us closer as a family and russ came along.

even though he's grown to be so grumpy and bad tempered (it runs in the blood), he still loves us in his own special way.

and now if i may ask the Lord, the one thing is for russ to have a strong, healthy life. i don't want him to be in pain or to be upset in any way, i just want him to know how much all of us love him and will always always love him.

| Forever |

can i cry pls?

i don't wanna lose my baby boy so soon..he's not even 9 years old

and i was still hoping on sunday when i woke up that everything we heard at the vet was a bad dream.

can i keep my baby boy with me forever pls?

| Thinking |

i've been thinking.

i'm always thinking (and imagining) about everything and i think its innate.

i was doing so much thinking yesterday until it got me depressed to a point in time. what was i thinking about? many things.

we've settled the hotels for our trip and now its just left with researching on things to do. in fact, i'd be happy if we don't do anything during those 5 days and we just watch the world go by in my favorite part of the island - just you and i.

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i love daniel very much. it isn't something i just realised; its something i've always known. i love him to the extent of wanting a child with him that will look like the both of us - a little girl or boy that will carry a small part of him and me that is concrete evidence of our love. yes i think i would like that very much :)

everyone knows how i used to shun the idea of having a child but now i'm beginning to think otherwise. it'll be sweet :)

CLARIFICATION
yes, i'm still a virgin.
no, this coming trip is not and will not be a consummation of our love.
no, he hasn't proposed again.
no, we're not getting married anytime soon.

so just take this purely as a love story; OUR love story.

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we're trapped.

we've got a design on hand and no factory that is willing to manufacture for us. apparently everyone's stopped taking in orders infinitely and i wonder if its got to do with what's going on in BKK. anyhow, we'll be meeting a supplier after work today and see if they'll be willing to take in our order in the meantime. *prays*

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remember about the Inifinity Loop i mentioned about in my previous post? well its made me feel so small and insignificant that i burst out crying as soon as we left church last saturday.

i think i'm old enough to tell if someone is belittling us or if they are genuinely passionate about a cause. in any case, we should let God be the judge.

i'm not almighty; in fact even in terms of Bible knowledge/doctrines, i'm nowhere near those attending Sunday school. i'm insufficient in many ways, lacking in a lot of virtues as a Christian, but i know my cause and its very simple - open a blogshop to take back what rightfully belongs to the Lord i.e. money, and commit a portion to communities who have a need for it. and the reason for a blogshop is so that i can take care of it while i am still holding my full-time job because God is good, He didn't give me my day job for nothing you know.

and of course in the midst of that, i can expand myself to becoming a 'designer' of my own dresses, as well as use some of that marketing i've learnt through the books in actual practice here so i'll know i didn't major in marketing for nothing.

so while you are highly passionate about your cause, you need to know where other people are coming from. we all have our individual causes that God called us to do and if He dictates dresses, then who's to say pants? some may have the calling earlier, others (like me) later in life, so everyone's at different stages of fulfilling His purposes. if you're so up there right now doesn't mean i won't get there eventually. i will, but in any case, how fast or slow we get to the finishing point is also dictated by God so who has the right to belittle what we have done so far?

you may not mean it in a bad way; and if that's the case, take a different approach the next round. because i am beginning to understand why non-believers hate Christians so much. its because of bad eggs like YOU that spoil God's name!

and if you ever read this and want to apologise, DON'T.

i'm only blogging this out so i can have a happier day today.

| Happiness? |

just finished re-watching The Little Nonya on xinmsn and damn its a tear-jerker alright. *sobs

such rich culture and history lie beneath a minority, i dunno whether to be proud of or ashamed to be a quarter of a Nonya myself. some of the traditions in our family are different as compared to the Hokkiens and/or Teochews but i guess that's not the point i'm driving at.

what i'm trying to say is, why can't two people who love each other be together? its so sad and i'm feeling all-so-emo about the fact that the main characters, yueniang and chen xi did not end up together eventually. *sobs

though they supposedly moved on and are successful and happy in their own way, i can't help but wonder if that is true happiness?

and what is true happiness on earth?

| Let me RANT |

let me rant.

i'm sick and i'm in pain but i'm at work and i just want to rant.

stupid irresponsible people who are sick and refuse to stay home to recuperate, end up passing the germs to the fiance and then to me! i was just on MC 2 weeks ago for a cold that i caught outta nowhere and now this - stomach virus!

and i can't even stay home today even though i was given yesterday and today to rest because i have some stupid VIPs coming in at work today, i want to cry! i really want to cry! i am SO mad i could bite anything that irritates me today i tell you.

i'm hungry and yet i can't eat much cos anything i eat and i will LAU SAI big time, argh!

and when i posted something on his wall to indirectly scold his boss, he got angry with me. like pls, do i deserve to go down like that?

SHE NEEDS TO BE TOLD THAT IF SHE IS SICK, SHE SHOULD JOLLY WELL STAY HOME AND NOT COME TO WORK TO SPREAD GERMS, PERIOD!

| My Testament on Seven Dresses |

nat told us over lunch last sunday that he's volunteered on our behalves, to put Seven Dresses up for display at Infinite Loop - an intiative by CSCC to promote God-inspired projects in the marketplace.

wow.

that caught me off-guard for a few moments.

and now i'm required to write, sort of like a testimony on how Seven Dresses was born.

i tried putting my writing into good use yesterday but somehow it lacked the personal touch that i had hoped would bring across. and so i've decided what better place to pen this than in my own journal - like how i've been doing for the past 6 years :)

think i shared before, amidst my 678 posts on blogger, that eprincessdiary is like my personal letters to God, since i seem to be more expressive with written words anyway.

ok so here goes:

to me, Seven Dresses represents alot of things. it represents God's calling for me, His moulding process in me, a testament of God's grace and faithfulness to my pre-believing family whom i hope one day - soon enough - will also give their lives to Christ, as well as His way of helping me financially in the area of the next phase of my life - marriage.

it was at one sermon in March 2010 at CSCC - sister Karen Dunham - a missionary in Palestine spoke about “Launching” and taking back what rightfully belongs to the Lord that planted an idea within me. it was something that I’ve always wanted to do but never had the courage or capital to do so, and which i felt extremely compelled to make it happen this time round - opening a blogshop and channelling a portion of the earnings back to His' name. in this way, i could bring the Bible and even the Gospel to the marketplace and help poor starving children in Jericho be less hungry. it would feel like myself, personally being out there on the mission field - which had also been my dream since i knew Christ 15 years ago but never had the chance too.

as i think back on everything that had happened in the last couple of months, i am slowly coming into the realisation (after piecing everything up together) that the Lord has never left me, He's always been in my life, slowly but surely fulfilling the purpose He's had for me since i received my first prophesy from a preacher when i was 12:

"..that her studies are well..that she'll do great things..things that her mother would never expect and would be so proud of her for...that she'll soar on eagles' wings..."

this is all i could remember. the rest of the prophecy, which my sister later wrote out for me, went missing together with my other boxes of stuff when we shifted house in 1999.

and although i do not know what these great things are, and/or if Seven Dresses is part of these "great things", i'm convinced that success comes only from the Lord and He is faithful; He will finish the work He started out in us.

| Travel Bug |

been hit by the travel bug of late and have the strong urge to re-visit some old places (with unfinished business) and visit new places as well.

BUT it'll never be the only place i'll ever want to be in.

nevertheless, i am still thankful and count my lil blessings - at least i am leaving the country. God has been so wonderful and i've learnt that no matter what goes on in my life, His hand is always on it, in it and He leads as i allow Him to.

so the tics have been booked and we'll be away for the National Day hols. good riddance! ha!

remind me to write about PURPOSES tomorrow. till then.