i'm finally free enough to write today.
but before i do so, i just have to say this to the anonymous person that has been spamming my tagboard.
i do allow freedom of speech, and i definitely welcome constructive criticisms. but if you consistently put me down with hurtful remarks, then i guess i'd just have to do something about it - delete your comments. this is after all my blog, my web space, my prerogative! i'm not even asking you to respect me, but at least respect yourself and save some dignity for yourself. you are still, nothing but pathetic.
on this web space, i am entitled to write as much as i want, how i like and how i feel about things and pple around me. you have no right to judge me, so don't even try to stop me. you are nobody.
in my life, as far as i'm concerned, you don't even exist to me. i cannot even begin to understand why you should get so worked up over something i've said about somebody you don't even know, unless of course, you are the person in question which i highly doubt. and whether i'm pretty or not, have a high forehead or not, has absolutely nothing to do with you at all. God made me this way and i appreciate His work, why should you care? your english sucks by the way, because you obviously do not understand what is the meaning of ogle. well let me enlighten you then. according to the dictionary, the word ogle means to stare at flirtatiously, or amorously. and since you dunno the meaning of ogle, i won't blame you for not knowing the meaning to amorously. amorously means to be:
1. Strongly attracted or disposed to love, especially sexual love.
2. Indicative of love or sexual desire: an amorous glance.
3. Of or associated with love: an amorous poem.
4. Being in love; enamored
are these adjectives indicative of a clown? obviously NOT. therefore i am not wrong in saying your english sucks.
whatever the case is, you should just shut your gap and let it go. and forget about ever typing my url, forget about ever visiting my blog. your interest in my life makes me sick.
enough said.
one more time i see your comment or IP address on my tagboard, i'm calling the police. you'd really wish i wouldn't, so don't try me.
i hereby annouce, whoever wants to leave a comment on my tagboard must leave a name, your name preferably. and because i now do moderation, anything offensive on my tagboard and off it goes, into thin air.
thank you dear, for always being the one standing up for me. =)
*LC really just means LOW CLASS, in singaporean context.
Wedding Ticker
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Friday, March 24, 2006
| 16 Updates |
long time...been a real hectic week and boy am i glad the weekends are here!
so much stuff to update. will just let my fingers do the typing, whatever that comes to my mind first.
1. boss' birthday is tomorrow. some girl got him a cake today and he gave me a slice. so duh but yah, he's a nice chap. and please, he's married with a child already.
2. dear will be out tomorrow afternoon and we might be going clubbing?
3. i wanna go swimming!!! my muscles are hardening!
4. oh went for my first formal, official meeting on my boss' behalf on tuesday at another branch with 4 other managers. *phew it was real stressful and it was a last-minute thing, totally caught me unaware.
5. lotsa work and preparation for today's auditors' check. and that darn engineer is so incompetent, i had to run every single report and do up graphs for him. and even then he still couldn't understand and asked me how to read the graph. *major eyeroll
6. slowly settling our school. man i'm so excited we're gonna be starting school soon. hee=p (even though its part-time)
7. also been helping my big sis get information for her wedding. i'm starting to feel like a wedding planner. its way cool i tell you! almost every hotel i enquired thought i was the one getting married and i'm thinking, it'll be cool if i was the bride instead. haha! but nah, not so soon, another 5 years perhaps? and hey, a wedding planner for a career ain't a bad idea huh?????
8. whilst enquiring, this same sentence in all the wedding packages kept flashing: "Complimentary breakfast the morning after your wedding celebration". yew like so gross? like you know..consumate the marriage kinda thing...like having sex...yew like for the first time??!! *ouch
9. my sis and her husband-to-be had already come up with the guest-list and my sis will pass that list to my second sis and then to me when its our turn to tie the knot. ha!
10. ohoh and i almost forgot. as you can see on the right side of your screen is a very crude comment down on my 'freedom of speech'. its absolutely fine if you know me and you want to drop me a comment like that, i can really appreciate your honesty and your guts in an attempt to offend me but have obviously failed miserably. and if it was just a passer-by, they wouldn't be bothered to leave a comment like that to aggravate someone they dun know. its pointless. so my conclusion is, this person definitely knows me. whether i know you or not is a different story. whatever, if you really have the guts, i dare you to leave your name. this is so LC and so unprofessional. total waste of my time. and be careful, i'm watching your IP address.
11. saw my pay slip and there was really a deduction! i mean, all along it seemed so unreal, how was i to know its reality? man, this is so not right...
12. and whilst surfing for some of the hotels today at work, there was a warning screen from my company which said, "Please be reminded that the use of Internet is purely for official business. Any unauthorised surfing is closely monitored." DAMN! what age are we in and to even surf the net is counted illegal?! which is why if there'a another retrenchment exercise, i'd definitely be the first to go. =(
13. think i'm falling sick...my lips are ultra dry, and my throat is feeling weird. the kind of weird when you know you're gonna fall soon. oh no...
14. but i'm real satisfied with myself for not taking any unneccessary (urgent) leave in march, its an achievement to me ok?!
15. my home doesn't feel like my home anymore. its been occupied permenently by someone who doesn't even have the decency to refill the ice even though he was the last person who finished it up. and he just sticks around in here even without the other half around.
16. i wanna take lotsa pics. realised how empty my blog has been ever since i changed to this blogskin. *hintz
i'm almost done. wait, i think i'm done for the day. goodnight!
so much stuff to update. will just let my fingers do the typing, whatever that comes to my mind first.
1. boss' birthday is tomorrow. some girl got him a cake today and he gave me a slice. so duh but yah, he's a nice chap. and please, he's married with a child already.
2. dear will be out tomorrow afternoon and we might be going clubbing?
3. i wanna go swimming!!! my muscles are hardening!
4. oh went for my first formal, official meeting on my boss' behalf on tuesday at another branch with 4 other managers. *phew it was real stressful and it was a last-minute thing, totally caught me unaware.
5. lotsa work and preparation for today's auditors' check. and that darn engineer is so incompetent, i had to run every single report and do up graphs for him. and even then he still couldn't understand and asked me how to read the graph. *major eyeroll
6. slowly settling our school. man i'm so excited we're gonna be starting school soon. hee=p (even though its part-time)
7. also been helping my big sis get information for her wedding. i'm starting to feel like a wedding planner. its way cool i tell you! almost every hotel i enquired thought i was the one getting married and i'm thinking, it'll be cool if i was the bride instead. haha! but nah, not so soon, another 5 years perhaps? and hey, a wedding planner for a career ain't a bad idea huh?????
8. whilst enquiring, this same sentence in all the wedding packages kept flashing: "Complimentary breakfast the morning after your wedding celebration". yew like so gross? like you know..consumate the marriage kinda thing...like having sex...yew like for the first time??!! *ouch
9. my sis and her husband-to-be had already come up with the guest-list and my sis will pass that list to my second sis and then to me when its our turn to tie the knot. ha!
10. ohoh and i almost forgot. as you can see on the right side of your screen is a very crude comment down on my 'freedom of speech'. its absolutely fine if you know me and you want to drop me a comment like that, i can really appreciate your honesty and your guts in an attempt to offend me but have obviously failed miserably. and if it was just a passer-by, they wouldn't be bothered to leave a comment like that to aggravate someone they dun know. its pointless. so my conclusion is, this person definitely knows me. whether i know you or not is a different story. whatever, if you really have the guts, i dare you to leave your name. this is so LC and so unprofessional. total waste of my time. and be careful, i'm watching your IP address.
11. saw my pay slip and there was really a deduction! i mean, all along it seemed so unreal, how was i to know its reality? man, this is so not right...
12. and whilst surfing for some of the hotels today at work, there was a warning screen from my company which said, "Please be reminded that the use of Internet is purely for official business. Any unauthorised surfing is closely monitored." DAMN! what age are we in and to even surf the net is counted illegal?! which is why if there'a another retrenchment exercise, i'd definitely be the first to go. =(
13. think i'm falling sick...my lips are ultra dry, and my throat is feeling weird. the kind of weird when you know you're gonna fall soon. oh no...
14. but i'm real satisfied with myself for not taking any unneccessary (urgent) leave in march, its an achievement to me ok?!
15. my home doesn't feel like my home anymore. its been occupied permenently by someone who doesn't even have the decency to refill the ice even though he was the last person who finished it up. and he just sticks around in here even without the other half around.
16. i wanna take lotsa pics. realised how empty my blog has been ever since i changed to this blogskin. *hintz
i'm almost done. wait, i think i'm done for the day. goodnight!
Friday, March 17, 2006
| Acknowledgement |
"Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. But in all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
this verse came to mind the minute i thought about that. i've been struggling with it for the longest of time and no one knows about it, not even my family. only my dear who's always so supportive. then again i guess they do have an idea about it, but not the whole picture.
i used to do Bible study when i was younger, i'd make time just to go down to church to learn about the Word even how tired i was back then when i was a student, before i met dear of course. i enjoyed it very much because i'd always get to learn new stuff. but there would times where i'd feel intimidated or inferior because all the other members were like WOW, they knew almost everything i didn't.
but that was the past, a long time ago, but still i yearn to have that kinda passion to burn in me once again.
my big sis is gonna get married at the end of this year which is also the beginning of the new year. she and her husband-to-be have been attending Bible study every week, learning how to support one another in a marriage. they're also learning family planning according to what God teaches in the Bible. its really cool.
we need to attend cell group, we need to learn how to grow in a small group first before we can grow in a church and grow spiritually. that was what the Purpose Driven Life book was talking about all the time which freaked me out and which made me not dare to read the rest of it. in case you're judging me, i'm only human. i get scared too and like Jonah, i would try to hide from God hoping He'd never notice me. ha but guess what? that never happens! God is always with us, its whether we choose to acknowledge His presence or not, its whether we choose to face Him or not.
and now i choose to acknowledge Him.
what about you?
this verse came to mind the minute i thought about that. i've been struggling with it for the longest of time and no one knows about it, not even my family. only my dear who's always so supportive. then again i guess they do have an idea about it, but not the whole picture.
i used to do Bible study when i was younger, i'd make time just to go down to church to learn about the Word even how tired i was back then when i was a student, before i met dear of course. i enjoyed it very much because i'd always get to learn new stuff. but there would times where i'd feel intimidated or inferior because all the other members were like WOW, they knew almost everything i didn't.
but that was the past, a long time ago, but still i yearn to have that kinda passion to burn in me once again.
my big sis is gonna get married at the end of this year which is also the beginning of the new year. she and her husband-to-be have been attending Bible study every week, learning how to support one another in a marriage. they're also learning family planning according to what God teaches in the Bible. its really cool.
we need to attend cell group, we need to learn how to grow in a small group first before we can grow in a church and grow spiritually. that was what the Purpose Driven Life book was talking about all the time which freaked me out and which made me not dare to read the rest of it. in case you're judging me, i'm only human. i get scared too and like Jonah, i would try to hide from God hoping He'd never notice me. ha but guess what? that never happens! God is always with us, its whether we choose to acknowledge His presence or not, its whether we choose to face Him or not.
and now i choose to acknowledge Him.
what about you?
Thursday, March 16, 2006
| Make-Up |
yesterday someone commented on my make-up. an amateur, where make-up is concerned, she can't even do her own properly, she dare comment on mine. i felt like slapping her in the face.
ok i admit i ain't a natural or an expert when it comes to make-up, and neither am i sucha fantastic artist, but i know my face better and i know enough make-up application and tips to get by the day at work, and the night at clubs.
she commented on my blusher. she said i look like a clown. EXCUSE ME?! me, a clown? and what about you? with or without make-up you look just as bad, so what has my blusher got to do with you? besides, i've got naturally high and round cheekbones and i like complimenting it but putting my blusher over them, what business issit of yours? moreover, i feel my make-up is good enough to send the entire company ogling at me whenever i pass, so tell me, is my make-up still bad? if my make-up were genuinely bad, why would guys wanna look at me? why would they still comment that i'm pretty? why would so many of them wanna get my number? why would so many of them wanna find opportunities just to come talk to me? why why why? because regardless of whether the blusher on my cheekbones which offends you so is nice or not or looks like a clown or not, i have men wanting me. and i dun even need to wear short skirts and low tops. what about you? open up your legs and they even have to consider f**king you. that's where the difference between you and me lies and that's why i'm so wanted around here and you're not. BITCH!
so dun talk to me about make-up, and whether i look nice in it or not. its not up to you to decide.
fyi, i'm only this vulgar when someone upsets me so, and you just have to blame yourself for stepping on my tail you LOSER.
my conclusion: she's always so critical of me, why because i'm younger and i know how to dress better than her. she's always trying to say things to hurt me, she's the real sore one who knows she's no longer young and is trying all ways and means to put me down so that i would really listen to her and not make-up or dress in a certain manner and therefore look ugly. i'm not so stupid.
ok i admit i ain't a natural or an expert when it comes to make-up, and neither am i sucha fantastic artist, but i know my face better and i know enough make-up application and tips to get by the day at work, and the night at clubs.
she commented on my blusher. she said i look like a clown. EXCUSE ME?! me, a clown? and what about you? with or without make-up you look just as bad, so what has my blusher got to do with you? besides, i've got naturally high and round cheekbones and i like complimenting it but putting my blusher over them, what business issit of yours? moreover, i feel my make-up is good enough to send the entire company ogling at me whenever i pass, so tell me, is my make-up still bad? if my make-up were genuinely bad, why would guys wanna look at me? why would they still comment that i'm pretty? why would so many of them wanna get my number? why would so many of them wanna find opportunities just to come talk to me? why why why? because regardless of whether the blusher on my cheekbones which offends you so is nice or not or looks like a clown or not, i have men wanting me. and i dun even need to wear short skirts and low tops. what about you? open up your legs and they even have to consider f**king you. that's where the difference between you and me lies and that's why i'm so wanted around here and you're not. BITCH!
so dun talk to me about make-up, and whether i look nice in it or not. its not up to you to decide.
fyi, i'm only this vulgar when someone upsets me so, and you just have to blame yourself for stepping on my tail you LOSER.
my conclusion: she's always so critical of me, why because i'm younger and i know how to dress better than her. she's always trying to say things to hurt me, she's the real sore one who knows she's no longer young and is trying all ways and means to put me down so that i would really listen to her and not make-up or dress in a certain manner and therefore look ugly. i'm not so stupid.
Monday, March 13, 2006
| Free |
last weekend was fulfilling. i was on my own and i finished almost everything i had set out to do.
1. did some baking yesterday - durian cake, will do more when i get home tonight - brownies
2. did ironing for my work week
3. did my laundry and changed my bedsheets
4. learnt how to sing 'Shan Hu Hai'
5. blew-dry my pup after his bath, and combed his hair.
i thank God my pup is feeling better already, at least he's eating again. he wasn't himself the last couple of days and we were all so worried for him.
and i realised something over the weekends: how much i used to bake and cook before i had my dear. even the initial years when we were together, i always baked and cooked him stuff to eat, and he'll always be so happy and contented. his very first birthday with me, i baked him a strawberry cake and he was extremely happy.
my dear is a very simple man, because his happiness and sadness can be seen in a glance. all i had to do was make something for him and he'll be very delighted.
as we both grew up in this fast-paced city, i think sometimes we tend to forget the simplest pleasures in life:
a stroll by the beach,
a simple dinner at the foodcourt,
snacking on indian rojak at the old kopitiam,
watching the 7pm or 9pm show together,
cheng teng usually for supper at kopitiam,
a morning swim @ downtown east,
making fried wantan together,
and the list goes on.
we tend to neglect and take the things around us for granted, forgetting the simplest pleasures we both shared 5 years ago when we were so young, were free. we almost did last weekend and as a result, almost lost the most precious in our lives.
always remember,
"The Best Things In Life Are Free"
i loved you 5 years ago, and i'll still keep loving you for the next 5 years, 10 years, 50 years to come.
1. did some baking yesterday - durian cake, will do more when i get home tonight - brownies
2. did ironing for my work week
3. did my laundry and changed my bedsheets
4. learnt how to sing 'Shan Hu Hai'
5. blew-dry my pup after his bath, and combed his hair.
i thank God my pup is feeling better already, at least he's eating again. he wasn't himself the last couple of days and we were all so worried for him.
and i realised something over the weekends: how much i used to bake and cook before i had my dear. even the initial years when we were together, i always baked and cooked him stuff to eat, and he'll always be so happy and contented. his very first birthday with me, i baked him a strawberry cake and he was extremely happy.
my dear is a very simple man, because his happiness and sadness can be seen in a glance. all i had to do was make something for him and he'll be very delighted.
as we both grew up in this fast-paced city, i think sometimes we tend to forget the simplest pleasures in life:
a stroll by the beach,
a simple dinner at the foodcourt,
snacking on indian rojak at the old kopitiam,
watching the 7pm or 9pm show together,
cheng teng usually for supper at kopitiam,
a morning swim @ downtown east,
making fried wantan together,
and the list goes on.
we tend to neglect and take the things around us for granted, forgetting the simplest pleasures we both shared 5 years ago when we were so young, were free. we almost did last weekend and as a result, almost lost the most precious in our lives.
always remember,
"The Best Things In Life Are Free"
i loved you 5 years ago, and i'll still keep loving you for the next 5 years, 10 years, 50 years to come.
Sunday, March 12, 2006
| Letting Go |
whenever i hear him say those two words, i'd be in a shock for 20 seconds before i regain consciousness again.
reckoned i had to write, its the only way of keeping my sanity.
things between us got worse, and it was so bad he had wanted to give up. he said those two words. its very 'ouch' coming from him.
he hardly says those two words, in face he hasn't except maybe this is his third time outta 5 years? he's got patience, more than me i must say, though we've got extremely similar characters.
maybe 18 was a bad age to start a relationship. maybe 18 was too young for us. maybe a couple shouldn't be still dating after 5 years, they should be already married and settled down, waiting for the birth of their new life and a whole lot of mess to come.
or maybe its just me.
it was a 3-hour long conversation, he at the other end of singapore, while i'm at home. the ultimatum came: one last chance for us both, for this relationship.
after so much nurturing and so much protection, this relationship is once again put up to the test. will it stand this time round? i have not the slightest clue. but its scary seeing your love hanging on a thin line.
i'm so scared.
what happened? we couldn't figure out what exactly went wrong, but we do know that we haven't stopped quarrelling for the past 10 days or so, and it has taken a toll on both our hearts.
i'm no longer angry at things i cannot change, i only feel pain and anguish now.
what will the verdict be?
sometimes i wonder how God can allow two souls to cross path, fall in love, share a life together for so long, and then bear to tear it apart. issit really His doing or issit the Devil?
will our union bring about powerful works to the Lord, that's why the Devil is trying so hard to break us apart?
so many obstacles, so many hurdles, when will all these strives ever end? its so tiring. i can see why there are so many pple out there who are willing to stay single than to have a partner.
if this really ends, will we ever have the courage to love again? i'm pretty sure i wouldn't. because i know, deep down inside, he's been the best to me, and nobody else could ever measure up to him.
and if this really ends, i hope he'll find someone better, because i know how well he deserves someone so much better than me.
try as hard as we may, i reckon we've tried hard enough to work things out. but for some strange reasons, this time round, it ain't working. so i'm leaving this in God's hands, and see what He deems fit.
reckoned i had to write, its the only way of keeping my sanity.
things between us got worse, and it was so bad he had wanted to give up. he said those two words. its very 'ouch' coming from him.
he hardly says those two words, in face he hasn't except maybe this is his third time outta 5 years? he's got patience, more than me i must say, though we've got extremely similar characters.
maybe 18 was a bad age to start a relationship. maybe 18 was too young for us. maybe a couple shouldn't be still dating after 5 years, they should be already married and settled down, waiting for the birth of their new life and a whole lot of mess to come.
or maybe its just me.
it was a 3-hour long conversation, he at the other end of singapore, while i'm at home. the ultimatum came: one last chance for us both, for this relationship.
after so much nurturing and so much protection, this relationship is once again put up to the test. will it stand this time round? i have not the slightest clue. but its scary seeing your love hanging on a thin line.
i'm so scared.
what happened? we couldn't figure out what exactly went wrong, but we do know that we haven't stopped quarrelling for the past 10 days or so, and it has taken a toll on both our hearts.
i'm no longer angry at things i cannot change, i only feel pain and anguish now.
what will the verdict be?
sometimes i wonder how God can allow two souls to cross path, fall in love, share a life together for so long, and then bear to tear it apart. issit really His doing or issit the Devil?
will our union bring about powerful works to the Lord, that's why the Devil is trying so hard to break us apart?
so many obstacles, so many hurdles, when will all these strives ever end? its so tiring. i can see why there are so many pple out there who are willing to stay single than to have a partner.
if this really ends, will we ever have the courage to love again? i'm pretty sure i wouldn't. because i know, deep down inside, he's been the best to me, and nobody else could ever measure up to him.
and if this really ends, i hope he'll find someone better, because i know how well he deserves someone so much better than me.
try as hard as we may, i reckon we've tried hard enough to work things out. but for some strange reasons, this time round, it ain't working. so i'm leaving this in God's hands, and see what He deems fit.
Friday, March 10, 2006
| All |
its when i am totally speechless that i usually come online to write. i'm so freaking sick of writing about the ugly side of my life and announce that the once-glorious part of my life has come down to pieces.
my fairy tale? my ass maybe.
i try to be rational, i try to compromise and be reasonable but when i'm growing older and older and i'm still the way i was when i left poly, i start to fret and think, damn i better do something about it. its precisely because i'm answerable to my own life, as far as possible, i'd like to make it a comfortable, happy and financially-stable one. how? by planning.
this darn duty is killing you i know, but when you've had your well-deserved rest, its time to get up and go. don't give excuses that its my rest day and therefore i am slow-motion. crap. then can i also give you that excuse when its my rest day?
you said your rest day is for me, to spend time with me. you see your army friends like 24/7 doing duty together and still at home you miss them and want to msn with them? oh spare me.
especially if you can be well chatting with them (*major eyeroll*) i think perhaps while waiting for their reply, instead of surfing for war craft maps and cheat codes, open up another damn window or so and research on school, hdb flats, loans and so on. if i always have to be the one reminding you, what good issit? you would have missed the point, big time.
we're living in singapore you know, HELLO? when i told you years ago i'd like to migrate to aussie someday, your loyalty to singapore had won you the best soldier or best citizen of the year award. and now the price is this: fast-paced, high living standards and basically money all the time. you chose it, so you pay for it.
this lil island is so fast-paced that it doesn't allow you to stop and think, not even for a lil while coz then it might just cost you our new home or our loan for the house and for school. you also know this quote and now i'll quote it back to you, "Time and tide wait for no men". so no you do not have time or the luxury to slow-mo here in fast-paced singapore. you gotta think quick, act quick and plan quick.
please, i think i'm understanding enough lor.
right, and since i'm writing this to you, i might as well say it once and for all.
your lateness and tardiness is getting on me, bad. i cannot even remember when was the last time you were on time meeting me. was that while we were still in school? during our honeymoon period? yah i think so.
clearly i'm not worth that much effort anymore right since we are like so close and have been together for so long already. which is why i'm asking you, how can i relax when we're not even married and you're like shit in meeting me for a date?! i ain't a very patient person, anybody who knows me knows that fact and i don't like to wait for too long. never mind about me waiting, its about you not leaving house 15 minutes earlier when you know the buses and trains screw up all the time. its about why couldn't you have thought about the clothes you wanna wear while showering instead of staring point-blank after your shower, at your wardrobe and feeling undecided and thus have already wasted 10 minutes just picking clothes?!
AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
i just dun get it, what is wrong with you? what is wrong with this relationship? what is wrong with me?
things aren't quite like how they used to be. things change, people change, i know i know. but whatever that is happening now is not normal. its freaky.
did someone put a spell on us?
ok, outta point.
the point is, your attitude is all wrong. whenever i talk to you about the future, you freak out. why, dun wanna spend the rest of your life with me? life is not a bed of roses where we can survive on peanuts, fresh air and water all 365 days. its no use saying and no action. when are you actually going to do something concrete about our future, our marriage and our home?
talk is cheap. and i dun need that.
what i need from you is sincerity, honesty and determination to make things right for me, for us again. dun let the army rob you of your love for me, dun let the army take away all the plans you've had with me since the beginning of our relationship.
please dun let me give up hope on you. i wouldn't bear too, but one will reject all love after extreme agony.
my fairy tale? my ass maybe.
i try to be rational, i try to compromise and be reasonable but when i'm growing older and older and i'm still the way i was when i left poly, i start to fret and think, damn i better do something about it. its precisely because i'm answerable to my own life, as far as possible, i'd like to make it a comfortable, happy and financially-stable one. how? by planning.
this darn duty is killing you i know, but when you've had your well-deserved rest, its time to get up and go. don't give excuses that its my rest day and therefore i am slow-motion. crap. then can i also give you that excuse when its my rest day?
you said your rest day is for me, to spend time with me. you see your army friends like 24/7 doing duty together and still at home you miss them and want to msn with them? oh spare me.
especially if you can be well chatting with them (*major eyeroll*) i think perhaps while waiting for their reply, instead of surfing for war craft maps and cheat codes, open up another damn window or so and research on school, hdb flats, loans and so on. if i always have to be the one reminding you, what good issit? you would have missed the point, big time.
we're living in singapore you know, HELLO? when i told you years ago i'd like to migrate to aussie someday, your loyalty to singapore had won you the best soldier or best citizen of the year award. and now the price is this: fast-paced, high living standards and basically money all the time. you chose it, so you pay for it.
this lil island is so fast-paced that it doesn't allow you to stop and think, not even for a lil while coz then it might just cost you our new home or our loan for the house and for school. you also know this quote and now i'll quote it back to you, "Time and tide wait for no men". so no you do not have time or the luxury to slow-mo here in fast-paced singapore. you gotta think quick, act quick and plan quick.
please, i think i'm understanding enough lor.
right, and since i'm writing this to you, i might as well say it once and for all.
your lateness and tardiness is getting on me, bad. i cannot even remember when was the last time you were on time meeting me. was that while we were still in school? during our honeymoon period? yah i think so.
clearly i'm not worth that much effort anymore right since we are like so close and have been together for so long already. which is why i'm asking you, how can i relax when we're not even married and you're like shit in meeting me for a date?! i ain't a very patient person, anybody who knows me knows that fact and i don't like to wait for too long. never mind about me waiting, its about you not leaving house 15 minutes earlier when you know the buses and trains screw up all the time. its about why couldn't you have thought about the clothes you wanna wear while showering instead of staring point-blank after your shower, at your wardrobe and feeling undecided and thus have already wasted 10 minutes just picking clothes?!
AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
i just dun get it, what is wrong with you? what is wrong with this relationship? what is wrong with me?
things aren't quite like how they used to be. things change, people change, i know i know. but whatever that is happening now is not normal. its freaky.
did someone put a spell on us?
ok, outta point.
the point is, your attitude is all wrong. whenever i talk to you about the future, you freak out. why, dun wanna spend the rest of your life with me? life is not a bed of roses where we can survive on peanuts, fresh air and water all 365 days. its no use saying and no action. when are you actually going to do something concrete about our future, our marriage and our home?
talk is cheap. and i dun need that.
what i need from you is sincerity, honesty and determination to make things right for me, for us again. dun let the army rob you of your love for me, dun let the army take away all the plans you've had with me since the beginning of our relationship.
please dun let me give up hope on you. i wouldn't bear too, but one will reject all love after extreme agony.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
| Bonus..NOT |
news of my company's bonus is out, and after everyone heard the news, we all have no more mood to work, and would rather be on leave.
they say its so because then we wouldn't have to go through the 'axe'.
and now, we even have to pay back the company, and its much worse for me because my bonus is pro-rated, and thus i would get lesser, but pay back more.
some time in december last year, we all got a portion of the bonus, it was a thousand dollars. and now that the percentage for the bonus has somewhat been finalised, i would have to return this one thousand dollars AND they still have to cut part of my pay.
what kinda rubbish?!
they say if we can pull through this year, next year's bonus would be even more.
yeah right, i so love to believe them.
but what about now? they say the company will deduct through 2 instalments, so i'll practically be living on peanuts, fresh air and water.
how can this company do this? how can you expect your employees to throw up all those money after having given them and having them spent it all?!
i regret taking that one thousand, though there wasn't much of a choice, still if we hadn't taken then, we wouldn't have to repay now.
how LC can they get? talk about next year, i wouldn't even know if i'd still wanna carry on here. i dun get no satisfaction or accomplishment here, why would i wanna stay anyway?
*sigh
there goes my short trip.
they say its so because then we wouldn't have to go through the 'axe'.
and now, we even have to pay back the company, and its much worse for me because my bonus is pro-rated, and thus i would get lesser, but pay back more.
some time in december last year, we all got a portion of the bonus, it was a thousand dollars. and now that the percentage for the bonus has somewhat been finalised, i would have to return this one thousand dollars AND they still have to cut part of my pay.
what kinda rubbish?!
they say if we can pull through this year, next year's bonus would be even more.
yeah right, i so love to believe them.
but what about now? they say the company will deduct through 2 instalments, so i'll practically be living on peanuts, fresh air and water.
how can this company do this? how can you expect your employees to throw up all those money after having given them and having them spent it all?!
i regret taking that one thousand, though there wasn't much of a choice, still if we hadn't taken then, we wouldn't have to repay now.
how LC can they get? talk about next year, i wouldn't even know if i'd still wanna carry on here. i dun get no satisfaction or accomplishment here, why would i wanna stay anyway?
*sigh
there goes my short trip.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
| I Wonder |
questions after questions fill my mind,
about how you could become so void.
did i care too much or too lil?
i wonder.
waiting, i've wasted one and a half years waiting,
in return, all i got was "dun press me any further".
sometimes a lil encouragement is all it takes,
issit too hard for you?
i wonder.
did i make the wrong choice?
did i make the wrong decision in waiting?
will i regret in time to come?
i wonder.
feels like Heaven is making a spot of me.
feels like i've been the clown in this story.
am i drowning myself in self-pity?
i wonder.
5 years and its become dry, monotonous and boring.
or maybe i have just forgotten how to blog about the happy times.
in the next 5 years,
will this still be my fairy tale?
about how you could become so void.
did i care too much or too lil?
i wonder.
waiting, i've wasted one and a half years waiting,
in return, all i got was "dun press me any further".
sometimes a lil encouragement is all it takes,
issit too hard for you?
i wonder.
did i make the wrong choice?
did i make the wrong decision in waiting?
will i regret in time to come?
i wonder.
feels like Heaven is making a spot of me.
feels like i've been the clown in this story.
am i drowning myself in self-pity?
i wonder.
5 years and its become dry, monotonous and boring.
or maybe i have just forgotten how to blog about the happy times.
in the next 5 years,
will this still be my fairy tale?
| Understanding |
thank you for waiting till this morning to text me. pity i couldn't read every word because of mobile incompatability.
that aside, i really didn't feel like coming to work today. for your information, working life ain't like a bed of roses, even in my ex-company where i may have enjoyed myself more than here, its not that happening. believe me. the minute you are out in this society, pple are mean, and they dun care if you're a fresh grad with or without knowledge or experience, they dun care.
no doubt you get paid, but you get paid because you earned it. all the shit, attitude, sarcasm, gossips and all the what-nots. now tell me, do i still deserve what i see on my pay slip at the end of every month?
i certainly do.
and now all i'm asking for is a break, a short trip, a holiday, to recharge my already drained soul. why can't you understand that? am i asking for alot? honestly?
if you had been faithfully saving and already have a decent amount in your bank, would your answer still be like last nights'?
i dun blame you knowing you weren't born with a silver spoon in your mouth, i know how things are at home for you. but all these that i'm asking for now are things you can jolly well give me, its absolutely within your means.
please understand, i really need to leave this place for a lil while.
and remember,
i deserve the best because i am worth every bit of it, and i will never settle for anything lesser.
that aside, i really didn't feel like coming to work today. for your information, working life ain't like a bed of roses, even in my ex-company where i may have enjoyed myself more than here, its not that happening. believe me. the minute you are out in this society, pple are mean, and they dun care if you're a fresh grad with or without knowledge or experience, they dun care.
no doubt you get paid, but you get paid because you earned it. all the shit, attitude, sarcasm, gossips and all the what-nots. now tell me, do i still deserve what i see on my pay slip at the end of every month?
i certainly do.
and now all i'm asking for is a break, a short trip, a holiday, to recharge my already drained soul. why can't you understand that? am i asking for alot? honestly?
if you had been faithfully saving and already have a decent amount in your bank, would your answer still be like last nights'?
i dun blame you knowing you weren't born with a silver spoon in your mouth, i know how things are at home for you. but all these that i'm asking for now are things you can jolly well give me, its absolutely within your means.
please understand, i really need to leave this place for a lil while.
and remember,
i deserve the best because i am worth every bit of it, and i will never settle for anything lesser.
Monday, March 06, 2006
| Roller Chairs |
i hate roller chairs.
it rolls when you least want them too
and because they have rollers, they cannot keep still.
man i hate roller chairs.
especially when i'm cramping like mad and i dun wanna move, it moves.
argh!!!
it rolls when you least want them too
and because they have rollers, they cannot keep still.
man i hate roller chairs.
especially when i'm cramping like mad and i dun wanna move, it moves.
argh!!!
| My Pain |
women are such noble creatures.
this i totally agree.
as i grow older in this society, i begin to see and realise how strong women are. having to juggle between work and family, friends and emotional stress, and even menstrual cramps.
ok i know how duh this topic is, but its true.
like how issit possible for women to take MC every month when they are cramping? which company would actually allow that or even accept any women with problems like these?
imagine i take MC every month when i'm cramping, in 6 months, i'll definitely be fired. so i don't and bear with the pain silently in this cubicle of mine hoping the pain will go off soon. like now.
and this sudden bout of drowsiness never fails to overwhelm me and make me feel like shutting down.
i have another 90 mons more to go before its home sweet home...oh God, save me!!!
this i totally agree.
as i grow older in this society, i begin to see and realise how strong women are. having to juggle between work and family, friends and emotional stress, and even menstrual cramps.
ok i know how duh this topic is, but its true.
like how issit possible for women to take MC every month when they are cramping? which company would actually allow that or even accept any women with problems like these?
imagine i take MC every month when i'm cramping, in 6 months, i'll definitely be fired. so i don't and bear with the pain silently in this cubicle of mine hoping the pain will go off soon. like now.
and this sudden bout of drowsiness never fails to overwhelm me and make me feel like shutting down.
i have another 90 mons more to go before its home sweet home...oh God, save me!!!
Sunday, March 05, 2006
| My Boy Has A Girlfriend! |
my pup has a girlfriend! and she looks just like him!
the pictures below were a display of how my pup reacted in the face of temptation; and the narration would have been his exact words if he could speak. ha! alright, its purely my guess.
jie jie, why did you put me together with this girl???
(after her owner pushed her closer to my pup)
why are you coming closer and closer to me???
dun come any nearer huh? or i'll scream!
i mean it, any nearer and i'll jump!
ok fine. i won't jump but let's get this straight, i'll never fall for you and we can only be friends, ok?
(apparently hurt, she turns away and is real upset.)
(after awhile...both agrees)
alright alright, we'll be friends, but nothing more!
the pictures below were a display of how my pup reacted in the face of temptation; and the narration would have been his exact words if he could speak. ha! alright, its purely my guess.
jie jie, why did you put me together with this girl???
(after her owner pushed her closer to my pup)
why are you coming closer and closer to me???
dun come any nearer huh? or i'll scream!
i mean it, any nearer and i'll jump!
ok fine. i won't jump but let's get this straight, i'll never fall for you and we can only be friends, ok?
(apparently hurt, she turns away and is real upset.)
(after awhile...both agrees)
alright alright, we'll be friends, but nothing more!
Friday, March 03, 2006
| Nobody |
as far as i can remember, this was my favourite song. pretty old, but i love it to bits!
Nobody
Sylvia
Sittin' in a Restaurant
She walked By
I seemed to recall that certain look in your eye
I asked "who's that? "
You said with a smile"Oh it's Nobody....Nobody."
Well maybe that explains the last two weeks
You called me up, dead on your feet
Working late again, I asked who's with you
You say "Nobody.....Oh Nobody."
"Well your Nobody called today
She hung up when I asked her name
Well I wonder does she think she's being clever?
(clever.....ooh ooh)
You say Nobody's after you
The fact is what you say is true
But I can love you like Nobody can ......even better
Late last night we went for a ride
You were miles away I asked "who's on your mind?"
You said , "Nobody..Nobody. Why do you ask?"
Oh, Her again I could have told you that.
We came back home got ready for bed
I said to myself I've got one shot left
You're still mine and I won't stand in line
Behind Nobody....Oh Nobody!
Well your Nobody called today
She hung up when I asked her name
Well I wonder does she think she's being clever?
(clever.....ohh ohh)
You say Nobody's after you
The fact is what you say is true
But I can Love you like Nobody can.....even better.
Nobody
Sylvia
Sittin' in a Restaurant
She walked By
I seemed to recall that certain look in your eye
I asked "who's that? "
You said with a smile"Oh it's Nobody....Nobody."
Well maybe that explains the last two weeks
You called me up, dead on your feet
Working late again, I asked who's with you
You say "Nobody.....Oh Nobody."
"Well your Nobody called today
She hung up when I asked her name
Well I wonder does she think she's being clever?
(clever.....ooh ooh)
You say Nobody's after you
The fact is what you say is true
But I can love you like Nobody can ......even better
Late last night we went for a ride
You were miles away I asked "who's on your mind?"
You said , "Nobody..Nobody. Why do you ask?"
Oh, Her again I could have told you that.
We came back home got ready for bed
I said to myself I've got one shot left
You're still mine and I won't stand in line
Behind Nobody....Oh Nobody!
Well your Nobody called today
She hung up when I asked her name
Well I wonder does she think she's being clever?
(clever.....ohh ohh)
You say Nobody's after you
The fact is what you say is true
But I can Love you like Nobody can.....even better.
| Why i Blog? |
was blog surfing after my second post and realised there are some blogs which i haven't been to for an awfully long time, and one was actually already closed.
it so sad closing down blogs after years of attachment.
i went to my dear's second blog - theboyacrossthestreet@blogspot (the first have been deleted and his final and third one is the current simplejunctionbox@blogspot) i was feeling highly emotional because he mentioned in passing, that he might stop blogging for good and i wonder why.
say, do you think there will ever come a day where i might say i wanna stop blogging too and thus close this blog of mine?
yeah, perhaps there isn't a rationale behind blogging after all but i'm highly affected by these closure.
for me, blogging equates to writing a diary, except that i dun really write with my hands, rather i type it out and publish it, making it public for the world to read about the on-goings of my life. and every word i've typed on this blog so far would be an exact replica of a written diary, say if i were to have one. but for many others, its just a cool thing since its the 'in' thing and since everyone has it, so will they. especially for those in their teens.
maybe i should close my blog too since i can't find an answer to blogging except that, i actually enjoy ranting and raving and complaining and grumbling big time.
what am i talking about?
my sisters have asked me before too, why i keep an online journal? my answer was because i've always kept a diary but am too lazy to actually pen it down as i grew older. but why for the world to see especially since its suppose to be your deepest darkest secrets and thoughts? because of self-gratification was my answer. but that was also a question to myself.
i have no idea why i keep a blog. perhaps its really because of self-gratification?
i guess its because i'm a thinking person, and so is everyone else i know. but honestly, i think alot more than others and further too if i may add, that sometimes my dear thinks i'm crazy and paranoid. but i'm not. its just the way that i am - i think alot.
so when i think too much and these thoughts have no where else to go, they come here - on my web space. some are insane, some are silly, some are stupid and retarded, some are selfish and some are inspiring. some are anger, some are jealousy. i house all of these thoughts and feelings on my blog, giving pple a chance to get to know me, but am also giving them a chance to judge me and to put me down.
well, you gain some, you lose some. you can never have the best of both worlds can you? nah, highly impossible.
but i do think, if there ever comes a day where i'll have to say goodbye to this web space of mine, i'll probably cry like mad and be real upset about it because most of my life's happenings' were recorded down here, on this blog which happens to be the one and only eprincessdiary@blogspot.com
it so sad closing down blogs after years of attachment.
i went to my dear's second blog - theboyacrossthestreet@blogspot (the first have been deleted and his final and third one is the current simplejunctionbox@blogspot) i was feeling highly emotional because he mentioned in passing, that he might stop blogging for good and i wonder why.
say, do you think there will ever come a day where i might say i wanna stop blogging too and thus close this blog of mine?
yeah, perhaps there isn't a rationale behind blogging after all but i'm highly affected by these closure.
for me, blogging equates to writing a diary, except that i dun really write with my hands, rather i type it out and publish it, making it public for the world to read about the on-goings of my life. and every word i've typed on this blog so far would be an exact replica of a written diary, say if i were to have one. but for many others, its just a cool thing since its the 'in' thing and since everyone has it, so will they. especially for those in their teens.
maybe i should close my blog too since i can't find an answer to blogging except that, i actually enjoy ranting and raving and complaining and grumbling big time.
what am i talking about?
my sisters have asked me before too, why i keep an online journal? my answer was because i've always kept a diary but am too lazy to actually pen it down as i grew older. but why for the world to see especially since its suppose to be your deepest darkest secrets and thoughts? because of self-gratification was my answer. but that was also a question to myself.
i have no idea why i keep a blog. perhaps its really because of self-gratification?
i guess its because i'm a thinking person, and so is everyone else i know. but honestly, i think alot more than others and further too if i may add, that sometimes my dear thinks i'm crazy and paranoid. but i'm not. its just the way that i am - i think alot.
so when i think too much and these thoughts have no where else to go, they come here - on my web space. some are insane, some are silly, some are stupid and retarded, some are selfish and some are inspiring. some are anger, some are jealousy. i house all of these thoughts and feelings on my blog, giving pple a chance to get to know me, but am also giving them a chance to judge me and to put me down.
well, you gain some, you lose some. you can never have the best of both worlds can you? nah, highly impossible.
but i do think, if there ever comes a day where i'll have to say goodbye to this web space of mine, i'll probably cry like mad and be real upset about it because most of my life's happenings' were recorded down here, on this blog which happens to be the one and only eprincessdiary@blogspot.com
| zzzzzz |
i've been trying to refrain from surfing the web today but i couldn't help it in the end and succumbed to my IE. without my IE in my office desktop, i will die. i really would. its my only link to the outside world and 8 hours in here is torture.
its after lunch and i'm busy fighting with the zzz monster again. its extreme today. i feel i could doze off with my fingers still typing on the keyboard. maybe i ate too full or something. after lunch today, i was still hungry and i ta-bao fried rice back to eat. ate half a pack and i'm too full for the rest.
anyway, plan for tomorrow is out. will be heading down to eski bar in the night to drink and to chill. never been there though i read about it in the papers before. wonder how cold it really is...?
my dear wouldn't be with me tomorrow. he's my heater, my warmer.
he'll be somewhere else serving the nation. he'll only be back on sunday late afternoon like i mentioned. and this is going to carry on for a month. 4 weekends burnt. how painful.
its after lunch and i'm busy fighting with the zzz monster again. its extreme today. i feel i could doze off with my fingers still typing on the keyboard. maybe i ate too full or something. after lunch today, i was still hungry and i ta-bao fried rice back to eat. ate half a pack and i'm too full for the rest.
anyway, plan for tomorrow is out. will be heading down to eski bar in the night to drink and to chill. never been there though i read about it in the papers before. wonder how cold it really is...?
my dear wouldn't be with me tomorrow. he's my heater, my warmer.
he'll be somewhere else serving the nation. he'll only be back on sunday late afternoon like i mentioned. and this is going to carry on for a month. 4 weekends burnt. how painful.
| Down |
Let me rave about how bad i'm feeling right now.
it's the decisive force again. Always taking my boy away, on weekends!!! Why can't they let him go? it's been so long already, and he's also almost ORD-ing, I just dun see why they can't let him off.
Duty after duty after duty. How much longer do I have to put up with this? I understand his position, I understand their position, i'm just frustrated i can't get to be with him this weekend again. i'll only get to see him on Sunday afternoon, late afternoon that is, like when my weekends are almost over. And then the next weekend is the same. This sux. i have nothing more to look forward too anymore.
*sigh
and now I have no more motivation to work or to do anything else because i'm feeling so down.
Jesus said to look to Him for anything. He's talking to me. I should, and stop leaning on men.
it's the decisive force again. Always taking my boy away, on weekends!!! Why can't they let him go? it's been so long already, and he's also almost ORD-ing, I just dun see why they can't let him off.
Duty after duty after duty. How much longer do I have to put up with this? I understand his position, I understand their position, i'm just frustrated i can't get to be with him this weekend again. i'll only get to see him on Sunday afternoon, late afternoon that is, like when my weekends are almost over. And then the next weekend is the same. This sux. i have nothing more to look forward too anymore.
*sigh
and now I have no more motivation to work or to do anything else because i'm feeling so down.
Jesus said to look to Him for anything. He's talking to me. I should, and stop leaning on men.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
| Not Again |
*sigh
i really dunno wassup with me making so many blunders within days, oh and now i feel like a complete fool.
Date Movie will only be out next week, the sneak preview that is.
so, will go on as planned to watch Rumour Has It.
for some strange reasons, i can't link the movie page to my blog. whatever.
i really dunno wassup with me making so many blunders within days, oh and now i feel like a complete fool.
Date Movie will only be out next week, the sneak preview that is.
so, will go on as planned to watch Rumour Has It.
for some strange reasons, i can't link the movie page to my blog. whatever.
| Entertainment |
i've been wanting to blog about this for the longest time but it always slipped my mind when i'm writing.
the scarlet.
my first thought was: scary. with all the red stuff and all. but turns out otherwise, a pretty lil hotel.
actually chanced upon it on the papers during the v-day weekend and read that jay chou, my all-time idol stayed there before. which gives birth to my new set of wishlist which i hope can be somewhat fulfilled by the end of this year.
1. Couple Spa
2. Stay in the lavish Scarlet
3. go up to Mt Faber for a romantic al-fresco dinner alongside the lush greeneries.
4. Sky Dining? hmmm nah will just be contented to have my first cable car ride with you.
looking at the number of links i have on this post, already suggests how bo liao i am today. i have work to do but i dun feel like it coz boss ain't around, all the way till tuesday. *lolx
and after work, am gonna catch the sneaks for the Date Movie. actually i already saw the trailer, its damn funny! =p
the scarlet.
my first thought was: scary. with all the red stuff and all. but turns out otherwise, a pretty lil hotel.
actually chanced upon it on the papers during the v-day weekend and read that jay chou, my all-time idol stayed there before. which gives birth to my new set of wishlist which i hope can be somewhat fulfilled by the end of this year.
1. Couple Spa
2. Stay in the lavish Scarlet
3. go up to Mt Faber for a romantic al-fresco dinner alongside the lush greeneries.
4. Sky Dining? hmmm nah will just be contented to have my first cable car ride with you.
looking at the number of links i have on this post, already suggests how bo liao i am today. i have work to do but i dun feel like it coz boss ain't around, all the way till tuesday. *lolx
and after work, am gonna catch the sneaks for the Date Movie. actually i already saw the trailer, its damn funny! =p
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
| Prank Call |
i was busy fighting with the zzz monster today in the office. why? let me tell you why.
there has been this as**ole calling my number in the middle of the night for 2 nights consecutively. regardless of whether i'm a light sleeper or not, anybody would have been awakened.
so after i got up for work this morning, i called the number back and screwed the fella upside down.
prankster: hello
me: where's this place?
prankster: residence
me: why have you been calling my number for the last couple of nights?
prankster: (with lotsa erm.. and ar.. and oh... and hmmm..) maybe someone called wrongly
me: (yelling at the top of my lungs) for 2 nights in a row?! and in the middle of the night???!!! one more time i see your number on my mobile, i will call the police, you hear me? (and slams phone)
WTF man?
seriously.
like you think its fun. wait till i call the police and sues him for harrassment, see whether still fun or not.
piss off.
there has been this as**ole calling my number in the middle of the night for 2 nights consecutively. regardless of whether i'm a light sleeper or not, anybody would have been awakened.
so after i got up for work this morning, i called the number back and screwed the fella upside down.
prankster: hello
me: where's this place?
prankster: residence
me: why have you been calling my number for the last couple of nights?
prankster: (with lotsa erm.. and ar.. and oh... and hmmm..) maybe someone called wrongly
me: (yelling at the top of my lungs) for 2 nights in a row?! and in the middle of the night???!!! one more time i see your number on my mobile, i will call the police, you hear me? (and slams phone)
WTF man?
seriously.
like you think its fun. wait till i call the police and sues him for harrassment, see whether still fun or not.
piss off.
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