| Letting Go |

whenever i hear him say those two words, i'd be in a shock for 20 seconds before i regain consciousness again.

reckoned i had to write, its the only way of keeping my sanity.

things between us got worse, and it was so bad he had wanted to give up. he said those two words. its very 'ouch' coming from him.

he hardly says those two words, in face he hasn't except maybe this is his third time outta 5 years? he's got patience, more than me i must say, though we've got extremely similar characters.

maybe 18 was a bad age to start a relationship. maybe 18 was too young for us. maybe a couple shouldn't be still dating after 5 years, they should be already married and settled down, waiting for the birth of their new life and a whole lot of mess to come.

or maybe its just me.

it was a 3-hour long conversation, he at the other end of singapore, while i'm at home. the ultimatum came: one last chance for us both, for this relationship.

after so much nurturing and so much protection, this relationship is once again put up to the test. will it stand this time round? i have not the slightest clue. but its scary seeing your love hanging on a thin line.

i'm so scared.

what happened? we couldn't figure out what exactly went wrong, but we do know that we haven't stopped quarrelling for the past 10 days or so, and it has taken a toll on both our hearts.

i'm no longer angry at things i cannot change, i only feel pain and anguish now.

what will the verdict be?

sometimes i wonder how God can allow two souls to cross path, fall in love, share a life together for so long, and then bear to tear it apart. issit really His doing or issit the Devil?

will our union bring about powerful works to the Lord, that's why the Devil is trying so hard to break us apart?

so many obstacles, so many hurdles, when will all these strives ever end? its so tiring. i can see why there are so many pple out there who are willing to stay single than to have a partner.

if this really ends, will we ever have the courage to love again? i'm pretty sure i wouldn't. because i know, deep down inside, he's been the best to me, and nobody else could ever measure up to him.
and if this really ends, i hope he'll find someone better, because i know how well he deserves someone so much better than me.

try as hard as we may, i reckon we've tried hard enough to work things out. but for some strange reasons, this time round, it ain't working. so i'm leaving this in God's hands, and see what He deems fit.