| Surprise Surprise! |

♥ surprise!

in a short span of 2 months, i'd been so blessed to have received more surprises than i could actually bargain for at any one point of time in my life.

the fiancé, i must say, is getting better at planting surprises for me! *beams*

although the trip to Bali wasn't a surprise in itself, everything else that came along that 3D2N was - the photography that was experiential, and most importantly, the proposal in Bali *blushes*.

i mean seriously, what are the chances that i or anyone for that matter, would have the honour of being flown to an exotic island, be waited upon like a princess every step of the way, and then be swept away with a marraige proposal by the only guy i ever loved in my life?

answer: zero.

call the fiancé a hopeless romantic, but he sure did win me over effortlessly.

and even when he was away on a business trip in Shanghai, he bought Tiffany & Co's signature pendant (above pic) just before he left and hid it somewhere in my room, giving me extremely vague clues to work with.

haha but it was his entertainment for me. he had hoped that lil treasure hunt would take my mind off missing him but i have to say, that was an uphill task especially after close to a decade of constantly seeing him, i'll never get used to not seeing/hearing from him for more than a day.

only thing i don't understand is: how on earth did he manage to hide stuff so quietly in my room?

| when Man tries to play God... |

yesterday while i was on Facebook, i saw my friend 'liked' the Action for Singapore Dogs (ASD) page. out of curiosity, i clicked on it and 'liked' it too and started reading. slowly i got directed to their main website where i would spend the next hour reading and crying over some of the most heartwrenching fates these poor dogs suffered.

it wasn't an emotional and hasty decision that i made, rather, it was something i had always wanted to do - help these dogs.

read on and realised i could do my part in sponsoring them i.e. by pledging a monthly maintenance fee of $35. the money mainly helps to defray the high costs of (dog) living plus medication that some of them require etc.

and like the kids we will be sponsoring in Uganda and Sri Lanka under the Cornerstone Kids' Sponsorship Programme (believe the page has not been updated for 2011 yet), i will also be sponsoring 2 dogs here in Singapore under the ASD. best part is, we get to visit and play with them at Lim Chu Kang! in addition, i have also pledged to sponsor another child in Uganda under Seven Dresses too!

im so thrilled at these opportunities that are knocking on my door! not many people have the chance to help the people/animals that they want to and i am so thankful i am given both these chances.

for the Lord has so graciously blessed us in abundance, with no worry of food, shelter and safety here in Singapore, its time we step outta our comfort zone and start blessing others by contributing a little.

| Relationships |

what would it take for something to break?
what would it take for someone to be lost and never return?

people say when the hurt is done, no amount of regret will set things back again.
but don't we serve a Living God who makes miracles? then why does the impossible seem impossible when we know jolly well if we have faith the size of a mustard seed, it will be made possible?

my heart feels sad when i think about 3 individuals who very unfortunately, are involved in a love triangle...or so it seems.

you would think its silly for both girls to fall out because of the guy.
BUT they could have fallen out because of how one girl hurt the other girl unknowingly.

*sigh

-----------------

the fiancé is flying to Shanghai on monday for a work trip again and after the KL incident, it just spells trouble. am trying not to think about it and let nature take its course.

when will it be my turn though? to go overseas for a business trip? that will be the day, HA!

speaking of which, can i whine?

i miss being busy. as odd as it may sound, i wanna be flooded with work the minute i step into office at 9am, be swarmed by emails until lunch time, have lunch, and then be whisked away again by the amount of work that needs my expertise (which i may not know what that is now BUT im certain i'll find that out soon) until 5.30pm.

yeah, thats the kind of life i miss - being important.

i miss bitching around with someone regarding work.
i miss having email wars and typing mean emails to "shoot" the other person 'cause i know i'll always win HA.
i miss wearing smart corporate office wear to work.
i miss sitting in meetings and learning new stuff.
i miss LEARNING NEW IMPRESSIVE STUFF that will wow me.
i miss ignoring the fiancé and not calling him throughout the day because im so busy i don't have time for him so then it'll be HIS turn to miss me.
i even miss OT-ing sometimes.

*double sigh

maybe i should resign and find myself a job with better prospects and give up Seven Dresses or spend lesser time on it? not to say that this job doesn't have any prospects, its just that barely a year into this job and im beginning to wonder what my purpose is in here?

can it be solely for Seven Dresses?

or maybe i should really take up operations on top of my job scope to increase my value and time in here?

seeking God for an answer.

-----------------

a friend is upset with the fiancé for something he did playfully which unknowingly hurt him. though this friend has said that he's no longer upset with the fiancé, my guess is it'll be pretty hard to get him out for any gathering in future.

friendships are fragile. i've seen how because of something so trivia can end a friendship and distant two people for years. though forgiveness is the key here, who would have the magnanimity (and knowledge) to forgive when you are only 11yrs old? thats why i dont have much friends. in my childhood, i've hurt far too many precious people who do not wish to be my close friends anymore. and even if they are still friends with me, they are mostly superficial.

of all that i've hurt, i remember vividly the one closest friend i had in primary 5 whom i hurt so badly that she never spoke to me again - even when we went up to secondary school together. until now i still feel so bad i would tear when i think about it. we could have been the best-est friends ever...but that wasn't too be.

i see her on facebook now all happy, accomplished and married. i feel so happy for her. truly, from the bottom of my heart.

did i go off-topic? ahh still on friendship. so yes, i don't want the fiancé to lose a friend just like that because they could be so much more if the friendship remains. i hope things go well.

-----------------

have you ever heard of a sabbatical from cell group/church/God? i mean its strange isnt it? that anyone would want a break from God where He's obviously omnipotent and hence always with us?

totally unacceptable.

do we humans, even have the right to request that God be away from us for awhile? NO! its just crap.

-----------------

you know i have SO MUCH i wanna say! this is what happens when i stop blogging for awhile. TONS of things i need to shout out.

last evening we attended an Indian wedding in an Indian temple just across my office. it was the fiancé's old friend who was getting hitched. apart from the cultural experience, it must have been at least 3-4 years since they last saw this boy and maybe about a year or two with the other 2 friends whom attended as well. everyone changed and everyone is different now. but you could tell that he was so happy and touched to see 3 of his primary school friends turn up for his big day. so nice.

of these 2 friends whom i know as well, im sorta closer with one than the other. and in the midst of our conversation when he said there was no need to bring his girlfriend along, his reply was "you wanted to follow tz one what".

*speechless*

that caught me. i was apalled because that sentence seemed to have implied that i never gave the fiancé his freedom, that i would always wanna follow wherever he went. while that may be true to a certain extent, i do not shamelessly follow or insist that he brings me out for every function where i am not welcomed or allowed to be in. so let me get this straight once and for all - IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN, OUT OF HIS OWN HEART TO SHOW HIS GIRLFRIEND OFF TO THE WORLD THAT HE BROUGHT ME ALONG WHEREVER HE WENT. period.

the audacity of some people really amazes me sometimes.

and one more thing. we will only wed in the first half of 2012. not anytime sooner. if you would like to get married first, please, by all means. we will be very happy to bless you and your wife-to-be at your wedding. there's really no need to ask ME, ALONE when we are getting hitched the minute the fiancé walked away to get a drink.

???

maybe he didnt mean anything bad, but i just want to complain. so just live with it.

| Dear John |

Dear John was a movie i always wanted to watch. especially after reading The Notebook some time ago; they're from the same author by the way. and everytime we have our DVD marathons, the DVD shop would somehow always run outta this DVD for some strange reasons. glad we managed to rent the LAST one on monday.

watched a lil yesterday and i cant wait to finish the rest tonight because i hate being left hanging in the air.

since i couldn't contain my curiosity, i went to google on the ending (sucha spoiler i know) and found out that Savannah married someone else - the guy with the autistic boy in the end?!

major sadness. especially with a hunk like Channing Tatum. oops, the fiancé better not read this! HAHA

anyway, till tonight!

| Love, Redefined |

the fiancé finally called at 12.30am.

his excuse? his new N8 hung and died on him several times.

HAHA

and somehow it didn't occur to him to find another way to contact me.

*Ouch

ladies and gentlemen, may I present love, redefined - a fiancé's love
for his fiancée. guess that's how important i am to him.

so now I am trying to come to terms with love that had been redefined
by today's display.

it's hard but I'm going to have to try or I'll probably never find
love again.

why cry over spilled milk?
why hurt over something u chose to give up?
why grumble when u could have had it all but you lost focus halfway?

another chance?

nah.

| Contact-less |

the fiancé is away on a company retreat in KL. the last i heard of him was this morning at 9 odd.

his mobile is off, i can't find a number to call the hotel he's staying in, he's basically contactless and its not making me feel secure at all.

what would it take for him to just leave his mobile on while he is out shopping the whole day away?

empty promises again. i should have known.

| BALI Photography |

we had so much fun in Bali that i dunno where to begin! when i have the time, i will slowly blog about it. in the meantime, here are just 3 outta the 200 over pictures we took in 2 hours. enjoy!

♥ nah, this wasn't the actual proposal; we were just fooling around


♥ innocence


♥ you and i

| BALI - The Proposal |

Our Lil Secret

albeit 9.5 years together,
my heart unknowingly skipped a beat when he got down on one knee.

admist the Balinese night sky litted with the stars and the moon,
and frogs, cats and insects nearby serenading us,
dipped in our warm private pool - only him and me,
he looked at me with such tenderness,
one hand on my face and said "baby, baby";
i melted.

my heart thumped harder and louder,
i wonder if he could hear.
my face was flushed with redness,
at that time i only wanted to hide in his embrace.

and then he professed his love,
spontaneous, unscripted, unrehearsed.
"i love you so much" and

"i want to spend the rest of my life with you and God",
"will you be my wife?"

no fancy photograpers, no help from anyone,
just him and his down-to-earth sincerity -
the same reason why i first fell for him.

and just like that, i said yes.

there was no room for rejection;
he staged a perfectly romantic ambience;
it was simply overwhelming.

he did it; he made me fall in love with him all over again.
and though i am still a lil girl in many ways,
i promise to work hard to be his missus.

no longer a princess,
now i want to be the Queen of his heart.

| BALI - our couple time |

following the popular movie - Eat Pray Love, and the promotion by Garuda Indonesia for those in the travel industry - we are going to Bali this sunday for a 3D2N getaway cum birthday celebration for yours truly!

the fiancé said to leave everything to him; i just need to avail myself and get ready to enjoy quality time with him. :)

we'll be staying here

looks pretty good plus raving reviews on tripadvisor so they definitely up my expectations to a notch higher. hope i won't be terribly disappointed.

fun aside.

the coincidences couldn't have come at a better time. we really needed this break. so much have happened in the last 2 months that had us thinking very seriously on how to put our relationship back on track.

especially since our marriage prep course (MPC) which ended with a grand finale at a retreat in Pulai Springs Resort, JB; we've had the most heart-to-heart experience and talk with each other. we had to face our impending issues one-by-one, trashed 'em out so that from now till the big day, we would not be carrying too much "excess baggages" into our new life together. the class may have ended, but there's still alot to be done and we're working on it. albeit 9.5 years together, i suspect we had/have more problems than any of our couple-classmates in all of MPC's terms. after all, we're almost a decade old. ;p

so its just purely couple time for us this weekend.

BALI - let me fall in love with you all over again :)

| Australia |

the year that we graduated from TP, i should have gone to aussie with the big sista. she was gonna do her degree in UQ for 2 years, though it eventually got extended another year due to her remarkable results which saw her being offered the honour's programme.

so i started working in 2004, not expecting to work all the way and forfeit my last chance of being a full-time student.

i guess when we were young, being so madly in love was all there was to life. studies, marriage, the future - it all didnt seem to matter. looking back, it was a foolish decision to stay behind with the boyfriend, even though he promised we'll do our studies together in aussie after his NS.

he only fulfilled half of that promise.

2 years of NS came and went, we started on our studies together with Monash but financially, it had to be done locally. the boyfriend promised again and said we'll do our final year in melbourne. changes in our modules and the whole study structure meant that our study time of 2 years would be stretched and completed only after the 3rd year. though it was painful mugging schoolwork and working full-time, i still held on to that promise that we'll do our final year in aussie. final year also came and went and the last compromise - we'll go in our last semester. though that was said, i knew in my heart that aussie will never happen.

and so it never did. 3 times he promised, 3 times he failed to deliver. what would it take for a girl to give up completely? you tell me.

1.5 years ago, we finally graduated with Monash. it was suppose to be our grad trip but it never happened because of SARS. in the end, we went to Korea for the first time last christmas.

now, by God's grace, we are presented with another chance of aussie by way of a small sponsorship. it'll be a dream come true for me but i wonder if it'll really happen?

and so the story goes - Australia will always be this regret and pain that the boyfriend/fiancé so conveniently inflicted on me.

| Types |

the fiancé said there are 2 types of blogger in this world:

1) those that blog their innermost thoughts and feelings
2) those that blog only about superficial happy stuff

i belong to category 1.

yet i hate being in that category at the same time.
sick and tired of whinning and getting all teary and upset over things i have no control over.

its taken a toll on me and my life and especially my Seven Dresses. im sure people must be wondering what is up with the owner who can't seem to get a grip of herself on most days?! i don't deny the fact that i do feel extremely lifeless and tired...like everything that was said and done the past month was surreal.

maybe.

but ive witnessed the power of God in this whole situation. apart from fear gripping my heart and wisdom beginning to show, its also the constant pain and heartache that i feel - emotions that i will not possibly share with another human.

its really true that if God is for you, then nothing will be against you.
but if we use mere human strength and go against God's will, then you'll know ahead of you will be obstacles after obstacles.

so i choose to give up.
i relinquish this thought that was never meant to be.
and i'll make sure it will never happen even if its supposedly 'the time'.

let me be wilful the last time, and decide to remain status quo for now, forever.

| Dreams |

brokenness, shattered dreams,
can it be fixed back?
a regret, empty promises,
hurt lingers in the heart.
undeniable, undefiable,
never my will but Yours be done.
indignant, resenful,
it will never be mine.

There was a time when men were kind
When their voices were soft
And their words inviting
There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time
Then it all went wrong

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
And they turn your dream to shame

He slept a summer by my side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came

And still I dream he'll come to me
That we will live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.

- I Dreamed a Dream

p/s:

have disabled the annoymous commenting on eprincessdiary so all you annoynomous' out there can forget ever about commenting without a name from now on!

| Anticipation |

have you ever been in anticipation for something you do not have control over and all that waiting just kills you? that's me right now.

since last saturday, people around us have responded very negatively since they knew of our intention. until now, i still dunno what is so wrong with it that they had to react so strongly.

define readiness.

if we don't start doing something now, whatever we hope for and want for the future will never happen. we know this is true because that's our nature. moreover, our degree course has equipped and trained us very well in the module called LAST-MINUTE, so really, there's nothing to worry about.

*LOL

fine, maybe we should have dropped subtle hints here and there and not totally drop the bomb (but then again, we didn't drop anything on anyone!), but for them to REACT that way was really uncalled for.

guess only my pup would be happy for me.

♥ my majestic lil pup looking down at me

♥ his favorite past-time - lick lick!

| zZz |

can someone tell me how does forums work? i'm so sleepy and lost!

i've been tasked to read certain threads of the singaporebrides forum and i have no idea where or how to begin because there are like SO many topics, and within these topics are sub-topics and then threads? is that it? i'm really so lost right now and all the topics within topics and sub-topics within sub-sub-topics are making me SO sleepy! zZz

perfect weather.

anyway, some pictures i did outta boredom:

♥ botanic gardens

♥ DSLR quality-shots taken by my TX-5 (by the fiancé). come on, be amazed. HAHA

♥ lolo boy!

| Maybe I Never Knew |

*feels like i dunno you more and more

this phrase is currently on my FB wall and a friend quickly msn-ed me to check if i was ok. its people like these who warms you; makes you feel better. :)

its really nothing serious; just a random thought that maybe i never knew the fiancé as well as i thought i did.

is 9 years enough to know someone?

just yesterday on FB, he wished his pal's girlfriend/wife happy birthday without signing off as US since i know her too. and late last night on FB again, he posted pictures of a birthday celebration with his colleagues and was actually sitted next to a female colleague?!

that's not it.

what really affected me was the fact that he stayed up till 2am last night - with me in the room trying to sleep with my eye mask over and him furiously clicking his mouse and typing away - and all these while loading pictures of work?!

did he care about the fact that i was so shagged out after packing parcels - with no help from him at all if i may add - and that i'm a super light sleeper and the slightest sound or movement and it will disturb my sleep? NO!

that explains why i don't like his colleagues very much. most of them are females and are the sort that stay in the office till really late, and will call him on his mobile at 9-10pm to talk about work. they were also the same exact one(s) whom fell sick and refused to see a doctor and ended spreading the germs to him and then to me - imagine the close proximity they must have been in for the germs to even infect him? are these even normal work relationships or am i paranoid here??? do you see my male bosses and/or colleague calling me way after office hours talking about work or asking me if buying a cake for another female colleague is ok or not???!!!

i've had it.

either he learns how to draw a line between work and family or he can jolly well join them permanently as a SINGLE.

to the fiancé:
how many bad experiences do we need to witness before you learn how to behave yourself? already i am stressing out over many many things and you still look like you're good for more fun without me. i'm really disappointed.

| Abuse |

all month, i've been trying so hard to avoid reading details and seeing pictures of the poor pomeranian that got bashed to death.

i relented, saw, read and broke down.

i cannot believe how a drunkard can be blatantly bashing a small pup near a coffee shop with the onlookers just minding their own business. so typical of singaporeans! because it ain't human, its just a dog and therefore its allowed to be beaten to death? same for those SICK PEOPLE abusing stray cats! do you have any idea how small a pomeranian-type of dog is? they are quite tiny.

why must humans think they are King and abuse animals?

a life is a life no matter what and these people are answerable to God.

now, is there any other way of finding the culprit? i want to help so badly. what can i do? pledge money to try and help find the culprit? ok, maybe we'll pledge 50% of profits from Seven Dresses' LOVE Collections (13th and 14th) to help?

let me discuss with the fiancé first.

| NO? |

i don't feel like getting married anymore.

not that we had any concrete plans too anyway, but i just don't feel like it any time soon.

the big hoo-haa about weddings had always deterred me from wanting to get married, and even more so now with half the world i know getting hitched soon! i'm happy for them but i look at my own life and wonder, will i ever be mature enough to want to sit down with the fiancé to plan for the biggest event of our lives?

everyone has advised me or us to start reading wedding forums but i am so not a forum person. it gives me a headache. i think i'd prefer blogs. any wedding blogs to recommend anyone?

whatever the case is, i don't wanna get married anymore. can we stay this way forever?

i think i'm falling sick again; maybe that's why i'm feeling so tired about my blogshop and totally off for marriage. my head's been heavy since the time i woke up and i'd been feeling hot-cold-hot-cold, donning and taking off my jackets, sneezing and no appetite. damn, i CANNOT FALL SICK AGAIN! *screams*

anyway, some eye-candy for our 13th collection tonight:

♥ this blue denim polka dot frock really matches my wedges and my red rattan bag huh? hee ;p


♥ managed to find another supplier with the same exact piece execpt with a pinkier hue of pink and navy blue


♥ mad loves my picnic basket to bits! and she also wants to have this topshop-inspired frock heh ;p

| Tired |

i'm upset.

been so caught up with so many things ever since i-dunno-when and forgot to give myself some "ME" time.

despite the long weekend, i failed to accomplish anything.

can i blame the fiancé pls?

he has no idea what encompasses the launch of a new collection and i hate to say it but it is taking a toll on me! just let me take a break as and when i need to and when i'm recharged enough, i will do the necessary.

at this current moment, i am feeling so lost. give me some time to get my bearings right and we'll work from there.

don't think that's a terribly unreasonable request to make. i'm just tired and busy with many other things and if you could just let me slow down and breathe, i will be very grateful.

period.

| Hibernation Mode |

i'm in hibernation mode now.

the erratic weather just sent rain down and i'm all cuddled up in my coats and jackets, scarfs and poncho.

everyone is just minding their own business today and so am i.

can't wait for the day to end, i am so tired.

anyway so Collection 12 - Our Father's Faithfulness was launched yesterday and at the same time, the fiancé and i decided to give away the Coogi Face Mask which we bought from Korea early this year as a form of incentive to find out how our consumers and potential customers feel about Seven Dresses thus far. while this blogshop was set up entirely in obedience to God's calling, i would wanna make the best of it, personally :)

got desiree to help out for the shoot and shyness aside, i think this girl's got potential~

and don't ask me why i'm also in the shoot! ok fine, ask.

it was because our dear desiree was SUPER shy she was looking all tensed up in most of the initial shots and so i had to change into some of the clothes to accompany her, else we would never finish the shoot before the next appointment reaches the studio :/

yes i know i'm not exactly model-material even though i was a child model eons ago so pls, keep those harsh comments to yourself.

♥ this flora sundress is one of my personal favourites; fabulous cutting

♥ ooo this piece (and the black version) is exlcusive to Seven Dresses


♥ another one of my favorites - look how cute she is

♥ this is the fiancé's pick - something that guys would love their girls to wear?

| NEW |

just changed my blogskin and think it'll remain for a good few years HAHA. even blogger is now embracing the new CSS; welcome CSS, goodbye HTML. am still trying to figure out to how to centralise the bottom part of my blog though. perhaps another time when i'm not so sleepy ba.

and now, this is what i've been up to...

♥ stuffed squid

made dinner for the family yesterday and felt super unappreciated :(

it wasn't that the food wasn't delicious but i guess i wasn't exactly expecting that kinda response either.

nevertheless, the fiancé you know is super supportive and thinks the WORLD of whatever i cook to be delicious so i'm thankful for him ♥

right now, i just hope that the process of manufacturing our 2nd dress will not meet any more obstacles than it already has.

| Signs |

i forgot my office keys today. no i wasn't locked out; in fact i was the last to arrive :/

left my ez-link card in the box meant for a friend and ended up using coins and buying the single fare card; forgot my office keys; got an odd feeling that i may have also forgotten to switch off the lights before i left office yesterday too. are these signs of old-age?

its worrying when you see people around tying the knot and MORE people asking me when our big day is - a definite sign of old age.

maybe i've just been really really shagged out since returning from our trip though it was part R & R, part sourcing trip. we had pretty good finds BUT maybe its just another sign of old age that i'm constantly feeling t.i.r.e.d.

i wanna catch a movie or two and just nua the whole day in bed. can i?

but first, i need to finish these stuff up:

friday
1. pay up the studio money
2. cell @ the big sista's place (thank God its just across the street!)
3. ribbon-tying for our flea tomorrow

saturday
1. flea (12-8pm)

sunday
1. church
2. photoshoot
3. kite-flying?

i do lead a h.e.c.t.i.c life, don't i? *lolx*

anyway since all my stuff are locked up @ work, here's what i've done to waste the time away *tsk





oh look, its 4.08pm already!

| Russ |

think i'm calm enough to blog now since the news on saturday.

after seeking a second opinion, russ' heart murmur was confirmed by his usual attending vet on monday. its mainly due to old age, his bad temper, as well as the fact that he eats human food. Dr. Chua did not say how long russ can live but as long as russ is taking the long-term medication that Dr. Chua has put him under, he should be fine.

but now russ has to do a complete diet change; one that is low in sodium. he can't have his favorite milk, biscuits and stuff anymore. i hope he'll adapt well. the last few days when he was coughing, he did not have any appetite, it made us all so worried.

thank God he seems to be responding pretty well to the medication; we have to call Dr. Chua to report this to him today. his appetite also came back and his cough stopped. but he's still pretty tired and restless all the time and pico definitely cannot go near russ anymore because russ cannot afford to be agitated. he also can't go for long walks anymore because its too taxing on his lil heart.

russ will be 9 years old this national day. we'll celebrate earlier since we'll be away for the hols.

and i am still tearing as i'm typing this entry.

truth is, i can't take it!

i don't want russ to leave us so soon! i don't wanna come home just to see pico alone, i wanna be able to see russ too!

russ has been a big part in my life. he came the same year as the fiance came into my life in 2001. he was so tiny back then and we all grew to love him very much. i remember the very first time he set foot in our home, the three of us were lying on the floor and watching him curiously walking around us. shortly after, we smelled a fart and asked who did it and all three of us denied, next thing we knew, he poo-ed on the floor mat. he was real cute cos he contemplated for a long time and he wasn't sure where he could poo and because he was only paper-trained, he went to the nearest paper-looking thing to poo. what a smart boy! he's sucha dear in our hearts.

russ is God's gift to us, especially in a time where we needed stronger family ties - something or someone that could bond us closer as a family and russ came along.

even though he's grown to be so grumpy and bad tempered (it runs in the blood), he still loves us in his own special way.

and now if i may ask the Lord, the one thing is for russ to have a strong, healthy life. i don't want him to be in pain or to be upset in any way, i just want him to know how much all of us love him and will always always love him.

| Forever |

can i cry pls?

i don't wanna lose my baby boy so soon..he's not even 9 years old

and i was still hoping on sunday when i woke up that everything we heard at the vet was a bad dream.

can i keep my baby boy with me forever pls?

| Thinking |

i've been thinking.

i'm always thinking (and imagining) about everything and i think its innate.

i was doing so much thinking yesterday until it got me depressed to a point in time. what was i thinking about? many things.

we've settled the hotels for our trip and now its just left with researching on things to do. in fact, i'd be happy if we don't do anything during those 5 days and we just watch the world go by in my favorite part of the island - just you and i.

------------------------

i love daniel very much. it isn't something i just realised; its something i've always known. i love him to the extent of wanting a child with him that will look like the both of us - a little girl or boy that will carry a small part of him and me that is concrete evidence of our love. yes i think i would like that very much :)

everyone knows how i used to shun the idea of having a child but now i'm beginning to think otherwise. it'll be sweet :)

CLARIFICATION
yes, i'm still a virgin.
no, this coming trip is not and will not be a consummation of our love.
no, he hasn't proposed again.
no, we're not getting married anytime soon.

so just take this purely as a love story; OUR love story.

----------------------------

we're trapped.

we've got a design on hand and no factory that is willing to manufacture for us. apparently everyone's stopped taking in orders infinitely and i wonder if its got to do with what's going on in BKK. anyhow, we'll be meeting a supplier after work today and see if they'll be willing to take in our order in the meantime. *prays*

---------------------------

remember about the Inifinity Loop i mentioned about in my previous post? well its made me feel so small and insignificant that i burst out crying as soon as we left church last saturday.

i think i'm old enough to tell if someone is belittling us or if they are genuinely passionate about a cause. in any case, we should let God be the judge.

i'm not almighty; in fact even in terms of Bible knowledge/doctrines, i'm nowhere near those attending Sunday school. i'm insufficient in many ways, lacking in a lot of virtues as a Christian, but i know my cause and its very simple - open a blogshop to take back what rightfully belongs to the Lord i.e. money, and commit a portion to communities who have a need for it. and the reason for a blogshop is so that i can take care of it while i am still holding my full-time job because God is good, He didn't give me my day job for nothing you know.

and of course in the midst of that, i can expand myself to becoming a 'designer' of my own dresses, as well as use some of that marketing i've learnt through the books in actual practice here so i'll know i didn't major in marketing for nothing.

so while you are highly passionate about your cause, you need to know where other people are coming from. we all have our individual causes that God called us to do and if He dictates dresses, then who's to say pants? some may have the calling earlier, others (like me) later in life, so everyone's at different stages of fulfilling His purposes. if you're so up there right now doesn't mean i won't get there eventually. i will, but in any case, how fast or slow we get to the finishing point is also dictated by God so who has the right to belittle what we have done so far?

you may not mean it in a bad way; and if that's the case, take a different approach the next round. because i am beginning to understand why non-believers hate Christians so much. its because of bad eggs like YOU that spoil God's name!

and if you ever read this and want to apologise, DON'T.

i'm only blogging this out so i can have a happier day today.

| Happiness? |

just finished re-watching The Little Nonya on xinmsn and damn its a tear-jerker alright. *sobs

such rich culture and history lie beneath a minority, i dunno whether to be proud of or ashamed to be a quarter of a Nonya myself. some of the traditions in our family are different as compared to the Hokkiens and/or Teochews but i guess that's not the point i'm driving at.

what i'm trying to say is, why can't two people who love each other be together? its so sad and i'm feeling all-so-emo about the fact that the main characters, yueniang and chen xi did not end up together eventually. *sobs

though they supposedly moved on and are successful and happy in their own way, i can't help but wonder if that is true happiness?

and what is true happiness on earth?

| Let me RANT |

let me rant.

i'm sick and i'm in pain but i'm at work and i just want to rant.

stupid irresponsible people who are sick and refuse to stay home to recuperate, end up passing the germs to the fiance and then to me! i was just on MC 2 weeks ago for a cold that i caught outta nowhere and now this - stomach virus!

and i can't even stay home today even though i was given yesterday and today to rest because i have some stupid VIPs coming in at work today, i want to cry! i really want to cry! i am SO mad i could bite anything that irritates me today i tell you.

i'm hungry and yet i can't eat much cos anything i eat and i will LAU SAI big time, argh!

and when i posted something on his wall to indirectly scold his boss, he got angry with me. like pls, do i deserve to go down like that?

SHE NEEDS TO BE TOLD THAT IF SHE IS SICK, SHE SHOULD JOLLY WELL STAY HOME AND NOT COME TO WORK TO SPREAD GERMS, PERIOD!

| My Testament on Seven Dresses |

nat told us over lunch last sunday that he's volunteered on our behalves, to put Seven Dresses up for display at Infinite Loop - an intiative by CSCC to promote God-inspired projects in the marketplace.

wow.

that caught me off-guard for a few moments.

and now i'm required to write, sort of like a testimony on how Seven Dresses was born.

i tried putting my writing into good use yesterday but somehow it lacked the personal touch that i had hoped would bring across. and so i've decided what better place to pen this than in my own journal - like how i've been doing for the past 6 years :)

think i shared before, amidst my 678 posts on blogger, that eprincessdiary is like my personal letters to God, since i seem to be more expressive with written words anyway.

ok so here goes:

to me, Seven Dresses represents alot of things. it represents God's calling for me, His moulding process in me, a testament of God's grace and faithfulness to my pre-believing family whom i hope one day - soon enough - will also give their lives to Christ, as well as His way of helping me financially in the area of the next phase of my life - marriage.

it was at one sermon in March 2010 at CSCC - sister Karen Dunham - a missionary in Palestine spoke about “Launching” and taking back what rightfully belongs to the Lord that planted an idea within me. it was something that I’ve always wanted to do but never had the courage or capital to do so, and which i felt extremely compelled to make it happen this time round - opening a blogshop and channelling a portion of the earnings back to His' name. in this way, i could bring the Bible and even the Gospel to the marketplace and help poor starving children in Jericho be less hungry. it would feel like myself, personally being out there on the mission field - which had also been my dream since i knew Christ 15 years ago but never had the chance too.

as i think back on everything that had happened in the last couple of months, i am slowly coming into the realisation (after piecing everything up together) that the Lord has never left me, He's always been in my life, slowly but surely fulfilling the purpose He's had for me since i received my first prophesy from a preacher when i was 12:

"..that her studies are well..that she'll do great things..things that her mother would never expect and would be so proud of her for...that she'll soar on eagles' wings..."

this is all i could remember. the rest of the prophecy, which my sister later wrote out for me, went missing together with my other boxes of stuff when we shifted house in 1999.

and although i do not know what these great things are, and/or if Seven Dresses is part of these "great things", i'm convinced that success comes only from the Lord and He is faithful; He will finish the work He started out in us.

| Travel Bug |

been hit by the travel bug of late and have the strong urge to re-visit some old places (with unfinished business) and visit new places as well.

BUT it'll never be the only place i'll ever want to be in.

nevertheless, i am still thankful and count my lil blessings - at least i am leaving the country. God has been so wonderful and i've learnt that no matter what goes on in my life, His hand is always on it, in it and He leads as i allow Him to.

so the tics have been booked and we'll be away for the National Day hols. good riddance! ha!

remind me to write about PURPOSES tomorrow. till then.

| My Wants |

i've been dying to do the Great Ocean Road drive for the longest time now! when issit my turn?


i wanna go to Philip's Island and see the penguins too!

i hear they're real cute - like they'll wait for one another and never leave anyone behind *lolx*

i also wanna go up to the Blue Mountains which the big sista happily went without me!
tell me again - what are sisters for? :/


i've decided that i shall not wait for the fiance any longer and will just do this road trip on my own..once i've saved up enough that is :S

| Deadbuyers |

just a quick one before i knock off from work and rush off to another round of photoshoot tonight. *shag*

i'm very thankful and overwhelmed by the response of collection 6 - peace but at the same time, am so tired of all the deadbuyers. i mean, if you're not that interested then just refrain from commenting? thing is girls comment and confirm and yet back out. worse - they don't even reply to tell you they're no longer interested even when i send reminder emails! isn't that only basic courtesy? come on...

in the first place, i didn't even have to restock those 2 items but because so many girls were asking for it, and i know i'd feel bad if i didn't try to help to get some more stock, so in the end i relented and went to restock. :S

AND as it is, we unlike other blogshops are not blacklisting deadbuyers because we believe that everyone should be given a second or even third/fourth chance, just like how Jesus always give sinners like us so many second chances but pls don't take advantage can?

i'm so tired that i even have to resort to asking interested buyers to email me directly for the last pieces of that 2 items which i don't normally accept. *sigh

just be nice pls? ;(

| FAIL |

i screwed up JY's birthday dinner yesterday.

its been so many years since i last screwed up someone's birthday. i'm pretty good at that, i think. somehow, i am always the root of so much unhappiness and over the years, i am beginning to doubt my value of living on this earth and how i've shamed Jesus' name in being His child.

people are shallow; they always look at the surface of things. nobody cares about what really happened, the countless heartaches and disappointments that i've gone through. not like i would even bother explaining, but sometimes, i just wish that he would be a man and stand up to his own mistakes and say, "yes i was the one who upset her because i gave her empty promises time and time again".

throughout these 9 years, i wonder if he's ever fulfilled anything he ever promised me. i wonder also the worth of his words, and the reaction of people if they know that we are on the verge of a break up now? but then again, everyone who knows us, from NTUC where we met, to TP, Uni and work, are betting on 2 things:

1. our wedding
or
2. our break-up

either which, both are very highly anticipated events of the decade (pun intended).

even people whom we just know - my photographer and model for seven dresses, also commented that he always looks so pathetic when i'm scolding him or being mean to him.

???

i don't blame them cos they only just got to know us, but why is everyone's underlying first comments be "i'm the devil and he's the saint"? and just like that, he's won the hearts of everyone of our friends and even families.

no matter how much i cry and rant on my blog or in the toilet, no one will ever believe that i am the one always suffering. that's just life - unfair.

men will always fail you; but God is forever faithful.

Seven Dresses' virgin FLEA

haha, i just love the use of puns.


click on pic to find out more @ seven dresses lj

so we've been mad-rushing for this flea ever since we confirmed for it which was not too long ago; last week to be exact. and instead of 2 days, we're only gonna be there for 1 day because...i think i'm getting old and i need to REST. *lolx

its a LONG weekend after all, i can't possibly deprive myself of rest and some ME time right?

so anyway, we thought of the promotional mechanics and stuff in sucha short time and i hope it works? *cross fingers most importantly, kbox has got to have wifi or we're screwed BIG time. :/

i hope there'll be pple
i hope there'll be a crowd
i hope there'll be wifi at kbox
i hope they'll let us tap on their wifi if they really have
i hope i'll get to see some of my mailing list darlings who will come right up to me and tell me they are so-and-so
i hope we'll have fun nevertheless
i hope we'll learn to thank God and count our blessings no matter what

its only tomorrow; till then! :)

| Hana |

she's sucha doll, don't you think?

| Blogging |

i'm beginning to be convinced that some blogshop owners start a blog purely for the sake of advertising their blogshop. in a way its clever, but in another way, i find that tactic like gaining sympathy points.

whatever happened to blogging being for the love of writing?

well, maybe these girls just have all the friends and support whereas i have none. not even my fiance comes to my blog to check on my updates.

blah.

i shall just be content with writing and blogging which i have been doing so for the past 6 years (*gasps!) even though eprincessdiary is just a tiny space in the whole cyber world, where no one even knows of my existence or the existence of Seven Dresses. well, at least God does :)

| Silence & Trust |

today's reading in ODB moved me to tears.

in it wrote:

His (God's) silence is the sign that He is bringing you into a marvellous understanding of Himself - a greater run of His purposes

Wow.

with nothing going my way since my return from redang, this message came as a comfort to me.

~difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage~

following the 6-steps to building faith, i may be right to say that right now, we are in the 4th stage - difficulties. so i will continue looking to the Lord for He is Jehovah Jireh; He will provide.

yesterday, we celebrated our 9th anniversary @ his new workplace. i'm so happy and proud that he got into my dream company and/or workplace. the benefits and perks are limitless, wait till he gets his pass. hmpf!

| Not Okay |

the only thing that is keeping me from bursting out crying now is the fact that its our 9th anniversary today.

| Redang Redang! |

slightly more than 30 minutes to knock off time and i'm starting to feel the excitement slowly creeping back, ha!

and this is where we'll be staying. let's just hope the room does live up to its description on its website.

this short trip supposedly celebrates our 9th anniversary together, but we're not alone. we'll be accompanied by another 2 more of the fiance's childhood buds. romance + friendship spells FUN!

be back late on monday night! *muack*

White Christmas & New Year 2009/2010

Seoul Tower


Along Streets of Seoul

before i visit a new place, i told myself that i must upload the previous country's pictures first. look at my half uploaded HongKong Disneyland 2007...*sigh

so anyway, here are the long awaited pictures of our last Christmas in Korea, enjoy :)

Part I

Part II

Part III (Finale)

| Back! |

haha, promised i'd be BACK with more pictures! ;p i'm so lovin' my TX-5 *muack*

| 1 more week... |

its next friday...1 more week...

| Exercising Faith |

how does God build FAITH in us?

you know how we always talk about "having faith in God" but we don't actually know how to exercise that faith. so last week's sermon came very timely, especially what i'm going through in my personal life right now and i thought its only right to share :)

6 Ds of what happens from the time we are called to be His children.

1) DREAM

firstly, God plants a DREAM in our hearts and minds. He gives us that dream, a picture of what He wants to paint in our lives. This dream is usually impossible to reach (because if it were possible then it wouldn't be called a dream, DUH heh ;p).

2) DECISIONS

decisions - the most important part in the 6-steps process as our dream would usually cost some investment of time, money and energy on our part in order to pursue it. this is also the part where God wants to teach us to let go of the security and comfort zone of what we have known all along and to look only to Him for security. this is also where OBEDIENCE and WILLINGNESS comes in place.

"obedience is more costly than sacrifice"

what God wants to see is how obedient are we to His calling.

3) DELAY

after we have obediently done what the Lord has called us to do, step number three is the season of delay, dryness and drought. :/

this is the most trying time and i believe currently, Seven Dresses and myself are in this situation. and the funny part is, there are people around us that are prospering and somehow those people whom we thought were friends, are somehow supporting other blog/physical shops. and you can only wonder to yourself if this is the right path that the Lord has set out for us? YES without a doubt, it is!

this dry season is where most people lose the DREAM as it is a test of our faith. and this is the time where all the more, we have to look to God and shut our mouths in case we are whiney and complaining. easy to say but hard to do. i for one am guilty of that. :S and if we do open our mouths, it should only to be agreeing to the word of God because its only when we do so, that we are setting the thermostat of what will eventually happen.

"...if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." (Matthew 17:20)

this step is vital because God needs to take away the ugliness and to purify as well as beautify the DREAM that He gave us in the beginning; and this takes time.

4) DIFFICULTIES

things will still not be improving and in fact, MORE difficulties and obstacles will come our way and the only thing we should do is still to look to the Lord - very similar to what we should do in Step 3.

5) DEAD-END

in this context, the meaning of a dead-end means no U-turning, no going back and there is only 1 way left. where God's hidden treasures are found, things here will start to look slightly better.

"only God can turn cruxifiction into resurrection"

6) DELIVERANCE

once the Potter has moulded us into the clay that He wants us to become, painted the DREAM to what He had in mind right from the start, then things will finally begin to pick up. He will finally come to deliver us and that, my friends, is God's way of teaching us how to build faith.

"faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ" (Romans 10:17)

hope you learnt something here because i certainly did.

things sure ain't easy with Seven Dresses but ultimately, it is a test of faith. we know that as long as we stand firm with God, we can overcome this drought that we are facing now. Amen!

| TX-5 |

before i talk about the TX-5, can i tell you how much i am lovin' my new blog layout? haha!
simple and clean - my type of blogskin. hehe

so back to the TX-5, we are finally gonna get it after work today and i just cannot contain my joy and excitement of finally owning a camera that does not require us to stop breathing when taking night shots. ;p i have nothing against my old nikon, after all it did serve us well for the past 5 years i think. BUT fact is, its old and its gotta go and i'll definitely miss her!

and our purpose of getting the TX-5 now instead of any other time is because:
1) we're going REDANG ISLAND soon! (realised i haven't blogged about it yet *oops)
2) and to the ZOO as well for some Decisive Force thingy
3) and because i just want to..*lolx*

will be back with MORE pictures that will be super clear and sharp and pretty! *muack*

| Again |

a heavy stone that weighed down,
a careless word that hurt.
a shout that broke hearts,
i am the damned one again.

its tough, its hard,
waging a spiritual warfare.
the Holy Spirit diminishes,
and human nature takes over.

discipleship - the cost of carrying the cross,
not many could withstand.
the spirit is willing,
but the flesh is weak.

disappointed again,
discouraged again.
how to pick myself up?
i try to trust again.

Jesus oh Jesus,
only You know me,
only You see right through me,
only You understand me.

my tears are diamonds in Your sight,
only i mean that much to you.

my heart is in pain,
my eyes tear,
my lips start praying,
grant me self-control,
help me be more like You,
so that people may see You in me.

Amen.

| Sick |

i'm down with sore throat, fever, pounding headache, runny nose, body ache and cough AGAIN. this is the second time this year that i'm taking MC. if i continue to skip work tomorrow (wed), i would be left with 8 days of MC for the rest of 2010!

this is even worse than when i was studying part-time. *sigh

what is wrong with me?!

anyway, the time now is 12.57am and i am still debating if i am well enough to go work tomorrow or just skip it altogether? i went back to work in the morning today to process all our salaries which would be paid out this friday, and i was coughing and sneezing and blowing my nose NON-STOP. then i felt feverish and decided i HAD to go HOME and so i did and went to the doc AGAIN.

speaking of the doctor, pls let me complain.

i went to the clinic on monday morning and it was the lady doc on duty. she's a lil strange and she always seemed extremely UNSURE of what medicine to give. and i thought that since i was dying of a burning sore throat and runny nose, i'll just let her talk to herself. so she gave me 1 day MC. to be honest, its not that i'm so hard up for the MC, but if she had given me 2 days MC right from the start, she would have saved me LOADS of trouble having to go back another round today.

so i managed to rush down after work today and this time round, it was a male doc. i like him better. even though he's a young guy, he talks really SLOWLY. but at least he's more certain of himself - that i am positive. so he said that i caught the FLU BUG and i had to stay home to rest and not go round spreading the VIRUS to my colleagues which i totally agreed given my earlier experience in the morning. then he said i was RUNNING A TEMPERATURE i.e. FEVER. ah this was something NEW that the female doc FAILED to diagnose on monday. *major eyeroll* so finally he said another 2 MORE days of MC to STAY HOME AND REST.

and that was what i had been doing the whole day. thing is, i am feeling better. but i'm not so sure of the runny nose, sneezing and coughing part tomorrow. i really feel bad if i'd passed my virus to my colleagues, which by the way, happened before and even though my colleague and boss didn't say it that time, i knew that the WHOLE WORLD knew it was ME.

back to my earlier point, so should i go to work or should i stay home?

now before you start accusing me of faking MC, allow me to clarify that i am on this medication that is STRONGER but gives me INSOMNIA. :S

| Seven Dresses |

since monday night, i've had troubles falling asleep. this is very unlike me because being the pig that i literally am, i've never had such problems!

maybe i'm still convalescing from tummy flu that we were down with last weekend.

or maybe i've just been stressing out over my new blogshop which by the way is open. do visit http://sevendresses.livejournal.com/ to get yourself one dress for each day of the week and for a good cause! from now until our big day which we are targeting May 2012, we are pledging 20% of our profits to the missionary work that is going on at Cornerstone Community Church; while the remaining 80% will go to our wedding fund. :) after which, we hope to faithfully commit at least 50% of our profits to missionary work. so help to SPREAD the word yah? *winks

why Cornerstone? hmm because we had been very blessed by the services since day 1 we attended CSCC and with our lil efforts, we hope to do something for the Lord; to give something back to Him.

why a blogshop? hmm because i feel that its not without reason that i can't stop shopping online or in physical stores or have an eye for fashion and all things beautiful ;p and i figured there must be some way i can channel this passion or compulsive disorder into something useful and before i knew it, one sunday during the sermon by Karen Dunham, she talked about taking back what rightly belongs to God's people, specifically about Launching, i knew it then that it was God speaking to me.

you see. prior to that service, i had been corresponding with a supplier/wholesaler whom had gotten my email address from one of the bazaars where we participated under my other blogshop, Missy Hand Me Down (will talk more about that another time but you could also shop there ;D). and it was cool because she opened up the possibility of me owning a blogshop sellling first-hand clothes. however, with the capital that was needed to start and how business would be very slow in the beginning (which i hate to agree), i was very hesitant and procrastinated for quite a bit, almost to the point of giving up this idea completely. BUT it was that sermon which woke me up. i knew what i had to do, i knew what God has called me to do, i knew i had to launch and start this blogshop soon and credit it to His name. and instead of keeping all the profits to myself, why not give a portion to help others, for the extension of His kingdom? and so, that's how Seven Dresses was born.

| TGIF @ Hard Rock Cafe |

its been so long since i last posted something on my blog that has a poster which says it all. saves me loads of typing.

but isn't blogging the whole idea of typing out your thoughts and feelings? yup i don't deny it, i'm a walking contradiction.

its an unusually restless day for me at work today, and i wonder if its the pregnant-top i'm wearing that is making me feel ugly and therefore restless; or the fact that i stupidly forgot to print out the material my MD sent me days ago for our meeting this morning that made me feel dumb?

if its the former, then, fret not because i brought along a cardigan that thankfully, dresses pretty well with the rest of my outfit and thus i am saved by the cardigan!

but if its the latter (which i am pretty sure it is), then i only have myself to blame. already i am SSSOOOO free in this position that is killing me softly, and i can still screw up something so simple. well done!

i wonder what's next?

| Singapore Radio Awards 2010 |

help vote for the big sista here!!!

her name is lynette tan by the way, with Symphony 92.4FM. hehe ;p