| Re-evaluation |

perhaps its that time of the month again which is giving me depression right now, but i'd really like to pause for a moment and re-evaluate what i'd really want outta my life.

since i returned from brisbane till now, i'd been on the look-out for jobs, temps or perms. offers had been knocking on my door but there was none for me to even consider simply because they weren't my cup of tea. i'd given up jobs which were of interest to me before but aren't appealing anymore. there were those read-between-the-fine-lines details that i'd failed to see which gave me a horrible fright, and i'd vow never to consider those professions again.

i'm aware that i can truly take my time in searching for that one ideal purpose that we were all individually called to do, but sometimes its just the pressures of other contributing factors that hurries and frightens me. it isn't my loving fiance or my loving family, they have always been the most supportive people in my life. i suppose its myself giving myself pressure.

give myself a break gal, i'll be fine. =)

| Wild Wild Wet Tomorrow!!! |

ha! guess what? my deardear is gonna bring me to Wild Wild Wet tomorrow!!! *yay* i'm SO happie!

and yah, i know i haven't uploaded all my pictures in aussie, but i will soon. i'm waiting for my kor to upload it you see. *smilez*

*cheers* i'm gonna wild wild wet!!!

| A Prayer |

Hello God, I called tonight to talk a little while
I need a friend who'll listen to my anxiety and trial.
You see, I can't quite make it through a day just on my own...
I need your love to guide me, so I'll never feel alone.
I want to ask you please to keep my family safe and sound.
Come and fill their lives with confidence for whatever fate they're bound.
Give me faith, dear God, to face each hour throughout the day,
And not to worry over things I can't change in any way.
I thank you God for being home and listening to my call,
For giving me such good advice when I stumble and fall.
Your number, God, is the only one that answers every time.
I never get a busy signal, never had to pay a dime!
So thank you God, for listening to my troubles and my sorrow.
Good night God, I love You too, and I'll call again tomorrow!

| i'm home *groans* |

hi all, i'm home. i'm not exactly delirious that i'm back, which is why i'm only blogging today even though i touched down on late sunday night. i could feel the physical drain and i slept throughout monday and almost tuesday. ha! and my sweet present from my dear boy:



that's all for now. will blog later, when i have the mood. *shrugz*

| Kangaroos & Koala Bears |

for the record, i fed kangaroos today and carried a koala bear - a REAL koala bear. haha! so adorable! will upload all the pics when i get back to singapore. *groans*

aussie time: 21:24

| I'm Here! |

hey peeps, i'm here in aussie typing this entry, so its gonna be a real short one.

i'm in my sis' house now, using her laptop with a nice warm heater just by my side. i'm dying out in the winter here, and whenever possible, i try to hibernate. ha! i hate the cold, i can't take the cold, let alone winter, argh!!!
okok, i'm deviating again, as usual. *lolx*

just that i'm real happy here, and somehow, i dun wanna go back, i wanna stay here in aussie for good! alright dearie? hee :P

aussie time: 23:32

| i just wanna rant! |

i'm depressed. driving didn't go well today, forgot to mention just now, got screamed at a couple of times. i know it was partly my fault for stoning, but he didn't have to get so pissed at me. *argh*

and look at the time, i'm blogging AGAIn for the umpteenth time! get a grip girl! there's something wrong with me, definitely something wrong with me. my mood swings are way too much for me to handle, and my hormones are supposed to be stabilised? i'm going to aussie in a couple more days time but i'm not exactly delirious. well i was, but i dunno why i'm not anymore. oh just let me rant. that's what this blog is for, for me to rant, rant, rant!

reality is cruel.
life is unfair.
what else?

"you're as good as your last bet"

| Not Good |

today is thursday. was trying to start packing my luggage, but i caught sight of the little dress i'd bought for the dinner and dance, supposedly for this saturday. it looked so cute, i couldn't resist, so i tried it on. i guess i wouldn't get a chance to wear it there even though it was bought specially for that event.

regrets? yah a few. though i was happy to get outta there, i had some regrets too. like the love and doting i'd received, and whenever i made a mistake, they'd look at me with loving eyes telling me "its ok, don't do it again". oh how i miss them! why didn't i stay on to fight? i didn't because it wasn't in my nature. i didn't because my threshold level for that particular someone had reached maximum. i just couldn't stay on anymore. how can it be that i'm totally heartless? how can it be that i totally have no more feelings for that place and for most of the people there? impossible.

and turns out that i might not be able to go clubbing tomorrow because i'll be the "only girl" there with a bunch of guys?! that's what my dear said. i'm not exactly thrilled about it, but i guess if he won't let me, i can't go. *shrugz*

things don't seem to be going well. i'm getting all upset and teary and i dunno why. sometimes i just wanna run far far away from this place and never come back. can i?

| Holiday |

1. my parents are driving into johor later just to have dinner with yours truly.
2. tomorrow i'll be lunching with this lady i'd worked with before (she's buying me lunch! *hee*)
3. and on friday, we're going clubbing at club momo, haha! its gonna be my first time there, i wonder if the place is good? oh heck it, whatever the case is, its gonna be fun!
4. oh and saturday is still pending.
5. and on sunday, its church in the morning, and my flight in the night.

wahahahaha i'm so happy happy happy cos its gonna be so fun fun fun!!! *bleahz*

| To Pat |

its been a pretty long time since i really blogged about anything, and this post is actually for pat girlie, who had some questions with regards to religion, or rather, Christianity. i figured if i had to tag all these down, it would take forever, so i thought i'd just do a post.
i may be in no position to preach or even to teach, but i'll just be sharing with you what i know.

if i remembered correctly, the question or comment was something like an earthly priest sharing one of his church member's sins to the congregation, and somehow, it just didn't seem right. yah i guess, no matter what, that was unethical.

i guess alot of people would have already known what some of the differences between roman catholics and protestant christians are. one of which is that the former believes Mother Mary, somehow managed to attain immortality after Jesus was reunited with the Father in heaven; whereas protestant christians, believe that, no, Mother Mary is only human, she was Mother of God, but there's no where in the Bible that says she's Jesus' equivalent. coming to the Bible, of course, there are only 66 books in the Bible, and all of God's word is "God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness" (2 Timothy 3:16; 2 Peter 1:21). the catholic bible has more than that, probably another 4-5 more books.

that aside, catholics also practice confessing their sins to an earthly priest in that wooden box thingy where they are seperated by a partition thingy and some curtains. i dunno if catholics know that or not but there is only One High Priest, only One Mediator who will intercede for them on Judgement day, and that High Priest is Jesus Himself, not some human priests. (1 Timothy 2:5-6) God never said to confess our sins to men, God said to confess our sins to Him alone, because only He has the power to forgive our sins, no matter what they may be. (Psalms 32:5; Isaiah 55:7). and i'd like to add that, after we confess our sins, "He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us of all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9), which means to say, God will no longer judge us. and if God doesn't judge us, i dun see why earthly priests should.

so there you have it. hope this helped clear some of your doubts. =)

| Thank You |

| intended |

i was going to blog.......BUT my dear's outta the shower, so i gotta fly! ciao!

| Sentosa |

the sun, the sand, and the sea. that's where i was yesterday! an afternoon of sun-basking, gossipping, sleeping, water therapy, aahhhh total relaxation for the mind, body and soul!
hey dearie, when's your turn to take your baby there huh?? i wanna go sentosa AGAIN, quick quick take me there soon!!! *laughz*


::haha bikini babes!!!::


::i kinda like this collage, hee::


::ok, i think i've got a round face, *lolx*::

i came home yesterday, and after awhile, my head was spinning, my nose was running, and my forehead was burning. i fell sick again! *pouts*

| Goodbye |

effectively, yesterday was my last day at work. many people whom know me personally would actually support my decision and cheer me on. to these people, my deepest thanks.

it was abrupt, but i guess i saw it coming. if she had been able to just shut her mouth and not talk so much, everything would have been fine and i would probably be able to work on perhaps till next year. but that was not to be.

open confrontation was what happened.
she initiated it.

maybe you thought it was cool, but let me tell you, it was immature and childish. you are too young to handle anything, you CANNOT handle things. you made things so ugly, and conveniently gave me a chance to leave, so i took it. why not? i got nothing to lose. except that all the shit will be on you i guess.
and isn't the whole idea of your confrontation for me to leave?
or did you stupidly think it would clear things up?
if you really thought was the latter,
then you're really dumb.
i know you'll be reading this,
my whole office will probably be reading this,
but heck it, i dun give a damn anymore.
i'm outta that place,
i dun have to give you face.

you were never my friend,
you never gave me a reason to trust you.
from the way i saw it,
you were trying too hard to sow discord.
doesn't matter how hard you try to defend yourself,
i am entitled to my thoughts, my views, my perception.
you do not have a say in whatever i think about you,
got it?

the vibes i had about you right from the start was undeniably much.
i never understood what 'body chemistry' meant,
but now i do.

like i said,
i hope you're happy.
cos i am.
i've never been happier leaving that place.
not that the place is bad,
but because you were there, you made it suck.

do yourself a favor,
after this post,
do not ever come to my blog again.
you're NOT welcome here.
i dun want you to know anything about my life,
cos you're not part of it.
one thing i'll assure you,
i'll be alot better off than you like how i've always been, and also in the future.
and i want you to know,
after this post, i will forget you and how you look like,
and never think of you again.
it'll be as though you never came into my life.

to [insert name]:
you've been a great friend, really.
i'm very thankful to have you right from the start, along the way, and even to the end.
you've been a great help to me too,
and i appreciate your every gesture.
remember how i told you i would get over you?
i finally did it. and i had wanted to tell you the good news, but never had the chance.
you said if i ever did it, you'd want to know how.
its very easy, it was just a matter of making up your mind. like i made my decision, and i've never been happier. you always wished me happiness, and said to be happy no matter what i did. you made me realise that my happiness is being with daniel, not you. thank you for showing me that. to me, you'll always be that angel guarding me. thank you. i found my true happiness. i hope you'll find yours too. i'll just miss those car rides home, haha!

to bosses:
you guys have been great. working with you guys for the past one year was good, really good, until nicole left, and she came along. i guess the turning point was when the one interviewee i detested big time was your best choice. i tried my best to accomodate, i tried to teach her everything her mind could possibly absorb. but she wasn't such a fantastic student, in addition, her dishonesty made her credibility highly questionable. with regards to her, i have nothing else to say.
just that i'm sorrie i couldn't carry on helping you guys out. i would have carried on if she hadn't created such a scene yesterday. i reckon my departure would give everybody less tension, and perhaps a more peaceful working environment.
i want you guys to know that, i've given you my best in that one year. i hope that was enough. i wish you guys well, and i wish you guys success in your future endeavours. :)

and so, this ends another chapter of my life.

after getting off these off my chest, i can finally sleep. *yawnz*

| Freedom of Speech |

where is freedom of speech? there's no liberty anymore, there's no discretion anymore. everything seems to be controlled, everything seems to be watched.

[insert name] mentioned that the purpose of a blog means everyone has a right to read what i pen, and to search the web for that matter. i agree. but what if i dun welcome certain people? or should i say, if people would be offended after reading, then what's the point of bookmarking my blog? another way of putting it would be, blogging entitles people to judge me. being the ever sinful-natured humans are, whatever i write, my feelings, emotions etc would be judged and used against me assuming i get myself into a very precarious and delicate situation. wouldn't be very fair to me isn't it?

therefore i've concluded. if people are gonna take my honesty and turn it against as my weakness, so be it. ethically it'll be wrong. but if that's what it takes for you to get rid of me and/or perhaps put me down, you are so wrong. i'm telling you now, that will never happen. i'll make sure it doesn't happen, i'm alot stronger than you think. you'll be surprised.

in short, blogging on this web space of mine is my prerogative! period.