| FAIL |

i screwed up JY's birthday dinner yesterday.

its been so many years since i last screwed up someone's birthday. i'm pretty good at that, i think. somehow, i am always the root of so much unhappiness and over the years, i am beginning to doubt my value of living on this earth and how i've shamed Jesus' name in being His child.

people are shallow; they always look at the surface of things. nobody cares about what really happened, the countless heartaches and disappointments that i've gone through. not like i would even bother explaining, but sometimes, i just wish that he would be a man and stand up to his own mistakes and say, "yes i was the one who upset her because i gave her empty promises time and time again".

throughout these 9 years, i wonder if he's ever fulfilled anything he ever promised me. i wonder also the worth of his words, and the reaction of people if they know that we are on the verge of a break up now? but then again, everyone who knows us, from NTUC where we met, to TP, Uni and work, are betting on 2 things:

1. our wedding
or
2. our break-up

either which, both are very highly anticipated events of the decade (pun intended).

even people whom we just know - my photographer and model for seven dresses, also commented that he always looks so pathetic when i'm scolding him or being mean to him.

???

i don't blame them cos they only just got to know us, but why is everyone's underlying first comments be "i'm the devil and he's the saint"? and just like that, he's won the hearts of everyone of our friends and even families.

no matter how much i cry and rant on my blog or in the toilet, no one will ever believe that i am the one always suffering. that's just life - unfair.

men will always fail you; but God is forever faithful.