| Relationships |

what would it take for something to break?
what would it take for someone to be lost and never return?

people say when the hurt is done, no amount of regret will set things back again.
but don't we serve a Living God who makes miracles? then why does the impossible seem impossible when we know jolly well if we have faith the size of a mustard seed, it will be made possible?

my heart feels sad when i think about 3 individuals who very unfortunately, are involved in a love triangle...or so it seems.

you would think its silly for both girls to fall out because of the guy.
BUT they could have fallen out because of how one girl hurt the other girl unknowingly.

*sigh

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the fiancé is flying to Shanghai on monday for a work trip again and after the KL incident, it just spells trouble. am trying not to think about it and let nature take its course.

when will it be my turn though? to go overseas for a business trip? that will be the day, HA!

speaking of which, can i whine?

i miss being busy. as odd as it may sound, i wanna be flooded with work the minute i step into office at 9am, be swarmed by emails until lunch time, have lunch, and then be whisked away again by the amount of work that needs my expertise (which i may not know what that is now BUT im certain i'll find that out soon) until 5.30pm.

yeah, thats the kind of life i miss - being important.

i miss bitching around with someone regarding work.
i miss having email wars and typing mean emails to "shoot" the other person 'cause i know i'll always win HA.
i miss wearing smart corporate office wear to work.
i miss sitting in meetings and learning new stuff.
i miss LEARNING NEW IMPRESSIVE STUFF that will wow me.
i miss ignoring the fiancé and not calling him throughout the day because im so busy i don't have time for him so then it'll be HIS turn to miss me.
i even miss OT-ing sometimes.

*double sigh

maybe i should resign and find myself a job with better prospects and give up Seven Dresses or spend lesser time on it? not to say that this job doesn't have any prospects, its just that barely a year into this job and im beginning to wonder what my purpose is in here?

can it be solely for Seven Dresses?

or maybe i should really take up operations on top of my job scope to increase my value and time in here?

seeking God for an answer.

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a friend is upset with the fiancé for something he did playfully which unknowingly hurt him. though this friend has said that he's no longer upset with the fiancé, my guess is it'll be pretty hard to get him out for any gathering in future.

friendships are fragile. i've seen how because of something so trivia can end a friendship and distant two people for years. though forgiveness is the key here, who would have the magnanimity (and knowledge) to forgive when you are only 11yrs old? thats why i dont have much friends. in my childhood, i've hurt far too many precious people who do not wish to be my close friends anymore. and even if they are still friends with me, they are mostly superficial.

of all that i've hurt, i remember vividly the one closest friend i had in primary 5 whom i hurt so badly that she never spoke to me again - even when we went up to secondary school together. until now i still feel so bad i would tear when i think about it. we could have been the best-est friends ever...but that wasn't too be.

i see her on facebook now all happy, accomplished and married. i feel so happy for her. truly, from the bottom of my heart.

did i go off-topic? ahh still on friendship. so yes, i don't want the fiancé to lose a friend just like that because they could be so much more if the friendship remains. i hope things go well.

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have you ever heard of a sabbatical from cell group/church/God? i mean its strange isnt it? that anyone would want a break from God where He's obviously omnipotent and hence always with us?

totally unacceptable.

do we humans, even have the right to request that God be away from us for awhile? NO! its just crap.

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you know i have SO MUCH i wanna say! this is what happens when i stop blogging for awhile. TONS of things i need to shout out.

last evening we attended an Indian wedding in an Indian temple just across my office. it was the fiancé's old friend who was getting hitched. apart from the cultural experience, it must have been at least 3-4 years since they last saw this boy and maybe about a year or two with the other 2 friends whom attended as well. everyone changed and everyone is different now. but you could tell that he was so happy and touched to see 3 of his primary school friends turn up for his big day. so nice.

of these 2 friends whom i know as well, im sorta closer with one than the other. and in the midst of our conversation when he said there was no need to bring his girlfriend along, his reply was "you wanted to follow tz one what".

*speechless*

that caught me. i was apalled because that sentence seemed to have implied that i never gave the fiancé his freedom, that i would always wanna follow wherever he went. while that may be true to a certain extent, i do not shamelessly follow or insist that he brings me out for every function where i am not welcomed or allowed to be in. so let me get this straight once and for all - IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN, OUT OF HIS OWN HEART TO SHOW HIS GIRLFRIEND OFF TO THE WORLD THAT HE BROUGHT ME ALONG WHEREVER HE WENT. period.

the audacity of some people really amazes me sometimes.

and one more thing. we will only wed in the first half of 2012. not anytime sooner. if you would like to get married first, please, by all means. we will be very happy to bless you and your wife-to-be at your wedding. there's really no need to ask ME, ALONE when we are getting hitched the minute the fiancé walked away to get a drink.

???

maybe he didnt mean anything bad, but i just want to complain. so just live with it.