| Recent Movies |

the two recent movies which i caught within the last two weeks. both were not bad, though i prefer Mr and Mrs Smith to A Lot Like Love.

Mr & Mrs Smith
Angelina Jolie is gorgeous, as usual. she looked really good in almost every scene and she always had that very sexy and sensual kissable lips which would make all men go weak on their knees. oh and not to mention her, ahem, figure. Brad Pitt was equally gorgeous, if not more, why? because i am a girl, not a guy. ha! despite his age, he's still as charming as ever. *faints*
those who haven't caught it yet, MUST!

A Lot Like Love
i guess i have slightly more stuff to write about this movie. the plot was good but it was rather dry at certain points in time and being the sneaks at midnight, i had a hard time catching up.
the morale of the story: you'll get a second chance in life. then it occured to me, would life really give you a second chance? highly impossible isn't it? does everyone get two tries or more in life? i wish it would happen to me. *shrugz*

| Classmate |

he was the guy who was my next-door neighbour during our 6-months attachment.
he was the guy who always helped me open the freaking heavy metal door shutters in the morning.
he was the guy who wrote mushy shakespeare poems.
he was the guy i met 2 weeks ago at mambo.
he's the guy who lives near me.
and he was one of my classmates whom i met up with on saturday night. :)

| Enough |

i'm appalled. i abhor some acts of indecency. not the past, but present. dunno what i'm talking about? good, let's keep it this way. i'm mad, boy am i fuming!!!!!!!!!!!!! tell me again, why am i still here? i've had it. enough is enough!

| Absolution? |

the last i saw of him was two nights ago.
two nights ago, i confessed to him.
i lied again.
my heart was in turmoil,
his heart was in pain.

maybe its a sign our time is up?
even if we make it through this period,
can i guarantee there will be none of this anymore?

i am skeptical of myself.
"the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak".
when will there be an absolution to this?
oh God...

| Hypocrisy |

i'm surprised at the sheer hypocrisy that is happening right under my nose, right smack in my face. oh god, save me! i wanna leave this place this very instant!

looking into their eyes,
i feel cold.
the words that they say,
i feel weary.
i dunno when the truth is spoken,
i dunno how many times i've been stabbed in the back,
all i know is that i can't wait to leave this place.

i treated all of them with sincerity,
and this is the shit that i got.
WTF?
never pays to be kind?
yah i guess.
and please, just leave me alone,
get outta my life!

| Emotions |

i'm totally disgusted with myself. i hate myself for being so easily swayed by influences. think i'll be better off alone, so nobody can hurt me, and i won't have to hurt anyone.

i've lost control, i never had it right from the start. if i had practiced a little prudence, i wouldn't be caught in a mess i'm in right now. feel like digging a hole and hiding myself. but i cannot. since i created such a mess, i must be brave enough to face it and fight it nevertheless.

liking someone isn't wrong, just that its wrong when i am attached, and engaged nonetheless, and still i have feelings developing outta something totally platonic. i seemed to have lost all my sense and reasoning. and thus, this action itself is wrong.

knowing how damn well i should avoid [insert name] but didn't, somewhere, sub-consciously, i wanted something to happen with him. though thinking about it now sends shiver down my spine.

i thought i was strong. i give most people this wrong impression. i'm not that strong as i look, i'm not that tough as i seem to be. so please don't misjudge me. i may be confident of myself, i was confident of myself, so sure i would be able to get him to reciprocate, ha but guess what? reality check - NO [insert name] never did.

the most frustrating thing of all is that, people would actually give you "kind" advices on how you should "follow your heart" and all those crap, leaving you to think that, hey perhaps [insert name] does have a lil something for me? reality check again - NO [insert name] never did.

all along, i'd seen it coming. i knew nothing was gonna work out, but still the curiosity in me never failed to get the better of me, and hence, this mess.

i had hurt the one person whom loved me with all his heart. i had put my 4-year relationship into jeopardy, and i almost screwed my future happiness because of my folly. we're currently in the midst of a cool-off period. i don't exactly know how that works or how long it will take, just that i know i need to collect myself back from the many scattered pieces, and my dear has promised to give me time.

and now i finally understand this: Love is a Decision, Love is a Commitment. my big sis had been trying to teach me the meaning of this 2 sentences, and now i am slowly able to grasp the meaning of it. you don't just run away or look for the easiest way out when feelings fade, or when the passion is gone. the crux of Love is when you try to work the differences out, and when you try to make alive the passion that had died, or re-create passion. its a constant process. no doubt being with a person after a long time would turn monotonous, that's when you try to excite things around you.

i'm aware blogging this entry would entitle the entire world to judge me, so be it. its tough keeping it to myself anyway.

dearie, i'm sorrie i lied. i was out with [insert name] last night and for the first time in ages, i was happy. i can't figure out why i would feel that way for [insert name], it isn't right i know. and even if i left you, it would never be possible for [insert name] and me. it was happiness at the expense of you. i've made up my mind, i've decided i will get him outta my mind, and outta my life. thank you for giving me time to myself.

[insert name], i think you know who you are and i hope you read this. i wanna tell you that though it was my fault for falling for you and even harboring thoughts about being with you. as of this moment, i have made up my mind that you are just a passer-by in my life, that we were never meant to be even if you were to open your heart to me. i said this to you before, and i will say this to you the last time, i WILL get over you. you will no longer mean that much to me. i hope you will be able to find the girl you've been hoping and wishing for. i wish you happiness.

thus, this closes another chapter of my life.

| Dress |

as usual, i wanna write, i wanna rant, but when i see the blogger screen, i'm lost for words. i had no time in the office to blog today, not because i was busy. it didn't seem so busy today, just that i can't figure out why i didn't find any time to do so.

my life is getting mundane! *argh*

there's this dinner & dance that we - my company - are invited to this saturday at York Hotel. ain't that grand or glam but yah we're expected to turn up, i wonder why. sounds kinda lame to me if you ask me. the theme? bollywood & hollywood, on the invitation card clearly states : please dress to the theme. *blank* ok, like what vague theme is that? for a start, who on a friday night, after work, would actually bother to dress up and attend this D&D? i definitely will not. but i guess that's beside the point. point is, we're going, but have no idea what to wear. don't wanna dress to the nines and be laughed at for OVER-dressing. dress down, and we might also be mocked at. WTH? what is average?

oh got a black dress from Daniel Yam on sunday. its pretty! had wanted to wear it for this friday's D&D but i guess that would be a lil exaggerated. so am keeping it for my company's own D&D come mid-july and for my friend's wedding next week. i'm sure it'll come in handy somehow.

| Pre-Syndromes |

i absolutely hate this time of the month, especially when its the pre-syndromes. *sigh* simply kills me. my appetite gets uncontrollably bigger and bigger, and so will my tummy (but thank the Lord it flattens back after i am done with the week). i get terrible migraine where i feel like the sharpest thing ever driven into my head. i feel moody and i complain alot. i get extremely fiesty and fed up at the slightest notion. i crave for the weirdest food like super spicy tom yam soup, bbq stingray and sotong, and maybe chilli crab? *argh* i get occassional cramps here and there, my spine is achy and i feel lethargic everywhere in my body. what is wrong with me?! why can't it just bludder hell come and let me be done with it?
i have a friend's baby's full month party to attend tomorrow after work, and i dun really wanna go for some reasons i'd prefer to keep private. i'd like to go, but if i bleed tomorrow, i'm gonna be in such great pain that would just end my life. oh..i'm so groany and so moany and it's not like i can help it coz if i could, i would, really.

oh and did i mention how busy i've been the entire day? while some pple just sit there on their fat ass and msn, surf the net and chat all day long? its annoying and frustrating. i wish there were some stuff she could do, after all, she's suppose to be here helping me isn't it? well but guess what? she's NOT! and honestly, tell me what is she here for? to beautify the place? oh please dun make me laugh. *lolx* okok, now i'm mean and hurtful. i shall shut up here. *zlitch*

| *argh* |

this person just pissed me off BIG time!!! i wonder why he gets especially defensive whenever there's a brief mention of a mutual friend. *argh* i feel like killing him, and strangling him and slapping his face!!! and he's the first guy in my entire being as a girl to say i'm rude because i slammed the phone down on him, *argh* like he's so sissy!!!

anger turned into disappointment. i thought he knew me, i thought he understood me given the amount of time we've actually been together, but i was SO wrong! why would i want a friend like him? why would i want a friend who doesn't understand me, and trust me for that matter? *argh*
i HATE you to the core and i have NOTHING else to say to you, JERK!

| Better |

ok, so i'm feeling better now and i think i would be free to blog till i drop until i end work today. ha!

so my current template is disgusting right? so unlike me, yours truly right? yah i totally agree man! which is why, after i am done with this post, i will continue my quest for a new blogskin. though i wish i had more time to myself to design and create one that i can call my own.

*sigh* my lady boss took off for home, she looked terrible. she's down with food poisoning. my sympathies to her. and the other colleague of mine, well, some problems with her and her boyfriend i reckon. i dunno, she came in about 2 hours late today, and is going off another 2 hours earlier, all in all? half day leave i figure. which leaves me here, alone, and having to face the fate of leaving even later than expected because some aunties are just so super "gan chiong" about their collagen drink, which by way, are also distributed by my company apart from Fancl. though i must say, i think ours are better. *heh*

and about the weekend that just ended, well, there was a lil pup that dropped by my dear's house. his owners were outta town for pleasure and left their pup with their care for 3 days. he may look cute and be the absolute darling you'll want to cuddle, but trust me, this pup's gotta a fiesty lil temper that you dun wanna go near when he starts to growl. *lolx*

::*aawww* dun you just wish you could cuddle him?::

please do check out his extremely fierce video on my dear's new blog. oh yah, i realised i didn't mention anything about deardear's new blog. he started writing again and oh, i'm SO glad. really. *smilez*

| Moody |

i'm not in a good mood today, or rather, i got no mood to do anything, or to talk to anybody. i'm just feeling moody because i'm starting to PMS. do NOT provoke me, or i swear i'll BITE.

| Headache |

my head is spinning, the air-con is switched off, my entire body is buring and i'm hunrgy and still at work nonetheless! DAMN! what is wrong with these pple?! argh!

| Lost |

more than a week since i last blogged, oh how i miss pouring my soul out on the blogger screen.

figured i must be in a transient period of my life now, i'm beginning to ponder about lotsa stuff - work, future, friendships, family, and namely, love and relationship. i'm in a state of confusion filled with complexity. i dunno how intense this situation is gonna be, but it doesn't seem to be going anywhere. where am i going in life? i'm lost. can anyone tell me what i should do? where i should head?
suppression isn't good, harms the heart. my heart has been aching and aching, how on earth did i get myself into this mess? i'm very tired, tired of life, tired of having to make decisions everyday, tired of choosing, just plain tired.

the new gal is still here and i dunno why. though i have nothing against her, she isn't as simple as i think she is. she found my blog though, i must congratulate her on her resourcefulness. i guess that's why people say ignorance is bliss. since you decided to search for my blog yourself, and found it, dun blame me for being honest. this is my blog space, my own space where i am entitled to my own thoughts and feelings about a particular something. if you dun wanna read about yourself on my blog, i suggest you dun even come here. i have a site meter, i know who comes and when they visit and for how long they stay for and so forth. though i can't stop you from visiting my blog, i reckon you'll be happier if you dun read about yourself? spare yourself. no hard feelings though. period.

| Unwanted Pregnancy |

the one person that kept asking when daniel and i will tie the knot is actually getting married before us. she's more of dear's friend than mine, i hardly talk to his school/army friends. younger than us with regards to age and the length of her relationship. reason for early marriage: carelessness. (by carelessness, i'm sure you know what i mean dun you?)

how many of such cases do you hear of these days? its all around us isn't it? it has come to my attention that the rate of infanticide and/or abortion is getting increasingly high. are women uneducated when it comes to contraception? just read an article on New Paper the other day that clearly states how women, as modern as they should be, are still letting their husbands dominate and take control of the way they prevent unwanted pregnancies. just heard on the news that the rate of abortion, though has lowered as compared to previous years, aren't first-timers. why?

well at least i'm glad my friend isn't choosing the easy way out and is bravely trying to make right their mistake. the price: lost of freedom at such an incredibly young age.
dear and i were in a state of shock for the entire half of the day after we saw her message. but we'll be attending her wedding, definitely.

i guess maybe that's why i haven't had the courage to totally let go of myself even though i've been with daniel for 4 years. hard to believe, and some people may even think we're lying but that's the plain truth. my parents taught me well, and i'll always remember their teachings, and hopefully, pass it on to my children in future. because you'll never know, in the heat of the moment, you'll never be able to be rational and clear-headed, let alone, rememeber to take your dick (pardon my crude language) out before ejaculation occurs. *lolz* this is funny, trust me. and according to the dictionary, ejaculation is:
1. An abrupt discharge of fluid.
2. The expulsion of seminal fluid from the urethra of the penis during orgasm.
3. A sudden short exclamation
*rolling on floor laughing* alright, enough said.

| Thoughts |

nah...i got no mood to blog today even though i have tons of stuff moving around in my head now...*bleah*

| Relinquish |

i have a sudden urge to blog now.

but when i see the blogger's screen, i'm lost for words.

despite me feeling unwell, i had a lovely weekend with my dear boy. *smilez*

went to his friend's birthday party on saturday which i thought was good catch-up for him. i enjoyed myself, though i wasn't sure if i would before i made the decision to turn up. it was nice seeing familiar faces around, some of which i knew.

[insert name] was there. i guess she was part of the reason why i wasn't sure if i wanted to be there. wasn't sure what to expect from it, wasn't sure what would happen. i guess part of me wished for peace and an absolution to that incident. but that wasn't to be.
she looked happy with her new bunch of friends, and i'm happy for her. total ignorance was what i got, ha! why did i even hope she would come talk to me?
just read her blog actually, i believe the person she talked about was me. haha now yours truly is doing self-confession, well heck it, i just wanna be [ME]. and after this post, there would be nothing else i ever write about her.
"rude" was her description of me, yah perhaps. and gossiping, didn't you join in? don't you do it now as well? don't talk like as if you're a saint. we're all imperfect people in an imperfect world trying to live a perfect life. i'm only human. they say time will heal, i guess not. and even if it does, memories linger. pointless in my opinion.

there was once i worried about you.
there was once i cared about you.
there was once your friendship meant alot to me.
now, i will still wish you well and hope you find true happiness.

i gave that friendship up a long time ago, from the time she accused me, and even after knowing the truth she still doubted me. i should just forget about it. why befriend someone who doubts you, and has little or no trust in you? it ain't worth it. definitely not.
and therefore, i close this chapter of my life and relinquish all ties with [insert name].

and now for the happier stuff. i got 2 pics at the party on saturday! well, at least i have 2 outta the entire time i was there catching up? *shrugz* oh whatever.


::the missing guy, yang replaced by another fellow tp BIT student? ha! from left to right, zhongli, my boy, robbie and oops, i dun think i got his name!::

::the bunch of us, marketing students::

| Love |

lunched out with a new friend today and she gave me some insights that i would like to share. it caught me in a fix and i'm still wondering at this point of time.

are you in love with your partner?
OR
do you love your partner?

there's a difference. the latter, is of course like how one would love their parents/siblings etc. BUT the former would tell if there's still a future in your relationship, whether or not the flames of passion are still there.

so now i post it back to you guys reading, do you love or are you in love?

| Kind |

being kind is the one thing i regret BIG time now i tell you. never take advantage of people's kindness, if that's one thing you dunno, let me tell you now.

i took pity on you.
with only an 'o' level cert,
where else would have given you another chance?
how many chances have i given you already?
how many times have you screwed that up?
its idiert-proof and still you fumble.
its so simple and yet you have troubles following orders.
i'm not the boss here, but hullo, you're suppose to be helping me?
i thought saturday was your last day,
i was happy.
but i saw how sad you looked and thought maybe i could give you another chance.
guess i was wrong. BIG time.
why dun you know how to cherish what is given you?
what is in that brain of yours?
what issit that you keep thinking of that you're not concentrating here?
after announcing to the whole world that saturday was her last day,
she's still here.
when asked why, she said "boss's mother asked me to stay. bosses also asked me to stay." OMG, what are you??? you've been here barely a fortnight and you have like the biggest shots asking you to stay?! are you sure that's the case or were they just asking because you looked too pathetic beyond words??? must be the latter. and for your info, reconsidering does not equate to asking you to stay. its DIFFERENT.
and if i threaten to resign, i might have the entire network of members, plus colleagues from indonesia asking me to stay, to really STAY and not reconsider. STUPID STUPID GAL!!!

seriously, maybe i should just resign.
though my leave has been approved.
and i'm used to doing these stuff.
maybe greener pastures would be good.
give myself another go at other jobs.
maybe she's alright,
but i just dun like her.
ha if that's the case then she should stay,
i'll leave. *blah*

| My Prezzie from [Him] |

p.s you can link it up to the bigger version here and right-click to start playing the flash

Enjoy!!!

| Friday the 13th, My Anniversary? |

yes as a matter of fact, today is the actual day which marks the 4th year of our love. 4 years ago on this very day, [he] asked me to be [his], and i became [his] girl. everything that happened on that day is still replaying clearly in my head, i never regretted loving [him].

i dunno what i can buy [you].
i dunno what i can make [you].
i dunno what else i can do to mark our 4th anniversary,
except that i'll stay by [you], no matter what.
and this post pledges my commitment to [you].
-----------------
i know this is kinda off but there's this little girl, who is SO adorable! she's one of the aunties' granddaughter and she's only 2 and a half. they came by today and i was playing with her, she's SO chubby and cute!!!


::wanna pinch her chubby chubby cheeks!::


::she kept wanting to sit on my lap, hee::
-------------------
ok and i know how even off this will sound, but i've got 2 tongue twisters from the New Paper today. the article made me laugh and tried these tongue twisters over and over again. ha! here, go on, try it!

tongue twister number one:
She stood on the balcony inexplicably mimicking him hicupping but amicably welcoming him in,

tongue twister number two:
Amidst the mists and coldest frosts,
with barest wrists and stoutest boasts,
he thrusts his fists against the posts
and still insists he sees the ghosts.
-----------------
and this is even more off but wth? i'm pms-ing, i'm gonna bleed like real soon, i have a madhouse seminar tomorrow night and i might be cramping by then! i'm hungry and i'm tired because i'm still at work at this time. the only consolation is that [my love] is coming straight from camp to get me. *wide grinz*