| Celebration of Our Love |

::weren't we just adorable when we were lil???::


::celebrating 4 years of our love::

| Last Night |

the dinner at jack's place was good.
the steak cooked at medium was lovely.
the power punch fruit juice with apple and honeymelon was delightful.

clubbing with lady boss and uncle mu for the first time was cool.
drinking tequila pop for the first time was an experience.
seeing them try lamboguinea (i have no idea how to spell that!) for the first time - hard liquor with fire, i was impressed.
BUT drinking was never my kinda fun.
dancing the night away at mambo, i felt relieved.
a new friend, an old friend, both i had fun chatting with.

the music was good,
the handsign was funny,
i had a hard time catching up with 'em.

waiting for his love to appear with her new boyfriend,
i almost wanted to wake him up and welcome him back into reality.
2 years ago, i would have encouraged you to wait on,
but now, don't waste your time, she ain't worth it anymore.

as the night grew darker,
my body felt weaker,
i knew i had to leave.
waved goodbye to the night,
i hailed myself a cab.

so long peeps!
only thing missing last night was [YOU]!!!

| Secret |

a secret resided in my heart for a long time,
denied the make-believe,
stopped anything from happening,
i'm glad i finally decided to tell you the truth.

he came, unassumingly captivated my heart.
he came, unknowingly led me on.
he came, unintentionally gave me feelings.

i hid, i denied, i concealed, i lied.
i protected, i guarded, i prevented, i avoided.
i couldn't, i shouldn't, i wouldn't, i didn't.

[you] loved, [you] pampered, [you] adored, [you] doted, [you] gave.
the best, the most, EVERYTHING.

i didn't have enough reason to leave [you].
i didn't have enough reason to stop loving [you].
i didn't have enough reason to ruin my happiness.

a test, a trial, a rocky path, temptation.
bad period, worst times, suspicious minds.
tears, honesty, sincerity, LOVE.

couldn't bear to see [you] cry,
couldn't bear to see [you] upset,
couldn't bear to see [your] heart shatter into pieces,
believe me, i'll mend it back.

[you] said, "although [your] heart was shattered, it wasn't broken."
tears fell uncontrollably.
the love, [YOUR] love for me,
how could i?

ashamed, afraid, guilty.
acceptance, assurance, declaration, affirmation.

i hope [you] won't regret,
because i know i wouldn't.
a confession just before our 4th anniversary,
to make sure [you'd] still want me.

[you] accepted, [you] forgave.
only one word - TOUCHED.

our promise, our commitment, our love.
faith, trust and God's help.
i wanna walk down the church aisle,
dressed in a pretty white gown,
with [you] waiting at the altar stretching out [your] hand to me.

*My Fairy Tale*
~To Thee I Bestow~
Lim Te Zhong Daniel
13th May 2001

| Issit Pure Stupidity Or What? |

i've been trying not to talk about the new gal but i just couldn't bear to be silent, therefore i've decided, am still gonna blog about it just to provide some entertainment. *lolz*
alright, i'm mean, but i DO NOT care anymore. i might as well blog it out or my blood vessels might get really conjested and i might die of a heart-attack! getting angry and being frustrated is very harmful to my health. AND, i'm PMS-ing, so like it just adds on and i'm SO gonna explode soon!

i gave her very specific instructions today knowing how well she's slow and stupid after she finally admitted to her inability. not that i despise her or what, but if she had been honest right from the start, we wouldn't be in this tensed situation now. and how on earth would i know if she's speaking the truth or not? she's always twisting the facts, i find her credibity a question.

so as i was saying, i gave her very specific instructions to go to the storeroom to get something for me. the instruction went as follows:

yours truly: go to the storeroom, and bring me the two most colorful paperbags. its the biggest paperbags you can find in there. ok?
her: ok.

i repeated the above at least three times, knowing how long she takes to absorb. so when she finally said ok, i thought she got it. guess i was wrong. any idea what she brought out instead? any takers? i'll be nice and let you in on this.

she came out, brought along with her 2 mooncake paperbags which were just red and white in color!!! does this sound very colorful to you??? well not to me. i was speechless, i asked her to walk with me to the storeroom, still holding on to the white and red mooncake paperbags. i pointed to the colorful paperbags, and asked her:
"between this and that, which looks more colorful to you?"
she kept quiet, and i just want to DIE!!!
now let me ask you, is she just dumb or dumb??? i've concluded, she's DUMB!

OMG!!! what have i done to deserve this? AND i just received a call from this job agency, and i have lotsa job offerings, but i declined, why was i SO STUPID??? i should have said ok, gimme a month. argh!!! see, i've been influenced and have thus became stupid-er too!

AND. this is pretty common sense too. let me ask you: which side should the stamp be on an envelope? right or left? even a primary 3 year old can tell you its the RIGHT side! why doesn't she know? can i blame her for not knowing? can i blame her for never posting a single letter or card in her entire life living here in singapore??? can i blame her for acting dumb and for asking stupid questions? i answered her, told her it was the right side, and then shot her back this question to make her feel even stupid-er: you never post a single letter before in your whole life huh? how can you not know? DUH!

BITE me! i'm on the verge of suicide. she ain't worth my anger and frustration. she makes me ill. the disgusting color of her hair, and the sick smell of her shampoo sends dizzy spells to my head. she keeps looking and observing me, like WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM???!!! STOP LOOKING AT ME!!! she even changed her handphone to the same model as mine?! thank God her's is the UGLY SILVER one. but HULLO, WASSUP man?! we DO NOT have to be identical sisters! YOU are GROSSING me OUT!!! the minute i saw her handphone, i had a sudden urge to smash my red one, but then i thought, why should i? i should SMASH YOURS, NOT MINE!!! my RED one is ALOT PRETTIER than YOUR UGLY SILVER ONE!!!!!!

seriously, i should STOP giving her attention. she's probably just seeking attention.

HEY YOU: if you think this is fun, we'll wait and see. i can be EXTREMELY sarcastic and be VERY VERBALLY ABUSIVE so DO NOT mess with me! if you do, you'll wish you were NEVER BORN!

| Fourth Anniversary Part Two |

::final collage of pics::

all in all, we had a lovely time catching up during our short R&R. 4 years didn't come easy, we've had our bad days, quarrels and fights, but still we stood strong, because of the one promise we first made.

~To Thee I Bestow~

| Fouth Anniversary Part One |

after my previous post of non-stop explosion, i am in a better mood to blog about my lovely weekend stay at Conrad Centennial Singapore. actually, i have more pictures than words to post, so enjoy!

::right after church::

::[he] just had to stop me for a shot::

::[him]::

after church, we had lunch at our favourite coffeeshop where they specialise in Big Prawn Noodles. *yumz* then, we headed down to Suntec where we just wanted to 'blow aircon'. *lolz*


::@ Suntec's Sky Garden::

::i like this fountain, i think its lovely!::

::still so in love after 4 years::

::[he] kept stopping me for shots!::

::yet another one::

::then biscuit called me up for a gossip session leaving my poor boy alone taking all those very artistic shots::

time for check-in @ 2pm, we headed straight to Conrad where it was the start of our 2-day stay, total relaxation.


::just had too many pics i had to consolidate them in a collage::

i have more pics on the way, but i just have to show you my little gift from the hotel first:

::ain't it cute?! aaaaawwwwwww::

watch this space for MORE pictures! *winkz*

| Frustration |

where do i start when i have LOADS of stuff to write/complain/explode??? the main thing on my mind right now is the STUPID NEW GAL in my office! she is DUMB, STUPID, SLOW, what else you wanna know about her?

she's 18, just completed the big 'O's, has barely any working experience, and has a 15 year old boyfriend!!!??? yah i know i know, pathetic. she's SHORT, has BIG BOOBS, has a 29 YEAR OLD guy chasing after her, hasn't even been on a date with the 29 year old guy and yet she can't decide if she should leave her current 15 year old boyfriend to be with this 29 year old guy. but that's beside the point. bottomline is: she's DUMB.

she doesn't know how:
1. to use the telephone and therefore do not know how to make outgoing calls(hello, its just a normal office phone?! DUH!)
2. to operate an idiert-proof database
3. use the touch-sensor mouse on a laptop
4. doesn't know how use a laptop without a mouse
5. to use a super user-friendly photocopier
6. to operate a powerpoint slideshow without a mouse
7. to read the word MERGE

i mean like comon, the simplest task and she cannot do, then what is her purpose of working here? instead of helping me, she's adding on to my workload! as it is, i'm already doing TWO persons work, now that she's here, its THREE! why issit that bosses can't see that she's simply NOT suitable for this job?
its not that i dun wanna give her a chance, its not that i am mean, its not that i'm too fierce and that she doesn't dare to ask me questions. i dun wanna belittle anyone, but let's face it, some people just ain't suitable for certain jobs. my job is SO idiert-proof you know, any normal primary six student can do it, i dun understand why she can't?!

maybe she's trying too hard. personally, i dun like her, and i dun wanna ever be friends with her. we're just of a totally different wavelength, we CANNOT CONNECT. even if we could, i DUN WANT to. maybe its body chemistry, its just absolutely PAINFUL to talk to her and to look at her. its INSUFFERABLE to even sit on the same table to have lunch with her! i just dun like her and i feel very repulsive towards her.

note: if YOU ever find my blog and read this post, PLEASE get the HINT and LEAVE!!!

period.

| Collage of Russ |

::from me to my big sis & kor in aussie::

p.s you may lick on the pic for a bigger version

| Kittens |

was on my way for driving lesson today when i saw a little baby kitten by the side of the bus stop. it was SO adorable!!!
kittens, like any other young cubs are very trusting. i fear that their innocence and trust for humans and the environment will take advantage of them. the little baby kitten was very playful and very small in size, it was also hungry and was licking the cement floor, oh the poor thing! if only i had more time, i would have ran across to the coffee-shop to get some food to fill its tummy.
its my prayer that humans would have a heart and not abuse helpless animals like them.
i pray that some kind souls would take them in, and care for them as if their own children.
-------------------------
guess what? i made it for my advance theory test! three cheers for me? i freaked out when i saw the envelope lying on my table when i got home last night. didn't dare open, and nobody was willing to open it for me, so i had to pluck all the courage that i had, and slowly opened it myself. *drum roll* i made it i made it!!! no more stupid blue book!!!! *lalalalalala*
but i must praise Big Papa for His grace. the results go to Him!

| Record |

just realised the amount of clothes i have in my wardrobe, and yet i am still buying nevertheless. just a rough count, i have:

5 pairs of Levi's jeans
2 Levi's skirts
2 Guess pants
2 Guess tops
4 Morgan de toi bottoms
at least 10 Morgan de toi tops
at least 20 tops and bottoms from Victoria Secrets
countless tops from Mango
countless tops from Topshop
i shan't go into how many pairs of heels/shoes/sandals i have from Charles and Keith, and the other brands of clothing that are sitting in my wardrobe.

and therefore i have:
1. Mango Privilege Card
2. Topshop F3 Card
3. Club Levi's Card
4. Charles & Keith Privilege Card
5. Tannlines Privilege Card
6. Soo Kee Diamond Card
7. G2000 advantage Card

amazing isn't it? the amount of money spent in order to be a privilege card holder, i'm disgusted by my spendthrift nature.

| Princess and her Days |

Princess is keeping her promise,
abstaining from VS.
Princess wants to go to Sentosa,
when will i get the chance to go?
Princess is going to aussie in july,
but her Prince will not be joining her. *pouts*
Princess has a facial appointment with mommy dearest,
she can't wait!
Princess feels unappreciated at work,
wondering when will resignation be a reality?
Princess is feeling down and missing her Love,
when are [you] coming out to take me away?
Princess sux at driving,
when will she get her license?
Princess needs a break,
a break from LIFE.
Princess keeps fantasizing about a long long vacation,
will i ever have the chinks to do that?
Princess wants to be on the top of the highest mountain shouting her lungs out,
and then she'll be happy.
Princess wants to go clubbing too,
when was the last time she did that?
Princess wants to go back to school to be a student again,
or her brains will turn rusty.
Princess wishes to play with snow,
to have it melting in her warmth.
Most importantly,
Princess is going to have her 4th anniversary with her Love - her Prince @ Conrad Centennial Singapore this long may day weekend.

| Dun Understand |

warning to all readers: this post may or may not be directed at you. please do not get unneccessarily paranoid and do self-confessions here thinking i am aiming at a particular someone. do yourself and yours truly a favour, respect yourself and respect my blog space, i just want to write, thank you very much.

got many stuff to blog about, but dunno where to begin. am disturbed by many things i've read around me. mostly about love.

third party. indecisiveness. confusion. dilemma. doubt.
one should fight for their own happiness.
but what if its at the expense of another person?
ethically, issit right?
or assuming you fight for the one only to realise it was never meant to be?
so outta confusion, you choose to leave your current love, and remain single,
hoping this action will justify your "decisiveness"?
it doesn't.
not only you will live in constant turmoil and guilt, you'll probably never be able to rationalise the reason for your screwed up love life.

is your status as 'single' just a temporary diversion to let others know you did take a break to think things through? eventually choosing the one with novelty? well that's my guess.

like i said, i'm disturbed. why do people do this? i mean, why can't they be faithful to the one they first loved? does practicality really affect one's relationship? doesn't fairy tale exist in this world anymore? at least it still does to me. where is commitment?

its not right for you to leave someone in search of "greener pastures". if you decide to play with fire, and yet lucky enough to still have a spare tyre waiting for you, what's gonna happen when you get burnt? run back to your spare tyre? ridiculous! self-seeking if you ask me. noble on the part of the spare tyre, but selfish on your part. it's not even any form of love because love is "never selfish" (cor 13:5).

i'm so mad i dunno what else i can say! people just don't have anymore regards for fellow humans! its so sad to be here witnessing all these misery happening, i just dun understand!

| Driving |

pat got her license yesterday, or was it the day before?
i'm real proud of her, especially since its her own money.
way to go gal!

well, for me? i just started.
yesterday was my first driving lesson and i miraculously managed to move the car, ha! pretty cool though i must say i was a nervous wreck!
"your shoulders are too stiff, relax!" the one sentence my instructor kept repeating. i'm trying here, it ain't easy alright? but i did have fun. *smilez*

today was my final theory test, or otherwise known as advance theory test. dunno how i did, had no confidence on my part, maybe because it was too technical, i had a hard time understanding the entire book on the mechanism of the vehicle.
anyhow, its over. and no matter how i keep thinking about it, i can only pray that i make it through cos i dun wanna re-study that stupid blue color book again.
before i started the test, i lifted it up to the Lord and asked for His divine wisdom. somehow i knew the answers, and i knew how to do. BUT if its gonna be like the 2 mock tests that i did yesterday which i thought i knew how to do, then i would definitely have to face that stupid blue color book!

tomorrow is my next lesson. sounds like i'm rushing huh? maybe i am. procrastinated way too long. a license that i was suppose to have 3 years back, but because of the fun i had back then in school, i put it on hold. well now, if i dun buck up, my dad's gonna be real disappointed.
guess i'm afraid i'll stop halfway. i'm afraid i'll procrastinate again and drag myself down again. i must overcome this fear for driving, i must i must i must!

| Hormones Stabilised |

honestly, i'm getting quite bored thinking of a blog title everytime i need to let out some frustrations. so in the meanwhile, it shall be some unrelated crap.

my lil sister-in-law has started a blog on her own. my oh my, kids these days, really high-tech huh? or am i simply just getting old?

last weekend was so lovely, loved every minute of it even though i turned nasty to my darling at certain points in time. due mainly to the monster called PMS. *shrugz*

its a luxury being able to cramp at home i tell you. its been months since i last had the comfort of my bed. totally appreciative of my little pillows and bolsters, teddy bears and even my warm comforter.

bosses are outta town for the entire week, until friday afternoon that it. meanwhile, its freedom to the ears and eyes for me even though i'll still be confined to this area in their absence.

biscuit finally got her wish and was let off from duty as of last friday. as for me, i'll see how long i can hang on in this place.

my dearest got me a surprise - a bottle full of carefully hand-picked seashells.

::so sweet, i almost melted at the sign of his gesture::

friday night, we went for dinner at the beach, and took a slow walk through what we call "twlight zone" and finally reached the resort where we realised how long we had taken because most of the shops were already closed.
that walk made me reminisce and appreciate everything that i am today. from the time of our very first date until today, it made me hold dearie even tighter and closer to me. the love of my life, my family, and the honour of knowing my Big Daddy, i felt warmth.

did some retail therapy on saturday AGAIN. wonder when will i ever stop??? i need to save money for my aussie trip, which by the way, is confirmed. will be leaving in mid-july, for about a week. i know i'll miss my baby loads, but i need to get outta of this place for awhile or i'll go crazy! maybe i'd previously been too pampered by my parents leaving the country at least once annually. but at least this time round, i'll be paying most of the stuff myself, so i guess its fine?

my advanced theory test is this thursday. my first prac lesson will be this wednesday. and i'm FREAKING out! *screaming*

and i'm heading for home now. *yay*

p.s shhhhh...just between us huh? *tongue sticking out*

| Colleagues |

haven't posted any pics for the longest time, so here!


::did this on Paint, impressed? it wasn't on Photoshop ok?!::

oh oh, and my advanced theory is just NEXT WEEK! *screaming* i hope i make it through. *keeping fingers, toes, hands and legs crossed*

| Ponders |

sometimes i wonder what is the point of working? for me, work is getting aimless. issit experience that we gain? is money our main motivator? what issit exactly that we are hoping to get outta our work? pay increment? bonus? promotion? beats me. *shrugz*

after working close to a year, i start to question the crux of working. money, the root of all evil, yet without it, its almost painful. i guess pple work for money, how many actually work for passion? what is passion when you need to eat and pay the bills? it's nothing when you talk about the practicalities of our high-living expenses in today's world.

pay day is the most satisfying day of the month. it becomes more gratifying when you are able to splurge on branded and expensive clothes, accessories, food, entertainment and the what-nots.
and yet you become almost depressed when you realised you're pretty close to your credit card's daily spending limit.

sigh.

in less than 2 hours, i had already signed my credit card for:
1. a diamond necklace
2. a morgan top and pants
3. biotherm's powder foundation
4. dinner at magic wok

and now i'm beginning to regret it.
yah, guess that's what i wanna say.

| ME |

i think alot,
i care too much.
i have an opinion in every little thing that comes to my knowledge.
there was never one person who could understand me,
until i found [him].
[he] understands me more than myself,
[he] knows me better than i know myself.
and every minute of my waking hours,
i thank God for [him].

maybe if i knew less things, there would be lesser thoughts.
maybe if i didn't care so much, there wouldn't be so much trouble.
maybe if i could practice a little self-control,
and not let my thoughts run freely,
i would be able to keep more friends.

but this is [ME], yours truly.
whether you guys like it or not,
whether you can accept me for what i am or not,
whether you can accept me for who i am or not,
regardless of what you think,
this is [ME].

i am not on this earth to live up to anybody's expectations,
i am always [myself].
i never follow rules,
i only play by my rules.
this is [ME].
period.

| Christianity |

i think many people have this misconception with Love, God and Christianity.

a friend gave up the guy she loved simply because he wasn't in the light of the Lord. letting someone go, breaking up with the one you love because that person is not a christian, is a backslider, is not a man or woman after God's heart, in my opinion, is wrong. do not give the blame to God when the world fails to give you your expectation. accusing God and failure to give Him glory is an even greater sin.

maybe i have no right to talk about people this way, but its just my few cents' worth.

the couple, both are christians. the guy just returning to the Lord after backsliding for awhile, and the girl, who just got to know God, is therefore definitely on fire for the Lord. the guy, when in comparison to the girl, has failed to lead and guide her to the Lord, a break-up surfaced. her reason being, "its the man who should lead and guide the woman", yes God did say that in the Bible, but Jesus's specific instructions right after his death, just before he returned to the Father was to "make disciples of all nations" (matthew 28:19). Jesus didn't just instruct the males to evangelise, his instructions were to every single christian, regardless of whether you are a guy or a girl. evangelising, spreading the gospel and helping a certain brethen to know the Lord, or let him come back to the Lord doesn't just fall on the guys' shoulders, its every boy and every girl's destiny.

my point is, just because the guy is not able to lead and guide you for now, doesn't mean he wouldn't be able to do so when he has matured in the Lord. giving him up at this crucial point will only cause him more hurt and grief in the Lord instead of helping him return to Him. the poor guy would be questioning and wondering, and end up hating and grudging against God. what has the guy learnt? nothing.

serving the Lord. you mean to say only singles can serve God? couples can't serve God in their own special way? rubbish. i know of this couple in my church who serves God together, they serve God by being back-up singers to the worship leader. how about ushering? you can do it together. your service to the Lord is not whether its significant or not, big or small. its the heart that counts.

surrendering to the will of God. yes i agree we as humans are weak, and need the power and healing grace of the Father, surrendering to His will is only right. it is unless you heard God's soft voice yourself, saying this relationship with so-so is wrong and will hurt you in the long run, then i wouldn't have anything else to say. but did God say those words to you? i'm sure He didn't. because clearly God said, the only thing he has given us in this life, is freewill. freewill means that God doesn't force you to do anything against your will, but rather, you choose to do it on your own accord.

as to the man leading and guiding the woman, i believe is in context with married couples, meaning husbands and wives. God did say a man is to guide and lead his wife, and wives are to obey and submit to their husbands, just like Christ is the head of the church, husbands are the head of the family (ephesians 5:22-33).
i haven't conformed to the world even though i admit i am guilty of it sometimes. God's words last forever, this i know. heaven and earth will pass away, but God's words will never pass away (luke 21:33). and beware of religious leaders and pastors, authorities placed over us, that they may not give wise advices, for who can fathom the wonder, wisdom and mysteries of the Lord? (job 9:10, 11:7; psalms 145:3) no one. not even these religious leaders. so never trust men, only trust in God and His holy words.

"his basis of his christianity is on me, not on his love for the lord". why don't you look at it that you may be the only means of him returning to the Lord? the basis of daniel's religion is also on me, but over the past 4 years, he has learnt to love God on his own, he has learnt and seen the Lord work in his individual life and he has believed His power. the one reason why you haven't been able to totally let go is probably because somewhere deep inside, you know that wasn't the best way out.

'Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day, teach a man to fish and you feed him for life'. same logic. i rest my case.

| Broken Nail |

i broke my toe nail on friday! *cries* it was extremely painful and i cried because i was all alone at home when that happened. i have this gruesome picture of my broken and bloody nail that i took that night, but i'll hang onto the pic for awhile before grossing pple out. *lolz*

its much better now, but half the toenail is gone, which means half my skin is exposed. its still red and sore. *sobs* and i even had to do a mini operation myself because only i would know better where to cut and where not to cut.

oh my poor toe......

| Last Week |

was on leave last week because i had a few commitments and dear's open house was one of 'em:


::smart & sweet huh?::

::biscuit said i was super retro *heh*::

::his buddy jianyi came along too::

::i like this pic though i think i look fat *pouts*::

and last weekend, i whipped up a feast for dear's family, and they enjoyed it thoroughly as much as i had enjoyed cooking it. *smilez*


::action...like real..*sniggers*::

::fish & chips close-up *lolz*::