a third offer came today and because i felt pretty comfortable with it, i accepted it. will officially start on monday.
thoughts of my ex-company flooded me in that instance. couldn't decide if i should email my ex-bosses or to blog first..decided that since i couldn't email without first pouring my heart out, i succumbed to my blog.
since leaving and joining that horrible company, i've been doing alot of thinking. i cannot deny that i still tear at the thought of how i gave up serving such wonderful bosses all in the name of "pursuing my dreams".
how much are dreams worth anyway?
and then, i finally came to terms with myself and with reality - it wasn't so much because i wanted to pursue what i called "my dream"; it was more of the fact that they placed more emphasis on everything else except on human resources - the one thing i thought was most important in a company. human resources are the legs a company stand on, without them, there wouldn't be any profit or accounts to speak of. but sadly, we weren't on the same page.
then there was also the unseen and unheard politicking that was going on with just two female staff. she makes a good friend, but not a good colleague. for someone who talked alot about wanting to be the 'pioneer' of the company; who gloated at every opportunity when the company esteemed her more than me; and who wouldn't stop putting me and the nature of my job down, she had set her sights on staying in the company till she hits 60 and retires. i couldn't win her in that aspect and because i don't politick, i chose to leave.
but was it worth it? was leaving my bosses and getting a job that paid me higher than her worth it? no, it wasn't. but i proved a point - that i was worth more than her somewhere else, that human capital is still the most crucial asset a company should invest in.
through this, i've truly learnt that money cannot buy happiness. and even though its been more than 2 months since i left, i still harbor thoughts of going back and working for them. and if they were to offer me the same job with everything remaining status quo, i will accept and stay on till i am happily married with kids, till forever. haha but i know it will never happen, they will never take me back because i've given up my only chance, and nobody gives second chances except God.
nevertheless, there must be a closure. because some day, i hope to look back at my life and not cry or tear anymore at this lost opportunity.
Wedding Ticker
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
| Not Now, Not Ever |
continuing from where i left off (from my last entry), my last day with that horrid company was 27 May - good riddance!
i was never happier even though i fell sick and you guessed it right - it was because of some irresponsible people in that office. *bleah* i just have something against that company and everyone in that office, save for the elected few.
thinking back and like I mentioned, reckon that if i had wanted to, i could have bit my lips and stayed on. but i did not mainly because after his horrid display to a staff who'd worked for him for the past 7 months; it was a big no-no for me. for someone who could not even respect his staff says nothing of his integrity - if he even had any left.
thus i left. leaving was the only right thing i know.
it was, to date, the most horrifying job experience that i never want to speak of again. not now, not ever.
----
went for my first church camp (in years) and had a blast there with the girls..and the fiancé. came back last week and now, job-hunting.
lost count of the number of interviews i went but so far, i've rejected 2 job offers. no particular reason, except that i'm learning to hear God more clearly. and because i haven't heard, i did not take those jobs up.
i don't deny it can get quite depressing to be home and going for interviews after interviews and yet the right job hasn't come, its easy to lose hope in God and myself and things around especially since i have a wedding and honeymoon to save up for, but my Lord is faithful. the right one is coming soon, i just have to be patient. if the Lord has so graciously given us a flat at the recent almost-impossible balloting exercise, what more would He have in store for his son and daughter?
i was never happier even though i fell sick and you guessed it right - it was because of some irresponsible people in that office. *bleah* i just have something against that company and everyone in that office, save for the elected few.
thinking back and like I mentioned, reckon that if i had wanted to, i could have bit my lips and stayed on. but i did not mainly because after his horrid display to a staff who'd worked for him for the past 7 months; it was a big no-no for me. for someone who could not even respect his staff says nothing of his integrity - if he even had any left.
thus i left. leaving was the only right thing i know.
it was, to date, the most horrifying job experience that i never want to speak of again. not now, not ever.
----
went for my first church camp (in years) and had a blast there with the girls..and the fiancé. came back last week and now, job-hunting.
lost count of the number of interviews i went but so far, i've rejected 2 job offers. no particular reason, except that i'm learning to hear God more clearly. and because i haven't heard, i did not take those jobs up.
i don't deny it can get quite depressing to be home and going for interviews after interviews and yet the right job hasn't come, its easy to lose hope in God and myself and things around especially since i have a wedding and honeymoon to save up for, but my Lord is faithful. the right one is coming soon, i just have to be patient. if the Lord has so graciously given us a flat at the recent almost-impossible balloting exercise, what more would He have in store for his son and daughter?
Friday, May 13, 2011
| Old & New |
Just met up with a friend/ex-colleague for lunch near my old office. As the taxi turned in, tears welled up my eyes. I still miss that oh-so-familiar place where I spent the happiest times working.
As we sat down, I secretly hoped I would see a familiar face whenever the door swung open; how silly of me. Knowing very well I wouldn't be able to control my emotions if I ever saw my ex-boss again now, and still a part of me wanted to see and know if he and the rest are doing ok.
Im hopeless.
We chatted while we waited for our food and when she asked how the new job was, I was honest and shared with her what I was going through. She, like all the rest, thought that I was happy here. So it really came as a surprise to her when she heard about my plight. But she's always been sweet to me and I thank the Lord, from the bottom of my heart, for her friendship.
On a lighter note, today marks another milestone – a decade together with the fiancé.
Happy 10th Anniversary love, so glad its always been you! ♥
As we sat down, I secretly hoped I would see a familiar face whenever the door swung open; how silly of me. Knowing very well I wouldn't be able to control my emotions if I ever saw my ex-boss again now, and still a part of me wanted to see and know if he and the rest are doing ok.
Im hopeless.
We chatted while we waited for our food and when she asked how the new job was, I was honest and shared with her what I was going through. She, like all the rest, thought that I was happy here. So it really came as a surprise to her when she heard about my plight. But she's always been sweet to me and I thank the Lord, from the bottom of my heart, for her friendship.
On a lighter note, today marks another milestone – a decade together with the fiancé.
Happy 10th Anniversary love, so glad its always been you! ♥
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
| Interview |
Had an interview this morning and now is the time where I am officially allowed to emo.
Perhaps there was a better FIT this time round, but they will only let me know in mid-June since this position is only required from July onwards. The practical side of me knows I cannot possibly resign now and be jobless without knowing if I will ever get this job - especially where there was a long list of candidates that the HR manager had in his possession albeit trying to hide from my view – but it does not conceal the fact that every cell in my body wants to get out of this company!
I’ve considered the possibilities and the alternatives, gave it a shot for a while now, and still I cannot see myself here for long.
Call me stubborn, but I've made up my mind on leaving and this time, I will have to make a decision to tender either on 13 May or 16 May because I still need to serve two weeks’ notice.
I have peace whenever I think about leaving this company. The only uneasy thing I feel is not securing a job first. But leaving I know is a right decision, something ive never been more certain of. So now; its the TIMING.
Thought of my ex-bosses again during the interview and had to fight back the emotions. But I no longer sob uncontrollably when I think of how cruel reality is. Im into my 4th week and I’ve seen past the tears, regrets and pain. It was my bad, so I can only move on now. And im praying for that one job that will let me work on from now till I am married with kids. Yes, I hope to work that long in my next company.
Perhaps there was a better FIT this time round, but they will only let me know in mid-June since this position is only required from July onwards. The practical side of me knows I cannot possibly resign now and be jobless without knowing if I will ever get this job - especially where there was a long list of candidates that the HR manager had in his possession albeit trying to hide from my view – but it does not conceal the fact that every cell in my body wants to get out of this company!
I’ve considered the possibilities and the alternatives, gave it a shot for a while now, and still I cannot see myself here for long.
Call me stubborn, but I've made up my mind on leaving and this time, I will have to make a decision to tender either on 13 May or 16 May because I still need to serve two weeks’ notice.
I have peace whenever I think about leaving this company. The only uneasy thing I feel is not securing a job first. But leaving I know is a right decision, something ive never been more certain of. So now; its the TIMING.
Thought of my ex-bosses again during the interview and had to fight back the emotions. But I no longer sob uncontrollably when I think of how cruel reality is. Im into my 4th week and I’ve seen past the tears, regrets and pain. It was my bad, so I can only move on now. And im praying for that one job that will let me work on from now till I am married with kids. Yes, I hope to work that long in my next company.
Friday, May 06, 2011
| 9am to 6.15pm? |
Thank God for iPhone. Truly, its one of the best inventions ever!
I cannot imagine being at work, facing a dinosaur-slow computer with virtually every website blocked, having nothing nor much to do and just waiting for the world to go by from 9am - 6.15pm. Yes the working hours suck.
Question: Didn’t you know about the working hours before you accepted the job?
Answer: No I had no idea.
Dang!
It was only after I signed the employment letter and started work did I realize the official working hours for this particular department is 9am to 6.15pm and even then, all eyes would be on me if I attempt to leave punctually even though I am so early for work now than where I was! It’s ridiculous!
I don’t deny how this is partly my fault for not asking properly and just assuming, complete blooper on my part I know. BUT they should have made it clearer. Oh and another thing, they have no employee handbook, nothing at all to govern the company’s human resources and/or terms and conditions of employment. So sad! How can a conglomerate not have such basic information for its employees? I was appalled! Although I'm slowly coming to terms with it now.
Like I said, there’s really nothing wrong with this job. The only thing wrong is how he should not have painted a completely different picture of the working environment (which isn’t beautiful) plus beautifying the expectations of this position. Looking back, its as if he was frantically adding icing to the cake where all these while, the joke was actually on me! He could have been honest and forefront about how sucky the way things; the extremely high turnover rate in his department alone (like more than 10 staff in 15 years?! something is definitely wrong here). He did not have to resort to hiding the truth and to a certain extent, lying. Right from the start, he already displayed a lack of integrity, so tell me, how could I continue working for a person like him? I cannot.
I am definitely leaving, its just a matter of time now.
That said, he is not too bad to me, although he is starting to show his fangs.
Day by day, until I leave this place, I will slowly uncover everything that happened along the way - the hints that I failed to see and the signs that I missed. Till then.
I cannot imagine being at work, facing a dinosaur-slow computer with virtually every website blocked, having nothing nor much to do and just waiting for the world to go by from 9am - 6.15pm. Yes the working hours suck.
Question: Didn’t you know about the working hours before you accepted the job?
Answer: No I had no idea.
Dang!
It was only after I signed the employment letter and started work did I realize the official working hours for this particular department is 9am to 6.15pm and even then, all eyes would be on me if I attempt to leave punctually even though I am so early for work now than where I was! It’s ridiculous!
I don’t deny how this is partly my fault for not asking properly and just assuming, complete blooper on my part I know. BUT they should have made it clearer. Oh and another thing, they have no employee handbook, nothing at all to govern the company’s human resources and/or terms and conditions of employment. So sad! How can a conglomerate not have such basic information for its employees? I was appalled! Although I'm slowly coming to terms with it now.
Like I said, there’s really nothing wrong with this job. The only thing wrong is how he should not have painted a completely different picture of the working environment (which isn’t beautiful) plus beautifying the expectations of this position. Looking back, its as if he was frantically adding icing to the cake where all these while, the joke was actually on me! He could have been honest and forefront about how sucky the way things; the extremely high turnover rate in his department alone (like more than 10 staff in 15 years?! something is definitely wrong here). He did not have to resort to hiding the truth and to a certain extent, lying. Right from the start, he already displayed a lack of integrity, so tell me, how could I continue working for a person like him? I cannot.
I am definitely leaving, its just a matter of time now.
That said, he is not too bad to me, although he is starting to show his fangs.
Day by day, until I leave this place, I will slowly uncover everything that happened along the way - the hints that I failed to see and the signs that I missed. Till then.
Wednesday, May 04, 2011
| "Reset" Button |
3 weeeks ago, i lamented on how sorry i was to have left my previous job that had wonderful bosses and a great environment with good colleagues. that was the darkest period of my life - i cried every single day - on my way to work in the train when i take an extra stop to Raffles Place instead of good ol' City Hall, in the shower and in church when i pray and sing to my Lord. i couldn't sleep well, which was quite unusual because im sucha pig but strangely i still ate like a pig *snorts
i wondered if there was a "reset" button in life for me to turn back time to carefully seek counsel from my cell leaders and parents; to carefully watch the hints and signs that God dropped along my way from the time i attended this interview to the time i was offered this job, right up to the time i signed the appointment letter and tendered my resignation and everything that happened during the one month that i served my notice (my ex-bosses kept asking me to reconsider and to take back the resignation letter even on my last day of work!); to pay attention to His still small voice that was telling me to "STAY PUT"; to prayerfully ask and know that when i don't hear anything from Him, it means to stay put wherever i was! i cannot emphasise enough on how my time in my third company was not up yet and still i chose to harden my heart to leave. that's why i said making that decision to leave my previous employment was a very painful one.
i've given this job a shot for close to 3 weeks now and i still don't feel comfortable here. my colleagues treat me well and so does the now-boss BUT i still cannot bring myself to really care for the now-boss like how i geniunely cared for my other bosses before. i've also been trying my best-est to adapt to the environment here which is working well and though things have improved and im no longer crying or fearful coming to work now, i honestly still do not enjoy my time here or what im doing.
the picture that the now-boss painted at the interview and the actual job scope are world's apart. i reckon i could continue working here, but i wouldn't be happy and i wont be true to myself; its like the past 3 weeks had been a lie and i don't wanna continue living a lie because right from the onset, this job was never meant to be! i was attracted to a different portfolio and the opportunies i thought this job would give me, and of course the money and not to mention, the silly thought that would put me on par with the fiancé because he sometimes, unknowingly puts me and my job down, but i was so wrong. money cannot buy happiness. and is it only when we lose something that we begin to realise the value of what we had.
i can never turn back time or gain the trust of my ex-bosses again. plainly said, they will never take me back even if there was a vacancy. try and hope as hard as i might, with humans, there is no such thing as second chances and i don't blame them, it was my bad. a huge mistake i made that i would have to live with for the rest of my life. but God is merciful, He hasn't left me; He's still here.
and He's been opening doors of opportunies for me i.e. interviews and though so far there's no news, i think that maybe, just maybe i will get something soon. i guess this is what they call "exercising faith". i know something is gonna happen soon, i just dunno what or where so i will prayerfully wait upon the Lord. last week's sermon talked about God putting different seasons in our lives to prepare us for the things ahead and one season the speaker spoke about was that of being monotonous. and when it is that season - which was what i was experiencing in my ex-company - we have to remain where we are because God is teaching us how to be faithful and to learn the spirit of enduring. if only i heard this sermon a month ago, without a qualm, i would definitely have taken back my resignation letter.
so i've been doing alot of thinking. im not afraid or fearful anymore because i know that my future in Him is safe and secured. but im really praying for another chance to honor God by showing loyalty to another company and to a boss and its definitely not in this company and the now-boss.
nevertheless i learnt something through this incident - my calling in life (apart from Seven Dresses) and how im always intertwined with this particular country. like in my first job, the company i worked for carried products from that country, and i almost had that chance of a free trip if not for some personal reasons and i resigned. then came my second job where i really matured; it was a refining process that God used to mould me through the course of my part-time studies. after 4 years in that job and it was time to go, i was never more certain about that and thereafter landed myself in my third job and again related to that country. so maybe that country is where my calling is...and maybe one day, God will bring me there to do full-time missionary work! but for now, i am certain about the path that God has laid out for me and this time round, i'll know when God speaks to me.
i wondered if there was a "reset" button in life for me to turn back time to carefully seek counsel from my cell leaders and parents; to carefully watch the hints and signs that God dropped along my way from the time i attended this interview to the time i was offered this job, right up to the time i signed the appointment letter and tendered my resignation and everything that happened during the one month that i served my notice (my ex-bosses kept asking me to reconsider and to take back the resignation letter even on my last day of work!); to pay attention to His still small voice that was telling me to "STAY PUT"; to prayerfully ask and know that when i don't hear anything from Him, it means to stay put wherever i was! i cannot emphasise enough on how my time in my third company was not up yet and still i chose to harden my heart to leave. that's why i said making that decision to leave my previous employment was a very painful one.
i've given this job a shot for close to 3 weeks now and i still don't feel comfortable here. my colleagues treat me well and so does the now-boss BUT i still cannot bring myself to really care for the now-boss like how i geniunely cared for my other bosses before. i've also been trying my best-est to adapt to the environment here which is working well and though things have improved and im no longer crying or fearful coming to work now, i honestly still do not enjoy my time here or what im doing.
the picture that the now-boss painted at the interview and the actual job scope are world's apart. i reckon i could continue working here, but i wouldn't be happy and i wont be true to myself; its like the past 3 weeks had been a lie and i don't wanna continue living a lie because right from the onset, this job was never meant to be! i was attracted to a different portfolio and the opportunies i thought this job would give me, and of course the money and not to mention, the silly thought that would put me on par with the fiancé because he sometimes, unknowingly puts me and my job down, but i was so wrong. money cannot buy happiness. and is it only when we lose something that we begin to realise the value of what we had.
i can never turn back time or gain the trust of my ex-bosses again. plainly said, they will never take me back even if there was a vacancy. try and hope as hard as i might, with humans, there is no such thing as second chances and i don't blame them, it was my bad. a huge mistake i made that i would have to live with for the rest of my life. but God is merciful, He hasn't left me; He's still here.
and He's been opening doors of opportunies for me i.e. interviews and though so far there's no news, i think that maybe, just maybe i will get something soon. i guess this is what they call "exercising faith". i know something is gonna happen soon, i just dunno what or where so i will prayerfully wait upon the Lord. last week's sermon talked about God putting different seasons in our lives to prepare us for the things ahead and one season the speaker spoke about was that of being monotonous. and when it is that season - which was what i was experiencing in my ex-company - we have to remain where we are because God is teaching us how to be faithful and to learn the spirit of enduring. if only i heard this sermon a month ago, without a qualm, i would definitely have taken back my resignation letter.
so i've been doing alot of thinking. im not afraid or fearful anymore because i know that my future in Him is safe and secured. but im really praying for another chance to honor God by showing loyalty to another company and to a boss and its definitely not in this company and the now-boss.
nevertheless i learnt something through this incident - my calling in life (apart from Seven Dresses) and how im always intertwined with this particular country. like in my first job, the company i worked for carried products from that country, and i almost had that chance of a free trip if not for some personal reasons and i resigned. then came my second job where i really matured; it was a refining process that God used to mould me through the course of my part-time studies. after 4 years in that job and it was time to go, i was never more certain about that and thereafter landed myself in my third job and again related to that country. so maybe that country is where my calling is...and maybe one day, God will bring me there to do full-time missionary work! but for now, i am certain about the path that God has laid out for me and this time round, i'll know when God speaks to me.
Friday, April 15, 2011
| Jobs |
I've held many jobs before, but only three main jobs are recorded on my current CV.
thing about jobs is you somehow have a hunch on the first day whether you'd last there - those you know were meant to last, and those you know were never meant to be.
and this is one such job - my fourth official job in a big company that is paying me well (at the market rate of a graduate..well at least that's what I choose to believe) but there's something about my first day today that made me regret my decision to leave my previous employment.
I didn't fit in. try as hard as I could but somehow I felt awkward with these girls. they were all of managerial positions, some my age and others older. I don't think it's because of my inferior complex that made me feel left out, it's something else that I can't quite put my finger on it.
maybe I just miss my ex-boss and my all-so-familiar environment that this new place with new people are too foreign.
Jesus, I need strength.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
| Emo |
my current location is in Hongkong and im penning this entry via my iPhone in my friend's place.
it's our last night and I'm feeling super emo :(
the weather had been great and I'm sitting on the bed enjoying the 20 degree cool sea breeze blow in my face; her house is just at the harbor.
we've thoroughly enjoyed our time here, with both her and her husband's hospitality - it was amazing how easy-going this couple is! I'm truly thankful for their friendship and their generosity in extending their house to us to stay during this period. no amount of words can express our gratitude except we would love to return and spend time with them both again! :)
the places they brought us to and the food we ate made us feel as though we've never been to Hongkong even though it's our third or fourth time here (pun intended haha!).
*sigh
when I first booked the air ticket here, it was meant to be an escape route from reality - one that I know would be hard to get over as closing another and starting a new chapter in life was never easy.
Friday came and went and it was my last day at work. and just like that, my time with them came to an end. it was hard not to shed tears; after all my now ex-boss and I did go through pretty much. i thought he was extremely strict with me but that was only because he wanted me to learn and grow with him as well as the company. it's my bad for throwing in the white towel so soon...and if this new job offer never came, I would never leave. though you read about me complaining a few entries about him and work, it really was just a rant-and-release kinda thing that everyone would go through at some point in their lives. I just hope the decision that I made would be in line with my Father's plans.
goodnight world, let me enjoy my last night in Hongkong.
Wednesday, April 06, 2011
| Quick Update |
March was a month of many happenings yet i did not manage to pen them down one by one. BUSY is the excuse you make in a society like ours. so i've decided to do it in point form before all that happened fades away like a blurry:
- we now own our domain! pls log on to www.sevendresses.sg or http://sevendresses.sg for pretty and affordable dresses!
- also along the lines of Seven Dresses, we have converted one room to be our home studio. God provided and made the whole transition rather smooth; the only thing left is to buy an air cooler (because the white background is directly over the windows!) plus the studio lightings. am hoping we could get cheap yet good second-hand lights.
- tendered my resignation on 11 March; the day the huge earthquake and tsunami took place in Japan. my last working day is in 2 days' time. was a major struggle before i made the decision and it was a painful one.
- we've confirmed a hotel for our banquet. paid the deposit though we have yet to sign the contract. both side of parents loved it!
- met up with Pastor Daphne and she's given the green light for us to go right ahead to confirm our church wedding on 12 May 2012! praise the Lord!
- experienced our very first car boot sale though its for our other blogshop Missy Hand me Down instead. turnout was bad BUT we managed to clear off some stuff so praise God for that too!
these were some of the bigger milestones hence im making the extra effort to pen them down. everything is going well at the moment except for our self-manufactured designs for Seven Dresses. extremely disappointment with one supplier who is still holding onto the sample piece of my 2nd design plus my Seven Dresses' labels because her factory misplaced both MY items!
as such, we have asked another supplier to manufacture a 3rd (and different) design for us. this one seems strange too. was suppose to meet her a week ago but she had the appointment changed to today but she called to say she's leaving her shop because "there's nobody" today.
?!
im really praying that she would not display the same attitude as the first supplier (for our 2nd design) or i would really give up manufacturing my own designs for good!
anyway, its all for the glory of God. burn for Him.
- we now own our domain! pls log on to www.sevendresses.sg or http://sevendresses.sg for pretty and affordable dresses!
- also along the lines of Seven Dresses, we have converted one room to be our home studio. God provided and made the whole transition rather smooth; the only thing left is to buy an air cooler (because the white background is directly over the windows!) plus the studio lightings. am hoping we could get cheap yet good second-hand lights.
- tendered my resignation on 11 March; the day the huge earthquake and tsunami took place in Japan. my last working day is in 2 days' time. was a major struggle before i made the decision and it was a painful one.
- we've confirmed a hotel for our banquet. paid the deposit though we have yet to sign the contract. both side of parents loved it!
- met up with Pastor Daphne and she's given the green light for us to go right ahead to confirm our church wedding on 12 May 2012! praise the Lord!
- experienced our very first car boot sale though its for our other blogshop Missy Hand me Down instead. turnout was bad BUT we managed to clear off some stuff so praise God for that too!
these were some of the bigger milestones hence im making the extra effort to pen them down. everything is going well at the moment except for our self-manufactured designs for Seven Dresses. extremely disappointment with one supplier who is still holding onto the sample piece of my 2nd design plus my Seven Dresses' labels because her factory misplaced both MY items!
as such, we have asked another supplier to manufacture a 3rd (and different) design for us. this one seems strange too. was suppose to meet her a week ago but she had the appointment changed to today but she called to say she's leaving her shop because "there's nobody" today.
?!
im really praying that she would not display the same attitude as the first supplier (for our 2nd design) or i would really give up manufacturing my own designs for good!
anyway, its all for the glory of God. burn for Him.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
| Dreams (Part 2) |
When you’re 25-ish, you’re old enough to know what kind of music you love, regardless of what your last boyfriend or roommate always used to play. You know how to walk in heels, how to tie a necktie, how to give a good toast at a wedding and how to make something for dinner. You don’t have to think much about skin care, home ownership or your retirement plan. Your life can look a lot of different ways when you’re 25: single, dating, engaged, married. You are working in dream jobs, pay-the-bills jobs and downright horrible jobs. You are young enough to believe that anything is possible, and you are old enough to make that belief a reality.
Job
Now is the time to figure out what kind of work you love to do. What are you good at? What makes you feel alive? What do you dream about? You can go back to school now, switch directions entirely. You can work for almost nothing, or live in another country, or volunteer long hours for something that moves you. There will be a time when finances and schedules make this a little trickier, so do it now. Try it, apply for it, get up and do it.
When I was 25, I was in my third job in as many years—all in the same area at a church, but the responsibilities were different each time. I was frustrated at the end of the third year because I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do next. I didn’t feel like I’d found my place yet. I met with my boss, who was in his 50s. I told him how anxious I was about finding the one perfect job for me, and quick. He asked me how old I was, and when I told him I was 25, he told me that I couldn’t complain to him about finding the right job until I was 32. In his opinion, it takes about 10 years after college to find the right fit, and anyone who finds it earlier than that is just plain lucky. So use every bit of your 10 years: try things, take classes, start over.
Relationships
Now is also the time to get serious about relationships. And “serious” might mean walking away from the ones that don’t give you everything you need. Some of the most life-shaping decisions you make in this season will be about walking away from good-enough, in search of can’t-live-without. One of the only truly devastating mistakes you can make in this season is staying with the wrong person even though you know he or she is the wrong person. It’s not fair to that person, and it’s not fair to you.
Counselling
Twenty-five is also a great time to start counselling, if you haven’t already, and it might be a good round two of counselling if it’s been a while. You might have just enough space from your parents to start digging around your childhood a little bit. Unravel the knots that keep you from living a healthy whole life, and do it now, before any more time passes.
Church
Twenty-five is the perfect time to get involved in a church you love, no matter how different it is from the one you were a part of growing up. Be patient and prayerful, and decide that you’re going to be a person who grows, who seeks your own faith, who lives with intention. Set your alarm on Sunday mornings, no matter how late you were out on Saturday night. It will be dreadful at first, and then after a few weeks, you’ll find that you like it, that the pattern of it fills up something inside you.
Don't get stuck
This is the thing: when you start to hit 28 or 30, everything starts to divide, and you can see very clearly two kinds of people: on one side, people who have used their 20s to learn and grow, to find God and themselves and their deep dreams, people who know what works and what doesn’t, who have pushed through to become real live adults.
And then there’s the other kind, who are hanging onto college, or high school even, with all their might. They’ve stayed in jobs they hate, because they’re too scared to get another one. They’ve stayed with men or women who are good but not great, because they don’t want to be lonely. They mean to find a church, they mean to develop honest, intimate friendships, they mean to stop drinking like life is one big frat party. But they don’t do those things, so they live in kind of an extended adolescence, no closer to adulthood than they were when they graduated college.
Don’t be like that. Don’t get stuck. Move, travel, take a class, take a risk. Walk away, try something new. There is a season for wildness and a season for settledness, and this is neither. This season is about becoming. Don’t lose yourself at happy hour, but don’t lose yourself on the corporate ladder either. Stop every once in a while and go out to coffee or climb in bed with your journal. Ask yourself some good questions like: “Am I proud of the life I’m living? What have I tried this month? What have I learned about God this year? What parts of my childhood faith am I leaving behind, and what parts am I choosing to keep with me for this leg of the journey? Do the people I’m spending time with give me life, or make me feel small? Is there any brokenness in my life that’s keeping me from moving forward?”
Now is your time. Become, believe, try. Walk closely with people you love, and with other people who believe that God is very good and life is a grand adventure. Don’t spend time with people who make you feel like less than you are. Don’t get stuck in the past, and don’t try to fast-forward yourself into a future you haven’t yet earned. Give today all the love and intensity and courage you can, and keep travelling honestly along life’s path.
still on the topic of dreams, i was pretty inspired by the above article when i first read it somewhere on facebook. and needless to say, there were some crazy ideas that stemmed out. im an innate thinker, i cant help it.
so the fiancé and i had a talk 2 nights ago. guess i'd been feeling all emotional for some time now, plus this article gave me some insights into my own life, so this talk was very much needed and appreciated.
i asked if he could give me 3 months to go live in a different country and find myself, fulfill my dream of independence. its not hard and i reckon it could be done - resign from this job or get a sabbatical of about 2-3 months unpaid leave, fly to someplace, live among the people and do what they do and live a life that is totally different from here. its the experience that i crave for. its the difference that i wanna feel. its the sweet smell of independence and freedom that i've been longing for - is that so wrong?
but his reply really hurt.
i fail terribly as a fiancée. the fiancé confessed that he feels there are many regrets in my life - my regret of saying yes to his proposal, regret that we are going to get married, and worse, regret the past 10 years together!
that came as a very painful "ouch" for me.
i had spent close to half of my lifetime with this person and just when we are almost making it to the finishing line where it will bring us to a new chapter of life and it looks like we both have different dreams and ideals now.
yes i don't deny the fact that ive always been a more 'dreamy' person, whereas he's the more practical and down-to-earth guy. but that doesnt mean im not realistic.
how many of my dreams have i already given up for him?
i'll be 28 this year. i've never really done anything i ever wanted to. i've always been a good girl, listening and obeying whatever authority that has been placed above me. i've always been prim and proper. and even when i had to see each of my dreams and ideals crumble slowly before me, i cried and cried till the cows came home but i still accepted it by the grace of God.
and now that we are in the midst of preparing a wedding that i have no idea where to begin from because we have so many concerns and advices coming from so many people, i only have one thing to say:
make it happen.
Job
Now is the time to figure out what kind of work you love to do. What are you good at? What makes you feel alive? What do you dream about? You can go back to school now, switch directions entirely. You can work for almost nothing, or live in another country, or volunteer long hours for something that moves you. There will be a time when finances and schedules make this a little trickier, so do it now. Try it, apply for it, get up and do it.
When I was 25, I was in my third job in as many years—all in the same area at a church, but the responsibilities were different each time. I was frustrated at the end of the third year because I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do next. I didn’t feel like I’d found my place yet. I met with my boss, who was in his 50s. I told him how anxious I was about finding the one perfect job for me, and quick. He asked me how old I was, and when I told him I was 25, he told me that I couldn’t complain to him about finding the right job until I was 32. In his opinion, it takes about 10 years after college to find the right fit, and anyone who finds it earlier than that is just plain lucky. So use every bit of your 10 years: try things, take classes, start over.
Relationships
Now is also the time to get serious about relationships. And “serious” might mean walking away from the ones that don’t give you everything you need. Some of the most life-shaping decisions you make in this season will be about walking away from good-enough, in search of can’t-live-without. One of the only truly devastating mistakes you can make in this season is staying with the wrong person even though you know he or she is the wrong person. It’s not fair to that person, and it’s not fair to you.
Counselling
Twenty-five is also a great time to start counselling, if you haven’t already, and it might be a good round two of counselling if it’s been a while. You might have just enough space from your parents to start digging around your childhood a little bit. Unravel the knots that keep you from living a healthy whole life, and do it now, before any more time passes.
Church
Twenty-five is the perfect time to get involved in a church you love, no matter how different it is from the one you were a part of growing up. Be patient and prayerful, and decide that you’re going to be a person who grows, who seeks your own faith, who lives with intention. Set your alarm on Sunday mornings, no matter how late you were out on Saturday night. It will be dreadful at first, and then after a few weeks, you’ll find that you like it, that the pattern of it fills up something inside you.
Don't get stuck
This is the thing: when you start to hit 28 or 30, everything starts to divide, and you can see very clearly two kinds of people: on one side, people who have used their 20s to learn and grow, to find God and themselves and their deep dreams, people who know what works and what doesn’t, who have pushed through to become real live adults.
And then there’s the other kind, who are hanging onto college, or high school even, with all their might. They’ve stayed in jobs they hate, because they’re too scared to get another one. They’ve stayed with men or women who are good but not great, because they don’t want to be lonely. They mean to find a church, they mean to develop honest, intimate friendships, they mean to stop drinking like life is one big frat party. But they don’t do those things, so they live in kind of an extended adolescence, no closer to adulthood than they were when they graduated college.
Don’t be like that. Don’t get stuck. Move, travel, take a class, take a risk. Walk away, try something new. There is a season for wildness and a season for settledness, and this is neither. This season is about becoming. Don’t lose yourself at happy hour, but don’t lose yourself on the corporate ladder either. Stop every once in a while and go out to coffee or climb in bed with your journal. Ask yourself some good questions like: “Am I proud of the life I’m living? What have I tried this month? What have I learned about God this year? What parts of my childhood faith am I leaving behind, and what parts am I choosing to keep with me for this leg of the journey? Do the people I’m spending time with give me life, or make me feel small? Is there any brokenness in my life that’s keeping me from moving forward?”
Now is your time. Become, believe, try. Walk closely with people you love, and with other people who believe that God is very good and life is a grand adventure. Don’t spend time with people who make you feel like less than you are. Don’t get stuck in the past, and don’t try to fast-forward yourself into a future you haven’t yet earned. Give today all the love and intensity and courage you can, and keep travelling honestly along life’s path.
still on the topic of dreams, i was pretty inspired by the above article when i first read it somewhere on facebook. and needless to say, there were some crazy ideas that stemmed out. im an innate thinker, i cant help it.
so the fiancé and i had a talk 2 nights ago. guess i'd been feeling all emotional for some time now, plus this article gave me some insights into my own life, so this talk was very much needed and appreciated.
i asked if he could give me 3 months to go live in a different country and find myself, fulfill my dream of independence. its not hard and i reckon it could be done - resign from this job or get a sabbatical of about 2-3 months unpaid leave, fly to someplace, live among the people and do what they do and live a life that is totally different from here. its the experience that i crave for. its the difference that i wanna feel. its the sweet smell of independence and freedom that i've been longing for - is that so wrong?
but his reply really hurt.
i fail terribly as a fiancée. the fiancé confessed that he feels there are many regrets in my life - my regret of saying yes to his proposal, regret that we are going to get married, and worse, regret the past 10 years together!
that came as a very painful "ouch" for me.
i had spent close to half of my lifetime with this person and just when we are almost making it to the finishing line where it will bring us to a new chapter of life and it looks like we both have different dreams and ideals now.
yes i don't deny the fact that ive always been a more 'dreamy' person, whereas he's the more practical and down-to-earth guy. but that doesnt mean im not realistic.
how many of my dreams have i already given up for him?
i'll be 28 this year. i've never really done anything i ever wanted to. i've always been a good girl, listening and obeying whatever authority that has been placed above me. i've always been prim and proper. and even when i had to see each of my dreams and ideals crumble slowly before me, i cried and cried till the cows came home but i still accepted it by the grace of God.
and now that we are in the midst of preparing a wedding that i have no idea where to begin from because we have so many concerns and advices coming from so many people, i only have one thing to say:
make it happen.
Friday, February 18, 2011
| Dreams |
you know how people have dreams and aspirations to do something or be someone? so being human, naturally over the years, i'd grown to have my own sets of dreams and ideals too, even though i don't publicly talk about it or announce them.
today one dream re-visited me again. albeit talking about this many times before and knowing how impossible it is to achieve, i still can't seem to let it go.
australia was one such dream.
and now this was another dream.
maybe that's why they are called dreams, because they never make it to reality.
as much as i love the fiancé, its sad that these 2 dreams were shattered by him...and it still hurts when i think about it sometimes. those were missed opportunities that we can never chase 'em back again.
so while he's trying hard to make up for lost time, making promises im praying he'll be able to keep, i on the other hand am working real hard in letting these 2 dreams go, and hopefully by the time i walk down the aisle, i would have completely let 'em both go.
today one dream re-visited me again. albeit talking about this many times before and knowing how impossible it is to achieve, i still can't seem to let it go.
australia was one such dream.
and now this was another dream.
maybe that's why they are called dreams, because they never make it to reality.
as much as i love the fiancé, its sad that these 2 dreams were shattered by him...and it still hurts when i think about it sometimes. those were missed opportunities that we can never chase 'em back again.
so while he's trying hard to make up for lost time, making promises im praying he'll be able to keep, i on the other hand am working real hard in letting these 2 dreams go, and hopefully by the time i walk down the aisle, i would have completely let 'em both go.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
| Bridal Shop |
notice the wedding ticker/countdown on the left side of my blog?
didnt realise it'll be that long before the big day so the ticker really came as a shock to me! haha nevertheless, it will serve as a useful reminder when i forget. *tsk
was suppose to visit the bridal shop today to discuss about the wedding shoot and stuff, but the fiancé is unwell and so he's settling everything via the telephone. i know that its a tad too early to choose the gowns now, especially since i had already been lectured by the fiancé, but i was really kinda looking forward to making a trip there today.
i guess donning the wedding gown and being a bride will always be every girls' dreams. i just dunno when will it really really be my turn. do you think i will cry when that day comes? ah, enough of being sappy and emo already! my posts haven't been any positive of late and i need to get my act together.
i'll be good and go home early. besides, its jogging day today anyway so its just as well.
didnt realise it'll be that long before the big day so the ticker really came as a shock to me! haha nevertheless, it will serve as a useful reminder when i forget. *tsk
was suppose to visit the bridal shop today to discuss about the wedding shoot and stuff, but the fiancé is unwell and so he's settling everything via the telephone. i know that its a tad too early to choose the gowns now, especially since i had already been lectured by the fiancé, but i was really kinda looking forward to making a trip there today.
i guess donning the wedding gown and being a bride will always be every girls' dreams. i just dunno when will it really really be my turn. do you think i will cry when that day comes? ah, enough of being sappy and emo already! my posts haven't been any positive of late and i need to get my act together.
i'll be good and go home early. besides, its jogging day today anyway so its just as well.
♥ i like her hairdo!
Friday, February 11, 2011
| No More |
i've just been counselled on how its "ungodly" of the fiancé and myself to be travelling alone when we are not married.
who can i blame?
issit the society we live in now? the role models in my life? or the fact that we will only wed in 2012?
so i've been advised to abstain from travelling alone with him until we are married, lest we "stumble" other Christians along the way.
well for your info, come May 2011, i would have been with the fiancé for 10years; of which, we have been engaged for 7 years. even though we will only wed in 2012, i think we would have at least earned some rights to holiday together alone, no?
NO.
im upset. its an awfully long time to not travel anywhere and just stay in singapore from now until 2012. plus lesser chance of importing more pretty clothes for Seven Dresses. :(
people always say "be yourself", but when we are really, they can't handle it and even bring God's name out. what else can i say? i've been living my life as such before i knew of this "truth", which could be real truth, or "truth" that was imagined by men.
talk is cheap. its so easy for people to say/advise/preach/teach. you think its easy being together for 10 years and not be able to do many things without someone telling you it wrong/unacceptable/ungodly?!
HOW MANY OF YOU CAN STAND UP AND TELL ME YOU'VE BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH THE SAME PERSON FOR THE PAST 10 YEARS WITHOUT BEING MARRIED AND THINK THAT ITS EASY MAINTAINING IT?
if anyone can look me in the eye and say its easy to find/do novel things without leaving the country then i'll SHUT my mouth and swallow all my grievances once and for all.
they say length does not matter. well im saying now, TAKE LENGTH INTO CONSIDERATION the next time you wanna talk to me about what is right and what is wrong.
im still leaving tomorrow nevertheless, and we'll be extra careful. journey mercy and prayers for safety will still be accepted but nothing else.
peace.
who can i blame?
issit the society we live in now? the role models in my life? or the fact that we will only wed in 2012?
so i've been advised to abstain from travelling alone with him until we are married, lest we "stumble" other Christians along the way.
well for your info, come May 2011, i would have been with the fiancé for 10years; of which, we have been engaged for 7 years. even though we will only wed in 2012, i think we would have at least earned some rights to holiday together alone, no?
NO.
im upset. its an awfully long time to not travel anywhere and just stay in singapore from now until 2012. plus lesser chance of importing more pretty clothes for Seven Dresses. :(
people always say "be yourself", but when we are really, they can't handle it and even bring God's name out. what else can i say? i've been living my life as such before i knew of this "truth", which could be real truth, or "truth" that was imagined by men.
talk is cheap. its so easy for people to say/advise/preach/teach. you think its easy being together for 10 years and not be able to do many things without someone telling you it wrong/unacceptable/ungodly?!
HOW MANY OF YOU CAN STAND UP AND TELL ME YOU'VE BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH THE SAME PERSON FOR THE PAST 10 YEARS WITHOUT BEING MARRIED AND THINK THAT ITS EASY MAINTAINING IT?
if anyone can look me in the eye and say its easy to find/do novel things without leaving the country then i'll SHUT my mouth and swallow all my grievances once and for all.
they say length does not matter. well im saying now, TAKE LENGTH INTO CONSIDERATION the next time you wanna talk to me about what is right and what is wrong.
im still leaving tomorrow nevertheless, and we'll be extra careful. journey mercy and prayers for safety will still be accepted but nothing else.
peace.
| Tension |
its friday and I'm barely on my way to work now, and so it means that I'll be pretty late. regardless, am extremely pleased with the way technology has advanced - I can now blog while on the go!
I realise that in my earlier post, I had written on the impending "appraisal" I was due to have with my boss that fateful Monday. it did happen, just that it wasn't like what I expected. for me, it was a less-than-5mins kinda thing whereas he took about an hour with the other staff. reason for the difference? i still have my doubts.
I guess this is what I'm really trying to say:
never mind about the fact that you added new and heavier job scope to my current portfolio WITHOUT any pay increment;
never mind about the fact that I am a darn GRADUATE and still I'm not within the market rate in terms of salary;
never mind about the fact that I do whatever tasks I'm given to the best of my ability, including those jobs that no graduate in the right mind would wanna do and most of the time without complaining, even though I do make careless mistakes sometimes;
but now that I'm asking for the company to reimburse my mobile bills because my number is now given out to almost every international party whom I will probably be expecting calls from (and which I already had the other night), and still he wants to deny me!?
unbelievable.
so today he wants to speak with me regarding this matter and my hunch? he won't allow it.
I had already previously refrained myself from confronting him regarding the increased workload and no pay increment, but today I may just spill it all out.
Father, please help me control myself and continue to submit to the authority Yoi have placed over me later in that talk. I pray for wisdom to know how to rebut him and at the same time, for Your will to be done - whether I should stick on in this job or move on, in Jesus' name I pray, amen.
Monday, January 10, 2011
| Mind Games |
12.27am and i can't sleep.
many things are weighing my mind now but the top issue is the performance appraisal that i am scheduled with my boss tomorrow..i think.
seemed like just yesterday that i joined this company but its almost 1.5 years that i've been here.
my boss isn't exactly the most accomodating person around..mostly because he is a foreigner so culture, tradition and what-nots are after all very different. i remember in my initial 3 months with him, we spent the most intense time together - something which i would rather not remember, mention or go through again.
so to very honest, i am terrified of this appraisal tomorrow. i do not know what nasty/horrible/hurting/demeaning thing he would say to me again but i sure hope that i would be strong enough to accept whatever he has to say. God's grace would be sufficient for me.
i mean, what's the worst that could happen? i'll just be given a poor grade for the darn appraisal that i created and not be given any increment, right?
i mean, if the authority that God has placed upon me has decided that i am not fit for an increment or a good appraisal grade, then i would have no choice but to accept the outcome with grace right?
fine. so that settles that.
another thing is, since a few months ago, he had asked for me to widen my job scope because he think that i have "alot of room to learn". simply decoded, he means that i am too free at work and instead of spending my time surfing the net, msn-ing and more recently gtalk-ing, facebook-ing, and sometimes even movie-watching, i'd better do something useful before i resign or am asked to leave.
so of course i accepted his proposal. did i have a choice? no.
and so being the innate thinker that i am, i have been pondering on why he would want to give me this additional workload and below are my conclusions:
1) he values me too much and doesn't want me to resign (outta boredom). so to keep me, he decided that it would be good for me to learn something new and spend my time more wisely. by doing so, i would feel more accomplished (fulfilling my self-actualisation need under Maslow's hierarchy of needs) because i now have a new challenge and something to look forward too so i wouldn't leave.
2) he's sick and tired of my mundane routine of wasting my precious time and the company's resources. so its either he gives me this workload and i accept, OR i would be asked to leave.
which is which?
*sigh
its hard playing mind games. i just want to live a very simple life, can?
many things are weighing my mind now but the top issue is the performance appraisal that i am scheduled with my boss tomorrow..i think.
seemed like just yesterday that i joined this company but its almost 1.5 years that i've been here.
my boss isn't exactly the most accomodating person around..mostly because he is a foreigner so culture, tradition and what-nots are after all very different. i remember in my initial 3 months with him, we spent the most intense time together - something which i would rather not remember, mention or go through again.
so to very honest, i am terrified of this appraisal tomorrow. i do not know what nasty/horrible/hurting/demeaning thing he would say to me again but i sure hope that i would be strong enough to accept whatever he has to say. God's grace would be sufficient for me.
i mean, what's the worst that could happen? i'll just be given a poor grade for the darn appraisal that i created and not be given any increment, right?
i mean, if the authority that God has placed upon me has decided that i am not fit for an increment or a good appraisal grade, then i would have no choice but to accept the outcome with grace right?
fine. so that settles that.
another thing is, since a few months ago, he had asked for me to widen my job scope because he think that i have "alot of room to learn". simply decoded, he means that i am too free at work and instead of spending my time surfing the net, msn-ing and more recently gtalk-ing, facebook-ing, and sometimes even movie-watching, i'd better do something useful before i resign or am asked to leave.
so of course i accepted his proposal. did i have a choice? no.
and so being the innate thinker that i am, i have been pondering on why he would want to give me this additional workload and below are my conclusions:
1) he values me too much and doesn't want me to resign (outta boredom). so to keep me, he decided that it would be good for me to learn something new and spend my time more wisely. by doing so, i would feel more accomplished (fulfilling my self-actualisation need under Maslow's hierarchy of needs) because i now have a new challenge and something to look forward too so i wouldn't leave.
2) he's sick and tired of my mundane routine of wasting my precious time and the company's resources. so its either he gives me this workload and i accept, OR i would be asked to leave.
which is which?
*sigh
its hard playing mind games. i just want to live a very simple life, can?
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
| Surprise Surprise! |
♥ surprise!
in a short span of 2 months, i'd been so blessed to have received more surprises than i could actually bargain for at any one point of time in my life.
the fiancé, i must say, is getting better at planting surprises for me! *beams*
although the trip to Bali wasn't a surprise in itself, everything else that came along that 3D2N was - the photography that was experiential, and most importantly, the proposal in Bali *blushes*.
i mean seriously, what are the chances that i or anyone for that matter, would have the honour of being flown to an exotic island, be waited upon like a princess every step of the way, and then be swept away with a marraige proposal by the only guy i ever loved in my life?
answer: zero.
call the fiancé a hopeless romantic, but he sure did win me over effortlessly.
and even when he was away on a business trip in Shanghai, he bought Tiffany & Co's signature pendant (above pic) just before he left and hid it somewhere in my room, giving me extremely vague clues to work with.
haha but it was his entertainment for me. he had hoped that lil treasure hunt would take my mind off missing him but i have to say, that was an uphill task especially after close to a decade of constantly seeing him, i'll never get used to not seeing/hearing from him for more than a day.
only thing i don't understand is: how on earth did he manage to hide stuff so quietly in my room?
Thursday, December 23, 2010
| when Man tries to play God... |
yesterday while i was on Facebook, i saw my friend 'liked' the Action for Singapore Dogs (ASD) page. out of curiosity, i clicked on it and 'liked' it too and started reading. slowly i got directed to their main website where i would spend the next hour reading and crying over some of the most heartwrenching fates these poor dogs suffered.
it wasn't an emotional and hasty decision that i made, rather, it was something i had always wanted to do - help these dogs.
read on and realised i could do my part in sponsoring them i.e. by pledging a monthly maintenance fee of $35. the money mainly helps to defray the high costs of (dog) living plus medication that some of them require etc.
and like the kids we will be sponsoring in Uganda and Sri Lanka under the Cornerstone Kids' Sponsorship Programme (believe the page has not been updated for 2011 yet), i will also be sponsoring 2 dogs here in Singapore under the ASD. best part is, we get to visit and play with them at Lim Chu Kang! in addition, i have also pledged to sponsor another child in Uganda under Seven Dresses too!
im so thrilled at these opportunities that are knocking on my door! not many people have the chance to help the people/animals that they want to and i am so thankful i am given both these chances.
for the Lord has so graciously blessed us in abundance, with no worry of food, shelter and safety here in Singapore, its time we step outta our comfort zone and start blessing others by contributing a little.
it wasn't an emotional and hasty decision that i made, rather, it was something i had always wanted to do - help these dogs.
read on and realised i could do my part in sponsoring them i.e. by pledging a monthly maintenance fee of $35. the money mainly helps to defray the high costs of (dog) living plus medication that some of them require etc.
and like the kids we will be sponsoring in Uganda and Sri Lanka under the Cornerstone Kids' Sponsorship Programme (believe the page has not been updated for 2011 yet), i will also be sponsoring 2 dogs here in Singapore under the ASD. best part is, we get to visit and play with them at Lim Chu Kang! in addition, i have also pledged to sponsor another child in Uganda under Seven Dresses too!
im so thrilled at these opportunities that are knocking on my door! not many people have the chance to help the people/animals that they want to and i am so thankful i am given both these chances.
for the Lord has so graciously blessed us in abundance, with no worry of food, shelter and safety here in Singapore, its time we step outta our comfort zone and start blessing others by contributing a little.
Friday, December 10, 2010
| Relationships |
what would it take for something to break?
what would it take for someone to be lost and never return?
people say when the hurt is done, no amount of regret will set things back again.
but don't we serve a Living God who makes miracles? then why does the impossible seem impossible when we know jolly well if we have faith the size of a mustard seed, it will be made possible?
my heart feels sad when i think about 3 individuals who very unfortunately, are involved in a love triangle...or so it seems.
you would think its silly for both girls to fall out because of the guy.
BUT they could have fallen out because of how one girl hurt the other girl unknowingly.
*sigh
-----------------
the fiancé is flying to Shanghai on monday for a work trip again and after the KL incident, it just spells trouble. am trying not to think about it and let nature take its course.
when will it be my turn though? to go overseas for a business trip? that will be the day, HA!
speaking of which, can i whine?
i miss being busy. as odd as it may sound, i wanna be flooded with work the minute i step into office at 9am, be swarmed by emails until lunch time, have lunch, and then be whisked away again by the amount of work that needs my expertise (which i may not know what that is now BUT im certain i'll find that out soon) until 5.30pm.
yeah, thats the kind of life i miss - being important.
i miss bitching around with someone regarding work.
i miss having email wars and typing mean emails to "shoot" the other person 'cause i know i'll always win HA.
i miss wearing smart corporate office wear to work.
i miss sitting in meetings and learning new stuff.
i miss LEARNING NEW IMPRESSIVE STUFF that will wow me.
i miss ignoring the fiancé and not calling him throughout the day because im so busy i don't have time for him so then it'll be HIS turn to miss me.
i even miss OT-ing sometimes.
*double sigh
maybe i should resign and find myself a job with better prospects and give up Seven Dresses or spend lesser time on it? not to say that this job doesn't have any prospects, its just that barely a year into this job and im beginning to wonder what my purpose is in here?
can it be solely for Seven Dresses?
or maybe i should really take up operations on top of my job scope to increase my value and time in here?
seeking God for an answer.
-----------------
a friend is upset with the fiancé for something he did playfully which unknowingly hurt him. though this friend has said that he's no longer upset with the fiancé, my guess is it'll be pretty hard to get him out for any gathering in future.
friendships are fragile. i've seen how because of something so trivia can end a friendship and distant two people for years. though forgiveness is the key here, who would have the magnanimity (and knowledge) to forgive when you are only 11yrs old? thats why i dont have much friends. in my childhood, i've hurt far too many precious people who do not wish to be my close friends anymore. and even if they are still friends with me, they are mostly superficial.
of all that i've hurt, i remember vividly the one closest friend i had in primary 5 whom i hurt so badly that she never spoke to me again - even when we went up to secondary school together. until now i still feel so bad i would tear when i think about it. we could have been the best-est friends ever...but that wasn't too be.
i see her on facebook now all happy, accomplished and married. i feel so happy for her. truly, from the bottom of my heart.
did i go off-topic? ahh still on friendship. so yes, i don't want the fiancé to lose a friend just like that because they could be so much more if the friendship remains. i hope things go well.
-----------------
have you ever heard of a sabbatical from cell group/church/God? i mean its strange isnt it? that anyone would want a break from God where He's obviously omnipotent and hence always with us?
totally unacceptable.
do we humans, even have the right to request that God be away from us for awhile? NO! its just crap.
-----------------
you know i have SO MUCH i wanna say! this is what happens when i stop blogging for awhile. TONS of things i need to shout out.
last evening we attended an Indian wedding in an Indian temple just across my office. it was the fiancé's old friend who was getting hitched. apart from the cultural experience, it must have been at least 3-4 years since they last saw this boy and maybe about a year or two with the other 2 friends whom attended as well. everyone changed and everyone is different now. but you could tell that he was so happy and touched to see 3 of his primary school friends turn up for his big day. so nice.
of these 2 friends whom i know as well, im sorta closer with one than the other. and in the midst of our conversation when he said there was no need to bring his girlfriend along, his reply was "you wanted to follow tz one what".
*speechless*
that caught me. i was apalled because that sentence seemed to have implied that i never gave the fiancé his freedom, that i would always wanna follow wherever he went. while that may be true to a certain extent, i do not shamelessly follow or insist that he brings me out for every function where i am not welcomed or allowed to be in. so let me get this straight once and for all - IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN, OUT OF HIS OWN HEART TO SHOW HIS GIRLFRIEND OFF TO THE WORLD THAT HE BROUGHT ME ALONG WHEREVER HE WENT. period.
the audacity of some people really amazes me sometimes.
and one more thing. we will only wed in the first half of 2012. not anytime sooner. if you would like to get married first, please, by all means. we will be very happy to bless you and your wife-to-be at your wedding. there's really no need to ask ME, ALONE when we are getting hitched the minute the fiancé walked away to get a drink.
???
maybe he didnt mean anything bad, but i just want to complain. so just live with it.
what would it take for someone to be lost and never return?
people say when the hurt is done, no amount of regret will set things back again.
but don't we serve a Living God who makes miracles? then why does the impossible seem impossible when we know jolly well if we have faith the size of a mustard seed, it will be made possible?
my heart feels sad when i think about 3 individuals who very unfortunately, are involved in a love triangle...or so it seems.
you would think its silly for both girls to fall out because of the guy.
BUT they could have fallen out because of how one girl hurt the other girl unknowingly.
*sigh
-----------------
the fiancé is flying to Shanghai on monday for a work trip again and after the KL incident, it just spells trouble. am trying not to think about it and let nature take its course.
when will it be my turn though? to go overseas for a business trip? that will be the day, HA!
speaking of which, can i whine?
i miss being busy. as odd as it may sound, i wanna be flooded with work the minute i step into office at 9am, be swarmed by emails until lunch time, have lunch, and then be whisked away again by the amount of work that needs my expertise (which i may not know what that is now BUT im certain i'll find that out soon) until 5.30pm.
yeah, thats the kind of life i miss - being important.
i miss bitching around with someone regarding work.
i miss having email wars and typing mean emails to "shoot" the other person 'cause i know i'll always win HA.
i miss wearing smart corporate office wear to work.
i miss sitting in meetings and learning new stuff.
i miss LEARNING NEW IMPRESSIVE STUFF that will wow me.
i miss ignoring the fiancé and not calling him throughout the day because im so busy i don't have time for him so then it'll be HIS turn to miss me.
i even miss OT-ing sometimes.
*double sigh
maybe i should resign and find myself a job with better prospects and give up Seven Dresses or spend lesser time on it? not to say that this job doesn't have any prospects, its just that barely a year into this job and im beginning to wonder what my purpose is in here?
can it be solely for Seven Dresses?
or maybe i should really take up operations on top of my job scope to increase my value and time in here?
seeking God for an answer.
-----------------
a friend is upset with the fiancé for something he did playfully which unknowingly hurt him. though this friend has said that he's no longer upset with the fiancé, my guess is it'll be pretty hard to get him out for any gathering in future.
friendships are fragile. i've seen how because of something so trivia can end a friendship and distant two people for years. though forgiveness is the key here, who would have the magnanimity (and knowledge) to forgive when you are only 11yrs old? thats why i dont have much friends. in my childhood, i've hurt far too many precious people who do not wish to be my close friends anymore. and even if they are still friends with me, they are mostly superficial.
of all that i've hurt, i remember vividly the one closest friend i had in primary 5 whom i hurt so badly that she never spoke to me again - even when we went up to secondary school together. until now i still feel so bad i would tear when i think about it. we could have been the best-est friends ever...but that wasn't too be.
i see her on facebook now all happy, accomplished and married. i feel so happy for her. truly, from the bottom of my heart.
did i go off-topic? ahh still on friendship. so yes, i don't want the fiancé to lose a friend just like that because they could be so much more if the friendship remains. i hope things go well.
-----------------
have you ever heard of a sabbatical from cell group/church/God? i mean its strange isnt it? that anyone would want a break from God where He's obviously omnipotent and hence always with us?
totally unacceptable.
do we humans, even have the right to request that God be away from us for awhile? NO! its just crap.
-----------------
you know i have SO MUCH i wanna say! this is what happens when i stop blogging for awhile. TONS of things i need to shout out.
last evening we attended an Indian wedding in an Indian temple just across my office. it was the fiancé's old friend who was getting hitched. apart from the cultural experience, it must have been at least 3-4 years since they last saw this boy and maybe about a year or two with the other 2 friends whom attended as well. everyone changed and everyone is different now. but you could tell that he was so happy and touched to see 3 of his primary school friends turn up for his big day. so nice.
of these 2 friends whom i know as well, im sorta closer with one than the other. and in the midst of our conversation when he said there was no need to bring his girlfriend along, his reply was "you wanted to follow tz one what".
*speechless*
that caught me. i was apalled because that sentence seemed to have implied that i never gave the fiancé his freedom, that i would always wanna follow wherever he went. while that may be true to a certain extent, i do not shamelessly follow or insist that he brings me out for every function where i am not welcomed or allowed to be in. so let me get this straight once and for all - IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN, OUT OF HIS OWN HEART TO SHOW HIS GIRLFRIEND OFF TO THE WORLD THAT HE BROUGHT ME ALONG WHEREVER HE WENT. period.
the audacity of some people really amazes me sometimes.
and one more thing. we will only wed in the first half of 2012. not anytime sooner. if you would like to get married first, please, by all means. we will be very happy to bless you and your wife-to-be at your wedding. there's really no need to ask ME, ALONE when we are getting hitched the minute the fiancé walked away to get a drink.
???
maybe he didnt mean anything bad, but i just want to complain. so just live with it.
Friday, December 03, 2010
| Dear John |
Dear John was a movie i always wanted to watch. especially after reading The Notebook some time ago; they're from the same author by the way. and everytime we have our DVD marathons, the DVD shop would somehow always run outta this DVD for some strange reasons. glad we managed to rent the LAST one on monday.
watched a lil yesterday and i cant wait to finish the rest tonight because i hate being left hanging in the air.
since i couldn't contain my curiosity, i went to google on the ending (sucha spoiler i know) and found out that Savannah married someone else - the guy with the autistic boy in the end?!
major sadness. especially with a hunk like Channing Tatum. oops, the fiancé better not read this! HAHA
anyway, till tonight!
watched a lil yesterday and i cant wait to finish the rest tonight because i hate being left hanging in the air.
since i couldn't contain my curiosity, i went to google on the ending (sucha spoiler i know) and found out that Savannah married someone else - the guy with the autistic boy in the end?!
major sadness. especially with a hunk like Channing Tatum. oops, the fiancé better not read this! HAHA
anyway, till tonight!
Sunday, November 28, 2010
| Love, Redefined |
the fiancé finally called at 12.30am.
his excuse? his new N8 hung and died on him several times.
HAHA
and somehow it didn't occur to him to find another way to contact me.
*Ouch
ladies and gentlemen, may I present love, redefined - a fiancé's love
for his fiancée. guess that's how important i am to him.
so now I am trying to come to terms with love that had been redefined
by today's display.
it's hard but I'm going to have to try or I'll probably never find
love again.
why cry over spilled milk?
why hurt over something u chose to give up?
why grumble when u could have had it all but you lost focus halfway?
another chance?
nah.
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