| Dreams (Part 2) |

When you’re 25-ish, you’re old enough to know what kind of music you love, regardless of what your last boyfriend or roommate always used to play. You know how to walk in heels, how to tie a necktie, how to give a good toast at a wedding and how to make something for dinner. You don’t have to think much about skin care, home ownership or your retirement plan. Your life can look a lot of different ways when you’re 25: single, dating, engaged, married. You are working in dream jobs, pay-the-bills jobs and downright horrible jobs. You are young enough to believe that anything is possible, and you are old enough to make that belief a reality.

Job

Now is the time to figure out what kind of work you love to do. What are you good at? What makes you feel alive? What do you dream about? You can go back to school now, switch directions entirely. You can work for almost nothing, or live in another country, or volunteer long hours for something that moves you. There will be a time when finances and schedules make this a little trickier, so do it now. Try it, apply for it, get up and do it.

When I was 25, I was in my third job in as many years—all in the same area at a church, but the responsibilities were different each time. I was frustrated at the end of the third year because I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do next. I didn’t feel like I’d found my place yet. I met with my boss, who was in his 50s. I told him how anxious I was about finding the one perfect job for me, and quick. He asked me how old I was, and when I told him I was 25, he told me that I couldn’t complain to him about finding the right job until I was 32. In his opinion, it takes about 10 years after college to find the right fit, and anyone who finds it earlier than that is just plain lucky. So use every bit of your 10 years: try things, take classes, start over.

Relationships

Now is also the time to get serious about relationships. And “serious” might mean walking away from the ones that don’t give you everything you need. Some of the most life-shaping decisions you make in this season will be about walking away from good-enough, in search of can’t-live-without. One of the only truly devastating mistakes you can make in this season is staying with the wrong person even though you know he or she is the wrong person. It’s not fair to that person, and it’s not fair to you.

Counselling

Twenty-five is also a great time to start counselling, if you haven’t already, and it might be a good round two of counselling if it’s been a while. You might have just enough space from your parents to start digging around your childhood a little bit. Unravel the knots that keep you from living a healthy whole life, and do it now, before any more time passes.

Church

Twenty-five is the perfect time to get involved in a church you love, no matter how different it is from the one you were a part of growing up. Be patient and prayerful, and decide that you’re going to be a person who grows, who seeks your own faith, who lives with intention. Set your alarm on Sunday mornings, no matter how late you were out on Saturday night. It will be dreadful at first, and then after a few weeks, you’ll find that you like it, that the pattern of it fills up something inside you.

Don't get stuck

This is the thing: when you start to hit 28 or 30, everything starts to divide, and you can see very clearly two kinds of people: on one side, people who have used their 20s to learn and grow, to find God and themselves and their deep dreams, people who know what works and what doesn’t, who have pushed through to become real live adults.

And then there’s the other kind, who are hanging onto college, or high school even, with all their might. They’ve stayed in jobs they hate, because they’re too scared to get another one. They’ve stayed with men or women who are good but not great, because they don’t want to be lonely. They mean to find a church, they mean to develop honest, intimate friendships, they mean to stop drinking like life is one big frat party. But they don’t do those things, so they live in kind of an extended adolescence, no closer to adulthood than they were when they graduated college.

Don’t be like that. Don’t get stuck. Move, travel, take a class, take a risk. Walk away, try something new. There is a season for wildness and a season for settledness, and this is neither. This season is about becoming. Don’t lose yourself at happy hour, but don’t lose yourself on the corporate ladder either. Stop every once in a while and go out to coffee or climb in bed with your journal. Ask yourself some good questions like: “Am I proud of the life I’m living? What have I tried this month? What have I learned about God this year? What parts of my childhood faith am I leaving behind, and what parts am I choosing to keep with me for this leg of the journey? Do the people I’m spending time with give me life, or make me feel small? Is there any brokenness in my life that’s keeping me from moving forward?”

Now is your time. Become, believe, try. Walk closely with people you love, and with other people who believe that God is very good and life is a grand adventure. Don’t spend time with people who make you feel like less than you are. Don’t get stuck in the past, and don’t try to fast-forward yourself into a future you haven’t yet earned. Give today all the love and intensity and courage you can, and keep travelling honestly along life’s path.


still on the topic of dreams, i was pretty inspired by the above article when i first read it somewhere on facebook. and needless to say, there were some crazy ideas that stemmed out. im an innate thinker, i cant help it.

so the fiancé and i had a talk 2 nights ago. guess i'd been feeling all emotional for some time now, plus this article gave me some insights into my own life, so this talk was very much needed and appreciated.

i asked if he could give me 3 months to go live in a different country and find myself, fulfill my dream of independence. its not hard and i reckon it could be done - resign from this job or get a sabbatical of about 2-3 months unpaid leave, fly to someplace, live among the people and do what they do and live a life that is totally different from here. its the experience that i crave for. its the difference that i wanna feel. its the sweet smell of independence and freedom that i've been longing for - is that so wrong?

but his reply really hurt.

i fail terribly as a fiancée. the fiancé confessed that he feels there are many regrets in my life - my regret of saying yes to his proposal, regret that we are going to get married, and worse, regret the past 10 years together!

that came as a very painful "ouch" for me.

i had spent close to half of my lifetime with this person and just when we are almost making it to the finishing line where it will bring us to a new chapter of life and it looks like we both have different dreams and ideals now.

yes i don't deny the fact that ive always been a more 'dreamy' person, whereas he's the more practical and down-to-earth guy. but that doesnt mean im not realistic.

how many of my dreams have i already given up for him?

i'll be 28 this year. i've never really done anything i ever wanted to. i've always been a good girl, listening and obeying whatever authority that has been placed above me. i've always been prim and proper. and even when i had to see each of my dreams and ideals crumble slowly before me, i cried and cried till the cows came home but i still accepted it by the grace of God.

and now that we are in the midst of preparing a wedding that i have no idea where to begin from because we have so many concerns and advices coming from so many people, i only have one thing to say:

make it happen.