::Stupid Stupid System::

i need to burst!!! *screaming* work is killing me, and suffocating me, i simply cannot breathe anymore!!! work sux, i've been so busy the last couple of days i haven't really had the time to blog. that aside, its just the ridiculous work that i've been assigned to that is driving me nuts!
first i was suppose to be preparing documents to be sent in to Health Sciences Authority (HSA) for our products to be tested on. previously when we sent our health supplements in, its been a rather simple and easy job, but now when it comes to cosmetics, its the worst thing around!
we are required to submit an online application for a product license before we can sell our products to the public. and anything to do with online application requires our SingPass. so my boss was the one signing in because he's obviously the boss, but what you didn't know was that i have to be the one typing stuff like manufacturer's details, company's details and list of ingredients for my products and so on and so forth. fair enough. by the way, this application is for our lipstick (yes we do carry lipsticks). so i have 12 different shades of color, but with the same 21 ingredients. if you're smart enough, you would have figured out i have to type out 21 times of 12, with no copying or attachment of files allowed. isn't this pure stupidity?! oh wait wait, you haven't heard the worst of the worst: everytime i'm almost done with the application, my whole com will hang and this error message comes up after countless hits of the refresh button: "our system has encountered an error. please try again later." *mouth wide open* and all my information typed in will be gone, erased, just like that! from yesterday until today, the same thing has been happening over and over and over again! how can i not get pissed off?! and its not because i haven't been patient enough, its just that these government websites have no idea how freaking slow and pathetic their systems are! oh and did you know that HSA was the exact same agency who approved SlimTen and thus the Andrea de Cruz' spoiled liver case? and guess what? they do not, i repeat, do not offer any other alternatives like maybe faxing hardcopy in or emailing or anything, nothing whatsoever!!!!!!!!! *screaming* how can this be? so stupid, pure stupidity!!! *arghz* i am so mad! and now my mood is totally spoiled even though i have a beautiful movie waiting for me tonight.
boy am i glad tomorrow is public holiday, meanwhile i'll just wait for my prince to come and rescue me! *pouts*

::my fifth template; pretty cute but something was just lacking::

---::This Is How I Want Our Love To Be::---

I want to be part of your life
and all of your hopes and dreams.
I want to share all of your happiness and sorrow
as if it were my own...
I want to hold you as close
as i possibly can.
At all times,
even if its is only in my heart
and mind.
I want us to create our own road
to follow,
so that we can rejoice in each other.
I want to spend time learning about both of us
and make time for walking
in both the rain and sunshine.
Mostly, i want to remember always
why I first said "i love you".
I want to remember how you've
make me laugh
and sometimes make me cry.
And I never want to forget just how
special and different you are,
and how you touch my heart
in a way that no one else can.

::Good Weekend Ahead::

today is tuesday but i'm already looking forward to this long weekend (well, almost) because:
1. i have a scheduled facial appointment with mommy dearest this friday, time for vanity to be unleashed, hah!
2. my favourite chilli crab is so waiting for me. *yumz*
3. deardear is booking out on thursday afternoon! i've been waiting so long for him to return, i miss him so much! so double yay for me! *winkz*
4. deardear says he'll be bringing me for a swim, because he knows i haven't been exercising ever since forever. *hee*
5. spring-cleaning so far, has been rather enjoyable. moreover deardear is coming over to wash the windows for me this weekend too! *grinz*
6. we'll be catching either Shall we Dance? or Let's talk About Sex this weekend, with or without his stupid friends. *tongue sticking out*
7. retail therapy is so gonna happen this weekend, can't wait can't wait!
8. just received a call from Soo Kee Jewellery and my diamond bracelet is here!
9. finally made appointment for my manicure and pedicure. *chuckles*
10. and lastly, i'm going home in about 10 minutes' time. yippy!

::Shall We Dance?::

i've heard relatively positive comments with regards to this movie and i am dying to watch it! any takers? *winkz*

::Final Template::

*hee* finally, one template that i really really like (guaranteed, confirmed, plus chop), so rest assure, it should be quite some time before i do another major overhaul again. *winkz*
today when i came to work, i was expected to be screamed at, because:
1) i was 15 minutes late. blame it on the weather coz it was just so cold, so windy and so nice to be in a warm cozy bed? anyway, my excuse was i'm constipating. *lolz* its true by the way! *pouts* (stop sniggering over there!)
2) i was so certain i was gonna be called in to be scolded again for my late-coming. punctuality sista!
3) after the seminar last saturday, we had to do a stock-take. but because our database system was down, my lady boss couldn't tally the figures and thus couldn't scream at us YET. just give her a couple more days yah.
4) i was online shopping at victoria secrets and because i don't want my dad to find out about it, i have to use my own credit card instead of his supp card. and i was suppose to be working remember?
5) there's no number five yet because currently, i just can't think of anyone else who would scream at me for something that i've done, or rather, something that i haven't done. make sense? nah, it doesn't. anyway, i'm real glad monday's gonna be history because i'm almost frozen in this north pole of mine here in the office, and it also means its about 2 more days to book-out day! *yay* i have been dreaming of it for the longest time. *lalalala*

::Seminar::

today's turnout for our health seminar was alot lower than expected even though efforts this time round was alot more. even sales wasn't as good as the previous time. i guess part of the reason is that the speaker is always the same, and its at the same hotel like the other time, and the topics covered are always the same as well. people now want change, and novelty is what they're looking for. its so not gonna work if this carries on. *shaking head* technically speaking, its none of my business, and i'll be happy just to mind my own business because ignorance is bliss? hah, crap!
my precious boy is confined this weekend, which explains why i'm blogging blogging blogging on a saturday?! *shrugs* i've got no plans, no nothing, so i came home to spend some time with mommy dearest. *smilez* i'm so sleepy but i'm also pretty bored, so i decided to blog some stuff before resting for the night.
oh by the way, i'm still looking for a blog skin. hmmmm how shall i put it? this present precious moments one is fine, and its pretty alright, just that i don't like it THAT much, ya know what i mean? *lolz* i feel like i'm going crazy! *screaming* i dun even know what i'm talking about!
okok, shall just post a pic, shut up and tuck myself up in my nice, warm and cozy little bed. nitey pple! *winkz*

::why do i always look this tan? *wondering*::

::Another New Template::

as you can see, this is another template of yours truly! no matter how much i try to change the black one, i just didn't like it that much, so i decided i gotta do something about it. how does this look? alot better huh? more like my style, more like me right? *hee* oh oh and check out the scrolling filmstrip, i did it today! nice???
i'm feeling alot better after taking medication and resting. i started some spring-cleaning today, just a tiny part of my room. i'm waiting for my boyfriend to help me wash the windows and clean up some of my stuff, just like previous years. *tongue sticking out*
today is the start of his 4-day field camp. he called me early this morning to tell me he was gonna be setting off soon, and he'll be back on sunday afternoon. i miss him, but i have to be patient and strong and wait for him to come back. meanwhile, i'm gonna be posting my previous template up for remembrance sake ok?

::my fourth and most recent template which just didn't go with my style::

::Art Piece::

i'm actually not feeling that well, it's a strange horrible feeling BUT i did this outta boredom, what do ya think? *grinz*

::My art piece, nice?::

::Memories::

i'm on MC today, and will be for tomorrow as well. its good that i can finally rest without anyone being mean or sarcastic to me. i'm glad to be away from work for 2 days, i finally have time to myself.
as i was on my way home from the doc this morning, i needed to settle breakfast/lunch in order for me to take medication, so i walked to the NTUC just downstairs my house to see what i could get. nothing much, just got some fishball.

then i realised, its been a long time since i last stepped into the place where my dear and i first met. it was a nice, warm, familiar feeling and before i knew it, i was smiling to myself. *smilez*
looking back, it's hard to believe we're almost 4 years old, but everything seemed like it just happened yesterday. from complete strangers to colleagues, to friends and then to something more intimate, and to classmates (well almost) as well, it's just amazing how this love has been blessed by the Lord.

from cheap pasar-malam clothes to mango, to morgan.
from cheap silver to swarvoksi crystals, to diamonds.
from fast-food restaurants to real high-class restaurants.
from self-manicure/pedicure to professional ones.
from black and white mobiles, to limited edition mobiles.
from brand-less jeans to levis and topshop.

i've changed, and so did he.
from funny ugly hairstyles to cool kempt ones.
from giordano/bossini to nautica, to springfield.
from adidas shoes to oakley shoes.
from normal body wash to hugo boss' body wash.
from fast-food restaurants to real high-class restaurants.
from brand-less underwear to Calvin Klein. *lolz*

trials came and went, our relationship has been tested countless times, but still we survived it all. like other relationships, we've had our fair share of ups and downs, been nasty and mean to one another, but at the end of the day, we still love each other. and even now, another test is here - national service. its something we both know we have to live through it, and distance isn't gonna seperate us, because our hearts already belong to one other. the best days of our lives are those spent with each other.
i guess what i'm really trying to say is that, i miss him so much.

::something he did last year, for our third year anniversary::

::Premonition::

when two hearts beat as one, telepathy exists. yesterday's bad feeling proved to be accurate when i received my usual phonecall from my baby in the night. he sounded terrible, as if in alot of pain. when asked what's wrong, his answer was a soft "i fell". immediately my heart sank. i wanted so much to rush over to the dreaded island to be with him, but the only comfort he was to get from me was my voice.
with my body system breaking down as well, i couldn't offer much except a "i will be here for you anytime you need me". i prayed and i asked for God's blessing to be upon him. worried-stricken and with no news from him, i fretted until i finally saw a message this morning that he was on the way to the MO. after an x-ray confirming no bone fracture, he's been instructed to rest well and to avoid exercise for the next three days. moreover, a three-day outfield camp awaits him this friday, which explains why he'll be confined. how can i not worry? how can i remain calm? how can i not fret about his health? but no matter what happens, he'll still be the strongest guy i've ever known, and most importantly, he'll still be my hero.
--------------
at work - today hasn't been exactly a good day.
1. got told off because i came in 5 minutes earlier, i was suppose to be 10 minutes earlier. why issit that my effort isn't appreciated?
2. i haven't been feeling well the past week but i have been struggling to come to work, trying not to absent myself because we have a seminar this coming saturday, and alot of preparation has to be done.
3. i greeted the members when i came in, acknowledged them with a smile and said a soft hi because i haven't been feeling well. but got told off because he didn't hear, he didn't know.
i feel so accused and so unappreciated. i should really consider sending in my resignation letter. i don't need this job.
only at 5 plus did they finally realise i'm very sick and asked if i wanna go home, sarcastically. why should i try so hard? why should i care so much? i should have just gone to the doc to asked for MC and get the company to reimburse as usual. look what i got in return? lousy treatment and i got told off. if this is the kind of treatment i have to bear in order for me to go to Japan, i would rather skip it. i can jolly well earn myself a trip there in the near future. even as i'm typing this, my body is feverish and my head is spinning real bad. i'm almost frozen because of the darn air-con and its still about 2 hours away from knock-off time. i'm so going to the doc straight after work. i hate this place! i need a break!

::Long Week::

after spending a sweet weekend, i foresee an extremely long and dreaded week ahead of me, reason being, my baby's gonna be confined. *sigh* how on earth am i gonna get used to not seeing him for 2 weeks?! *screaming* i don't get it! why does the army enjoy locking people up on weekends just to satisfy their sadistic cravings of seeing the misery on their soldiers' face! *fuming*
i know i should just relax and calm down, its not that bad? i'm trying to be positive here too but it just doesn't feel right without him by my side! i'm feeling so depressed, help?
anyway, on a happier tone, rocky relationships seemed to be well again with friends and that's good. my weekend was an enjoyable one, and that's good too. i'm gonna be busy with a seminar this saturday, and that's good too coz then it'll take my mind off my baby. my blog skin looks alot more pleasing to my eyes after my constant revamping, and that's good too. my dear still prefers to my old ones? my sentiments exactly but i'm just feeling too crappy to do anything anymore than just sitting here blogging. i'm on the verge of crying! *pouts*
::my most recent skin, the third one to be exact::

::my second skin, the one with the christmas theme::

okok, i know the sequence is a bit off, but the first shall be the last and the last shall be first? ok crap but which is nicer?

::Women::

woman, as the name suggests, was taken from the word man. in the book of Genesis 2:21-22, God "took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib He had taken out of the man, and He brought her to the man."
so shouldn't women be men's beloved and be of great help to men? so shouldn't women be treated as princesses and be treated well by men since we are obviously the weaker vessels? if so, then why issit there are still so many girls out there crying out because their guys don't treat them right? why issit that some guys can bring themselves to treat their girls so shabbily? i don't understand. women go through some of the most hardships beyond comprehension, for instance, the 9 months long pregnancy, motherhood and even the task of being a housewife, a career woman, and also bringing up the children. and yet with all those also comes breast-feeding (and even then, not every woman lactate?), the risk of womb cancer, cervical cancer, and the various forms of cysts in the uterus! not to mention, when we reach a certain age, at about 35 and above, we have to go for regular mammogram to screen for any unusual growth in the breasts. and just for your information, mammogram is painful. "the breast is gently flattened between two plates of the X-ray machine for a few seconds, to spread the tissue apart and to get a good image of the breast. afterwhich, the images are then developed by a radiographer who then gives the X-ray films to a radiologist to check for abnormalities." how painful is that? *ouch* and yet some men treat women like sex objects, like sex toys, just for the sake of pure pleasure, of satisfying their own gross needs! disgusting. and women's greatest weakness is being too obliging to the man they love, they let them have their way with them. and when things go wrong, men's first instinct is to shun them away, avoid them, all because they are unable to handle the situation! in my opinion, men are weak!
women are the greatest creature created by God, because women are sensitive and at the same time, strong. tough being a girl huh? but i'm glad my boy treats me well, just like a princess. *smilez* i will never settle for anything lesser, he also knows never to short-change me, because i deserve every sacrifice he's ever made for me, for i am every bit worth the trouble. *winkz*

::Love::

this is my fourth template! changed it especially for pat who claims my previous forever friends template had the cute bear overlapping my posts and that she can't read? anyway, you better appreciate and leave me a note!!! haha but this may be temporary, will let my baby see it first and see what he says. *chuckles*
took almost forever to change it and honestly, i don't quite like it. dunno why...just not my style i guess. and i don't like to change blogskins this often so yah, i'll see what i can do about it. *winkz*
its 2 more days to bookout day and i just can't wait! i'm on the verge of falling ill again, sore throat came back after about a month, and the same horrible warm feeling and headache. damn! what is wrong with my immunity?! i didn't used to fall sick this much, i tell you, air-con is really bad for the body. imagine breathing in artificial air for 9 hours?! not to mention its freezing cold in here, just makes every part of my body shiver. *shaking head*
anyway, i guess what i really wanted to write in here is that i'm really upset, my heart is feeling heavy with all the love stories evolving around me.
what is love? what exactly is it? in the Bible, God gave the 2 greatest commandments as these: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself'. " Matthew 22:36-39 Also in the Bible, God described Love as such: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not selfseeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
the above 2 verses were taken from New International Version. in the New King's James Version, it says that "love suffers long" and it also "bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things".
according to the definition given from the dictionary, bear means to:
1. To hold up; support.
2. To be accountable for
3. To have a tolerance for; endure.
so doesn't it mean that love should overlook faults and weaknesses?
despite the 3 different forms of love namely,
1. agape love - a spiritual type of unconditional lovel; or God's love
2. phileo - a brotherly type of friendship love
3. eros - a romantic type of passionate love
in each of these different forms of love, the above can be applied meaning how love can bear all things, endure all things, hope all things and believe all things. when you love someone, its not about feelings, its about a decision of commitment. feelings will fade, making one unsure if that's the right person for you or not, but think about why you got together in the beginning. think about how you wanna spend the rest of your life with this one person. think about the promises first made.

::Engagement Rings::

after one long month of endless waiting, my engagement rings are finally here! *screaming* this pair of rings was custom-made because my wedding ring finger is too small, so i had to get it specially done. and since i had to custom make mine, my dear said he'll get his custom made too so that neither of us will get it first, and we'll both wait together. its a together thing remember? oh i'm so glad its here. its so lovely, mine has diamonds on it! *chuckles* diamonds are a girl's best friend? *lolz* i can't help but ogle at diamonds and crystals. *tongue sticking out* okok i know...save money for rainy days and for deardear and mine wedding fund. oh oh but i just have to blog this. so i was in Soo Kee Jewellery collecting my rings and thinking of what to engrave in our rings because we only had very limited space, my eye caught sight of this diamond bracelet which was too pretty beyond words. *drooling* i just had to get it! moreover, my parents have been bugging me to get some jewellery for my 21st birthday as a sign of adulthood, so there i was, in a dilemma. the money was given to me a long time ago, but it had been conveniently used up by yours truly, and now, i am using my own money to pay for that bracelet. it was calling out my name, asking me to try it on, and naturally, trying leads to liking it even more and eventually buying it. *tsk* sinful sinful. so the decision to flash the credit card further confirms the bracelet will be my property in less than a minute. but again my wrist is too small, so it had to be sent back for cutting and repolishing.
and yes, i'll be waiting this saturday for my fiance to put on this ring for me. *smilez*
::how does it look on me???::

::the actual rings::

with your name engraved in my ring,
and mine in yours,
our lives are sealed as one.
"to thee i bestow",
means my heart belongs to you,
and yours to me,
as we take this step to being one.
--:...21st November 2004...:--

::Clarification::

apart from starting off the new year pretty well, sadly in the way i handled people-to-people relationships were pretty disappointing. i refer to the post Break-Up dated 29 December 2004. my friend, the so-called "accused" had apparently read my post and found out about what i wrote about her. though i admit it was my wrong concluding certain information from hearsay, i must say i still believe i'm entitled to my own views?
anyway, i apologise for any hurt, upset or grief intended, though unintentionally, i understand i may have ruined your reputation and insulted your integrity. i beg for your forgiveness and will learn to do things more discreetly. this ends it and clears it, i hope. *keeping fingers, toes, hands and feet crossed*

::New Year 2005::

well, for me, 2005 came with a big bang right down at my, ahem...abdomen area (if you know what i mean) *lolz*, and with mommy dearest's birthday celebration, indeed it was!
::started off mommy dearest's birthday dinner; the coolest parents in the whole wide world::

::my family without my baby because he has to book in, damn!::

::Blessed New Year::

new morning, new year, new beginning and new happenings, Blessed New Year everyone! where there's an end, there always will be a beginning, and today will be that new beginning. reached back home at about 5.15am, shagged to the max and i so much just wanted to find any spot on the streets to lie down to sleep, if not for my dear dragging me. *lolz* that's how shagged i was! but the movie was good, at least i definitely appreciate hollywood movies better than chinese/hongkong/local productions which are a total waste of time and money. ben stiller was good, as usual. a face full of expression that just tickles my funny bones even when he doesn't say anything. *hee*
church was good too, we had a little countdown on our own, which was also as usual, a little late because the coordination with the nation's countdown always goes a little hay-wire. haha but still good, nevertheless. at least i have every new year to remember my dear spending it with me. *smilez* so, here's a little recap on some of the major things that happened to me in 2004:
1. dear and i graduated with our Diploma in Marketing, School of Business, Temasek Poly, after working so hard for it for 3 years.
2. my big sis and bro went to aussie for further studies.
3. dear started his 2 year 4 months national service.
4. i turned 21 this year. *chuckles*
5. dear and i got engaged at my birthday party.
praise You Father for all Your gifts and blessings! may 2005 be a better year for everyone especially the people that i love!

::New Year's Eve::

as i'm typing this, my boy is getting ready to board the ferry which will take him away from that island for the next 3 days. *hee* my tummy's not well, been having slight cramps even before my egg is broken?! weird, my body's all becoming strange. let's just keep our fingers cross that my egg will still be intact and not disrupt my day. *keeping fingers, toes hands and legs crossed* anyway, so today's activities will include:
1) going for night-watch service @ church. starts at 10.30pm and will end roughly after we have had our mini countdown.
2) then we are going to meet with dear's buds and join them for dinner/supper.
3) and after that, we are gonna catch the first movie of the New Year @ 1.45am. what along night! *slurps*

::Tsunami Killer Waves::

my heart goes out to the countless casualties, homeless, and to those who have been, somehow affected by the killer waves. as i read the New Paper this morning, tears welled up my eyes as each story unfolded human's bravery and the determination to survive. thankfully rescue efforts are coming from every country possible to aid the affected countries. and currently on BBC, it has just announced the latest death toll reaching 120,000. that's how many souls the sea ate up. and according to the Bible, on Judgement Day, the sea will have to "spit out" every single life which it had consumed.
putting myself in their shoes, it just made me count my blessings more and thank the Lord for the peaceful life here in singapore. putting myself in their shoes, i wouldn't know what i would do or react, dunno if i would run or even have the determination like some of the survivors to live.
this incident also made me realise that no matter how great men are, they are never a match for Mother Nature.
it is also at this time that man's faith would be wavered, confused thoughts will be clouding their minds. but whatever the case, God must have His reason. so please don't give up, and please don't stop believing, and lastly, please don't stop praying.

::Last Year::

last year this time, my dear and i just finished our most horrified student internship programme or SIP for short (fine, maybe it was just my horrible experience) and we were on the way to our very first overseas trip together.
it was a good trip, together with my parents. so the four of us set off for lunch in malacca where we had authentic peranakan cuisine, dinner in kualar lumpur where we had the famous frog porridge and ikan bakaar, and after that, we slept over a night coach heading towards hatyai, southern thailand where we spent most of our trip at. reminiscing is good, helps you appreciate events, people and places more. so we spent our new year in hatyai last year. it was sweet. *smilez* i still have some pics at home, no i should say at my boyfriend's house. will have to wait till tomorrow to scan and then upload it.
remembering how adventurous the whole trip was, my boy learnt lotsa tips from my dad on how to be alert at all times while on foreign soil because anything can happen in a split second. it was my baby's first trip this far, and to so many places at one go, he was really excited. thinking back, he was like a little boy standing next to my dad, just like a father-son relationship. *chuckles* oh well, my boy is half-way reaching that status. *hides face and blushes*
needless to say, shopping was included. and so was the many fantastic eating hunts my dad knew about decades back, and i really mean decades back. so he brought us there, one by one, and all we did was to feast on yummy food and enjoy life there. *slurps* i miss the life there! *screaming*
i wouldn't mind doing it all over again. i thank God for my parents, i love them so much. and for a wonderful boyfriend who has made me more of a person than i am today because of his love. baby, i am whole because of you, you complete me! for those of you who know my boyfriend would totally agree with me, unlike some posers who always brag about how fantastic their boyfriends are but are actually not. pathetic. *major eyeroll* why am i even talking about such losers? spoiler.
in short, i'm craving for a getaway with my darling boy! *screaming*
and finally the pics are here!!!
::our first stop at malacca::

::the very unique way of counting down to the new year all dressed up::

::on thai streets::

::the elephant village!!! i love elephants!!!::

::they're simply adorable, dun ya think? *winkz*::

::Tattoo::

i wanna get a tattoo done!!! *screaming* i guess i've always wanted to get it done, but my dear doesn't allow it. *pouts* says its too ah lian and all that. he even said that if i ever go do it, he'll smoke and drink and do piercing all over his body as well! *scratching head* a bit outta point don't you think? *lolz* but that's my baby for you. so i'm gonna try to persuade him and convince him to let me do it. *grinz* my lady boss wants to get one too. *hee*
honestly i think tattoos are fine, its pretty and because you have one doesn't mean that you're a bad gal? doesn't mean you're in a gang? it doesn't spoil your image or reputation like smoking does? not that i'm discriminating smokers but i wanna do it so badly and i guess i just wanna justify my action perhaps? man...someone tell me its fine?

::Break-Up::

i've been wanting to blog this for the longest time, with regards to one of my good friend (i think), and her boyfriend. reason why i said i think she's my good friend is because we used to be pretty close back then in poly, and we would gossip, confide and work really hard for our projects and grades. in a sense, i was the one who influenced her to the way she is today, i opened her up and taught her how to be strong and confident of herself.
that aside, so i knew her boyfriend back then too, i still know him today. all along, her boyfriend appeared to me as good-natured. if there was anything bad about him, it was probably just due to his playful nature. but he's harmless, really. until he got into ocs and got into bad influence, had a fling which his gal found out about and caused her so much grief. i hated him then. hated him for the fact that he didn't treasure her, and didn't give her the support she needed when she was going through one of the worst periods in her life because of our darn school attachment. i remembered what she told me then, she said she loves this guy too much, she doesn't wanna let him go. she said she couldn't afford to let him go, if she does, she will never love again. regardless of my advices to her, she still listened to her heart and fought for him. he, back then, still had the cheek to negotiate for a one-month period just so he could break off with the other girl. *mouth wide open* why would you need a months' time to break up with someone? moreover, they were only a couple of months's old. disgusting. after much negotiation, they agreed to 10 days, but thankfully the guy still had a heart and did it within 2 days. things after that were strained, but time would heal, or so everyone thought. but i guess only when everything went back to normal did the new environments stepped in and caused another strain. both went to do their degree at different institutes, met new people, did new things and changed. i could see the effort on the guy's part for his constant make-ups. honestly and sadly, it was my friend who changed and just couldn't find any more sparks in the relationship. naturally, how could you when you are in a new environment with so much more eligible bachelors around. blame it on faded feelings? feelings will definitely fade, it is how you deal with the changes and continue the sparks in the relationship that matter. she chose to forgive him, she chose to overlook his moment of folly, it was her choice for letting this guy be the love of her life once again. since it was her choice, she had to live with it. but now, it was also her choice which led her guy to let her go and find herself, her happiness, and her freedom. so sad! *cries* when i knew about it i teared. and ironically it wasn't through my friend which i found out about. this explains why i dunno if we're still good friends or not. attempts to meet up has failed even though promises were made, even she lied about arriving late at about 9 odd for my party. said it was due to work, but her work, which was just around the corner, ends at 7pm. i found out alot later that it was because she was out at sentosa partying with her friends that she arrived late. amazing. maybe i shouldn't have any expectations because after all, i've only known her for 4 years maybe.
i really pity the guy though, move on and find someone else more worthy. dun blame it on your mistake, everyone makes mistakes. just be sure to never let it happen again. i wish you all the best!

::My Third Template::

*hee* what do ya guys think of my new template? well, changed it outta boredom at work, so....what do ya think? its been a real cold day raining and all, weather wasn't too good here at work either because biscuit called my lady boss in the morning to ask for leave for the dunno-how-many times and of course my lady boss was pissed. and so was my boss. they were real mad. to add on, she didn't leave her boyfriend's house until the rain stopped?! *mouth wide open* honestly, the rain never stopped, it was drizzling the entire day. even i found it hard to find an excuse to defend her. my bosses said they were thinking of dismissing her, and all i could do was to keep quiet and listen to their reasons and explanation because i could empathise with them, i knew where they were coming from. but god knows what happened in the end, dismissal never came. and then again, you doubt the integrity of your bosses? *scratching head* oh well, none of my business. *lalalalala*

::Christmas Dinner::

i made an appointment with my manicurist to do both manicure and pedicure on christmas eve with my darling dearest accompanying me all the way. *hee* he felt weird being the only guy in a place filled with females, so he stuck really close to me. so adorable right?
::almost immediately after he booked out from hendon camp where he just did his 3m jump::

::Christmas day where we had dinner with his buddies and the stupid present-exchanging which i thought was really dumb *pouts*::

::our minus 26 degree celcius ice-cream log cake which we really had a hard time cutting::

::another sweet pic of dear and me *smilez*::

::too far, can't see? a close-up then. lovely huh? *winkz*::

::his buds; from left to right: my boy, jianyi, alvin::

::and on sunday morning, on the way to church; check out our super sleepy eyes *lolz*::

::Christmas Party @ the Office::

yesterday was the christmas party organised by my company for the members. it was as usual, an aunty-pushing, food-snatching, long-windedness and greediness all rolled in. we had food ordered and delivered to us from swensens, that alone cost a hefty $300. in addition, the food wasn't enough and we had to order another 15 packs of fried bee hoon from the neighbouring foodcourt who does free delivery. amazing isn't it? and the best part? inactive members, those who have joined but never bought any products, or whom we never see coming, heard wind of a free dinner, all rushed down with their families and friends. the wonder of singaporeans!
but at least my part of the present-giving was nice, i enjoyed it. *smilez* i guess that if i gave everyone a little something, it would have been nice, and i guess i was right. some were surprised and ran off to get me something in return, while others already came prepared. but at least i wasn't the one just receiving, it was a pretty feeling giving as well! because God loves a cheerful giver!
also at the christmas party, we were made to wear the silly santa hats which made us hot and look almost all alike. *sigh* but i guess the children enjoyed the hat-wearing thoroughly, so here are some pics to amuse you!
::the children and i. they look nice, just like me huh? *winkz*::

::susan and me. she's 4 months pregnant by the way, fortunate isn't it?::

::Blessed Christmas::

instead of the usual exchanging presents, turkey-eating, decorating the christmas tree and the imaginary Santa Claus, Christmas is actually a celebration of Christ's birth. did you know that? my Santa Claus, when i was a little gal, was my papa dearest. somehow, he would always managed to put our prezzies by our little christmas tree even though how hard my sis and i tried staying awake until. we never succeeded. some years Santa would be late, some years Santa would be right on time. yet there were also other times where Santa would get us wrong prezzies, but still good enough for us. i love my daddy so much! my very own Santa! he made us believe in the big man living in the north pole who only came out on christmas to deliver prezzies to every single child in this whole world. the same theory applies for Christ, except the gift that Christ gave was His death on the cross, the gift of everlasting love which has cleansed every bit of our sinned lives. think about the real significance of Christmas. here's a nice song with nice lyrics and nice music (which is also my background midi by the way) for you to enjoy. Blessed Christmas everyone!

We are the Reason - David Meece

As little children we would dream of Christmas morn
and all the gifts and toys we knew we'd find,
but we never realized a baby born one blessed night
gave us the greatest gift of our lives

Chorus:
We were the reason that he gave his life.
We were the reason that he suffered and died
to a world that was lost he gave all he could give.
to show us the reason to live.

As the years went by we learned more about gifts.
the giving of ourselves and what that means.
On a dark and cloudy day a man hung crying in the rain,
because of love, because of love.

I finally found the reason for living;
it's in giving every part of my heart to him.
In all that I do every word that I say,
I'll be giving my all just for him, for him.

We are the reason that he gave his life.
We are the reason that he suffered and died.
To a world that was lost he gave all he could give,
to show us the reason to live.
He is my reason to live.

::christmas shopping @ city::

met up with pat girlie last night at city, where i got sexy christmas gifts for my dear! *hee* well, a little hint: its from CK. CK was my last resort although i can't say i had anything else in mind, just that i knew i wanted to get him something he'll remember. oh well, guess this will do and hey, in case you're wondering, those lingerie didn't come cheap! *chuckles*
alright alright, back to the meeting up session. i guess it was a nice, warm, fuzzy feeling to meet up with people whom you were close with, back then in school. and even though we may seemed to have had so much different opinions at that time in school, it was also then did the friendships and relationships were created. and just look at the bond. amazing. so anyway, here's a pic of us, BABES!

p.s did i mention we both wore the same heels from charles & keith and didn't realise until we were about to go home? great minds do think alike! *lolz*

::What honeymoon spot is best for you?::

i managed to get into pat's blog after trying like forever! and then i did a quiz and i got the same honeymoon spot as you gal! *winkz*

Your honeymoon spot is Spain!

What honeymoon spot is best for you?
brought to you by Quizilla

::baby-sitting again::

or should i say its maids-day again! *major eyeroll* incredibly disgusting that a child has to tell biscuit "my father says you have to buy lunch for me". even though it wasn't directed at me, i felt insulted on biscuit's behalf and soon enough, it'll be my turn to get her dinner. pity us, pity me. as parents, shouldn't you be the ones to settle their meals instead of us? tolerate, i will tolerate until the day i burst, and a resignation letter will be on its way. i can almost see this day coming, soon in a blink of an eye, i'll be gone from this place. for cying out loud, we have our pride, if you still regard us as humans, equivalent to your beling as a human, no one higher or lower than the other, respect yourselves and respect your child and get breakfast, lunch, and dinner yourselves! even if they read this post and decide to fire me, i'd gladly welcome that gesture. it's no big deal working here, this company is no big deal, i'd rather go out and do some real work instead of being free all day long, idling and feeling bored. wanna hear something worser? when they finish their packed food, they just leave it on the table, expecting biscuit and i to clear it for them?! *mouth wide open* if this is the price i have to pay for working here, i'd rather not. i can't just pass it off and pretend all these services are enriching to me because its NOT! if its outta personal favor that i've been expected to serve your stupid spoilt daughter, then i'm sorrie my patience has run out, and that's it! i rest my case.

::Quill::

just finished watching the japanese dog movie based on a true life account, Quill. it was most touching, not to mention, it featured the puppy's entire life span within that short two-hour period. it was brilliantly captured which explained why it brought tears to my eyes. especially since i have a puppy at home, all the more i can emphathise with the movie. apart from the fact that my puppy isn't quite as obedient or well-trained as the labrador who acted as Quill, the movie did bring me back into the harsh reality of the short life-span of a dog's brief existence on this earth. again i teared. i barely just gotten over the puppy poem, "how could you?" and my lady boss just had to lend me her dvd which had saddened my heart again. *sobs* when will i ever get over, or rather, accept the essentials of life, death, illnesses and seperation? *pondering in process once again*

::Who Were You in Your Last Past Life?::

according to this website, they said i was a male in my past life?! *screaming*

Diagnosis:

I do not know how you feel about it, but you were male in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere around territory of modern Bulgaria approximately on 1025.Your profession was monk, bee-keeper, lone gunman.

Your brief psychological profile in that past life: Inquisitive, inventive, liked to get to the very bottom of things and to rummage in books. Talent for drama, natural born actor.

Lesson, that your last past life brought to present: There is the invisible connection between material and spiritual world. Your lesson -- to search, to find and to use this bridge.

what nonsense right? i was a monk?? *screaming even louder* i so do not believe this nonsense! *pouts*

::Top Ten Flirting Tips::

10. Flirting is an attitude: A good flirt is self-confident and not afraid to take risks. Be enthusiastic and positive, it works!
9. Start a conversation: The best opening line is saying hello. Talk about the surroundings, ask a question, ask for help, state an opinion.
8. Have fun: Be playful, light-hearted and spontaneous. Show your vulnerability.
7. Use props: Never leave home without a prop. Props are natural conversation starters. They encourage conversation and others will be compelled to start talking to you. Great props include: dogs, kids, unusual jewelry, a fabulous scent, a sweatshirt with your favorite passion, interesting ties, hats, or an interesting book or newspaper.
6. Be the host: Change your behavior from the role of guest to host. You are not the passive person in waiting, but rather the welcome committee.
5. Make the first move: Move closer to the person you want to meet. Say hello!
4. Listen: You have two ears and one mouth because you should listen twice as much as you speak. Listening is a true art. Your flirting partner will be drawn to you. Everyone loves to be heard.
3. Eye contact: Make eye contact, but please look your partner in the eye gently (no more than 2-4 seconds) and then glance away. Don’t stare – it’s a turn off.
2. Compliment: Compliment your flirting partner. The best compliments have the element of surprise. The "flirtee" will know that you really noticed them. Remember, your compliments must be honest, sincere and genuine. When you receive a compliment the best response is merely, Thank You!
1. Smile: It is contagious. It will make you so much more approachable. A smile lights up your face and draws people to you. You will be a people magnet. Try it!

you can so tell how bo liao i am at work! *lolz* enjoy!

::HOW TO TELL IF SOMEONE IS ATTRACTED TO YOU::

How to Tell if a Guy like a Girl:
1. The guy will try to make you laugh.
2. He'll flirt with you when he can.
3. He might try to show off around you.
4. He'll help you out, if you ask for it.
5. He'll stick up for you when you need it most.
6. He'll be friendly to you and all your friends.
7. He might call you for no good reason.
8. He might make fun of you, in a joking way.
9. He'll tell you that you did good, even if you did horrible.
10. He'll make eye contact with a happy grin on his face.

How to Tell if a Girl likes a Guy:
1. The girl will laugh at all your jokes.
2. She'll stare at you with a smile on her face.
3. She'll ask you who you like, continuously
4. She might try to make you jealous.
5. She'll beg that you do everything for her.
6. She might start talking to your friends.
7. She'll talk to you about the different varieties of guys.
8. She'll always seem to be talking about how nice you are.
9. She'll always be flirting with every other guy except you.
10. She'll always ask what to do in a bad situation.

how true do you think this is? i dunno. you decide! *lolz*

::ordinary friday::

it's finally friday! *phew* my bosses left town early this morning, and we're in charge of this place until their return on sunday. oh just as well, i'm starting to get real sick of this place and the people here, yah including everyone working with me. first, the baby-sitting was alright, until it got worser and worser and finally, it just reached my threshold level, and i'm just too pissed for words. *major eyeroll* the kids are cute, adorably cute and i love them to bits! BUT them for the full 8 hours that we are here, man i can't take it! and i feel so degraded because i have to take care of their needs, and buy lunch and dinner for them whenever they are hungry?! what am i? your 24-hour servant? hello, the last time i checked, i was still your secretary cum administrator cum customer service cum receptionist!!! *fuming* and as far as i remember, it wasn't stated in my job scope to get lunch and dinner for you! and for the fact that they're away doesn't make me feel any better, simply because they don't trust us! right, how could they when they have probably thousands worth of goods right in their store, right here under our tender loving care. but comon, don't you know us well enough? do we even look like we're the least in need of money for us to even steal your precious goods? or are you afraid we'll let some stranger in and conveniently take some of your goods? oh ppppllllluuuuussssseeeeee! *argh* is there still no trust even after like close to 6 months of time together? disappointed. *sigh* maybe i don't understand. maybe i won't understand until i'm a boss myself? heck, forget it. there's no point. there will never be a future working here i guess. even the computers that are equipped with microsoft office has an authorised password before we can use it, and yah you guessed it right, only the bosses know the password. *mouth wide open* everytime i'm required to type a document or do work for them, i would have to ask them to type the password first before i can start on it. like we would actually take advantage of your precious toner ink and paper to do mass printing?! i dun understand the mentality of it, i really don't. but people say ignorance is bliss. maybe...just maybe. *shaking head*
and this officially ends my complaints.

::world's "fastest" bus driver::

i'm gonna be blogging about the world's fastest bus driver in this world, that i experience every morning. his speed is amazingly fast, always speeding towards the traffic light even when the amber light is showing. and even when the bus-stop is filled of people, he doesn't ever stop and just speeds pass it. superb isn't it? well of course, i'm always early for the train which i have to take to work, i can practically stroll from the interchange to the only train that will bring me to work right on time. that's my exciting journey every morning, ain't it cool?

WELL NOT!

coz that's the exact opposite of the stupid bus driver who is always braking towards the traffic light even when it green. he literally brakes and almost comes to a stop at the traffic light when its green!? how can it be? i dunno! and even when the bus-stop is empty, he still turns in, in hope of picking what passengers up, i dunno. and because of his inconsiderate acts, i have to run for the train every morning in my heels, and in my nice clothes! honestly, what's his problem man?! i've been contemplating if i should lodge a complaint against him, but that would be too mean wouldn't it? being the Ms. Nice that i am, i wouldn't want to rack that poor old man's rice-bowl, but seriously, he could just speed up a little and not bring misery to people living in the peaceful, quiet town of pasir ris.

::Two Little Ones::

i've practically been baby-sitting these two little ones for the whole of today! *pulling out my hair* i'm a real lousy baby-sitter, and i have the least patience in this whole wide world! they're cute, and i like them. but i do not have the energy and strength to play a full 8 hours with them! *argh* i'm gonna get a heart attack soon.....oh someone bless me!

::Tekong & Daddy's Birthday::

part one of today's post will be about the dreadful island, Pulau Tekong. i realise i have a couple of pics that i didn't upload when i did the previous post on my dear's passing out parade. anyway, since i have the time now, so why not?
::a pretty pic of us on the ferry, getting ready to move off onto mainland singapore. we were both unwell with fever, remember? but we still tried our best to smile for the cam *chuckles*::

::the beautiful and artistic shot of dusk::

yah that's all for part one. *lolz*
and now for part two, daddy's big day! daddy just celebrated his 54th birthday about 2 weeks ago, and he was so happy because we were all there with our respective partners. *smilez* oh and did you know my mommy and i sponsored his dinner? *winkz*
::his favourite durian cake, which by the way, was 99.9% filled with real creamy durian *yumz*

::just see the way he laughed, full of joy and happiness::

::one big family::

::LIFE::

i'm finally able to squeeze some time out to update this little diary of mine. in a blink of an eye, another week has passed. and just like that, i'm back to being lonely here on singapore mainland, while my dear has to return to that dreadful island again. i'm not so happy because i just realised a few things over the past week:
1. life is really fragile, and death is inevitable
2. time and tide indeed waits for no man, so cherish every second, every moment with your loved ones, and make sure they know you love them
3. nothing is forever, everything will come to a pass one day
4. seperation is very painful
5. and so are illnesses, diseases and operations

::TGIF::

TGIF, we're closing into knock-off time! dinner's gonna be at his house and i foresee myself staying for the night simply because i've been real tired the last couple of days. whenever its bedtime, i totally konk out and not wake up until its time for work again. what depressing lifestyle i have. *sigh*
anyway, i just heard that Guess is having its 50% sale, i feel so inadequate because i spent almost all my money on my wedding bands. *sigh* how can i spend a happy christmas this year? *pouts*

::i just wanna help::

i dunno why you had to react this way
i just wanted to tell you other alternatives
i just wanted to encourage you
i just wanted to cheer you up
i said i'll support you no matter the result
i said i'll love you the same no matter the result
i just want you to know
i still love you and i'm proud of your posting

::dinner by the beach tonight::

biscuit and her boyfriend, calvi kor kor, will be joining my dear and i for dinner by the beach tonight. we'll most prob be at fisherman village feasting and chilling out. sounds good? definitely! practically counting down till the clock strikes 8, *sigh* can't wait can't wait!
tomorrow is finally friday, TGIF! but i still need to work the day after, so what the heck? but its ok its alright, i get to earn some extra OT pay. *chuckling* i need all the money i can get, i'm into saving up for my wedding fund. *lolz* well i guess we just have to since living in singapore ain't cheap and easy at all, so its always good to start planning early. *hee* typical singaporean, but then again, like what my mom always says, its good to save up for rainy days. well, rainy days in this context can mean another depression or recession hitting southeast asia, and since singapore is only a pee-sai (meaning shit in the nostril in hokkien dialect), we'll definitely be hit. okok, i know, outta point. *lolz*
back to dinner at the beach. did you know that the beach was the exact place:
1. we had our very first date at?
2. where our little love blossomed?
3. that he asked me to be his gal?
4. we had our innocent first kiss?
well if you didn't, i guess you do now. *smilez* ok, another 45 mins more to knock-off time!

::updates updates::

got loads of stuff to update today but i can't get my thoughts straight! *screaming* alright alright, calm down, compose myself. steady, here goes:
1. my prince charming a.k.a my deardear has decided he's gonna resume blogging again! *yay* i'm so glad and so happy that he's decided to carry on updating about our lives, his life and his thoughts again. way to go dearie!
2. today's mambo jumbo night is cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances. i'm rather neutral, neither delirious, nor disappointed. but my boss was practically threatening me to take care of his wife, my lady boss, who was suppose to come with us tonight. *shrugs*
3. ran a couple of errands today e.g. cake ordering at breadtalk for this saturday's member's birthday celebration, and buying stationery for tape binding.
4. at the breadtalk situated at tangs, was this nice chinese lady attending to my order. she commented that the color of my mobile phone was very unique. oh well, yah its red and the limited ladies phone? anyway, i was flattered by her comment. *blush*
5. still at breadtalk was this caucasian man who tried to show his "superiority" by walking away from the cashier without taking his change, mumbling to the cashier and to himself that "i don't understand what you're talking about!" in his stupid accent. *mouth wide open* like come on, she's speaking english, unless you fail to understand an international language. *blah*
6. while out on errands, along the orchard underpass were some people distributing flyers, and this particular "ah-pek" gave me this flyer. it was a white sheet of paper with bolded words on it. it read,
"GET A DATE FOR ALL OCCASIONS
$20 FOR 2 HRS
HP: 93387089
AVAILABLE FOR LADIES 22 YRS ABOVE N TILL THIS THURSDAY"
even the english cannot make it. *shaking head* and i figured i must look damn old for him to even pass me that flyer. but i must add that he looked like he was comtemplating on whether he should pass me a copy of that or not.
7. i cut myself while binding. the stupid staples were so sharp and protruding, and i accidentally cut my index finger. it was bleeding so badly. *ouch* biscuit almost fainted at the sight of my oozing blood because i kept screaming "i'm bleeding! i'm bleeding!" whilst pressing for more blood. *lolz*
8. an old uncle walked into our office selling some nice prawn and fish cracker at quite a reasonable price. it looked so tempting and i could almost hallucinate them begging me to eat them, and so our lady boss bought us one pack each, except biscuit, who took 2. *grinz*
9. i know i'm suppose to abstain from fried/oily/heaty food and snacks but the temptation of opening one pack was simply too great to refuse yet another one. guilty as charged. *tougue sticking out*
10. after snacking that pack of prawn cracker, i made myself some cup noodles because i just felt extremely hungry, i couldn't function normally anymore, i just had to eat something more solid. sinful i know. *shrugs* i tried....
11. and finally, dear's brother is gonna treat us to KFC tonight! *screaming* i can't wait to get off from work and charge right to his house! yah i know, i'm a pig. so what can you do to me? neh-neh-nee-boo-boo *smug grinz*

::Passing Out Parade::

P.O.P on the 4th of December 2004, Saturday.
::at the start of the parade where the various companies marched out to the parade square. in case you're wondering, my baby's somewhere in there *lolz*::

::after the talk by the major/colonel guy, parents and loved ones were invited to wear the cap for our soldiers::

::my handsome boy looking so cool after wearing his cap::

::and i had to wait till his parents were done *sobs*::

::after officially pronouncing them Graduates of BMTC, they happily threw their caps up in the air and started running around like little school boys, one fine example::

::the band of brothers, my dear is at the extreme left::

::another band of brotherhood pic; he's at the extreme right this time::

::his super slack sergeant, who points all 3 fingers at them whenever they're in for a scolding session::

::finally it's mommy dearest's turn who also came along::

::one of his buddies, farid whom i heard, had his male organ captured on camera the night before their P.O.P *lolz*::

::his family who went except his brother::

::the grand finale would have to be him and yours truly::

::still fooling around the parade square::

::how can we leave tekong without taking a shot or two of this reknown statue?::

::a final and closer shot of the dreaded statue which symbolises the end of Basic Military Training Course *applause*::

::FAITH::

according to this website, faith is:
1. Confident belief in the truth, value, or trustworthiness of a person, idea, or thing.
2. Belief that does not rest on logical proof or material evidence.
3. Loyalty to a person or thing; allegiance: keeping faith with one's supporters.
4. often Faith Christianity. The theological virtue defined as secure belief in God and a trusting acceptance of God's will.
5. The body of dogma of a religion: the Muslim faith.
6. A set of principles or beliefs.

my question to you out there is that, are you able to keep your faith in your God when troubles come? think about it.

It's easy to have faith when things are going well
To trust in God when life is not so hard
But when the problems come
And the answer's not in sight,
God wants us to believe that He can make things right

Please help us Heavenly Father to trust in You today
You've always helped us in the past
Help us find Your way
We need You Heavenly Father to trust in You today
You've always helped us in the past
Help us find your way

It's easy to blame God when troubles come our way
To ask Him, "Lord why do You treat us so?"
Why do we blame the Lord for everything that's wrong?
Forgetting all the blessings we have known so long

::a very touching story which made me cry::

How Could You? -Jim Willis-

When I was a puppy, I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend.

Whenever I was "bad," you'd shake your finger at me and ask "How could you?" -- but then you'd relent and roll me over for a belly rub.
My housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed and listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect.

We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because "ice cream is bad for dogs" you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day.

Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love.

She, now your wife, is not a "dog person" -- still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy.

Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a prisoner of love."

As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears, and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their touch -- because your touch was now so infrequent -- and I would've defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway.

There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. I had gone from being "your dog" to "just a dog," and you resented every expenditure on my behalf.

Now, you have a new career opportunity in another city, and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You've made the right decision for your "family," but there was a time when I was your only family.

I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said "I know you will find a good home for her." They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog, even one with "papers."

You had to pry your son's fingers loose from my collar as he screamed, "No, Daddy! Please don't let them take my dog!" And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life.

You gave me a good-bye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too. After you left, the two nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads and asked "How could you?"

They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago.
At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you that you had changed your mind -- that this was all a bad dream... or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me.

When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited. I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day, and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room.

She placed me on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days.

As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her, and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood.

She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago.

She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured "How could you?"

Perhaps because she understood my dogspeak, she said "I'm so sorry." She hugged me, and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn't be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself --a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place.

And with my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my "How could you?" was not directed at her. It was directed at you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of you. I will think of you and wait for you forever. May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty.

the orginal story can be found here

this story made me cry because i also have a puppy, whom we adopted 3 years back at an animal shelter. he was barely even 2 months old at the time of adoption. until now, we still do not know the reason why his previous owner gave him up. but everyone of us love him with all our hearts, even up to this day. my puppy is much luckier as compared to the puppy mentioned in the above story, and many other dogs out there. maybe that's why i can empathise with this story. maybe its also because i've always had a soft spot for animals, even though i appear to be afraid of them sometimes. i wish there was something i could do to stop the irresponsible acts of buying pets and then giving them up when the owners are financially tight, or when they are old, sick or dying. these owners don't realise it is not only the animal shelter they are sending their pets to and the hope of them finding a better home, but its also a death sentence passed on these poor helpless animals! how can humans be this heartless to send once part of their lives to death? where do they find in their hearts, the capacity to bring death to something that was once so close to them? i can never fathom the cruelty nor the heartaches that they can bear. and the saddest part of it all is that until now, i am unable find any answers as to where animals go to after they pass on from this earth, even in the Bible. this means animals would cease to exist after their brief existence here on earth. even so, i still choose to live in self-denial, hoping and praying that one day, God will change His mind and let humans and animals co-exist once again in heaven.

::depression::

the sky this morning was dark and gloomy, there was even a little drizzle when i was walking to the bus-stop. maybe its the blues of monday, but today, by itself is already so gloomy. plus the fact that my baby is sick, down with raging fever and cough since friday night before his passing out parade. by God's grace, he managed to pull through during his parade on saturday, and thereafter, totally succumbed to sickness on our way home from the dreaded island. well good for him, because he's got a whole week to recuperate from the constant coughs and colds his bunkmates were just passing to and from one other in the same section. i'm sick too, but not as severe as him. i even nursed him on saturday night, when he felt so horrible and couldn't go home. kept by side, towel-cooled his forehead, and made sure he had water to drink. that was the first time he stayed over in my house. not on my bed, but on my floor. it was never his intention to stay over my house, but he was so sick, he didn't even realise he overslept until 4.30am. he carried on sleeping on the floor even after he realised he was at my house, said he didn't wanna disturb me. *sigh* i got the pics for his parade, but i haven't the time to upload them on my com yet, probably tonight when i get home after work. he'll know his posting this friday, God holds the plans for his future. i'm sounding down, maybe its the after-effects of PMS, maybe i'm in the process of introspection, maybe i'm just feeling melancholy. outta nowhere, outta the blue. dunno why, no idea why. maybe i should just shut up and stop blabbering.

::hormones stabilised::

*applause* i've survived yet another torturous cramps. everytime i survive this, i'll thank God i'm still in one piece, alive! nothing much happened except for the fact that everyone in the office was overly-concerned if i'm well or not, because i guess i just look too ghastly for words. the cramps aren't really gone, there's still a stinging feeling in my abdomen area, but come tomorrow, and i'll be well again. because its baby's P.O.P and yours truly will be personally putting on his cap for him after his parade. *smilez* i'm so proud of my boy, you have no idea! hmmm what shall i wear to his parade tomorrow? why should i be fretting over this? i'm such a natural beauty as compared to some girls who would have to put loads of eyeliner and mascara just to give an optical illusion that they have bigger eyes. *lalala* whatever i decide to wear tomorrow, will still captivate my boyfriend and probably half the population in tekong. *lol* i'm just kidding lahz. *cheeky winkz* ok, from now till going-home-time, i still have approximately 45 minutes before we're done for work today. *counting counting*

::mambo night @ zouk::

mambo night @ zouk on wednesdays will always be this jam packed with pple even though its a weekday, and not a public holiday the next day. and so there we were last night. i had an extremely fun time with biscuit despite the fact that we were constantly pushed around by bouncer-sized pple, practically shoving their way through the dancing crowd. dear's buds were there, they had to to be there, or else i wouldn't be allowed with biscuit alone. that's my protective and over-considerate boyfriend for you. *smilez* his best friend was gonna send me home after clubbing last night, but after a bowel movement at zouk, he did a stunt which caught everyone off-guard. he disappeared after his poo session. we waited like fools outside the toilet for about 45 minutes, letting all the good music go to waste. thereafter we decided it was time we just carried on dancing whilst waiting for him to call us once he was done. we danced on our own from 2.15am to about 3.30am, where it was the time the lights were switched on. and yet there was no phonecall, no messages from dear old vin, and God knew what happened to him. we got quite worried at some points in time, and thought it strange that he should be this irresponsible given his character. we waited outside even though zouk was closing, asked around for his army friends, and finally, one of them had some news of him: he left in his friend's car.*mouth wide open* amazing. *jaw dropping* can anyone explain? no we couldn't. unbelievable. but he messaged this morning explaining he got wasted and his friend had to send him home. *blah*
nevertheless, we had fun without him. and the rest of dear's friends, rarely this generous and gentlemenly, decided to be nice for once to share a cab and drop me off first, even though their first instincts were to drop me off the last. *jaw dropping* thank God my baby, returned from his 24km walk, called me and spoke to one of them. deardear didn't even have to say anything, and they just said they'll drop me off first. the power of my boyfriend. *winkz*
back to clubbing. i felt ancient stepping into mambo night. but it was cool and before i knew it, my body started swaying to the rythm of the music. since it was ladies night, the number of bims and lians were uncountable on the dancefloor, trying to dirty dance and seduce all the hungry wolves drooling for them. while some are really sexy, some can't even follow to the rythm of the music and they were just shaking violently, where at some points in time, biscuit and i thought they were having a serious case of fits. *lol*
alright, that was mean, but there were some truth in it. *tongue sticking out*

::hormones raging::

i'm feeling frustrated at every little thing, snapping at the slightest irritatant, and blowing up at the smallest matter. like what is wrong with me? its just a case of pms. *shrugs* like what's new right? my boyfriend's off to his final 24km walk/march to kinda mark the end of his BMT, and i just had a major quarrel with him? like i dunno what the problem is, just that i know we're really upset with each other. this quarrel has just dampened his morale, nevertheless i do hope he'll be able to keep his spirits up for this tiring and straining walk. *sigh* my heart's aching, aching at the very fact that he doesn't seem to understand me. and yes, he must think i don't understand him as well. maybe its true. but i believe its purely a misunderstanding which we will be able to clear up as soon as we have the time. i miss him, and maybe its because i miss him too much that i'm being unreasonable. i dunno, its just a terrible case of hormones raging. argh!