thats what the fiancé said to me the other night after we finished a heated argument.
he can be so sweet at times and so exasperating at the same time haha but well, guess no one is perfect and we all learn to love each other despite our weaknesses. i find this especially true since each day, we are getting closer and closer to being husband and wife.
came across this article on facebook the other day - posted by the big sista and trust me, definitely worth your 3 minutes:
Three Keys To A Great Marriage
"...A man shall leave his father and mother and the two shall become one flesh..." - Mark 10:7-8
There is a key verse on marriage that is found only once in the Old Testament and twice in the New. The theme is clear: We are to leave, cleave, and weave.
Leave - A man shall leave his mother and father. This is about prioritizing our spouse over parents, children, siblings, and friends. Our spouse should be our best friend. If you are married, and closer to any person other than your spouse, your priorities are out of whack!
Cleave - Cleave to his wife. The word cleave means to join fast together, to glue, or cement. These definitions imply there will always be pressures to pull the marriage apart. (Things like busyness, work, demands from children, money, health problems, infidelity, and so on). In short, marriage is about lifetime commitment.
Weave - The two shall become one flesh. Sexual intimacy and fulfillment is a by-product of a healthy marriage relationship. It symbolizes how a husband and wife become one.
Leave. Cleave. Weave. Three keys to a great marriage.
Credits: http://rightfromtheheart.org/devo/717#.Tp74JRZWjfs.facebook
Wedding Ticker
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
| A Future? |
a leopard never changes its spots.
how true.
people who refuse to get help always fall right back into the same problem.
prestige, reputation, social-standing, surface beauty, peer pressure, "face".
and i can't help but wonder, is there a future? even if there is, it will definitely not be happily-ever-after.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
| Letting Go |
"time flies". i've heard this two words resound many times today.
had wanted to blog about my first ever surgical procedure but looks like that would be another day.
today the ex-boss and his family returned home. tasked with setting up a new subisidiary, he left everything and came here with that mission 3 years ago bringing his family along with him. he was a good person who was tough; a great boss who treated me well - more than what i could have asked for. it was my lost.
i couldn't have asked for a better boss. and truly, it is in losing that i realise the value of what i once had. if there's ever a chance again, i would wanna work for him again.
there were many familiar faces today. at first, i was apprehensive about attending the dinner tonight but when i got there, that familiarity overwhelmed me, reminding me of how loved i once was.
i would never be in that position again because i've lost that right a long time ago.
im tired. emotionally, physically and mentally. i've been fighting the guilt game for awhile now and truth be said, i did heave a sigh of relief when i knew of his posting back home - at least that lessened my guilt. but after tonight, i realise i can never completely erase this baggage.
and so it goes, another chapter, another time that i can only watch from the outside because now, its time to finally let go.
had wanted to blog about my first ever surgical procedure but looks like that would be another day.
today the ex-boss and his family returned home. tasked with setting up a new subisidiary, he left everything and came here with that mission 3 years ago bringing his family along with him. he was a good person who was tough; a great boss who treated me well - more than what i could have asked for. it was my lost.
i couldn't have asked for a better boss. and truly, it is in losing that i realise the value of what i once had. if there's ever a chance again, i would wanna work for him again.
there were many familiar faces today. at first, i was apprehensive about attending the dinner tonight but when i got there, that familiarity overwhelmed me, reminding me of how loved i once was.
i would never be in that position again because i've lost that right a long time ago.
im tired. emotionally, physically and mentally. i've been fighting the guilt game for awhile now and truth be said, i did heave a sigh of relief when i knew of his posting back home - at least that lessened my guilt. but after tonight, i realise i can never completely erase this baggage.
and so it goes, another chapter, another time that i can only watch from the outside because now, its time to finally let go.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
| Randoms |
and it starts - I'm losing sleep.
guess being idle has its downs too.
it's officially been 5 weeks since I left employment..I wonder why am I even counting it.
miss fussing everyday over what to wear to work and miss being in my heels all day long. I buy clothes I don't even have the opportunity to wear now and heels I have nowhere to wear them to except during the weekends.
the only "work" that keeps me occupied is Seven Dresses and even then, it isn't anything so busy that it would occupy my whole day (except for when I'm packing and counting stock).
I've stopped sending out resumes for awhile now because I've become very disillusioned after being offered 4 jobs and either rejecting them or taking too long to consider. thought I knew what I wanted in a job and where I wanted my career to go from here but now I'm not so sure anymore.
and seeing the fiancé splurge his hard-earned money on haircut and a Gucci wallet, all in the name of "rewarding himself" and "relaxation" made me feel worser of myself - what am I doing still unemployed for so long?!
and please don't judge me because I am just pouring my heart now - that's what my blog is for.
but after having said all these, I do know what this means - that I must learn to trust entirely on God and in His providence. and only in His time will the right job come, but question is, how long more?
Pastor Yang spoke about Fulfillment last week and it was clear. he spoke briefly on fulfilling our individual destiny and it made me wonder what my destiny is in life.
prior to his message, Nat shared about body, soul and spirit and how the signs that appear in our lives may not necessarily be from God since the devil too, can conjure up signs and wonders especially now that we are in the last days. but more importantly, what stood out was how he mentioned that it is our spirit that communes with God and I thought to myself: how many times have I heard from God through my spirit? I confess how highly distracted a person I am and I lose focus easily. apart from that I am also an innate thinker where I constantly think about logic and how certain things make sense or not, and not to mention how I have my fair share of daydreams and stuff. so, when or how can my spirit finally take control and listen to what God is saying to me? I mean I envy those people whom can hear God so easily. of course, it could jolly well be from their own soul or spirit, but if they really have control over their spirit and are constantly communing with God, then wouldn't it be so wow? I wanna be one of them too but how?
being at the crossroads now, I start questioning about life and where I fit into God's big plan.
sometimes interviewers ask the silliest things but some of those questions do get me thinking.
well, but it's a milestone today. it's the day we select our HDB unit but I don't feel a thing save for a grateful heart. I am happy and looking forward to our own home (and a new one at that) but that would only be in the next 3-4 years' time. nevertheless, it could only be God's grace that has shown us favor that we have been given a unit.
and now, I think I'm ready to fall asleep.
Monday, July 04, 2011
| Photoshoot |
told myself no matter what, i must blog today.
well firstly to update: i rejected the third job offer after all. even though the location was considered in the east side, it was fairly difficult getting there so i dropped the whole idea. besides, i didn't like the fact that there was salary-negotiating involved - i think that prospective employers who do that are very cheap. haha no offence.
so now i'm still looking around for jobs, and i'm certain that the one job that God has for me hasn't come yet. and in the meantime, i am still finding myself, clearing up some stuff personally and for Seven Dresses as well, preparing here and there for my wedding next year. and yet in the midst of this light affliction, my hopes are lifted up a lil, but i shan't disclose anything until i can confirm something. till then.
and now, the thing that got me speechless - our photoshoot for Seven Dresses today.
*sigh
i admit i am not the best model around. im not good looking or slim enough; i have short legs and fat thighs; and the width of my hips is just indescribable. my arms are also flabby and i have a bulging tummy and the list goes on and on and on but i tried, and really hard today in fact. i've even gotten the big sista to help do my make-up and especially the hairstyling which was almost different for each outfit. because i am currently jobless and have no additional income to pay anyone to model for me so i've got to do it myself even though i really don't prefer. and we put in tons of effort today just to realise that some of the pics went MISSING!
i broke down.
so now the earliest i can launch a new collection is Tuesday and that is provided we do a re-shoot tomorrow night when the fiance is home after work. but i am just so exasperated that i need to blog this out.
and yes, now i feel better. :)
shall leave you with this picture with piccolo who couldn't resist coming in to check on us every once in a while..that darling boy!
well firstly to update: i rejected the third job offer after all. even though the location was considered in the east side, it was fairly difficult getting there so i dropped the whole idea. besides, i didn't like the fact that there was salary-negotiating involved - i think that prospective employers who do that are very cheap. haha no offence.
so now i'm still looking around for jobs, and i'm certain that the one job that God has for me hasn't come yet. and in the meantime, i am still finding myself, clearing up some stuff personally and for Seven Dresses as well, preparing here and there for my wedding next year. and yet in the midst of this light affliction, my hopes are lifted up a lil, but i shan't disclose anything until i can confirm something. till then.
and now, the thing that got me speechless - our photoshoot for Seven Dresses today.
*sigh
i admit i am not the best model around. im not good looking or slim enough; i have short legs and fat thighs; and the width of my hips is just indescribable. my arms are also flabby and i have a bulging tummy and the list goes on and on and on but i tried, and really hard today in fact. i've even gotten the big sista to help do my make-up and especially the hairstyling which was almost different for each outfit. because i am currently jobless and have no additional income to pay anyone to model for me so i've got to do it myself even though i really don't prefer. and we put in tons of effort today just to realise that some of the pics went MISSING!
i broke down.
so now the earliest i can launch a new collection is Tuesday and that is provided we do a re-shoot tomorrow night when the fiance is home after work. but i am just so exasperated that i need to blog this out.
and yes, now i feel better. :)
shall leave you with this picture with piccolo who couldn't resist coming in to check on us every once in a while..that darling boy!
♥♥♥
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
| Closure? |
a third offer came today and because i felt pretty comfortable with it, i accepted it. will officially start on monday.
thoughts of my ex-company flooded me in that instance. couldn't decide if i should email my ex-bosses or to blog first..decided that since i couldn't email without first pouring my heart out, i succumbed to my blog.
since leaving and joining that horrible company, i've been doing alot of thinking. i cannot deny that i still tear at the thought of how i gave up serving such wonderful bosses all in the name of "pursuing my dreams".
how much are dreams worth anyway?
and then, i finally came to terms with myself and with reality - it wasn't so much because i wanted to pursue what i called "my dream"; it was more of the fact that they placed more emphasis on everything else except on human resources - the one thing i thought was most important in a company. human resources are the legs a company stand on, without them, there wouldn't be any profit or accounts to speak of. but sadly, we weren't on the same page.
then there was also the unseen and unheard politicking that was going on with just two female staff. she makes a good friend, but not a good colleague. for someone who talked alot about wanting to be the 'pioneer' of the company; who gloated at every opportunity when the company esteemed her more than me; and who wouldn't stop putting me and the nature of my job down, she had set her sights on staying in the company till she hits 60 and retires. i couldn't win her in that aspect and because i don't politick, i chose to leave.
but was it worth it? was leaving my bosses and getting a job that paid me higher than her worth it? no, it wasn't. but i proved a point - that i was worth more than her somewhere else, that human capital is still the most crucial asset a company should invest in.
through this, i've truly learnt that money cannot buy happiness. and even though its been more than 2 months since i left, i still harbor thoughts of going back and working for them. and if they were to offer me the same job with everything remaining status quo, i will accept and stay on till i am happily married with kids, till forever. haha but i know it will never happen, they will never take me back because i've given up my only chance, and nobody gives second chances except God.
nevertheless, there must be a closure. because some day, i hope to look back at my life and not cry or tear anymore at this lost opportunity.
thoughts of my ex-company flooded me in that instance. couldn't decide if i should email my ex-bosses or to blog first..decided that since i couldn't email without first pouring my heart out, i succumbed to my blog.
since leaving and joining that horrible company, i've been doing alot of thinking. i cannot deny that i still tear at the thought of how i gave up serving such wonderful bosses all in the name of "pursuing my dreams".
how much are dreams worth anyway?
and then, i finally came to terms with myself and with reality - it wasn't so much because i wanted to pursue what i called "my dream"; it was more of the fact that they placed more emphasis on everything else except on human resources - the one thing i thought was most important in a company. human resources are the legs a company stand on, without them, there wouldn't be any profit or accounts to speak of. but sadly, we weren't on the same page.
then there was also the unseen and unheard politicking that was going on with just two female staff. she makes a good friend, but not a good colleague. for someone who talked alot about wanting to be the 'pioneer' of the company; who gloated at every opportunity when the company esteemed her more than me; and who wouldn't stop putting me and the nature of my job down, she had set her sights on staying in the company till she hits 60 and retires. i couldn't win her in that aspect and because i don't politick, i chose to leave.
but was it worth it? was leaving my bosses and getting a job that paid me higher than her worth it? no, it wasn't. but i proved a point - that i was worth more than her somewhere else, that human capital is still the most crucial asset a company should invest in.
through this, i've truly learnt that money cannot buy happiness. and even though its been more than 2 months since i left, i still harbor thoughts of going back and working for them. and if they were to offer me the same job with everything remaining status quo, i will accept and stay on till i am happily married with kids, till forever. haha but i know it will never happen, they will never take me back because i've given up my only chance, and nobody gives second chances except God.
nevertheless, there must be a closure. because some day, i hope to look back at my life and not cry or tear anymore at this lost opportunity.
| Not Now, Not Ever |
continuing from where i left off (from my last entry), my last day with that horrid company was 27 May - good riddance!
i was never happier even though i fell sick and you guessed it right - it was because of some irresponsible people in that office. *bleah* i just have something against that company and everyone in that office, save for the elected few.
thinking back and like I mentioned, reckon that if i had wanted to, i could have bit my lips and stayed on. but i did not mainly because after his horrid display to a staff who'd worked for him for the past 7 months; it was a big no-no for me. for someone who could not even respect his staff says nothing of his integrity - if he even had any left.
thus i left. leaving was the only right thing i know.
it was, to date, the most horrifying job experience that i never want to speak of again. not now, not ever.
----
went for my first church camp (in years) and had a blast there with the girls..and the fiancé. came back last week and now, job-hunting.
lost count of the number of interviews i went but so far, i've rejected 2 job offers. no particular reason, except that i'm learning to hear God more clearly. and because i haven't heard, i did not take those jobs up.
i don't deny it can get quite depressing to be home and going for interviews after interviews and yet the right job hasn't come, its easy to lose hope in God and myself and things around especially since i have a wedding and honeymoon to save up for, but my Lord is faithful. the right one is coming soon, i just have to be patient. if the Lord has so graciously given us a flat at the recent almost-impossible balloting exercise, what more would He have in store for his son and daughter?
i was never happier even though i fell sick and you guessed it right - it was because of some irresponsible people in that office. *bleah* i just have something against that company and everyone in that office, save for the elected few.
thinking back and like I mentioned, reckon that if i had wanted to, i could have bit my lips and stayed on. but i did not mainly because after his horrid display to a staff who'd worked for him for the past 7 months; it was a big no-no for me. for someone who could not even respect his staff says nothing of his integrity - if he even had any left.
thus i left. leaving was the only right thing i know.
it was, to date, the most horrifying job experience that i never want to speak of again. not now, not ever.
----
went for my first church camp (in years) and had a blast there with the girls..and the fiancé. came back last week and now, job-hunting.
lost count of the number of interviews i went but so far, i've rejected 2 job offers. no particular reason, except that i'm learning to hear God more clearly. and because i haven't heard, i did not take those jobs up.
i don't deny it can get quite depressing to be home and going for interviews after interviews and yet the right job hasn't come, its easy to lose hope in God and myself and things around especially since i have a wedding and honeymoon to save up for, but my Lord is faithful. the right one is coming soon, i just have to be patient. if the Lord has so graciously given us a flat at the recent almost-impossible balloting exercise, what more would He have in store for his son and daughter?
Friday, May 13, 2011
| Old & New |
Just met up with a friend/ex-colleague for lunch near my old office. As the taxi turned in, tears welled up my eyes. I still miss that oh-so-familiar place where I spent the happiest times working.
As we sat down, I secretly hoped I would see a familiar face whenever the door swung open; how silly of me. Knowing very well I wouldn't be able to control my emotions if I ever saw my ex-boss again now, and still a part of me wanted to see and know if he and the rest are doing ok.
Im hopeless.
We chatted while we waited for our food and when she asked how the new job was, I was honest and shared with her what I was going through. She, like all the rest, thought that I was happy here. So it really came as a surprise to her when she heard about my plight. But she's always been sweet to me and I thank the Lord, from the bottom of my heart, for her friendship.
On a lighter note, today marks another milestone – a decade together with the fiancé.
Happy 10th Anniversary love, so glad its always been you! ♥
As we sat down, I secretly hoped I would see a familiar face whenever the door swung open; how silly of me. Knowing very well I wouldn't be able to control my emotions if I ever saw my ex-boss again now, and still a part of me wanted to see and know if he and the rest are doing ok.
Im hopeless.
We chatted while we waited for our food and when she asked how the new job was, I was honest and shared with her what I was going through. She, like all the rest, thought that I was happy here. So it really came as a surprise to her when she heard about my plight. But she's always been sweet to me and I thank the Lord, from the bottom of my heart, for her friendship.
On a lighter note, today marks another milestone – a decade together with the fiancé.
Happy 10th Anniversary love, so glad its always been you! ♥
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
| Interview |
Had an interview this morning and now is the time where I am officially allowed to emo.
Perhaps there was a better FIT this time round, but they will only let me know in mid-June since this position is only required from July onwards. The practical side of me knows I cannot possibly resign now and be jobless without knowing if I will ever get this job - especially where there was a long list of candidates that the HR manager had in his possession albeit trying to hide from my view – but it does not conceal the fact that every cell in my body wants to get out of this company!
I’ve considered the possibilities and the alternatives, gave it a shot for a while now, and still I cannot see myself here for long.
Call me stubborn, but I've made up my mind on leaving and this time, I will have to make a decision to tender either on 13 May or 16 May because I still need to serve two weeks’ notice.
I have peace whenever I think about leaving this company. The only uneasy thing I feel is not securing a job first. But leaving I know is a right decision, something ive never been more certain of. So now; its the TIMING.
Thought of my ex-bosses again during the interview and had to fight back the emotions. But I no longer sob uncontrollably when I think of how cruel reality is. Im into my 4th week and I’ve seen past the tears, regrets and pain. It was my bad, so I can only move on now. And im praying for that one job that will let me work on from now till I am married with kids. Yes, I hope to work that long in my next company.
Perhaps there was a better FIT this time round, but they will only let me know in mid-June since this position is only required from July onwards. The practical side of me knows I cannot possibly resign now and be jobless without knowing if I will ever get this job - especially where there was a long list of candidates that the HR manager had in his possession albeit trying to hide from my view – but it does not conceal the fact that every cell in my body wants to get out of this company!
I’ve considered the possibilities and the alternatives, gave it a shot for a while now, and still I cannot see myself here for long.
Call me stubborn, but I've made up my mind on leaving and this time, I will have to make a decision to tender either on 13 May or 16 May because I still need to serve two weeks’ notice.
I have peace whenever I think about leaving this company. The only uneasy thing I feel is not securing a job first. But leaving I know is a right decision, something ive never been more certain of. So now; its the TIMING.
Thought of my ex-bosses again during the interview and had to fight back the emotions. But I no longer sob uncontrollably when I think of how cruel reality is. Im into my 4th week and I’ve seen past the tears, regrets and pain. It was my bad, so I can only move on now. And im praying for that one job that will let me work on from now till I am married with kids. Yes, I hope to work that long in my next company.
Friday, May 06, 2011
| 9am to 6.15pm? |
Thank God for iPhone. Truly, its one of the best inventions ever!
I cannot imagine being at work, facing a dinosaur-slow computer with virtually every website blocked, having nothing nor much to do and just waiting for the world to go by from 9am - 6.15pm. Yes the working hours suck.
Question: Didn’t you know about the working hours before you accepted the job?
Answer: No I had no idea.
Dang!
It was only after I signed the employment letter and started work did I realize the official working hours for this particular department is 9am to 6.15pm and even then, all eyes would be on me if I attempt to leave punctually even though I am so early for work now than where I was! It’s ridiculous!
I don’t deny how this is partly my fault for not asking properly and just assuming, complete blooper on my part I know. BUT they should have made it clearer. Oh and another thing, they have no employee handbook, nothing at all to govern the company’s human resources and/or terms and conditions of employment. So sad! How can a conglomerate not have such basic information for its employees? I was appalled! Although I'm slowly coming to terms with it now.
Like I said, there’s really nothing wrong with this job. The only thing wrong is how he should not have painted a completely different picture of the working environment (which isn’t beautiful) plus beautifying the expectations of this position. Looking back, its as if he was frantically adding icing to the cake where all these while, the joke was actually on me! He could have been honest and forefront about how sucky the way things; the extremely high turnover rate in his department alone (like more than 10 staff in 15 years?! something is definitely wrong here). He did not have to resort to hiding the truth and to a certain extent, lying. Right from the start, he already displayed a lack of integrity, so tell me, how could I continue working for a person like him? I cannot.
I am definitely leaving, its just a matter of time now.
That said, he is not too bad to me, although he is starting to show his fangs.
Day by day, until I leave this place, I will slowly uncover everything that happened along the way - the hints that I failed to see and the signs that I missed. Till then.
I cannot imagine being at work, facing a dinosaur-slow computer with virtually every website blocked, having nothing nor much to do and just waiting for the world to go by from 9am - 6.15pm. Yes the working hours suck.
Question: Didn’t you know about the working hours before you accepted the job?
Answer: No I had no idea.
Dang!
It was only after I signed the employment letter and started work did I realize the official working hours for this particular department is 9am to 6.15pm and even then, all eyes would be on me if I attempt to leave punctually even though I am so early for work now than where I was! It’s ridiculous!
I don’t deny how this is partly my fault for not asking properly and just assuming, complete blooper on my part I know. BUT they should have made it clearer. Oh and another thing, they have no employee handbook, nothing at all to govern the company’s human resources and/or terms and conditions of employment. So sad! How can a conglomerate not have such basic information for its employees? I was appalled! Although I'm slowly coming to terms with it now.
Like I said, there’s really nothing wrong with this job. The only thing wrong is how he should not have painted a completely different picture of the working environment (which isn’t beautiful) plus beautifying the expectations of this position. Looking back, its as if he was frantically adding icing to the cake where all these while, the joke was actually on me! He could have been honest and forefront about how sucky the way things; the extremely high turnover rate in his department alone (like more than 10 staff in 15 years?! something is definitely wrong here). He did not have to resort to hiding the truth and to a certain extent, lying. Right from the start, he already displayed a lack of integrity, so tell me, how could I continue working for a person like him? I cannot.
I am definitely leaving, its just a matter of time now.
That said, he is not too bad to me, although he is starting to show his fangs.
Day by day, until I leave this place, I will slowly uncover everything that happened along the way - the hints that I failed to see and the signs that I missed. Till then.
Wednesday, May 04, 2011
| "Reset" Button |
3 weeeks ago, i lamented on how sorry i was to have left my previous job that had wonderful bosses and a great environment with good colleagues. that was the darkest period of my life - i cried every single day - on my way to work in the train when i take an extra stop to Raffles Place instead of good ol' City Hall, in the shower and in church when i pray and sing to my Lord. i couldn't sleep well, which was quite unusual because im sucha pig but strangely i still ate like a pig *snorts
i wondered if there was a "reset" button in life for me to turn back time to carefully seek counsel from my cell leaders and parents; to carefully watch the hints and signs that God dropped along my way from the time i attended this interview to the time i was offered this job, right up to the time i signed the appointment letter and tendered my resignation and everything that happened during the one month that i served my notice (my ex-bosses kept asking me to reconsider and to take back the resignation letter even on my last day of work!); to pay attention to His still small voice that was telling me to "STAY PUT"; to prayerfully ask and know that when i don't hear anything from Him, it means to stay put wherever i was! i cannot emphasise enough on how my time in my third company was not up yet and still i chose to harden my heart to leave. that's why i said making that decision to leave my previous employment was a very painful one.
i've given this job a shot for close to 3 weeks now and i still don't feel comfortable here. my colleagues treat me well and so does the now-boss BUT i still cannot bring myself to really care for the now-boss like how i geniunely cared for my other bosses before. i've also been trying my best-est to adapt to the environment here which is working well and though things have improved and im no longer crying or fearful coming to work now, i honestly still do not enjoy my time here or what im doing.
the picture that the now-boss painted at the interview and the actual job scope are world's apart. i reckon i could continue working here, but i wouldn't be happy and i wont be true to myself; its like the past 3 weeks had been a lie and i don't wanna continue living a lie because right from the onset, this job was never meant to be! i was attracted to a different portfolio and the opportunies i thought this job would give me, and of course the money and not to mention, the silly thought that would put me on par with the fiancé because he sometimes, unknowingly puts me and my job down, but i was so wrong. money cannot buy happiness. and is it only when we lose something that we begin to realise the value of what we had.
i can never turn back time or gain the trust of my ex-bosses again. plainly said, they will never take me back even if there was a vacancy. try and hope as hard as i might, with humans, there is no such thing as second chances and i don't blame them, it was my bad. a huge mistake i made that i would have to live with for the rest of my life. but God is merciful, He hasn't left me; He's still here.
and He's been opening doors of opportunies for me i.e. interviews and though so far there's no news, i think that maybe, just maybe i will get something soon. i guess this is what they call "exercising faith". i know something is gonna happen soon, i just dunno what or where so i will prayerfully wait upon the Lord. last week's sermon talked about God putting different seasons in our lives to prepare us for the things ahead and one season the speaker spoke about was that of being monotonous. and when it is that season - which was what i was experiencing in my ex-company - we have to remain where we are because God is teaching us how to be faithful and to learn the spirit of enduring. if only i heard this sermon a month ago, without a qualm, i would definitely have taken back my resignation letter.
so i've been doing alot of thinking. im not afraid or fearful anymore because i know that my future in Him is safe and secured. but im really praying for another chance to honor God by showing loyalty to another company and to a boss and its definitely not in this company and the now-boss.
nevertheless i learnt something through this incident - my calling in life (apart from Seven Dresses) and how im always intertwined with this particular country. like in my first job, the company i worked for carried products from that country, and i almost had that chance of a free trip if not for some personal reasons and i resigned. then came my second job where i really matured; it was a refining process that God used to mould me through the course of my part-time studies. after 4 years in that job and it was time to go, i was never more certain about that and thereafter landed myself in my third job and again related to that country. so maybe that country is where my calling is...and maybe one day, God will bring me there to do full-time missionary work! but for now, i am certain about the path that God has laid out for me and this time round, i'll know when God speaks to me.
i wondered if there was a "reset" button in life for me to turn back time to carefully seek counsel from my cell leaders and parents; to carefully watch the hints and signs that God dropped along my way from the time i attended this interview to the time i was offered this job, right up to the time i signed the appointment letter and tendered my resignation and everything that happened during the one month that i served my notice (my ex-bosses kept asking me to reconsider and to take back the resignation letter even on my last day of work!); to pay attention to His still small voice that was telling me to "STAY PUT"; to prayerfully ask and know that when i don't hear anything from Him, it means to stay put wherever i was! i cannot emphasise enough on how my time in my third company was not up yet and still i chose to harden my heart to leave. that's why i said making that decision to leave my previous employment was a very painful one.
i've given this job a shot for close to 3 weeks now and i still don't feel comfortable here. my colleagues treat me well and so does the now-boss BUT i still cannot bring myself to really care for the now-boss like how i geniunely cared for my other bosses before. i've also been trying my best-est to adapt to the environment here which is working well and though things have improved and im no longer crying or fearful coming to work now, i honestly still do not enjoy my time here or what im doing.
the picture that the now-boss painted at the interview and the actual job scope are world's apart. i reckon i could continue working here, but i wouldn't be happy and i wont be true to myself; its like the past 3 weeks had been a lie and i don't wanna continue living a lie because right from the onset, this job was never meant to be! i was attracted to a different portfolio and the opportunies i thought this job would give me, and of course the money and not to mention, the silly thought that would put me on par with the fiancé because he sometimes, unknowingly puts me and my job down, but i was so wrong. money cannot buy happiness. and is it only when we lose something that we begin to realise the value of what we had.
i can never turn back time or gain the trust of my ex-bosses again. plainly said, they will never take me back even if there was a vacancy. try and hope as hard as i might, with humans, there is no such thing as second chances and i don't blame them, it was my bad. a huge mistake i made that i would have to live with for the rest of my life. but God is merciful, He hasn't left me; He's still here.
and He's been opening doors of opportunies for me i.e. interviews and though so far there's no news, i think that maybe, just maybe i will get something soon. i guess this is what they call "exercising faith". i know something is gonna happen soon, i just dunno what or where so i will prayerfully wait upon the Lord. last week's sermon talked about God putting different seasons in our lives to prepare us for the things ahead and one season the speaker spoke about was that of being monotonous. and when it is that season - which was what i was experiencing in my ex-company - we have to remain where we are because God is teaching us how to be faithful and to learn the spirit of enduring. if only i heard this sermon a month ago, without a qualm, i would definitely have taken back my resignation letter.
so i've been doing alot of thinking. im not afraid or fearful anymore because i know that my future in Him is safe and secured. but im really praying for another chance to honor God by showing loyalty to another company and to a boss and its definitely not in this company and the now-boss.
nevertheless i learnt something through this incident - my calling in life (apart from Seven Dresses) and how im always intertwined with this particular country. like in my first job, the company i worked for carried products from that country, and i almost had that chance of a free trip if not for some personal reasons and i resigned. then came my second job where i really matured; it was a refining process that God used to mould me through the course of my part-time studies. after 4 years in that job and it was time to go, i was never more certain about that and thereafter landed myself in my third job and again related to that country. so maybe that country is where my calling is...and maybe one day, God will bring me there to do full-time missionary work! but for now, i am certain about the path that God has laid out for me and this time round, i'll know when God speaks to me.
Friday, April 15, 2011
| Jobs |
I've held many jobs before, but only three main jobs are recorded on my current CV.
thing about jobs is you somehow have a hunch on the first day whether you'd last there - those you know were meant to last, and those you know were never meant to be.
and this is one such job - my fourth official job in a big company that is paying me well (at the market rate of a graduate..well at least that's what I choose to believe) but there's something about my first day today that made me regret my decision to leave my previous employment.
I didn't fit in. try as hard as I could but somehow I felt awkward with these girls. they were all of managerial positions, some my age and others older. I don't think it's because of my inferior complex that made me feel left out, it's something else that I can't quite put my finger on it.
maybe I just miss my ex-boss and my all-so-familiar environment that this new place with new people are too foreign.
Jesus, I need strength.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
| Emo |
my current location is in Hongkong and im penning this entry via my iPhone in my friend's place.
it's our last night and I'm feeling super emo :(
the weather had been great and I'm sitting on the bed enjoying the 20 degree cool sea breeze blow in my face; her house is just at the harbor.
we've thoroughly enjoyed our time here, with both her and her husband's hospitality - it was amazing how easy-going this couple is! I'm truly thankful for their friendship and their generosity in extending their house to us to stay during this period. no amount of words can express our gratitude except we would love to return and spend time with them both again! :)
the places they brought us to and the food we ate made us feel as though we've never been to Hongkong even though it's our third or fourth time here (pun intended haha!).
*sigh
when I first booked the air ticket here, it was meant to be an escape route from reality - one that I know would be hard to get over as closing another and starting a new chapter in life was never easy.
Friday came and went and it was my last day at work. and just like that, my time with them came to an end. it was hard not to shed tears; after all my now ex-boss and I did go through pretty much. i thought he was extremely strict with me but that was only because he wanted me to learn and grow with him as well as the company. it's my bad for throwing in the white towel so soon...and if this new job offer never came, I would never leave. though you read about me complaining a few entries about him and work, it really was just a rant-and-release kinda thing that everyone would go through at some point in their lives. I just hope the decision that I made would be in line with my Father's plans.
goodnight world, let me enjoy my last night in Hongkong.
Wednesday, April 06, 2011
| Quick Update |
March was a month of many happenings yet i did not manage to pen them down one by one. BUSY is the excuse you make in a society like ours. so i've decided to do it in point form before all that happened fades away like a blurry:
- we now own our domain! pls log on to www.sevendresses.sg or http://sevendresses.sg for pretty and affordable dresses!
- also along the lines of Seven Dresses, we have converted one room to be our home studio. God provided and made the whole transition rather smooth; the only thing left is to buy an air cooler (because the white background is directly over the windows!) plus the studio lightings. am hoping we could get cheap yet good second-hand lights.
- tendered my resignation on 11 March; the day the huge earthquake and tsunami took place in Japan. my last working day is in 2 days' time. was a major struggle before i made the decision and it was a painful one.
- we've confirmed a hotel for our banquet. paid the deposit though we have yet to sign the contract. both side of parents loved it!
- met up with Pastor Daphne and she's given the green light for us to go right ahead to confirm our church wedding on 12 May 2012! praise the Lord!
- experienced our very first car boot sale though its for our other blogshop Missy Hand me Down instead. turnout was bad BUT we managed to clear off some stuff so praise God for that too!
these were some of the bigger milestones hence im making the extra effort to pen them down. everything is going well at the moment except for our self-manufactured designs for Seven Dresses. extremely disappointment with one supplier who is still holding onto the sample piece of my 2nd design plus my Seven Dresses' labels because her factory misplaced both MY items!
as such, we have asked another supplier to manufacture a 3rd (and different) design for us. this one seems strange too. was suppose to meet her a week ago but she had the appointment changed to today but she called to say she's leaving her shop because "there's nobody" today.
?!
im really praying that she would not display the same attitude as the first supplier (for our 2nd design) or i would really give up manufacturing my own designs for good!
anyway, its all for the glory of God. burn for Him.
- we now own our domain! pls log on to www.sevendresses.sg or http://sevendresses.sg for pretty and affordable dresses!
- also along the lines of Seven Dresses, we have converted one room to be our home studio. God provided and made the whole transition rather smooth; the only thing left is to buy an air cooler (because the white background is directly over the windows!) plus the studio lightings. am hoping we could get cheap yet good second-hand lights.
- tendered my resignation on 11 March; the day the huge earthquake and tsunami took place in Japan. my last working day is in 2 days' time. was a major struggle before i made the decision and it was a painful one.
- we've confirmed a hotel for our banquet. paid the deposit though we have yet to sign the contract. both side of parents loved it!
- met up with Pastor Daphne and she's given the green light for us to go right ahead to confirm our church wedding on 12 May 2012! praise the Lord!
- experienced our very first car boot sale though its for our other blogshop Missy Hand me Down instead. turnout was bad BUT we managed to clear off some stuff so praise God for that too!
these were some of the bigger milestones hence im making the extra effort to pen them down. everything is going well at the moment except for our self-manufactured designs for Seven Dresses. extremely disappointment with one supplier who is still holding onto the sample piece of my 2nd design plus my Seven Dresses' labels because her factory misplaced both MY items!
as such, we have asked another supplier to manufacture a 3rd (and different) design for us. this one seems strange too. was suppose to meet her a week ago but she had the appointment changed to today but she called to say she's leaving her shop because "there's nobody" today.
?!
im really praying that she would not display the same attitude as the first supplier (for our 2nd design) or i would really give up manufacturing my own designs for good!
anyway, its all for the glory of God. burn for Him.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
| Dreams (Part 2) |
When you’re 25-ish, you’re old enough to know what kind of music you love, regardless of what your last boyfriend or roommate always used to play. You know how to walk in heels, how to tie a necktie, how to give a good toast at a wedding and how to make something for dinner. You don’t have to think much about skin care, home ownership or your retirement plan. Your life can look a lot of different ways when you’re 25: single, dating, engaged, married. You are working in dream jobs, pay-the-bills jobs and downright horrible jobs. You are young enough to believe that anything is possible, and you are old enough to make that belief a reality.
Job
Now is the time to figure out what kind of work you love to do. What are you good at? What makes you feel alive? What do you dream about? You can go back to school now, switch directions entirely. You can work for almost nothing, or live in another country, or volunteer long hours for something that moves you. There will be a time when finances and schedules make this a little trickier, so do it now. Try it, apply for it, get up and do it.
When I was 25, I was in my third job in as many years—all in the same area at a church, but the responsibilities were different each time. I was frustrated at the end of the third year because I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do next. I didn’t feel like I’d found my place yet. I met with my boss, who was in his 50s. I told him how anxious I was about finding the one perfect job for me, and quick. He asked me how old I was, and when I told him I was 25, he told me that I couldn’t complain to him about finding the right job until I was 32. In his opinion, it takes about 10 years after college to find the right fit, and anyone who finds it earlier than that is just plain lucky. So use every bit of your 10 years: try things, take classes, start over.
Relationships
Now is also the time to get serious about relationships. And “serious” might mean walking away from the ones that don’t give you everything you need. Some of the most life-shaping decisions you make in this season will be about walking away from good-enough, in search of can’t-live-without. One of the only truly devastating mistakes you can make in this season is staying with the wrong person even though you know he or she is the wrong person. It’s not fair to that person, and it’s not fair to you.
Counselling
Twenty-five is also a great time to start counselling, if you haven’t already, and it might be a good round two of counselling if it’s been a while. You might have just enough space from your parents to start digging around your childhood a little bit. Unravel the knots that keep you from living a healthy whole life, and do it now, before any more time passes.
Church
Twenty-five is the perfect time to get involved in a church you love, no matter how different it is from the one you were a part of growing up. Be patient and prayerful, and decide that you’re going to be a person who grows, who seeks your own faith, who lives with intention. Set your alarm on Sunday mornings, no matter how late you were out on Saturday night. It will be dreadful at first, and then after a few weeks, you’ll find that you like it, that the pattern of it fills up something inside you.
Don't get stuck
This is the thing: when you start to hit 28 or 30, everything starts to divide, and you can see very clearly two kinds of people: on one side, people who have used their 20s to learn and grow, to find God and themselves and their deep dreams, people who know what works and what doesn’t, who have pushed through to become real live adults.
And then there’s the other kind, who are hanging onto college, or high school even, with all their might. They’ve stayed in jobs they hate, because they’re too scared to get another one. They’ve stayed with men or women who are good but not great, because they don’t want to be lonely. They mean to find a church, they mean to develop honest, intimate friendships, they mean to stop drinking like life is one big frat party. But they don’t do those things, so they live in kind of an extended adolescence, no closer to adulthood than they were when they graduated college.
Don’t be like that. Don’t get stuck. Move, travel, take a class, take a risk. Walk away, try something new. There is a season for wildness and a season for settledness, and this is neither. This season is about becoming. Don’t lose yourself at happy hour, but don’t lose yourself on the corporate ladder either. Stop every once in a while and go out to coffee or climb in bed with your journal. Ask yourself some good questions like: “Am I proud of the life I’m living? What have I tried this month? What have I learned about God this year? What parts of my childhood faith am I leaving behind, and what parts am I choosing to keep with me for this leg of the journey? Do the people I’m spending time with give me life, or make me feel small? Is there any brokenness in my life that’s keeping me from moving forward?”
Now is your time. Become, believe, try. Walk closely with people you love, and with other people who believe that God is very good and life is a grand adventure. Don’t spend time with people who make you feel like less than you are. Don’t get stuck in the past, and don’t try to fast-forward yourself into a future you haven’t yet earned. Give today all the love and intensity and courage you can, and keep travelling honestly along life’s path.
still on the topic of dreams, i was pretty inspired by the above article when i first read it somewhere on facebook. and needless to say, there were some crazy ideas that stemmed out. im an innate thinker, i cant help it.
so the fiancé and i had a talk 2 nights ago. guess i'd been feeling all emotional for some time now, plus this article gave me some insights into my own life, so this talk was very much needed and appreciated.
i asked if he could give me 3 months to go live in a different country and find myself, fulfill my dream of independence. its not hard and i reckon it could be done - resign from this job or get a sabbatical of about 2-3 months unpaid leave, fly to someplace, live among the people and do what they do and live a life that is totally different from here. its the experience that i crave for. its the difference that i wanna feel. its the sweet smell of independence and freedom that i've been longing for - is that so wrong?
but his reply really hurt.
i fail terribly as a fiancée. the fiancé confessed that he feels there are many regrets in my life - my regret of saying yes to his proposal, regret that we are going to get married, and worse, regret the past 10 years together!
that came as a very painful "ouch" for me.
i had spent close to half of my lifetime with this person and just when we are almost making it to the finishing line where it will bring us to a new chapter of life and it looks like we both have different dreams and ideals now.
yes i don't deny the fact that ive always been a more 'dreamy' person, whereas he's the more practical and down-to-earth guy. but that doesnt mean im not realistic.
how many of my dreams have i already given up for him?
i'll be 28 this year. i've never really done anything i ever wanted to. i've always been a good girl, listening and obeying whatever authority that has been placed above me. i've always been prim and proper. and even when i had to see each of my dreams and ideals crumble slowly before me, i cried and cried till the cows came home but i still accepted it by the grace of God.
and now that we are in the midst of preparing a wedding that i have no idea where to begin from because we have so many concerns and advices coming from so many people, i only have one thing to say:
make it happen.
Job
Now is the time to figure out what kind of work you love to do. What are you good at? What makes you feel alive? What do you dream about? You can go back to school now, switch directions entirely. You can work for almost nothing, or live in another country, or volunteer long hours for something that moves you. There will be a time when finances and schedules make this a little trickier, so do it now. Try it, apply for it, get up and do it.
When I was 25, I was in my third job in as many years—all in the same area at a church, but the responsibilities were different each time. I was frustrated at the end of the third year because I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do next. I didn’t feel like I’d found my place yet. I met with my boss, who was in his 50s. I told him how anxious I was about finding the one perfect job for me, and quick. He asked me how old I was, and when I told him I was 25, he told me that I couldn’t complain to him about finding the right job until I was 32. In his opinion, it takes about 10 years after college to find the right fit, and anyone who finds it earlier than that is just plain lucky. So use every bit of your 10 years: try things, take classes, start over.
Relationships
Now is also the time to get serious about relationships. And “serious” might mean walking away from the ones that don’t give you everything you need. Some of the most life-shaping decisions you make in this season will be about walking away from good-enough, in search of can’t-live-without. One of the only truly devastating mistakes you can make in this season is staying with the wrong person even though you know he or she is the wrong person. It’s not fair to that person, and it’s not fair to you.
Counselling
Twenty-five is also a great time to start counselling, if you haven’t already, and it might be a good round two of counselling if it’s been a while. You might have just enough space from your parents to start digging around your childhood a little bit. Unravel the knots that keep you from living a healthy whole life, and do it now, before any more time passes.
Church
Twenty-five is the perfect time to get involved in a church you love, no matter how different it is from the one you were a part of growing up. Be patient and prayerful, and decide that you’re going to be a person who grows, who seeks your own faith, who lives with intention. Set your alarm on Sunday mornings, no matter how late you were out on Saturday night. It will be dreadful at first, and then after a few weeks, you’ll find that you like it, that the pattern of it fills up something inside you.
Don't get stuck
This is the thing: when you start to hit 28 or 30, everything starts to divide, and you can see very clearly two kinds of people: on one side, people who have used their 20s to learn and grow, to find God and themselves and their deep dreams, people who know what works and what doesn’t, who have pushed through to become real live adults.
And then there’s the other kind, who are hanging onto college, or high school even, with all their might. They’ve stayed in jobs they hate, because they’re too scared to get another one. They’ve stayed with men or women who are good but not great, because they don’t want to be lonely. They mean to find a church, they mean to develop honest, intimate friendships, they mean to stop drinking like life is one big frat party. But they don’t do those things, so they live in kind of an extended adolescence, no closer to adulthood than they were when they graduated college.
Don’t be like that. Don’t get stuck. Move, travel, take a class, take a risk. Walk away, try something new. There is a season for wildness and a season for settledness, and this is neither. This season is about becoming. Don’t lose yourself at happy hour, but don’t lose yourself on the corporate ladder either. Stop every once in a while and go out to coffee or climb in bed with your journal. Ask yourself some good questions like: “Am I proud of the life I’m living? What have I tried this month? What have I learned about God this year? What parts of my childhood faith am I leaving behind, and what parts am I choosing to keep with me for this leg of the journey? Do the people I’m spending time with give me life, or make me feel small? Is there any brokenness in my life that’s keeping me from moving forward?”
Now is your time. Become, believe, try. Walk closely with people you love, and with other people who believe that God is very good and life is a grand adventure. Don’t spend time with people who make you feel like less than you are. Don’t get stuck in the past, and don’t try to fast-forward yourself into a future you haven’t yet earned. Give today all the love and intensity and courage you can, and keep travelling honestly along life’s path.
still on the topic of dreams, i was pretty inspired by the above article when i first read it somewhere on facebook. and needless to say, there were some crazy ideas that stemmed out. im an innate thinker, i cant help it.
so the fiancé and i had a talk 2 nights ago. guess i'd been feeling all emotional for some time now, plus this article gave me some insights into my own life, so this talk was very much needed and appreciated.
i asked if he could give me 3 months to go live in a different country and find myself, fulfill my dream of independence. its not hard and i reckon it could be done - resign from this job or get a sabbatical of about 2-3 months unpaid leave, fly to someplace, live among the people and do what they do and live a life that is totally different from here. its the experience that i crave for. its the difference that i wanna feel. its the sweet smell of independence and freedom that i've been longing for - is that so wrong?
but his reply really hurt.
i fail terribly as a fiancée. the fiancé confessed that he feels there are many regrets in my life - my regret of saying yes to his proposal, regret that we are going to get married, and worse, regret the past 10 years together!
that came as a very painful "ouch" for me.
i had spent close to half of my lifetime with this person and just when we are almost making it to the finishing line where it will bring us to a new chapter of life and it looks like we both have different dreams and ideals now.
yes i don't deny the fact that ive always been a more 'dreamy' person, whereas he's the more practical and down-to-earth guy. but that doesnt mean im not realistic.
how many of my dreams have i already given up for him?
i'll be 28 this year. i've never really done anything i ever wanted to. i've always been a good girl, listening and obeying whatever authority that has been placed above me. i've always been prim and proper. and even when i had to see each of my dreams and ideals crumble slowly before me, i cried and cried till the cows came home but i still accepted it by the grace of God.
and now that we are in the midst of preparing a wedding that i have no idea where to begin from because we have so many concerns and advices coming from so many people, i only have one thing to say:
make it happen.
Friday, February 18, 2011
| Dreams |
you know how people have dreams and aspirations to do something or be someone? so being human, naturally over the years, i'd grown to have my own sets of dreams and ideals too, even though i don't publicly talk about it or announce them.
today one dream re-visited me again. albeit talking about this many times before and knowing how impossible it is to achieve, i still can't seem to let it go.
australia was one such dream.
and now this was another dream.
maybe that's why they are called dreams, because they never make it to reality.
as much as i love the fiancé, its sad that these 2 dreams were shattered by him...and it still hurts when i think about it sometimes. those were missed opportunities that we can never chase 'em back again.
so while he's trying hard to make up for lost time, making promises im praying he'll be able to keep, i on the other hand am working real hard in letting these 2 dreams go, and hopefully by the time i walk down the aisle, i would have completely let 'em both go.
today one dream re-visited me again. albeit talking about this many times before and knowing how impossible it is to achieve, i still can't seem to let it go.
australia was one such dream.
and now this was another dream.
maybe that's why they are called dreams, because they never make it to reality.
as much as i love the fiancé, its sad that these 2 dreams were shattered by him...and it still hurts when i think about it sometimes. those were missed opportunities that we can never chase 'em back again.
so while he's trying hard to make up for lost time, making promises im praying he'll be able to keep, i on the other hand am working real hard in letting these 2 dreams go, and hopefully by the time i walk down the aisle, i would have completely let 'em both go.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
| Bridal Shop |
notice the wedding ticker/countdown on the left side of my blog?
didnt realise it'll be that long before the big day so the ticker really came as a shock to me! haha nevertheless, it will serve as a useful reminder when i forget. *tsk
was suppose to visit the bridal shop today to discuss about the wedding shoot and stuff, but the fiancé is unwell and so he's settling everything via the telephone. i know that its a tad too early to choose the gowns now, especially since i had already been lectured by the fiancé, but i was really kinda looking forward to making a trip there today.
i guess donning the wedding gown and being a bride will always be every girls' dreams. i just dunno when will it really really be my turn. do you think i will cry when that day comes? ah, enough of being sappy and emo already! my posts haven't been any positive of late and i need to get my act together.
i'll be good and go home early. besides, its jogging day today anyway so its just as well.
didnt realise it'll be that long before the big day so the ticker really came as a shock to me! haha nevertheless, it will serve as a useful reminder when i forget. *tsk
was suppose to visit the bridal shop today to discuss about the wedding shoot and stuff, but the fiancé is unwell and so he's settling everything via the telephone. i know that its a tad too early to choose the gowns now, especially since i had already been lectured by the fiancé, but i was really kinda looking forward to making a trip there today.
i guess donning the wedding gown and being a bride will always be every girls' dreams. i just dunno when will it really really be my turn. do you think i will cry when that day comes? ah, enough of being sappy and emo already! my posts haven't been any positive of late and i need to get my act together.
i'll be good and go home early. besides, its jogging day today anyway so its just as well.
♥ i like her hairdo!
Friday, February 11, 2011
| No More |
i've just been counselled on how its "ungodly" of the fiancé and myself to be travelling alone when we are not married.
who can i blame?
issit the society we live in now? the role models in my life? or the fact that we will only wed in 2012?
so i've been advised to abstain from travelling alone with him until we are married, lest we "stumble" other Christians along the way.
well for your info, come May 2011, i would have been with the fiancé for 10years; of which, we have been engaged for 7 years. even though we will only wed in 2012, i think we would have at least earned some rights to holiday together alone, no?
NO.
im upset. its an awfully long time to not travel anywhere and just stay in singapore from now until 2012. plus lesser chance of importing more pretty clothes for Seven Dresses. :(
people always say "be yourself", but when we are really, they can't handle it and even bring God's name out. what else can i say? i've been living my life as such before i knew of this "truth", which could be real truth, or "truth" that was imagined by men.
talk is cheap. its so easy for people to say/advise/preach/teach. you think its easy being together for 10 years and not be able to do many things without someone telling you it wrong/unacceptable/ungodly?!
HOW MANY OF YOU CAN STAND UP AND TELL ME YOU'VE BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH THE SAME PERSON FOR THE PAST 10 YEARS WITHOUT BEING MARRIED AND THINK THAT ITS EASY MAINTAINING IT?
if anyone can look me in the eye and say its easy to find/do novel things without leaving the country then i'll SHUT my mouth and swallow all my grievances once and for all.
they say length does not matter. well im saying now, TAKE LENGTH INTO CONSIDERATION the next time you wanna talk to me about what is right and what is wrong.
im still leaving tomorrow nevertheless, and we'll be extra careful. journey mercy and prayers for safety will still be accepted but nothing else.
peace.
who can i blame?
issit the society we live in now? the role models in my life? or the fact that we will only wed in 2012?
so i've been advised to abstain from travelling alone with him until we are married, lest we "stumble" other Christians along the way.
well for your info, come May 2011, i would have been with the fiancé for 10years; of which, we have been engaged for 7 years. even though we will only wed in 2012, i think we would have at least earned some rights to holiday together alone, no?
NO.
im upset. its an awfully long time to not travel anywhere and just stay in singapore from now until 2012. plus lesser chance of importing more pretty clothes for Seven Dresses. :(
people always say "be yourself", but when we are really, they can't handle it and even bring God's name out. what else can i say? i've been living my life as such before i knew of this "truth", which could be real truth, or "truth" that was imagined by men.
talk is cheap. its so easy for people to say/advise/preach/teach. you think its easy being together for 10 years and not be able to do many things without someone telling you it wrong/unacceptable/ungodly?!
HOW MANY OF YOU CAN STAND UP AND TELL ME YOU'VE BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH THE SAME PERSON FOR THE PAST 10 YEARS WITHOUT BEING MARRIED AND THINK THAT ITS EASY MAINTAINING IT?
if anyone can look me in the eye and say its easy to find/do novel things without leaving the country then i'll SHUT my mouth and swallow all my grievances once and for all.
they say length does not matter. well im saying now, TAKE LENGTH INTO CONSIDERATION the next time you wanna talk to me about what is right and what is wrong.
im still leaving tomorrow nevertheless, and we'll be extra careful. journey mercy and prayers for safety will still be accepted but nothing else.
peace.
| Tension |
its friday and I'm barely on my way to work now, and so it means that I'll be pretty late. regardless, am extremely pleased with the way technology has advanced - I can now blog while on the go!
I realise that in my earlier post, I had written on the impending "appraisal" I was due to have with my boss that fateful Monday. it did happen, just that it wasn't like what I expected. for me, it was a less-than-5mins kinda thing whereas he took about an hour with the other staff. reason for the difference? i still have my doubts.
I guess this is what I'm really trying to say:
never mind about the fact that you added new and heavier job scope to my current portfolio WITHOUT any pay increment;
never mind about the fact that I am a darn GRADUATE and still I'm not within the market rate in terms of salary;
never mind about the fact that I do whatever tasks I'm given to the best of my ability, including those jobs that no graduate in the right mind would wanna do and most of the time without complaining, even though I do make careless mistakes sometimes;
but now that I'm asking for the company to reimburse my mobile bills because my number is now given out to almost every international party whom I will probably be expecting calls from (and which I already had the other night), and still he wants to deny me!?
unbelievable.
so today he wants to speak with me regarding this matter and my hunch? he won't allow it.
I had already previously refrained myself from confronting him regarding the increased workload and no pay increment, but today I may just spill it all out.
Father, please help me control myself and continue to submit to the authority Yoi have placed over me later in that talk. I pray for wisdom to know how to rebut him and at the same time, for Your will to be done - whether I should stick on in this job or move on, in Jesus' name I pray, amen.
Monday, January 10, 2011
| Mind Games |
12.27am and i can't sleep.
many things are weighing my mind now but the top issue is the performance appraisal that i am scheduled with my boss tomorrow..i think.
seemed like just yesterday that i joined this company but its almost 1.5 years that i've been here.
my boss isn't exactly the most accomodating person around..mostly because he is a foreigner so culture, tradition and what-nots are after all very different. i remember in my initial 3 months with him, we spent the most intense time together - something which i would rather not remember, mention or go through again.
so to very honest, i am terrified of this appraisal tomorrow. i do not know what nasty/horrible/hurting/demeaning thing he would say to me again but i sure hope that i would be strong enough to accept whatever he has to say. God's grace would be sufficient for me.
i mean, what's the worst that could happen? i'll just be given a poor grade for the darn appraisal that i created and not be given any increment, right?
i mean, if the authority that God has placed upon me has decided that i am not fit for an increment or a good appraisal grade, then i would have no choice but to accept the outcome with grace right?
fine. so that settles that.
another thing is, since a few months ago, he had asked for me to widen my job scope because he think that i have "alot of room to learn". simply decoded, he means that i am too free at work and instead of spending my time surfing the net, msn-ing and more recently gtalk-ing, facebook-ing, and sometimes even movie-watching, i'd better do something useful before i resign or am asked to leave.
so of course i accepted his proposal. did i have a choice? no.
and so being the innate thinker that i am, i have been pondering on why he would want to give me this additional workload and below are my conclusions:
1) he values me too much and doesn't want me to resign (outta boredom). so to keep me, he decided that it would be good for me to learn something new and spend my time more wisely. by doing so, i would feel more accomplished (fulfilling my self-actualisation need under Maslow's hierarchy of needs) because i now have a new challenge and something to look forward too so i wouldn't leave.
2) he's sick and tired of my mundane routine of wasting my precious time and the company's resources. so its either he gives me this workload and i accept, OR i would be asked to leave.
which is which?
*sigh
its hard playing mind games. i just want to live a very simple life, can?
many things are weighing my mind now but the top issue is the performance appraisal that i am scheduled with my boss tomorrow..i think.
seemed like just yesterday that i joined this company but its almost 1.5 years that i've been here.
my boss isn't exactly the most accomodating person around..mostly because he is a foreigner so culture, tradition and what-nots are after all very different. i remember in my initial 3 months with him, we spent the most intense time together - something which i would rather not remember, mention or go through again.
so to very honest, i am terrified of this appraisal tomorrow. i do not know what nasty/horrible/hurting/demeaning thing he would say to me again but i sure hope that i would be strong enough to accept whatever he has to say. God's grace would be sufficient for me.
i mean, what's the worst that could happen? i'll just be given a poor grade for the darn appraisal that i created and not be given any increment, right?
i mean, if the authority that God has placed upon me has decided that i am not fit for an increment or a good appraisal grade, then i would have no choice but to accept the outcome with grace right?
fine. so that settles that.
another thing is, since a few months ago, he had asked for me to widen my job scope because he think that i have "alot of room to learn". simply decoded, he means that i am too free at work and instead of spending my time surfing the net, msn-ing and more recently gtalk-ing, facebook-ing, and sometimes even movie-watching, i'd better do something useful before i resign or am asked to leave.
so of course i accepted his proposal. did i have a choice? no.
and so being the innate thinker that i am, i have been pondering on why he would want to give me this additional workload and below are my conclusions:
1) he values me too much and doesn't want me to resign (outta boredom). so to keep me, he decided that it would be good for me to learn something new and spend my time more wisely. by doing so, i would feel more accomplished (fulfilling my self-actualisation need under Maslow's hierarchy of needs) because i now have a new challenge and something to look forward too so i wouldn't leave.
2) he's sick and tired of my mundane routine of wasting my precious time and the company's resources. so its either he gives me this workload and i accept, OR i would be asked to leave.
which is which?
*sigh
its hard playing mind games. i just want to live a very simple life, can?
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