guess being idle has its downs too.
it's officially been 5 weeks since I left employment..I wonder why am I even counting it.
miss fussing everyday over what to wear to work and miss being in my heels all day long. I buy clothes I don't even have the opportunity to wear now and heels I have nowhere to wear them to except during the weekends.
the only "work" that keeps me occupied is Seven Dresses and even then, it isn't anything so busy that it would occupy my whole day (except for when I'm packing and counting stock).
I've stopped sending out resumes for awhile now because I've become very disillusioned after being offered 4 jobs and either rejecting them or taking too long to consider. thought I knew what I wanted in a job and where I wanted my career to go from here but now I'm not so sure anymore.
and seeing the fiancé splurge his hard-earned money on haircut and a Gucci wallet, all in the name of "rewarding himself" and "relaxation" made me feel worser of myself - what am I doing still unemployed for so long?!
and please don't judge me because I am just pouring my heart now - that's what my blog is for.
but after having said all these, I do know what this means - that I must learn to trust entirely on God and in His providence. and only in His time will the right job come, but question is, how long more?
Pastor Yang spoke about Fulfillment last week and it was clear. he spoke briefly on fulfilling our individual destiny and it made me wonder what my destiny is in life.
prior to his message, Nat shared about body, soul and spirit and how the signs that appear in our lives may not necessarily be from God since the devil too, can conjure up signs and wonders especially now that we are in the last days. but more importantly, what stood out was how he mentioned that it is our spirit that communes with God and I thought to myself: how many times have I heard from God through my spirit? I confess how highly distracted a person I am and I lose focus easily. apart from that I am also an innate thinker where I constantly think about logic and how certain things make sense or not, and not to mention how I have my fair share of daydreams and stuff. so, when or how can my spirit finally take control and listen to what God is saying to me? I mean I envy those people whom can hear God so easily. of course, it could jolly well be from their own soul or spirit, but if they really have control over their spirit and are constantly communing with God, then wouldn't it be so wow? I wanna be one of them too but how?
being at the crossroads now, I start questioning about life and where I fit into God's big plan.
sometimes interviewers ask the silliest things but some of those questions do get me thinking.
well, but it's a milestone today. it's the day we select our HDB unit but I don't feel a thing save for a grateful heart. I am happy and looking forward to our own home (and a new one at that) but that would only be in the next 3-4 years' time. nevertheless, it could only be God's grace that has shown us favor that we have been given a unit.
and now, I think I'm ready to fall asleep.
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