| Surprise Surprise! |

♥ surprise!

in a short span of 2 months, i'd been so blessed to have received more surprises than i could actually bargain for at any one point of time in my life.

the fiancé, i must say, is getting better at planting surprises for me! *beams*

although the trip to Bali wasn't a surprise in itself, everything else that came along that 3D2N was - the photography that was experiential, and most importantly, the proposal in Bali *blushes*.

i mean seriously, what are the chances that i or anyone for that matter, would have the honour of being flown to an exotic island, be waited upon like a princess every step of the way, and then be swept away with a marraige proposal by the only guy i ever loved in my life?

answer: zero.

call the fiancé a hopeless romantic, but he sure did win me over effortlessly.

and even when he was away on a business trip in Shanghai, he bought Tiffany & Co's signature pendant (above pic) just before he left and hid it somewhere in my room, giving me extremely vague clues to work with.

haha but it was his entertainment for me. he had hoped that lil treasure hunt would take my mind off missing him but i have to say, that was an uphill task especially after close to a decade of constantly seeing him, i'll never get used to not seeing/hearing from him for more than a day.

only thing i don't understand is: how on earth did he manage to hide stuff so quietly in my room?

| when Man tries to play God... |

yesterday while i was on Facebook, i saw my friend 'liked' the Action for Singapore Dogs (ASD) page. out of curiosity, i clicked on it and 'liked' it too and started reading. slowly i got directed to their main website where i would spend the next hour reading and crying over some of the most heartwrenching fates these poor dogs suffered.

it wasn't an emotional and hasty decision that i made, rather, it was something i had always wanted to do - help these dogs.

read on and realised i could do my part in sponsoring them i.e. by pledging a monthly maintenance fee of $35. the money mainly helps to defray the high costs of (dog) living plus medication that some of them require etc.

and like the kids we will be sponsoring in Uganda and Sri Lanka under the Cornerstone Kids' Sponsorship Programme (believe the page has not been updated for 2011 yet), i will also be sponsoring 2 dogs here in Singapore under the ASD. best part is, we get to visit and play with them at Lim Chu Kang! in addition, i have also pledged to sponsor another child in Uganda under Seven Dresses too!

im so thrilled at these opportunities that are knocking on my door! not many people have the chance to help the people/animals that they want to and i am so thankful i am given both these chances.

for the Lord has so graciously blessed us in abundance, with no worry of food, shelter and safety here in Singapore, its time we step outta our comfort zone and start blessing others by contributing a little.

| Relationships |

what would it take for something to break?
what would it take for someone to be lost and never return?

people say when the hurt is done, no amount of regret will set things back again.
but don't we serve a Living God who makes miracles? then why does the impossible seem impossible when we know jolly well if we have faith the size of a mustard seed, it will be made possible?

my heart feels sad when i think about 3 individuals who very unfortunately, are involved in a love triangle...or so it seems.

you would think its silly for both girls to fall out because of the guy.
BUT they could have fallen out because of how one girl hurt the other girl unknowingly.

*sigh

-----------------

the fiancé is flying to Shanghai on monday for a work trip again and after the KL incident, it just spells trouble. am trying not to think about it and let nature take its course.

when will it be my turn though? to go overseas for a business trip? that will be the day, HA!

speaking of which, can i whine?

i miss being busy. as odd as it may sound, i wanna be flooded with work the minute i step into office at 9am, be swarmed by emails until lunch time, have lunch, and then be whisked away again by the amount of work that needs my expertise (which i may not know what that is now BUT im certain i'll find that out soon) until 5.30pm.

yeah, thats the kind of life i miss - being important.

i miss bitching around with someone regarding work.
i miss having email wars and typing mean emails to "shoot" the other person 'cause i know i'll always win HA.
i miss wearing smart corporate office wear to work.
i miss sitting in meetings and learning new stuff.
i miss LEARNING NEW IMPRESSIVE STUFF that will wow me.
i miss ignoring the fiancé and not calling him throughout the day because im so busy i don't have time for him so then it'll be HIS turn to miss me.
i even miss OT-ing sometimes.

*double sigh

maybe i should resign and find myself a job with better prospects and give up Seven Dresses or spend lesser time on it? not to say that this job doesn't have any prospects, its just that barely a year into this job and im beginning to wonder what my purpose is in here?

can it be solely for Seven Dresses?

or maybe i should really take up operations on top of my job scope to increase my value and time in here?

seeking God for an answer.

-----------------

a friend is upset with the fiancé for something he did playfully which unknowingly hurt him. though this friend has said that he's no longer upset with the fiancé, my guess is it'll be pretty hard to get him out for any gathering in future.

friendships are fragile. i've seen how because of something so trivia can end a friendship and distant two people for years. though forgiveness is the key here, who would have the magnanimity (and knowledge) to forgive when you are only 11yrs old? thats why i dont have much friends. in my childhood, i've hurt far too many precious people who do not wish to be my close friends anymore. and even if they are still friends with me, they are mostly superficial.

of all that i've hurt, i remember vividly the one closest friend i had in primary 5 whom i hurt so badly that she never spoke to me again - even when we went up to secondary school together. until now i still feel so bad i would tear when i think about it. we could have been the best-est friends ever...but that wasn't too be.

i see her on facebook now all happy, accomplished and married. i feel so happy for her. truly, from the bottom of my heart.

did i go off-topic? ahh still on friendship. so yes, i don't want the fiancé to lose a friend just like that because they could be so much more if the friendship remains. i hope things go well.

-----------------

have you ever heard of a sabbatical from cell group/church/God? i mean its strange isnt it? that anyone would want a break from God where He's obviously omnipotent and hence always with us?

totally unacceptable.

do we humans, even have the right to request that God be away from us for awhile? NO! its just crap.

-----------------

you know i have SO MUCH i wanna say! this is what happens when i stop blogging for awhile. TONS of things i need to shout out.

last evening we attended an Indian wedding in an Indian temple just across my office. it was the fiancé's old friend who was getting hitched. apart from the cultural experience, it must have been at least 3-4 years since they last saw this boy and maybe about a year or two with the other 2 friends whom attended as well. everyone changed and everyone is different now. but you could tell that he was so happy and touched to see 3 of his primary school friends turn up for his big day. so nice.

of these 2 friends whom i know as well, im sorta closer with one than the other. and in the midst of our conversation when he said there was no need to bring his girlfriend along, his reply was "you wanted to follow tz one what".

*speechless*

that caught me. i was apalled because that sentence seemed to have implied that i never gave the fiancé his freedom, that i would always wanna follow wherever he went. while that may be true to a certain extent, i do not shamelessly follow or insist that he brings me out for every function where i am not welcomed or allowed to be in. so let me get this straight once and for all - IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN, OUT OF HIS OWN HEART TO SHOW HIS GIRLFRIEND OFF TO THE WORLD THAT HE BROUGHT ME ALONG WHEREVER HE WENT. period.

the audacity of some people really amazes me sometimes.

and one more thing. we will only wed in the first half of 2012. not anytime sooner. if you would like to get married first, please, by all means. we will be very happy to bless you and your wife-to-be at your wedding. there's really no need to ask ME, ALONE when we are getting hitched the minute the fiancé walked away to get a drink.

???

maybe he didnt mean anything bad, but i just want to complain. so just live with it.

| Dear John |

Dear John was a movie i always wanted to watch. especially after reading The Notebook some time ago; they're from the same author by the way. and everytime we have our DVD marathons, the DVD shop would somehow always run outta this DVD for some strange reasons. glad we managed to rent the LAST one on monday.

watched a lil yesterday and i cant wait to finish the rest tonight because i hate being left hanging in the air.

since i couldn't contain my curiosity, i went to google on the ending (sucha spoiler i know) and found out that Savannah married someone else - the guy with the autistic boy in the end?!

major sadness. especially with a hunk like Channing Tatum. oops, the fiancé better not read this! HAHA

anyway, till tonight!

| Love, Redefined |

the fiancé finally called at 12.30am.

his excuse? his new N8 hung and died on him several times.

HAHA

and somehow it didn't occur to him to find another way to contact me.

*Ouch

ladies and gentlemen, may I present love, redefined - a fiancé's love
for his fiancée. guess that's how important i am to him.

so now I am trying to come to terms with love that had been redefined
by today's display.

it's hard but I'm going to have to try or I'll probably never find
love again.

why cry over spilled milk?
why hurt over something u chose to give up?
why grumble when u could have had it all but you lost focus halfway?

another chance?

nah.

| Contact-less |

the fiancé is away on a company retreat in KL. the last i heard of him was this morning at 9 odd.

his mobile is off, i can't find a number to call the hotel he's staying in, he's basically contactless and its not making me feel secure at all.

what would it take for him to just leave his mobile on while he is out shopping the whole day away?

empty promises again. i should have known.

| BALI Photography |

we had so much fun in Bali that i dunno where to begin! when i have the time, i will slowly blog about it. in the meantime, here are just 3 outta the 200 over pictures we took in 2 hours. enjoy!

♥ nah, this wasn't the actual proposal; we were just fooling around


♥ innocence


♥ you and i

| BALI - The Proposal |

Our Lil Secret

albeit 9.5 years together,
my heart unknowingly skipped a beat when he got down on one knee.

admist the Balinese night sky litted with the stars and the moon,
and frogs, cats and insects nearby serenading us,
dipped in our warm private pool - only him and me,
he looked at me with such tenderness,
one hand on my face and said "baby, baby";
i melted.

my heart thumped harder and louder,
i wonder if he could hear.
my face was flushed with redness,
at that time i only wanted to hide in his embrace.

and then he professed his love,
spontaneous, unscripted, unrehearsed.
"i love you so much" and

"i want to spend the rest of my life with you and God",
"will you be my wife?"

no fancy photograpers, no help from anyone,
just him and his down-to-earth sincerity -
the same reason why i first fell for him.

and just like that, i said yes.

there was no room for rejection;
he staged a perfectly romantic ambience;
it was simply overwhelming.

he did it; he made me fall in love with him all over again.
and though i am still a lil girl in many ways,
i promise to work hard to be his missus.

no longer a princess,
now i want to be the Queen of his heart.

| BALI - our couple time |

following the popular movie - Eat Pray Love, and the promotion by Garuda Indonesia for those in the travel industry - we are going to Bali this sunday for a 3D2N getaway cum birthday celebration for yours truly!

the fiancé said to leave everything to him; i just need to avail myself and get ready to enjoy quality time with him. :)

we'll be staying here

looks pretty good plus raving reviews on tripadvisor so they definitely up my expectations to a notch higher. hope i won't be terribly disappointed.

fun aside.

the coincidences couldn't have come at a better time. we really needed this break. so much have happened in the last 2 months that had us thinking very seriously on how to put our relationship back on track.

especially since our marriage prep course (MPC) which ended with a grand finale at a retreat in Pulai Springs Resort, JB; we've had the most heart-to-heart experience and talk with each other. we had to face our impending issues one-by-one, trashed 'em out so that from now till the big day, we would not be carrying too much "excess baggages" into our new life together. the class may have ended, but there's still alot to be done and we're working on it. albeit 9.5 years together, i suspect we had/have more problems than any of our couple-classmates in all of MPC's terms. after all, we're almost a decade old. ;p

so its just purely couple time for us this weekend.

BALI - let me fall in love with you all over again :)

| Australia |

the year that we graduated from TP, i should have gone to aussie with the big sista. she was gonna do her degree in UQ for 2 years, though it eventually got extended another year due to her remarkable results which saw her being offered the honour's programme.

so i started working in 2004, not expecting to work all the way and forfeit my last chance of being a full-time student.

i guess when we were young, being so madly in love was all there was to life. studies, marriage, the future - it all didnt seem to matter. looking back, it was a foolish decision to stay behind with the boyfriend, even though he promised we'll do our studies together in aussie after his NS.

he only fulfilled half of that promise.

2 years of NS came and went, we started on our studies together with Monash but financially, it had to be done locally. the boyfriend promised again and said we'll do our final year in melbourne. changes in our modules and the whole study structure meant that our study time of 2 years would be stretched and completed only after the 3rd year. though it was painful mugging schoolwork and working full-time, i still held on to that promise that we'll do our final year in aussie. final year also came and went and the last compromise - we'll go in our last semester. though that was said, i knew in my heart that aussie will never happen.

and so it never did. 3 times he promised, 3 times he failed to deliver. what would it take for a girl to give up completely? you tell me.

1.5 years ago, we finally graduated with Monash. it was suppose to be our grad trip but it never happened because of SARS. in the end, we went to Korea for the first time last christmas.

now, by God's grace, we are presented with another chance of aussie by way of a small sponsorship. it'll be a dream come true for me but i wonder if it'll really happen?

and so the story goes - Australia will always be this regret and pain that the boyfriend/fiancé so conveniently inflicted on me.

| Types |

the fiancé said there are 2 types of blogger in this world:

1) those that blog their innermost thoughts and feelings
2) those that blog only about superficial happy stuff

i belong to category 1.

yet i hate being in that category at the same time.
sick and tired of whinning and getting all teary and upset over things i have no control over.

its taken a toll on me and my life and especially my Seven Dresses. im sure people must be wondering what is up with the owner who can't seem to get a grip of herself on most days?! i don't deny the fact that i do feel extremely lifeless and tired...like everything that was said and done the past month was surreal.

maybe.

but ive witnessed the power of God in this whole situation. apart from fear gripping my heart and wisdom beginning to show, its also the constant pain and heartache that i feel - emotions that i will not possibly share with another human.

its really true that if God is for you, then nothing will be against you.
but if we use mere human strength and go against God's will, then you'll know ahead of you will be obstacles after obstacles.

so i choose to give up.
i relinquish this thought that was never meant to be.
and i'll make sure it will never happen even if its supposedly 'the time'.

let me be wilful the last time, and decide to remain status quo for now, forever.

| Dreams |

brokenness, shattered dreams,
can it be fixed back?
a regret, empty promises,
hurt lingers in the heart.
undeniable, undefiable,
never my will but Yours be done.
indignant, resenful,
it will never be mine.

There was a time when men were kind
When their voices were soft
And their words inviting
There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time
Then it all went wrong

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
And they turn your dream to shame

He slept a summer by my side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came

And still I dream he'll come to me
That we will live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.

- I Dreamed a Dream

p/s:

have disabled the annoymous commenting on eprincessdiary so all you annoynomous' out there can forget ever about commenting without a name from now on!

| Anticipation |

have you ever been in anticipation for something you do not have control over and all that waiting just kills you? that's me right now.

since last saturday, people around us have responded very negatively since they knew of our intention. until now, i still dunno what is so wrong with it that they had to react so strongly.

define readiness.

if we don't start doing something now, whatever we hope for and want for the future will never happen. we know this is true because that's our nature. moreover, our degree course has equipped and trained us very well in the module called LAST-MINUTE, so really, there's nothing to worry about.

*LOL

fine, maybe we should have dropped subtle hints here and there and not totally drop the bomb (but then again, we didn't drop anything on anyone!), but for them to REACT that way was really uncalled for.

guess only my pup would be happy for me.

♥ my majestic lil pup looking down at me

♥ his favorite past-time - lick lick!

| zZz |

can someone tell me how does forums work? i'm so sleepy and lost!

i've been tasked to read certain threads of the singaporebrides forum and i have no idea where or how to begin because there are like SO many topics, and within these topics are sub-topics and then threads? is that it? i'm really so lost right now and all the topics within topics and sub-topics within sub-sub-topics are making me SO sleepy! zZz

perfect weather.

anyway, some pictures i did outta boredom:

♥ botanic gardens

♥ DSLR quality-shots taken by my TX-5 (by the fiancé). come on, be amazed. HAHA

♥ lolo boy!

| Maybe I Never Knew |

*feels like i dunno you more and more

this phrase is currently on my FB wall and a friend quickly msn-ed me to check if i was ok. its people like these who warms you; makes you feel better. :)

its really nothing serious; just a random thought that maybe i never knew the fiancé as well as i thought i did.

is 9 years enough to know someone?

just yesterday on FB, he wished his pal's girlfriend/wife happy birthday without signing off as US since i know her too. and late last night on FB again, he posted pictures of a birthday celebration with his colleagues and was actually sitted next to a female colleague?!

that's not it.

what really affected me was the fact that he stayed up till 2am last night - with me in the room trying to sleep with my eye mask over and him furiously clicking his mouse and typing away - and all these while loading pictures of work?!

did he care about the fact that i was so shagged out after packing parcels - with no help from him at all if i may add - and that i'm a super light sleeper and the slightest sound or movement and it will disturb my sleep? NO!

that explains why i don't like his colleagues very much. most of them are females and are the sort that stay in the office till really late, and will call him on his mobile at 9-10pm to talk about work. they were also the same exact one(s) whom fell sick and refused to see a doctor and ended spreading the germs to him and then to me - imagine the close proximity they must have been in for the germs to even infect him? are these even normal work relationships or am i paranoid here??? do you see my male bosses and/or colleague calling me way after office hours talking about work or asking me if buying a cake for another female colleague is ok or not???!!!

i've had it.

either he learns how to draw a line between work and family or he can jolly well join them permanently as a SINGLE.

to the fiancé:
how many bad experiences do we need to witness before you learn how to behave yourself? already i am stressing out over many many things and you still look like you're good for more fun without me. i'm really disappointed.

| Abuse |

all month, i've been trying so hard to avoid reading details and seeing pictures of the poor pomeranian that got bashed to death.

i relented, saw, read and broke down.

i cannot believe how a drunkard can be blatantly bashing a small pup near a coffee shop with the onlookers just minding their own business. so typical of singaporeans! because it ain't human, its just a dog and therefore its allowed to be beaten to death? same for those SICK PEOPLE abusing stray cats! do you have any idea how small a pomeranian-type of dog is? they are quite tiny.

why must humans think they are King and abuse animals?

a life is a life no matter what and these people are answerable to God.

now, is there any other way of finding the culprit? i want to help so badly. what can i do? pledge money to try and help find the culprit? ok, maybe we'll pledge 50% of profits from Seven Dresses' LOVE Collections (13th and 14th) to help?

let me discuss with the fiancé first.

| NO? |

i don't feel like getting married anymore.

not that we had any concrete plans too anyway, but i just don't feel like it any time soon.

the big hoo-haa about weddings had always deterred me from wanting to get married, and even more so now with half the world i know getting hitched soon! i'm happy for them but i look at my own life and wonder, will i ever be mature enough to want to sit down with the fiancé to plan for the biggest event of our lives?

everyone has advised me or us to start reading wedding forums but i am so not a forum person. it gives me a headache. i think i'd prefer blogs. any wedding blogs to recommend anyone?

whatever the case is, i don't wanna get married anymore. can we stay this way forever?

i think i'm falling sick again; maybe that's why i'm feeling so tired about my blogshop and totally off for marriage. my head's been heavy since the time i woke up and i'd been feeling hot-cold-hot-cold, donning and taking off my jackets, sneezing and no appetite. damn, i CANNOT FALL SICK AGAIN! *screams*

anyway, some eye-candy for our 13th collection tonight:

♥ this blue denim polka dot frock really matches my wedges and my red rattan bag huh? hee ;p


♥ managed to find another supplier with the same exact piece execpt with a pinkier hue of pink and navy blue


♥ mad loves my picnic basket to bits! and she also wants to have this topshop-inspired frock heh ;p

| Tired |

i'm upset.

been so caught up with so many things ever since i-dunno-when and forgot to give myself some "ME" time.

despite the long weekend, i failed to accomplish anything.

can i blame the fiancé pls?

he has no idea what encompasses the launch of a new collection and i hate to say it but it is taking a toll on me! just let me take a break as and when i need to and when i'm recharged enough, i will do the necessary.

at this current moment, i am feeling so lost. give me some time to get my bearings right and we'll work from there.

don't think that's a terribly unreasonable request to make. i'm just tired and busy with many other things and if you could just let me slow down and breathe, i will be very grateful.

period.

| Hibernation Mode |

i'm in hibernation mode now.

the erratic weather just sent rain down and i'm all cuddled up in my coats and jackets, scarfs and poncho.

everyone is just minding their own business today and so am i.

can't wait for the day to end, i am so tired.

anyway so Collection 12 - Our Father's Faithfulness was launched yesterday and at the same time, the fiancé and i decided to give away the Coogi Face Mask which we bought from Korea early this year as a form of incentive to find out how our consumers and potential customers feel about Seven Dresses thus far. while this blogshop was set up entirely in obedience to God's calling, i would wanna make the best of it, personally :)

got desiree to help out for the shoot and shyness aside, i think this girl's got potential~

and don't ask me why i'm also in the shoot! ok fine, ask.

it was because our dear desiree was SUPER shy she was looking all tensed up in most of the initial shots and so i had to change into some of the clothes to accompany her, else we would never finish the shoot before the next appointment reaches the studio :/

yes i know i'm not exactly model-material even though i was a child model eons ago so pls, keep those harsh comments to yourself.

♥ this flora sundress is one of my personal favourites; fabulous cutting

♥ ooo this piece (and the black version) is exlcusive to Seven Dresses


♥ another one of my favorites - look how cute she is

♥ this is the fiancé's pick - something that guys would love their girls to wear?

| NEW |

just changed my blogskin and think it'll remain for a good few years HAHA. even blogger is now embracing the new CSS; welcome CSS, goodbye HTML. am still trying to figure out to how to centralise the bottom part of my blog though. perhaps another time when i'm not so sleepy ba.

and now, this is what i've been up to...

♥ stuffed squid

made dinner for the family yesterday and felt super unappreciated :(

it wasn't that the food wasn't delicious but i guess i wasn't exactly expecting that kinda response either.

nevertheless, the fiancé you know is super supportive and thinks the WORLD of whatever i cook to be delicious so i'm thankful for him ♥

right now, i just hope that the process of manufacturing our 2nd dress will not meet any more obstacles than it already has.