::cool website::

today's a really boring day, and time, as usual is crawling. its barely even six! so i've been surfing and came across this website, which is rather interesting. *lol* actually it wasn't me, it was my lady boss. she gave us this website and turns out its pretty cool. so go check it out when you're free and just waiting for the time to go home yah?
i've got the whole weekend packed with loads of activities so i really need to get well. i wanna enjoy every second with him. i wanna enjoy every moment with him. he's my everything and i just can't wait to be in his arms again! *waiting waiting*

::poem of the day::

came across this little poem while doing my devotion this morning, and i just thought of sharing, hee.

When fear and worry test your faith,
And anxious thoughts assail.
Remember God's in control,
and He will never fail ~ Sper

there you have it, daily bread for your soul!

::sick again *cough*::

again i'm sick, again i'm down with throat infection and cough caused by heatiness i guess. and once again i'm feeling so inadequate and so lousy. once again i feel so incompetent that biscuit has to be the one doing all the work, and doing all the explanation. then what do i do? *screaming* the only comforting thing is that my boyfriend's gonna book out tomorrow night!*yay* i'm just so glad we're gonna be getting our old lives back, hee!
and ms lee's son, jack is here. not that i dislike him, he's alright, just that i'm a real lousy host, so i'd prefer not to bring them around?
anyway, back to being sick, i really don't wanna be going to the doctor so often, i hate going to the doctor. i hate eating medicine, but it seems that's the only right thing to do. or should i just rely on my natural immune system to get me back on my feet? *sigh*

::newborn puppies::

i was at angela's house yesterday to see her newborn puppies. there was a total of 4 pups and they were so tiny, 2 black and white ones, and the other 2 were brown and white ones. their eyes weren't even opened yet, and their nose, paws, teeth were not developed yet. one of them even shat! *lol* so adorable! they kept making pup noises, like as if they were having some nightmare, so cute!
::the size of one of them in my arms::

::another one, brown and white, in my arms::

::the actual size of them::

and while i was there, star, their mother, displayed her maternal instincts by breast-feeding her 4 pups. she looked so tired and exhausted while the 4 of them just sucked her. i tried taking more photographs, but the lighting was simply too dim for any good pictures. and later on, when star finished feeding her pups, i went to sayang her. she rolled over as a sign of wanting belly-rub, but her nipples were all red and swollen, some were swollen with milk, and others were swollen due to scratch marks inflicted by her innocent pups. oh God, such is a mother's love. how painful it must have been, i could almost feel her pain back then. which is why, all mothers are great, no matter what. God bless all mothers in this world!

::speechless::hormones stablised::

i'm finally blogging after 3 days, i just didn't want pple to be reading how screwed up my life is, and how supposedly loving my family turned out to be. excuse the pun there. anyway, i'm much better, meaning i've come to terms with the fact that my boyfriend's isn't gonna be out this weekend no matter how hard i cry about it, so i might as well just save my tears for other occasions. and i'm also much better with regards to my family, i mean, what else is there left for me to do? emails after emails, even a letter came talking about what a saint she has been, all the sacrifices she's made just for the family, assuming the role of mediator in the family with such a heavy heart. bah, my foot! after my dear reads it, then i'll probably post the letter up so that you nice pple out there can see what grievances i've had to put up with.
enough about them.
my hormones are stabilised, i've survived yet another excruciating cramps *applause*. and my baby's gonna be out on wednesday night. not counting today, it'll be another 3 more nights before i get to see him, feel him, hold him in my arms *applause even louder*. yesh, i'm a survivor! so last night, i went to my ex-classmates' birthday party at downtown east. the place was just infested with little young punks, most of them wearing the infamous 'no rulz' t-shirt, and trying to make the best outta their pathetic little chalets with god-knows-what? *yyyeeeww* the thought of it brings shiver down my spine. anyway, i was only there for a short while, because i just cannot click with most of my ex-classmates. either i was just being too classy, or they just blatantly ignored me. whatever, kc gals will always be the notorious kc gals i guess. pity my friends weren't there or i'm sure it would have been alot better. took pics with the birthday gal, so patience and the pics will be up real soon.

::familiy ties?::

all the talk about family kinship and family ties, where are they? what are they? when everyone misunderstands you, when everyone thinks you're the incarnation of a little devil, where is support? where is the love? sounds so cliche i know, but honestly, where issit? they think that some spirit has possessed me, they think i'm crazy hating her. why is she so important to everyone? why issit that when she says something, everybody listens and abides? no answers. an email to my dajie and even she thinks it was me probably bad-mouthing her while she's away in aussie or something. the feeling of accusation. and now she ignores me on YM, maybe dragged me into the ignore or invisible list or something. who knows? who cares? i cared too much, and this is what i got. i cared for her because i didn't want any guys to bully her and to take her lightly. i didn't want them to think she's easy and that they could have their way with her. i didn't want them to be any short of respect for her, i wanted her to be prized highly around guys. but that became her grudge for me. speechless. i actually don't hate her. i care for her because she's my sister. pardon me, perhaps it should be cared instead. i respect the choices she's made, whatever they may be in her life. but not at the expense of others, because that becomes selfishness. and that was what happened which makes her so difficult to live with, so unreasonable to talk with, and intolerable to bear with. whatever happened? my parents don't see it. all they see is that i've been giving her attitude and that's wrong of me. all they hear is what she says and because i've said nothing, that's wrong of me. all they see is a fillial daughter, cooking dinner and doing the household chores, but did i already mentioned she's on holiday? all they hear is my silence and that, i'm afraid is also wrong of me. *sigh* anyway, whatever i do is wrong. whatever i try to say, is also wrong. nothing is ever right when it comes to me, why? because i'm the little devil of the house. period. no questions asked. disappointment. my heart is almost dead when it comes to her. i think i need to move out so that i can carry on the fantasy and the dream of my fairy tale becoming a reality. she's suffocating me in that house. i dread going home after work, dread seeing the disappointed looks on my parents faces when everything about me is wrong. i thought they knew, i thought they understood, i thought they empathised with me because they were the youngest in their family too, i thought they knew how the three of us are like, i thought they knew how she was like. even if they do know, i guess they pretend not to because she's supposedly to be the abnormally slow one. why do i feel like i'm acting in some lousy mediacorp production? *hah* forget it. forget about her. my life will go on.

::misunderstood::

she picked a quarrel with me last night, yelled and screamed at me, and even threatened to slap me. i hate her! how i wish i was really living in my own castle and that i would have the power to banish her into the abyss of the earth. fantasy fantasy. reality bites, i'm afraid. no matter how hard i try to run away from her, avoid her, she still comes. what does she want? she's got my whole family on her side, she's got the phone lines as and when she wants to use, she even spoiled my dajie's birthday today! somebody should just shoot her! i told her i don't want her to be at my party, lest someone just decides to finish her for me. i'm really upset, she's got everything thinking i'm the evil one while she's the only divine living around. disgusting. and the only thing that made me cry wasn't her, wasn't because she was scolding me, but rather, my mother was on her side no matter what. and that was why i'm really disappointed with my family, i'm really heart-broken.

::too much stuff::

there's been so much stuff on my mind since i fallen ill, and now that i'm feeling much better, i need to get them off my chest. wait, let me focus. alright, here goes:
1. i think my birthday party's gonna sux big time because until now i have no idea who's coming and who's not. and until now i haven't placed any order for the catering service. i do have an idea what i want my cake to be though. but heck, i don't have any motivation!
2. ladder 49 was really good. watched it on saturday after work. it talked about the call of duty, before family, before nation. inspiring movie. highly recommended. shows you the side of fire-fighters you never knew.

dear and i, in the cinema, before the movie started. hee!
3. friday night after he booked out, we went to bedok to have supper. got our favourite bbq chicken wings, fried oyster and our bak chor mee! hee, lovely!
4. and saturday before the movie, we met up with dear's buddies for a short while. we got him a birthday present, a G-shock for army! hee, he loved it! and i mean, he really really liked it. :) i'm glad coz i paid a little bit for it as well ok?
5. we went to DFS as well. haven't been there for the longest time so just thought we'd go have a look. went there and i knew what i wanted for my birthday, hee! *hint hint*
oh but i just don't have the mood for anything. maybe its because i'm PMS-ing now and having just recovered from fever and tonsilitis, makes me just not wanna do anything. like i wanna rest all day at home and do my own stuff. argh! control control, its alright, i'll be ok. :)

::poor elephants::

was reading the new paper when i got to work this morning, and in there was an article about a train hitting 2 elephants, and killing them. so sad! like is the train driver stupid or something?! there were a total of 5 elephants trying to cross the railway tracks, 3 made it over, while it hit the other 2. one died instantly, the other staggered a short distance before collapsing into a creek. he would have saw the elephants making their way, and he damn well should have already started braking a little. you know how elephants are, they are gentle giants, they are big in size and that's what makes their actions a little slow. you can't blame them for taking a longer than usual time to cross the railway track. and when the train got nearer, he realised he needed to stop the train, but it was too late. irresponsible stupid brainless train driver! elephants are almost extinct and killing them "by accident" isn't the best excuse around! cruelty in the highest degree!
elephants are my favourite animals, they are really sweet by nature, plus the fact they are vegetarians makes me adore them even more. they are very harmless creatures, and very mild as well. if you teach them well, they will listen to you and do your bidding. they are not lazy, neither are they disobedient, which is why i cannot understand how their trainers could have the heart to hit them. but i really love elephants and wish they never die out! they are so peaceful, which makes them a hot favourite on poacher's list. disgusting poachers! they should rot! i shall begin my mourning for the poor elephants.

::sick::

i'm sick *sniff*, for the first time this year i think. i'm a relatively strong gal, and i hardly fall ill, and this time round was bad. because i didn't have my deardear to sayang me, he wasn't here physically with me to take care of me, just the sound of his voice to accompany me. so the doc said i'm down with fever and some throat infection known as tonsilitis. dunno how on earth did i get that kind of stuff but the doc said it was because of lack of rest and eating too much junk food *tongue sticking out*. alright i got the hint. i felt so horrible yesterday, i took half a day off and took a cab to the nearby clinic at my house. the feeling was so undescribable, i could only lie on my bed. i had no appetite, i was super tired and lethargic. i felt nauseous and i kept wanting to vomit, but i knew how puking would make things worse so i tried my best not to let it out. my body ached so badly i could hardly walk. so my mom made me some porridge, but i couldn't finish it because every now and then i just felt so horrible, i had to lie down. i've been given 2 days MC to rest, and that's what i've been doing. my throat still feels weird, its not the normal sore throat feeling, but something weirder. even opening my mouth to talk is painful for me, so i'm just keeping quiet. who is there for me to talk with anyway? except my dear who can only call me when he has free time.
alright, enough said. i shall continue my rest.

::alone again::

i'm back to being alone alone after sending my boyfriend back to camp last night. to make things more unbearable, i'm having a sore throat because i caught a cold, i'm sick again! *pouts* my head is spinning and i don't feel like talking because i'm feeling all so weak in my body. and its raining again! *screaming* today is the first day of november, and my birthday party's in 20 days' time, and i haven't even confirmed the number of people attending because i've been too lazy to follow-up with them? *sigh*
just had laksa for lunch, and its so horrible because it tasted a little sour. and now i'm feeling so queazy in my stomach. why do i feel so lousy? like my boyfriend who was in the wilderness and who also constipated, i've been constipating as well. what is wrong? everything is wrong, everything seems so wrong, i haven't fallen ill for the longest of time, and now if i do, i know its gonna hit me real bad. *darn* guess i'll try to find something to occupy myself before i whine even more.

::booking in again::

sending him to the interchange for the second time after 4 weeks still made me cry. *sobs* maybe its because i'm pms-ing and therefore the high emotions but, the feeling was definitely lousy, and i feel so lonely once again. to make things worse, his supposedly half-a-day confinement next weekend might just burn up the whole weekend, making it yet another 2 weeks before i see him again. why must it always be fortnightly? why can't it be weekly? i'm extremely depressed right now, and this depression might just go on until my hormones go into a final rage before bursting. shan't explain the obvious. *sigh* once again, my heart feels so heavy, and every breath i take is with a sense of difficulty. my neck is still sprained even though its much better. i'm just whining and complaining coz that's what i usually do when i'm pms-ing, so just give in to me alright? i'll try not to pick any fight with anyone, and try not to fly into an unreasonable rage, i'll try not to cry unnecessarily and also not to snap at anyone. i shall try my very best to control this horrible varied group of physical and psychological symptoms, including abdominal bloating, headache, fatigue, irritability, anxiety, and depression, that occur from 2 to 7 days before the onset of menstruation and cease shortly after menses begins.

::OT on a saturday?!::

the only weekend i get to spend with my baby, and i might have to do OT just to serve these stupid aunties and uncles?! amazing! i'm so mad! *fuming* like comon, gimme a break alright? my boyfriend might be confined again next week you know? and sometimes money just cannot buy happiness, it cannot buy the time i could have spent with my baby! every minute and every second is just so precious. so what if you pay me double on saturdays? its not enough, time is never enough with him. time passes so incredibly fast when i'm with him, just like our love in the beginning. *smiling foolishly at the computer* alright, enough silliness. kate's in town, just for today, and she'll be flying off tonight. in the meantime, biscuit's gonna have to accompany her. i feel so bad i can't accompany her, because she's like after all closer to me? i hope she'll understand my plight and like forgive me for it. *asking for forgiveness*

::he's out!::

OMIGOD!!! my baby's out!!! *screaming* as of this moment, as i'm posting this blog, he's on the ferry reaching mainland!!! i cannot contain my happiness and excitement, i'm exploding!!! *screaming even louder* no one has any idea how much i've been missing and pining for him since the day he was gone. is this true?! i find it so hard to believe that he's finally out! like my senses have been numbed since the day i sent him in! alright, calm down. i'm gonna see him in like an hour's time (hopefully), so calm down and prepare to meet my prince. *gleeful smile*

::ladder 49::

deardear wants to watch this show on saturday, *hint hint* i don't mind as long as he pays for it, hee! *tongue sticking out* oh i just can't wait for him to be out!

::pple laugh at me *pouts*::

people laughed at my sprained neck when i was at the pharmacy. *pouts* so mean right? the pharmist and the cashier were laughing at me. i asked her for something stronger that will relieve the pain and sore almost immediately, and so she did. but after sticking it on for 2 hours, i can still feel the sore in my neck. is the plaster working? sad to say, no. *shaking head* oh well, but i'll be magnanimous to forgive those pple who were gloating over my misfortune.
deardear hasn't called yet since i last spoke with him this morning, and i'm wondering why. he said his free time would most probably be around 3 plus in the afternoon, which is about now. *sigh* sometimes i think the army's like really screwed up. oh well, but since they'll be making a man out of my boy, i should just shut up. *zipping up my mouth*
nonsense aside, i think i'm really not feeling well ever since i caught a cold, and like ever since i sprained my neck early in the morning. and i'm feeling so sleepy at work *dozing off*, dunno why, maybe its partly because of the cold weather and its making me feel so drowsy. anyway, did i mention work? what work? i'm doing nothing. i'm paid to blog, dress nicely, sit in the office to look pretty, eat and drink, wait till its time to go off, yah that's what i do all day long in the office. and once in a while when the members do come, i just say hi and chit-chat with them. yah that's about my job scope. cool huh? anyway, this is really getting boring. i should really consider writing a thesis on some subject and then maybe that will take time off. any ideas anyone?

::i sprained neck!::

i woke up this morning with a seriously sprained neck! *ouch* my actions and movements are so limited now, and i can't even turn my head as and when i want! i was thinking of taking the day off but i didn't want my bosses to think i was faking it up, because it was, after all, quite amusing. *lol* it was much worse in the morning when i just woke up, i couldn't move, and it was so painful, i almost cried! i don't usually cry when i hurt myself or something, but if its really painful, i would. like there was one incident at chinatown, i was with my boyfriend and my sister. a very sentitive part of my body bumped into this stupid short pole, and i just burst out crying! i couldn't stop crying, and my boyfriend was trying so hard not to laugh, but my sister was already laughing her head off! i was in so much pain and here they were laughing at me?! i was so hurt, i cried even more, like a baby. *lol* my boyfriend finally got over his laughing fit and came to sayang me. stupid boy! coming back to my sprained neck, the pain is killing me! maybe i really should take half the day off? i'm even amazed at myself for reaching work in one piece, impressive huh? anyway, whether my boyfriend's able to book-out tonight or not is still unknown. he hasn't spoken to his platoon commander yet because he wasn't in his office, so we'll just have to wait and see. *keeping fingers and toes crossed* really hope he can come out tonight, i miss him so much! and i want him to massage my neck for me, hee! *tongue sticking out*

::a phonecall at last::

i finally received a phonecall from my baby in the afternoon! its exhilarating to be watching my mobile blink his name for the first time in a week! and even more breathless when i heard him call me baby for the first time in eons! his voice was full of energy and happiness, i was just so thrilled when i heard him, i teared. *sobs* he's suppose to book-out tomorrow night but because of negligence on his part, he will have to be confined for half a day in camp while the rest of his mates get to book out. so he might not be able to book out tomorrow night. i dunno. its not confirmed yet. he has yet to speak to the platoon commander, who will decide if he gets his confinement this week or the following week. *keeping fingers crossed* oh Lord, please let confinement be next week, i'll go crazy if i still dun get to see him tomorrow night. carelessness caused this confinement, hopefully this silly boy of mine will learn his mistake and never repeat it again. so tonight i will be home alone again. *rubbing eyes* dark and heavy clouds are gathering again, its making me miss my baby even more and my flu even worse *sniff sniff*. alright enough said, at least he's safe and sound.

::happy hatchday baby!::

Twenty-two years ago,
God planted a seed for a baby boy to be sent to earth.
Along with this boy came love and intelligence,
wherefore he would become a great leader,
who would earn reverence and respect from his peers.
With a heart full of love waiting to be shared,
there he finds his princess.
Adoration and love fill this little couple,
as they spend loving days together.
A fairy tale made in heaven,
it is God's bliss for them.
And now twenty-two years later,
this boy has grown,
to be the man of my dreams,
fightly bravely for his country and for his gal,
He'll always be a baby in my eyes.
Happy Hatchday my baby,
i love you! ~PrincessWylyn

::day 7::

day 7:
still no news from my boy, no phonecall no nothing. its the 7th day of his outfield and his birthday today, and yet i dun even know where is he or when is he coming back. i caught a cold, and i'm feeling really horrible. and things in the office aren't making me feel better. "oh God, i have an ill-divining soul" i think pple in the office probably think that biscuit is far more capable and competent than i am considering the length of time she's been here, and i hate the feeling of comparison. not that they are comparing us, but needless to say, there are bound to be some preference. no doubt i was here longer but so what? and so what if my bosses are gonna be sending me to japan and not her? i won't be surprised if at the end of it they send her instead of me for the simple fact that i am more passive when it comes to certain things. heck, like it matters. whatever! i can't wait to see the look on their faces the day i hand in my resignation letter. some gratitude would be nice. like remember who was it who stuck through with them from nothing, to the opening ceremony, to what they are now. i may not have played a huge role, but at least i didn't abandon them when they needed me the most. ingrats! and just because she needs someone to type chinese characters and i didn't volunteer she gives me this look like as if i'm lazy?! comon, i sux when it comes to chinese alright, and besides i'm not feeling well. like as if she doesn't know my chinese ain't fantastic, and since biscuit's level of chinese far surpasses mine, she'll definitely make the better choice, isn't it? *duhz* there's so many other reasons why she's just making me feel so worthless here in this little office. guess i'll just stick on in here until the end of this year and it'll be goodbye. and don't say there weren't any signs.