::familiy ties?::

all the talk about family kinship and family ties, where are they? what are they? when everyone misunderstands you, when everyone thinks you're the incarnation of a little devil, where is support? where is the love? sounds so cliche i know, but honestly, where issit? they think that some spirit has possessed me, they think i'm crazy hating her. why is she so important to everyone? why issit that when she says something, everybody listens and abides? no answers. an email to my dajie and even she thinks it was me probably bad-mouthing her while she's away in aussie or something. the feeling of accusation. and now she ignores me on YM, maybe dragged me into the ignore or invisible list or something. who knows? who cares? i cared too much, and this is what i got. i cared for her because i didn't want any guys to bully her and to take her lightly. i didn't want them to think she's easy and that they could have their way with her. i didn't want them to be any short of respect for her, i wanted her to be prized highly around guys. but that became her grudge for me. speechless. i actually don't hate her. i care for her because she's my sister. pardon me, perhaps it should be cared instead. i respect the choices she's made, whatever they may be in her life. but not at the expense of others, because that becomes selfishness. and that was what happened which makes her so difficult to live with, so unreasonable to talk with, and intolerable to bear with. whatever happened? my parents don't see it. all they see is that i've been giving her attitude and that's wrong of me. all they hear is what she says and because i've said nothing, that's wrong of me. all they see is a fillial daughter, cooking dinner and doing the household chores, but did i already mentioned she's on holiday? all they hear is my silence and that, i'm afraid is also wrong of me. *sigh* anyway, whatever i do is wrong. whatever i try to say, is also wrong. nothing is ever right when it comes to me, why? because i'm the little devil of the house. period. no questions asked. disappointment. my heart is almost dead when it comes to her. i think i need to move out so that i can carry on the fantasy and the dream of my fairy tale becoming a reality. she's suffocating me in that house. i dread going home after work, dread seeing the disappointed looks on my parents faces when everything about me is wrong. i thought they knew, i thought they understood, i thought they empathised with me because they were the youngest in their family too, i thought they knew how the three of us are like, i thought they knew how she was like. even if they do know, i guess they pretend not to because she's supposedly to be the abnormally slow one. why do i feel like i'm acting in some lousy mediacorp production? *hah* forget it. forget about her. my life will go on.