| zZz |

can someone tell me how does forums work? i'm so sleepy and lost!

i've been tasked to read certain threads of the singaporebrides forum and i have no idea where or how to begin because there are like SO many topics, and within these topics are sub-topics and then threads? is that it? i'm really so lost right now and all the topics within topics and sub-topics within sub-sub-topics are making me SO sleepy! zZz

perfect weather.

anyway, some pictures i did outta boredom:

♥ botanic gardens

♥ DSLR quality-shots taken by my TX-5 (by the fiancé). come on, be amazed. HAHA

♥ lolo boy!

| Maybe I Never Knew |

*feels like i dunno you more and more

this phrase is currently on my FB wall and a friend quickly msn-ed me to check if i was ok. its people like these who warms you; makes you feel better. :)

its really nothing serious; just a random thought that maybe i never knew the fiancé as well as i thought i did.

is 9 years enough to know someone?

just yesterday on FB, he wished his pal's girlfriend/wife happy birthday without signing off as US since i know her too. and late last night on FB again, he posted pictures of a birthday celebration with his colleagues and was actually sitted next to a female colleague?!

that's not it.

what really affected me was the fact that he stayed up till 2am last night - with me in the room trying to sleep with my eye mask over and him furiously clicking his mouse and typing away - and all these while loading pictures of work?!

did he care about the fact that i was so shagged out after packing parcels - with no help from him at all if i may add - and that i'm a super light sleeper and the slightest sound or movement and it will disturb my sleep? NO!

that explains why i don't like his colleagues very much. most of them are females and are the sort that stay in the office till really late, and will call him on his mobile at 9-10pm to talk about work. they were also the same exact one(s) whom fell sick and refused to see a doctor and ended spreading the germs to him and then to me - imagine the close proximity they must have been in for the germs to even infect him? are these even normal work relationships or am i paranoid here??? do you see my male bosses and/or colleague calling me way after office hours talking about work or asking me if buying a cake for another female colleague is ok or not???!!!

i've had it.

either he learns how to draw a line between work and family or he can jolly well join them permanently as a SINGLE.

to the fiancé:
how many bad experiences do we need to witness before you learn how to behave yourself? already i am stressing out over many many things and you still look like you're good for more fun without me. i'm really disappointed.

| Abuse |

all month, i've been trying so hard to avoid reading details and seeing pictures of the poor pomeranian that got bashed to death.

i relented, saw, read and broke down.

i cannot believe how a drunkard can be blatantly bashing a small pup near a coffee shop with the onlookers just minding their own business. so typical of singaporeans! because it ain't human, its just a dog and therefore its allowed to be beaten to death? same for those SICK PEOPLE abusing stray cats! do you have any idea how small a pomeranian-type of dog is? they are quite tiny.

why must humans think they are King and abuse animals?

a life is a life no matter what and these people are answerable to God.

now, is there any other way of finding the culprit? i want to help so badly. what can i do? pledge money to try and help find the culprit? ok, maybe we'll pledge 50% of profits from Seven Dresses' LOVE Collections (13th and 14th) to help?

let me discuss with the fiancé first.

| NO? |

i don't feel like getting married anymore.

not that we had any concrete plans too anyway, but i just don't feel like it any time soon.

the big hoo-haa about weddings had always deterred me from wanting to get married, and even more so now with half the world i know getting hitched soon! i'm happy for them but i look at my own life and wonder, will i ever be mature enough to want to sit down with the fiancé to plan for the biggest event of our lives?

everyone has advised me or us to start reading wedding forums but i am so not a forum person. it gives me a headache. i think i'd prefer blogs. any wedding blogs to recommend anyone?

whatever the case is, i don't wanna get married anymore. can we stay this way forever?

i think i'm falling sick again; maybe that's why i'm feeling so tired about my blogshop and totally off for marriage. my head's been heavy since the time i woke up and i'd been feeling hot-cold-hot-cold, donning and taking off my jackets, sneezing and no appetite. damn, i CANNOT FALL SICK AGAIN! *screams*

anyway, some eye-candy for our 13th collection tonight:

♥ this blue denim polka dot frock really matches my wedges and my red rattan bag huh? hee ;p


♥ managed to find another supplier with the same exact piece execpt with a pinkier hue of pink and navy blue


♥ mad loves my picnic basket to bits! and she also wants to have this topshop-inspired frock heh ;p

| Tired |

i'm upset.

been so caught up with so many things ever since i-dunno-when and forgot to give myself some "ME" time.

despite the long weekend, i failed to accomplish anything.

can i blame the fiancé pls?

he has no idea what encompasses the launch of a new collection and i hate to say it but it is taking a toll on me! just let me take a break as and when i need to and when i'm recharged enough, i will do the necessary.

at this current moment, i am feeling so lost. give me some time to get my bearings right and we'll work from there.

don't think that's a terribly unreasonable request to make. i'm just tired and busy with many other things and if you could just let me slow down and breathe, i will be very grateful.

period.

| Hibernation Mode |

i'm in hibernation mode now.

the erratic weather just sent rain down and i'm all cuddled up in my coats and jackets, scarfs and poncho.

everyone is just minding their own business today and so am i.

can't wait for the day to end, i am so tired.

anyway so Collection 12 - Our Father's Faithfulness was launched yesterday and at the same time, the fiancé and i decided to give away the Coogi Face Mask which we bought from Korea early this year as a form of incentive to find out how our consumers and potential customers feel about Seven Dresses thus far. while this blogshop was set up entirely in obedience to God's calling, i would wanna make the best of it, personally :)

got desiree to help out for the shoot and shyness aside, i think this girl's got potential~

and don't ask me why i'm also in the shoot! ok fine, ask.

it was because our dear desiree was SUPER shy she was looking all tensed up in most of the initial shots and so i had to change into some of the clothes to accompany her, else we would never finish the shoot before the next appointment reaches the studio :/

yes i know i'm not exactly model-material even though i was a child model eons ago so pls, keep those harsh comments to yourself.

♥ this flora sundress is one of my personal favourites; fabulous cutting

♥ ooo this piece (and the black version) is exlcusive to Seven Dresses


♥ another one of my favorites - look how cute she is

♥ this is the fiancé's pick - something that guys would love their girls to wear?

| NEW |

just changed my blogskin and think it'll remain for a good few years HAHA. even blogger is now embracing the new CSS; welcome CSS, goodbye HTML. am still trying to figure out to how to centralise the bottom part of my blog though. perhaps another time when i'm not so sleepy ba.

and now, this is what i've been up to...

♥ stuffed squid

made dinner for the family yesterday and felt super unappreciated :(

it wasn't that the food wasn't delicious but i guess i wasn't exactly expecting that kinda response either.

nevertheless, the fiancé you know is super supportive and thinks the WORLD of whatever i cook to be delicious so i'm thankful for him ♥

right now, i just hope that the process of manufacturing our 2nd dress will not meet any more obstacles than it already has.

| Signs |

i forgot my office keys today. no i wasn't locked out; in fact i was the last to arrive :/

left my ez-link card in the box meant for a friend and ended up using coins and buying the single fare card; forgot my office keys; got an odd feeling that i may have also forgotten to switch off the lights before i left office yesterday too. are these signs of old-age?

its worrying when you see people around tying the knot and MORE people asking me when our big day is - a definite sign of old age.

maybe i've just been really really shagged out since returning from our trip though it was part R & R, part sourcing trip. we had pretty good finds BUT maybe its just another sign of old age that i'm constantly feeling t.i.r.e.d.

i wanna catch a movie or two and just nua the whole day in bed. can i?

but first, i need to finish these stuff up:

friday
1. pay up the studio money
2. cell @ the big sista's place (thank God its just across the street!)
3. ribbon-tying for our flea tomorrow

saturday
1. flea (12-8pm)

sunday
1. church
2. photoshoot
3. kite-flying?

i do lead a h.e.c.t.i.c life, don't i? *lolx*

anyway since all my stuff are locked up @ work, here's what i've done to waste the time away *tsk





oh look, its 4.08pm already!

| Russ |

think i'm calm enough to blog now since the news on saturday.

after seeking a second opinion, russ' heart murmur was confirmed by his usual attending vet on monday. its mainly due to old age, his bad temper, as well as the fact that he eats human food. Dr. Chua did not say how long russ can live but as long as russ is taking the long-term medication that Dr. Chua has put him under, he should be fine.

but now russ has to do a complete diet change; one that is low in sodium. he can't have his favorite milk, biscuits and stuff anymore. i hope he'll adapt well. the last few days when he was coughing, he did not have any appetite, it made us all so worried.

thank God he seems to be responding pretty well to the medication; we have to call Dr. Chua to report this to him today. his appetite also came back and his cough stopped. but he's still pretty tired and restless all the time and pico definitely cannot go near russ anymore because russ cannot afford to be agitated. he also can't go for long walks anymore because its too taxing on his lil heart.

russ will be 9 years old this national day. we'll celebrate earlier since we'll be away for the hols.

and i am still tearing as i'm typing this entry.

truth is, i can't take it!

i don't want russ to leave us so soon! i don't wanna come home just to see pico alone, i wanna be able to see russ too!

russ has been a big part in my life. he came the same year as the fiance came into my life in 2001. he was so tiny back then and we all grew to love him very much. i remember the very first time he set foot in our home, the three of us were lying on the floor and watching him curiously walking around us. shortly after, we smelled a fart and asked who did it and all three of us denied, next thing we knew, he poo-ed on the floor mat. he was real cute cos he contemplated for a long time and he wasn't sure where he could poo and because he was only paper-trained, he went to the nearest paper-looking thing to poo. what a smart boy! he's sucha dear in our hearts.

russ is God's gift to us, especially in a time where we needed stronger family ties - something or someone that could bond us closer as a family and russ came along.

even though he's grown to be so grumpy and bad tempered (it runs in the blood), he still loves us in his own special way.

and now if i may ask the Lord, the one thing is for russ to have a strong, healthy life. i don't want him to be in pain or to be upset in any way, i just want him to know how much all of us love him and will always always love him.

| Forever |

can i cry pls?

i don't wanna lose my baby boy so soon..he's not even 9 years old

and i was still hoping on sunday when i woke up that everything we heard at the vet was a bad dream.

can i keep my baby boy with me forever pls?

| Thinking |

i've been thinking.

i'm always thinking (and imagining) about everything and i think its innate.

i was doing so much thinking yesterday until it got me depressed to a point in time. what was i thinking about? many things.

we've settled the hotels for our trip and now its just left with researching on things to do. in fact, i'd be happy if we don't do anything during those 5 days and we just watch the world go by in my favorite part of the island - just you and i.

------------------------

i love daniel very much. it isn't something i just realised; its something i've always known. i love him to the extent of wanting a child with him that will look like the both of us - a little girl or boy that will carry a small part of him and me that is concrete evidence of our love. yes i think i would like that very much :)

everyone knows how i used to shun the idea of having a child but now i'm beginning to think otherwise. it'll be sweet :)

CLARIFICATION
yes, i'm still a virgin.
no, this coming trip is not and will not be a consummation of our love.
no, he hasn't proposed again.
no, we're not getting married anytime soon.

so just take this purely as a love story; OUR love story.

----------------------------

we're trapped.

we've got a design on hand and no factory that is willing to manufacture for us. apparently everyone's stopped taking in orders infinitely and i wonder if its got to do with what's going on in BKK. anyhow, we'll be meeting a supplier after work today and see if they'll be willing to take in our order in the meantime. *prays*

---------------------------

remember about the Inifinity Loop i mentioned about in my previous post? well its made me feel so small and insignificant that i burst out crying as soon as we left church last saturday.

i think i'm old enough to tell if someone is belittling us or if they are genuinely passionate about a cause. in any case, we should let God be the judge.

i'm not almighty; in fact even in terms of Bible knowledge/doctrines, i'm nowhere near those attending Sunday school. i'm insufficient in many ways, lacking in a lot of virtues as a Christian, but i know my cause and its very simple - open a blogshop to take back what rightfully belongs to the Lord i.e. money, and commit a portion to communities who have a need for it. and the reason for a blogshop is so that i can take care of it while i am still holding my full-time job because God is good, He didn't give me my day job for nothing you know.

and of course in the midst of that, i can expand myself to becoming a 'designer' of my own dresses, as well as use some of that marketing i've learnt through the books in actual practice here so i'll know i didn't major in marketing for nothing.

so while you are highly passionate about your cause, you need to know where other people are coming from. we all have our individual causes that God called us to do and if He dictates dresses, then who's to say pants? some may have the calling earlier, others (like me) later in life, so everyone's at different stages of fulfilling His purposes. if you're so up there right now doesn't mean i won't get there eventually. i will, but in any case, how fast or slow we get to the finishing point is also dictated by God so who has the right to belittle what we have done so far?

you may not mean it in a bad way; and if that's the case, take a different approach the next round. because i am beginning to understand why non-believers hate Christians so much. its because of bad eggs like YOU that spoil God's name!

and if you ever read this and want to apologise, DON'T.

i'm only blogging this out so i can have a happier day today.

| Happiness? |

just finished re-watching The Little Nonya on xinmsn and damn its a tear-jerker alright. *sobs

such rich culture and history lie beneath a minority, i dunno whether to be proud of or ashamed to be a quarter of a Nonya myself. some of the traditions in our family are different as compared to the Hokkiens and/or Teochews but i guess that's not the point i'm driving at.

what i'm trying to say is, why can't two people who love each other be together? its so sad and i'm feeling all-so-emo about the fact that the main characters, yueniang and chen xi did not end up together eventually. *sobs

though they supposedly moved on and are successful and happy in their own way, i can't help but wonder if that is true happiness?

and what is true happiness on earth?

| Let me RANT |

let me rant.

i'm sick and i'm in pain but i'm at work and i just want to rant.

stupid irresponsible people who are sick and refuse to stay home to recuperate, end up passing the germs to the fiance and then to me! i was just on MC 2 weeks ago for a cold that i caught outta nowhere and now this - stomach virus!

and i can't even stay home today even though i was given yesterday and today to rest because i have some stupid VIPs coming in at work today, i want to cry! i really want to cry! i am SO mad i could bite anything that irritates me today i tell you.

i'm hungry and yet i can't eat much cos anything i eat and i will LAU SAI big time, argh!

and when i posted something on his wall to indirectly scold his boss, he got angry with me. like pls, do i deserve to go down like that?

SHE NEEDS TO BE TOLD THAT IF SHE IS SICK, SHE SHOULD JOLLY WELL STAY HOME AND NOT COME TO WORK TO SPREAD GERMS, PERIOD!

| My Testament on Seven Dresses |

nat told us over lunch last sunday that he's volunteered on our behalves, to put Seven Dresses up for display at Infinite Loop - an intiative by CSCC to promote God-inspired projects in the marketplace.

wow.

that caught me off-guard for a few moments.

and now i'm required to write, sort of like a testimony on how Seven Dresses was born.

i tried putting my writing into good use yesterday but somehow it lacked the personal touch that i had hoped would bring across. and so i've decided what better place to pen this than in my own journal - like how i've been doing for the past 6 years :)

think i shared before, amidst my 678 posts on blogger, that eprincessdiary is like my personal letters to God, since i seem to be more expressive with written words anyway.

ok so here goes:

to me, Seven Dresses represents alot of things. it represents God's calling for me, His moulding process in me, a testament of God's grace and faithfulness to my pre-believing family whom i hope one day - soon enough - will also give their lives to Christ, as well as His way of helping me financially in the area of the next phase of my life - marriage.

it was at one sermon in March 2010 at CSCC - sister Karen Dunham - a missionary in Palestine spoke about “Launching” and taking back what rightfully belongs to the Lord that planted an idea within me. it was something that I’ve always wanted to do but never had the courage or capital to do so, and which i felt extremely compelled to make it happen this time round - opening a blogshop and channelling a portion of the earnings back to His' name. in this way, i could bring the Bible and even the Gospel to the marketplace and help poor starving children in Jericho be less hungry. it would feel like myself, personally being out there on the mission field - which had also been my dream since i knew Christ 15 years ago but never had the chance too.

as i think back on everything that had happened in the last couple of months, i am slowly coming into the realisation (after piecing everything up together) that the Lord has never left me, He's always been in my life, slowly but surely fulfilling the purpose He's had for me since i received my first prophesy from a preacher when i was 12:

"..that her studies are well..that she'll do great things..things that her mother would never expect and would be so proud of her for...that she'll soar on eagles' wings..."

this is all i could remember. the rest of the prophecy, which my sister later wrote out for me, went missing together with my other boxes of stuff when we shifted house in 1999.

and although i do not know what these great things are, and/or if Seven Dresses is part of these "great things", i'm convinced that success comes only from the Lord and He is faithful; He will finish the work He started out in us.

| Travel Bug |

been hit by the travel bug of late and have the strong urge to re-visit some old places (with unfinished business) and visit new places as well.

BUT it'll never be the only place i'll ever want to be in.

nevertheless, i am still thankful and count my lil blessings - at least i am leaving the country. God has been so wonderful and i've learnt that no matter what goes on in my life, His hand is always on it, in it and He leads as i allow Him to.

so the tics have been booked and we'll be away for the National Day hols. good riddance! ha!

remind me to write about PURPOSES tomorrow. till then.

| My Wants |

i've been dying to do the Great Ocean Road drive for the longest time now! when issit my turn?


i wanna go to Philip's Island and see the penguins too!

i hear they're real cute - like they'll wait for one another and never leave anyone behind *lolx*

i also wanna go up to the Blue Mountains which the big sista happily went without me!
tell me again - what are sisters for? :/


i've decided that i shall not wait for the fiance any longer and will just do this road trip on my own..once i've saved up enough that is :S

| Deadbuyers |

just a quick one before i knock off from work and rush off to another round of photoshoot tonight. *shag*

i'm very thankful and overwhelmed by the response of collection 6 - peace but at the same time, am so tired of all the deadbuyers. i mean, if you're not that interested then just refrain from commenting? thing is girls comment and confirm and yet back out. worse - they don't even reply to tell you they're no longer interested even when i send reminder emails! isn't that only basic courtesy? come on...

in the first place, i didn't even have to restock those 2 items but because so many girls were asking for it, and i know i'd feel bad if i didn't try to help to get some more stock, so in the end i relented and went to restock. :S

AND as it is, we unlike other blogshops are not blacklisting deadbuyers because we believe that everyone should be given a second or even third/fourth chance, just like how Jesus always give sinners like us so many second chances but pls don't take advantage can?

i'm so tired that i even have to resort to asking interested buyers to email me directly for the last pieces of that 2 items which i don't normally accept. *sigh

just be nice pls? ;(

| FAIL |

i screwed up JY's birthday dinner yesterday.

its been so many years since i last screwed up someone's birthday. i'm pretty good at that, i think. somehow, i am always the root of so much unhappiness and over the years, i am beginning to doubt my value of living on this earth and how i've shamed Jesus' name in being His child.

people are shallow; they always look at the surface of things. nobody cares about what really happened, the countless heartaches and disappointments that i've gone through. not like i would even bother explaining, but sometimes, i just wish that he would be a man and stand up to his own mistakes and say, "yes i was the one who upset her because i gave her empty promises time and time again".

throughout these 9 years, i wonder if he's ever fulfilled anything he ever promised me. i wonder also the worth of his words, and the reaction of people if they know that we are on the verge of a break up now? but then again, everyone who knows us, from NTUC where we met, to TP, Uni and work, are betting on 2 things:

1. our wedding
or
2. our break-up

either which, both are very highly anticipated events of the decade (pun intended).

even people whom we just know - my photographer and model for seven dresses, also commented that he always looks so pathetic when i'm scolding him or being mean to him.

???

i don't blame them cos they only just got to know us, but why is everyone's underlying first comments be "i'm the devil and he's the saint"? and just like that, he's won the hearts of everyone of our friends and even families.

no matter how much i cry and rant on my blog or in the toilet, no one will ever believe that i am the one always suffering. that's just life - unfair.

men will always fail you; but God is forever faithful.

Seven Dresses' virgin FLEA

haha, i just love the use of puns.


click on pic to find out more @ seven dresses lj

so we've been mad-rushing for this flea ever since we confirmed for it which was not too long ago; last week to be exact. and instead of 2 days, we're only gonna be there for 1 day because...i think i'm getting old and i need to REST. *lolx

its a LONG weekend after all, i can't possibly deprive myself of rest and some ME time right?

so anyway, we thought of the promotional mechanics and stuff in sucha short time and i hope it works? *cross fingers most importantly, kbox has got to have wifi or we're screwed BIG time. :/

i hope there'll be pple
i hope there'll be a crowd
i hope there'll be wifi at kbox
i hope they'll let us tap on their wifi if they really have
i hope i'll get to see some of my mailing list darlings who will come right up to me and tell me they are so-and-so
i hope we'll have fun nevertheless
i hope we'll learn to thank God and count our blessings no matter what

its only tomorrow; till then! :)

| Hana |

she's sucha doll, don't you think?

| Blogging |

i'm beginning to be convinced that some blogshop owners start a blog purely for the sake of advertising their blogshop. in a way its clever, but in another way, i find that tactic like gaining sympathy points.

whatever happened to blogging being for the love of writing?

well, maybe these girls just have all the friends and support whereas i have none. not even my fiance comes to my blog to check on my updates.

blah.

i shall just be content with writing and blogging which i have been doing so for the past 6 years (*gasps!) even though eprincessdiary is just a tiny space in the whole cyber world, where no one even knows of my existence or the existence of Seven Dresses. well, at least God does :)

| Silence & Trust |

today's reading in ODB moved me to tears.

in it wrote:

His (God's) silence is the sign that He is bringing you into a marvellous understanding of Himself - a greater run of His purposes

Wow.

with nothing going my way since my return from redang, this message came as a comfort to me.

~difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage~

following the 6-steps to building faith, i may be right to say that right now, we are in the 4th stage - difficulties. so i will continue looking to the Lord for He is Jehovah Jireh; He will provide.

yesterday, we celebrated our 9th anniversary @ his new workplace. i'm so happy and proud that he got into my dream company and/or workplace. the benefits and perks are limitless, wait till he gets his pass. hmpf!

| Not Okay |

the only thing that is keeping me from bursting out crying now is the fact that its our 9th anniversary today.

| Redang Redang! |

slightly more than 30 minutes to knock off time and i'm starting to feel the excitement slowly creeping back, ha!

and this is where we'll be staying. let's just hope the room does live up to its description on its website.

this short trip supposedly celebrates our 9th anniversary together, but we're not alone. we'll be accompanied by another 2 more of the fiance's childhood buds. romance + friendship spells FUN!

be back late on monday night! *muack*

White Christmas & New Year 2009/2010

Seoul Tower


Along Streets of Seoul

before i visit a new place, i told myself that i must upload the previous country's pictures first. look at my half uploaded HongKong Disneyland 2007...*sigh

so anyway, here are the long awaited pictures of our last Christmas in Korea, enjoy :)

Part I

Part II

Part III (Finale)

| Back! |

haha, promised i'd be BACK with more pictures! ;p i'm so lovin' my TX-5 *muack*

| 1 more week... |

its next friday...1 more week...

| Exercising Faith |

how does God build FAITH in us?

you know how we always talk about "having faith in God" but we don't actually know how to exercise that faith. so last week's sermon came very timely, especially what i'm going through in my personal life right now and i thought its only right to share :)

6 Ds of what happens from the time we are called to be His children.

1) DREAM

firstly, God plants a DREAM in our hearts and minds. He gives us that dream, a picture of what He wants to paint in our lives. This dream is usually impossible to reach (because if it were possible then it wouldn't be called a dream, DUH heh ;p).

2) DECISIONS

decisions - the most important part in the 6-steps process as our dream would usually cost some investment of time, money and energy on our part in order to pursue it. this is also the part where God wants to teach us to let go of the security and comfort zone of what we have known all along and to look only to Him for security. this is also where OBEDIENCE and WILLINGNESS comes in place.

"obedience is more costly than sacrifice"

what God wants to see is how obedient are we to His calling.

3) DELAY

after we have obediently done what the Lord has called us to do, step number three is the season of delay, dryness and drought. :/

this is the most trying time and i believe currently, Seven Dresses and myself are in this situation. and the funny part is, there are people around us that are prospering and somehow those people whom we thought were friends, are somehow supporting other blog/physical shops. and you can only wonder to yourself if this is the right path that the Lord has set out for us? YES without a doubt, it is!

this dry season is where most people lose the DREAM as it is a test of our faith. and this is the time where all the more, we have to look to God and shut our mouths in case we are whiney and complaining. easy to say but hard to do. i for one am guilty of that. :S and if we do open our mouths, it should only to be agreeing to the word of God because its only when we do so, that we are setting the thermostat of what will eventually happen.

"...if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." (Matthew 17:20)

this step is vital because God needs to take away the ugliness and to purify as well as beautify the DREAM that He gave us in the beginning; and this takes time.

4) DIFFICULTIES

things will still not be improving and in fact, MORE difficulties and obstacles will come our way and the only thing we should do is still to look to the Lord - very similar to what we should do in Step 3.

5) DEAD-END

in this context, the meaning of a dead-end means no U-turning, no going back and there is only 1 way left. where God's hidden treasures are found, things here will start to look slightly better.

"only God can turn cruxifiction into resurrection"

6) DELIVERANCE

once the Potter has moulded us into the clay that He wants us to become, painted the DREAM to what He had in mind right from the start, then things will finally begin to pick up. He will finally come to deliver us and that, my friends, is God's way of teaching us how to build faith.

"faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ" (Romans 10:17)

hope you learnt something here because i certainly did.

things sure ain't easy with Seven Dresses but ultimately, it is a test of faith. we know that as long as we stand firm with God, we can overcome this drought that we are facing now. Amen!

| TX-5 |

before i talk about the TX-5, can i tell you how much i am lovin' my new blog layout? haha!
simple and clean - my type of blogskin. hehe

so back to the TX-5, we are finally gonna get it after work today and i just cannot contain my joy and excitement of finally owning a camera that does not require us to stop breathing when taking night shots. ;p i have nothing against my old nikon, after all it did serve us well for the past 5 years i think. BUT fact is, its old and its gotta go and i'll definitely miss her!

and our purpose of getting the TX-5 now instead of any other time is because:
1) we're going REDANG ISLAND soon! (realised i haven't blogged about it yet *oops)
2) and to the ZOO as well for some Decisive Force thingy
3) and because i just want to..*lolx*

will be back with MORE pictures that will be super clear and sharp and pretty! *muack*

| Again |

a heavy stone that weighed down,
a careless word that hurt.
a shout that broke hearts,
i am the damned one again.

its tough, its hard,
waging a spiritual warfare.
the Holy Spirit diminishes,
and human nature takes over.

discipleship - the cost of carrying the cross,
not many could withstand.
the spirit is willing,
but the flesh is weak.

disappointed again,
discouraged again.
how to pick myself up?
i try to trust again.

Jesus oh Jesus,
only You know me,
only You see right through me,
only You understand me.

my tears are diamonds in Your sight,
only i mean that much to you.

my heart is in pain,
my eyes tear,
my lips start praying,
grant me self-control,
help me be more like You,
so that people may see You in me.

Amen.

| Sick |

i'm down with sore throat, fever, pounding headache, runny nose, body ache and cough AGAIN. this is the second time this year that i'm taking MC. if i continue to skip work tomorrow (wed), i would be left with 8 days of MC for the rest of 2010!

this is even worse than when i was studying part-time. *sigh

what is wrong with me?!

anyway, the time now is 12.57am and i am still debating if i am well enough to go work tomorrow or just skip it altogether? i went back to work in the morning today to process all our salaries which would be paid out this friday, and i was coughing and sneezing and blowing my nose NON-STOP. then i felt feverish and decided i HAD to go HOME and so i did and went to the doc AGAIN.

speaking of the doctor, pls let me complain.

i went to the clinic on monday morning and it was the lady doc on duty. she's a lil strange and she always seemed extremely UNSURE of what medicine to give. and i thought that since i was dying of a burning sore throat and runny nose, i'll just let her talk to herself. so she gave me 1 day MC. to be honest, its not that i'm so hard up for the MC, but if she had given me 2 days MC right from the start, she would have saved me LOADS of trouble having to go back another round today.

so i managed to rush down after work today and this time round, it was a male doc. i like him better. even though he's a young guy, he talks really SLOWLY. but at least he's more certain of himself - that i am positive. so he said that i caught the FLU BUG and i had to stay home to rest and not go round spreading the VIRUS to my colleagues which i totally agreed given my earlier experience in the morning. then he said i was RUNNING A TEMPERATURE i.e. FEVER. ah this was something NEW that the female doc FAILED to diagnose on monday. *major eyeroll* so finally he said another 2 MORE days of MC to STAY HOME AND REST.

and that was what i had been doing the whole day. thing is, i am feeling better. but i'm not so sure of the runny nose, sneezing and coughing part tomorrow. i really feel bad if i'd passed my virus to my colleagues, which by the way, happened before and even though my colleague and boss didn't say it that time, i knew that the WHOLE WORLD knew it was ME.

back to my earlier point, so should i go to work or should i stay home?

now before you start accusing me of faking MC, allow me to clarify that i am on this medication that is STRONGER but gives me INSOMNIA. :S

| Seven Dresses |

since monday night, i've had troubles falling asleep. this is very unlike me because being the pig that i literally am, i've never had such problems!

maybe i'm still convalescing from tummy flu that we were down with last weekend.

or maybe i've just been stressing out over my new blogshop which by the way is open. do visit http://sevendresses.livejournal.com/ to get yourself one dress for each day of the week and for a good cause! from now until our big day which we are targeting May 2012, we are pledging 20% of our profits to the missionary work that is going on at Cornerstone Community Church; while the remaining 80% will go to our wedding fund. :) after which, we hope to faithfully commit at least 50% of our profits to missionary work. so help to SPREAD the word yah? *winks

why Cornerstone? hmm because we had been very blessed by the services since day 1 we attended CSCC and with our lil efforts, we hope to do something for the Lord; to give something back to Him.

why a blogshop? hmm because i feel that its not without reason that i can't stop shopping online or in physical stores or have an eye for fashion and all things beautiful ;p and i figured there must be some way i can channel this passion or compulsive disorder into something useful and before i knew it, one sunday during the sermon by Karen Dunham, she talked about taking back what rightly belongs to God's people, specifically about Launching, i knew it then that it was God speaking to me.

you see. prior to that service, i had been corresponding with a supplier/wholesaler whom had gotten my email address from one of the bazaars where we participated under my other blogshop, Missy Hand Me Down (will talk more about that another time but you could also shop there ;D). and it was cool because she opened up the possibility of me owning a blogshop sellling first-hand clothes. however, with the capital that was needed to start and how business would be very slow in the beginning (which i hate to agree), i was very hesitant and procrastinated for quite a bit, almost to the point of giving up this idea completely. BUT it was that sermon which woke me up. i knew what i had to do, i knew what God has called me to do, i knew i had to launch and start this blogshop soon and credit it to His name. and instead of keeping all the profits to myself, why not give a portion to help others, for the extension of His kingdom? and so, that's how Seven Dresses was born.

| TGIF @ Hard Rock Cafe |

its been so long since i last posted something on my blog that has a poster which says it all. saves me loads of typing.

but isn't blogging the whole idea of typing out your thoughts and feelings? yup i don't deny it, i'm a walking contradiction.

its an unusually restless day for me at work today, and i wonder if its the pregnant-top i'm wearing that is making me feel ugly and therefore restless; or the fact that i stupidly forgot to print out the material my MD sent me days ago for our meeting this morning that made me feel dumb?

if its the former, then, fret not because i brought along a cardigan that thankfully, dresses pretty well with the rest of my outfit and thus i am saved by the cardigan!

but if its the latter (which i am pretty sure it is), then i only have myself to blame. already i am SSSOOOO free in this position that is killing me softly, and i can still screw up something so simple. well done!

i wonder what's next?

| Singapore Radio Awards 2010 |

help vote for the big sista here!!!

her name is lynette tan by the way, with Symphony 92.4FM. hehe ;p

| Port Dickson, 18-19 Oct 2009) |

part two of the pictures taken @ Port Dickson as promised. unedited and purely uploaded unto FB.

| Divine Timing |

some time in October, there was a guest speaker in our church, Dr Guy Peh. i felt very compelled to share what i learnt, however, too many distractions were the reason why i'm only penning this now. his sermon topic, if my memory didn't fail me, was about the promise of God and His divine timing.

1) Fullness of Time

Galatians 4:4 and the entire chapter of Malachi 4 talked about the fullness of God's timing, particularly Galatians 4:4 where the Scriptures were prophesying on the coming of Jesus, Son of God. that was 400 years of prophesy before it was fulfilled. God used 400 years' worth of time to prepare a platform before His prophecy would be complete.

Galatians 4:4
But when the fullness of the time came, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the Law, so that He might redeem those who were under the Law, that we might receive the adoption as sons.

Malachi 4
"For behold, the day is coming, burning like a furnace; and all the arrogant and every evildoer will be chaff; and the day that is coming will set them ablaze," says the LORD of hosts, "so that it will leave them neither root nor branch."...

"Behold, I am going to send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and terrible day of the LORD. "...

"See, I will send you the prophet Elijah before that great and dreadful day of the LORD comes. He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers; or else I will come and strike the land with a curse."

2) The Appointed Time
in other words, God-ordained time.

the speaker gave an analogy of new relationships that we make with people. God sometimes uses people and relationships as instruments so that these people or relationship may bring about the release of our individual destiny. its like a ship or a vessel that is carrying something that we need from God.

most importantly, it is during the appointed or God-ordained time that spiritual warfare is never far, because the Devil is always waiting to strike God's people. so in such times, God's people should be even more rooted in God's words and in prayer.

3) Set Time
we as God's children have to set a time so that things can happen certainly, because God has a certainly moment for each of us.

Genesis 21:2
So Sarah conceived and bore a son to Abraham in his old age, at the appointed time of which God had spoken to him.

Exodus 9:5
The LORD set a definite time, saying, "Tomorrow the LORD will do this thing in the land."

Setting Time / The Promise
exactly next year this time, whatever tough/difficult situations we're currently in now, will change and improve for the better, Amen!

just watch.

| today... |

today feels like the kind of day where i would have tons of things to rant on my blog.

many things going on lately and its the year-end season again. november - its my month. its also our month - our very long engagement.

yesterday's sermon touched on prayer. a very interesting perspective: humans form God in their own image. unfortunately, i had to agree with that. which is why there are so many disappointments that Christians face, because each has his/her own idea of how God should be, how He should answer prayers and what He should do in difficult situations. for the benefit of non-Christians, God made humans in His image, not vice versa.

.Deviated.

my current location is at the boyfriend's office, and i am sitting directly in front of him now. i have made 2 online purchases already and i am still waiting for him to knock off. my head is starting to spin but there is this event that i have to attend with him. i am still hungry even though i have eaten a cheesecake, a kaya pancake and a sausage bun (most of which i had finished even before i reached the office).

HURRY UP!

| Melaka - 17 Oct 09 |

as promised.

seeing that yours truly had the long Deepavali weekend, the boyfriend and i planned for a short getaway, super impromptu, tagging along the cousin and the parents.

first stop: melaka or malacca, where we were at about 6 years ago. we've grown, changed, and we're still together. =)


moving on, our favourite pasttime - piggin' session. what to eat at the place made famous by the drama Little Nonya? nonya cuisine of course.


then more piggin' session!


walking around the nostalgic streets..




chanced upon a shop with exquisite beaded footwear. wanted to get a pair for the second sista's traditional wedding but they were SO exquisite they only had one size for one color for one design. maybe next time.

had the opportunity to step into a couple of traditional nonya houses, very spacious and alike what we see on TV.


finally made it to the condo.


the different views...


aahhh..this is the life..


just when we thought our R & R (read: rest & relax) trip had already begun...we were grossly mistaken!!!


to be continued...Port Dickson, 18 - 19 Oct 09.

| ... |

do you sometimes get tired of life?

2 months into this job and i'm feeling tired. something must be wrong. fell sick with a neverending sneezing fit and a dripping nose on friday and scared half the office away - good. ended up sleeping and sleeping for the whole of yesterday and now i can safely say i'm better.

pay-day and i helped boast the economy again: retail therapy and online therapy. i need to curb my spending, its atrocious.

just a thought: is there a need to be so secretive?

| Russ & Piccolo |

::what happens everyday at home - my two lil ones::

starring Piccolo (on the left), and Russ (on the right; dark brown and white).

| Coming Up Soon... |

watch this space for more~! promise i'll be back. =)

| Getting to Know... |

i know that on some computers, my new blogskin looks really off. BUT it looks perfect on my lappie so yes, just live with it.

had a good long lunch with my boss for the first time today. even though i already know how well he can hold his liquor, i still can't help but exclaim at the fact that he drinks alcohol like nobody's business, especially during lunch-time where he still has the second half of the day to go!

maybe its their culture and its just ME having to get used to it. felt pretty honoured at how he was practically telling me his whole life story. he shared how things are really really really expensive in his hometown, and some of the things i should avoid if i were to visit his country and stuff. its interesting to learn. i do look forward going there some day. till then.

| New Beginning |

there had been many changes in my life in the past couple of months; especially from the time i ended my final exam till now. i guess the most significant change was the change in my career path. i finally said goodbye to the low-paying, over-loaded, and full-of-politics job after 3 years 10 months (another 2 more months and it would have been my 4th year there). all those complain sessions, OT and countless rants were good experiences that i would take with me.

convocation is finally gonna be here. i've waited nearly 2 months for it and i'm so excited just thinking about it! had originally planned to take the day off, however there are VIPs coming and my boss insists on introducing me to them.

seriously.

so i promised i'll stay till he introduces me to them and leave only an hour earlier. i didn't push my luck, after all, he's my new boss and i'm technically still on probation and not allowed to take any leave.

did i mention how good the Lord is to me for giving me this new job? my job-hunting days were very shortlived. i only went for one interview during my notice period. had been busy clearing up my work and going on leave, holidaying in macau and all you see. then on my last day of work at my ex-company, i received a phonecall which said i had been shortlisted and accepted at this new place. it was double-happiness for me!

i have to give this testimony because He's really working in my life, every single waking hour. naturally, i also had my fair share of sending out resumes and filling online application forms during my job-hunting days. so one day i msn-ed the big sista who happened to be online at that time, asking her to pray that i'd get one particular job. her reply was this:

"i won't pray that you'll get this job. instead, i'll pray that the Lord will provide you with a job."

her reply really woke me up. in that instance i remembered, not my will but His be done. so i lifted my job-hunting to the Lord and for once, really trusted Him without a doubt and there He worked in my life. just like that and i was blessed with this job. it may not be the best-paying job around, it may not give me the most perks like how some jobs are tagged along with, but its good because its a gift from my God. so this is something i just had to testify.

alright, time for bed.

| Love, Children |

on my way home just now, there was a down-syndrome child sitting across me. she was together with her maid, i think. despite her abnormality (pardon me here, i am not professionally trained to use the correct terms; these are just laymen terms if you will), her maid was singing to her, reading to her; of these, the bottom line was to make the lil gal happy.

that was what got me thinking: she was just a maid, someone totally not related to the lil gal but she found such joy in singing to her and making her happy, like seeing the lil gal smile was her own joy~! i was amazed.

then the real question came: how many of us can actually love a physically challenged/abnormal child like the maid i just mentioned? i kept pondering and wondering and thinking and i still couldn't find an question; it definitely ain't easy. to a cetain extent, it is so heart-wrenching just to think about it.

i can only say that i will try my very best to love them because every child is a gift from God. and every parent will always think their own child is beautiful, like how i would think my very own in the future would also be the most beautiful thing alive.

| Airport |

just some randoms before i fly off to macau tonight. the flight is delayed till dunno-when and i reckon from now till they announce the time, we'd be really free. so the boyfriend and i are standing here, with a glass panel in front of me to see the person standing opposite me (usually an ang moh), using the free internet access in the customs area to do a bit of research for our trip and for me - to waste my time away.

this was suppose to be my graduation trip to aussie if not for the swine flu. i had everything planned out, just waiting for the opportune moment and wa-la, the swine flu just had to hit that particular part of aussie so badly that my parents had to practically beg me not to go. what else could i have done? *sigh*

and i just realise i have about 2.5 minutes more to complete this post before i am auto-logged out. WTH?! fine, i'll go now.

| Learnt |

i have learnt that there are some things in life that i may wish and hope and even pray very hard for, but at the end of the day, if its not the Lord's will for me, it will never happen.

its not that i'm not good or qualified enough, its not that i don't deserve it; its just not the Father's will for me.

and despite this, i have to learn to trust Him completely that He will make my paths right; that only He knows what's best for me.

EVEN if the path that He sometimes chosen for us may not be the most smooth-sailing one, we can trust that what we wish and hope and pray for, will only happen in His time.

| Ivan's Wedding |

just some randoms to share...1 May 09, Carlton Hotel. too bad we didn't get a picture of the bride and groom. *shrugs*

| Final |

today, i handed in my final ASSignment for Monash's grading.

i cannot even begin to describe how i felt just now and am feeling right now...all i remember was that i was shaking when i clicked on the 'submit' button. even on my drive to office, i was still shaking. now that reality has set in, i can finally heave a sigh of relief and pray for the best.

next, the final hurdle - EXAMS

| Infidelity |

its common isn't it? but i never expected it to happen within such close proximity.

temptation, pleasure, folly.
deceit, lies, tears, guilt.
sadness, brokenness, anguish.
love, respect, trust, hope - how to regain them?




石欣卉 - 你没想像中爱我

你小心翼翼 牵我手
其实是担忧 藏不住我
自尊也投降 活在她之下
我 好傻

你字字句句说 你不爱她
那又是什么 让你害怕
我疑惑但是原谅 因为你留下
我 好傻

不是我不说就不在意空等候
原来 你没想像中那么爱我
我不懂该拿什么安慰我的难受
你的存在 让我更寂寞

你寸步不离 像天使的她
挥霍我的爱 从不放心上
我有一丝无奈 也有一些明白
该 放开

不是我不说就不在意空等候原来
你没想像中那么爱我
我不能再从你的怀抱感觉到什么
不爱我别再说 假装爱那是撒盐在伤口啊

谁说我不在意空等候原来
你从来都没深刻爱我
我才懂不是我不心痛
其实是心没了感受

你没想像中爱我

| Grad |

i just applied and paid off my graduation fees. this is significant, that's why i'm making the extra effort to pen it down. in years to come, i will look back on the 3 years of the most painful time in my life - working and studying, AND i wonder what i will say then.

*lolx*

will see.

| Bye |

he was the one who cheered me on in the office when i thought i of giving up
he was the one who never failed to perk me up with his crappiness
and now that he has left for greener pastures, i guess all i can say is God Bless the work that you're doing - its really something.

p.s. i know the collage isn't well done, but its an effort, so pls keep your harsh comments to yourselves. =)

| Abhor |

if its anything i absolutely abhor, it will the fact that ANYONE wakes me up in the middle of my nap time. especially after i've barely had 3 hours of sleep in the night.

even waking me up prematurely on a weekend is fine. yes i will be grouchy and whiney but the point is, i will not scream and yell and be scary.

its ASSignments mulling period and i have extremely lil rest and therefore i get edgy more easily than usual. so pls, do me a HUGE favour and just leave me alone.

| Marina Barrage |

i'm suppose to be doing my ASSignment due wednesday, but i couldn't help but get distracted and i did this. Nice?

| Personal Space |

i finally had a talk with him about how i'd been feeling lately. he wasn't happy...

let's just say 8 years is a really long time. and i'm tired. 8 years is an unnaturally long time for any couple to date. and in all honesty, i dunno how many more "8 years" i can bear before we are finally across the next stage in life - marriage.

while i recognise the seriousness of marriage and not to mention the cash involved, i can't help it when it happens to be the next step in the equation. unfortunately, that is not the direction we're headed to, not for the next 3 years at least.

dun get me wrong, i'm not dying to get married, i just think that if that's not gonna happen in the near future then perhaps its time i'm given more personal space to get in tune with myself again, to rediscover myself again. after all, you have to begin to know yourself first before anyone can know you better right?

i also have to clarify that wanting my personal space has absolutely nothing to do with any "greener pastures" as how some have quickly jumped to. it has also nothing to do with the story that i've read - its purely just wanting to be able to spend some alone time.

on the flip side, if things do go well, my personal space may well reveal how much more i need him, miss him and even teach me to treasure him more. as it is, i can't deny the fact that we have both been guilty of taking one another for granted. he also agreed that my request is an accumulation of pent-up frustrations. undeniably, he knows that for me to ask this of him is indeed a grave matter, and no matter how much he didn't want to agree to this, he still did - for me.

this isn't a cooling off period, neither is this the preliminaries to a break-up (i hope). at the end of the day, i just hope to be able to find what i'm looking for.

| The Twillight Saga |

4 months after i first watched the movie, i decided it was time to go borrow the book(s) since the facade would have already died down by then. but, i was pleasantly surprised how intriguing the story was and the way it captured me to the point that i finished all 4 books within sucha short span (considering the fact i never read except for a few rare books like the Memoirs of a Geisha and The Da Vinci Code) that even i wasn't sure if i had been reading or if i had been watching the story in my imagination.

i'm buying all 4 books to keep (that's another rarity!) because i can forsee myself re-reading them again.

no doubt the story is fictional in nature, still i can't help but wish that there was a guy like Edward Cullen for me in this world. no matter what, its just fantasy.

| Back! |

i'm back from my second taiwan trip...watch this space for the pics~!

| Movie of the Year 2008 |

this has got to be, without a doubt, yours truly's favourite movie of the year (of course High School Musical 3 is also on my top list)!

but this movie is a.m.a.z.i.n.g!

Twilight is something totally different from your average movie. go watch it if you haven't, oh and i'm searching for the book(s) as well as for a date to watch this movie again with because the boyfriend simply refuses to waste another penny on a movie like that. *major eyeroll



p.s (the boyfriend and i are still together! *hooray)

| Issit The End? |

i drove home alone crying the whole time.
i dunno what happened tonight that made us fight so hard.

maybe it was because of the old girlfriend and the young boyfriend...
maybe it was because i was just feeling anti-social tonight...
maybe it was because i was jealous of the graduate that just flew home...
maybe it was because i was too shagged after OT-ing until 8 plus...
maybe it was because i was never interested in that stupid alien movie...
maybe it was because i was too hungry...
maybe it was because of the way he always makes me look in front of his friends - devilish
maybe it was because of the way he always picks a fight with me when we're just about to meet his friends
maybe...lotsa maybe

but he still said it nevertheless.

he said he didn't see it coming.
he said he's tired. he said that i am tired too. after all, its been 7 years.

he said that was the last movie we're ever watching with his friends.
i told him it would be our last movie together.

my girlfriend told me to think things through carefully before making a haste decision.
but now the onus doesn't fall on me i guess; its on him.
even though they say it takes two to clap, this time, i'll leave it solely to him to make this decision.

he's hurt, and so am i.
do we give each other time or do we simply let go?

may the Father's will be done.

| Season Shopping? |

i'm so bumped this christmas!

thought since we're on holiday this semester, we'd have more time for christmas shopping but its the exact opposite, damn!

oh and did i mention how i hate my job? yeah i still do.

*sigh

| Hats |

this season, its all about hats (made the boyfriend take these pics cos he spent too much time @ muji *evil laughter)

My Favourite!!!

| Graduate? |

i think i will cry the day i hand in my LAST assignment for Monash's grading.

i think i will be overjoyed the day i finish my LAST exam in Monash.

i think i will cry even harder the day i officially wear the square hat and don the graduation gown.

i just think...

| Whines |

if i blog consecutively for 2 or more days, it means i am very troubled.

indeed i am.

sometimes the ups and downs of life can really get me down. this morning, i witnessed a subtle form of betrayal during a meeting and it didn't feel good - it was then did i realise my time here just became shorter. it will be my 3rd year with the Company come 26 Sept, yes its about time i move on.

i dun feel like talking or doing anything. i just want to laze and stare in the sky all day long. but assignments' coming up and exam timetable is out, i have to hit the books again. DAMN.

it was my CEO's last day today. everyone's leaving, i wanna leave too. i wanna leave singapore and never come back in a long long time. can i pls? *help, i'm drowning!

i hate my job.
i hate the hyprocrital people that i have to work with.
i hate how they can lie through their teeth.
i hate how they can change the things that they say so easily.
i hate how they push every lil thing to me to do.
i hate it!

i have become so disillusioned with this job, i wonder where will i be in the months to come.

i also hate how the boyfriend keeps lying to me.
i hate the boyfriend for not being there for me.
i hate the boyfriend for not being understanding.
i hate the boyfriend's personality and how he's the Mr Nice Guy to everyone EXCEPT his own baby.
i hate the empty promises that he's made to me in the last 2 years since this stupid stupid job of his.
i hate the world around me now.

why is there no one listening to my whining anymore?
why am i feeling like that?
why am i falling into depression mode?
can someone get me outta this job and my life in singapore?

i wanna escape.........

| Work? Friendship? |

i'm upset about work and about friendship.

never thought things between us would turn sour, but its starting to and i can feel it. call me paranoid but its happening. although its not verbally spoken, it seems rather apparent to me.

everyone in the finance department is betting on how i wouldn't last in this position beyond december. its sad to know people are taking your livelihood as a gamble. its even sadder to know how immature people can still get despite their age.

i'm being involved in every lil single thing at work and if this carries on, i will either go into depression or i'll leave. it has come to a point where everyone is weary of everyone else, what happened to friendship? for the first time today, i teared when i was on the phone with my mentor. the stress at work is tremendous + my assignments are gonna be due very soon + friends whom i thought were my friends are all giving me a very tough time. that's why i need to blog it out. maybe somewhere somehow there's misunderstanding but knowing myself and how i so cannot keep friends, maybe i should just shut my mouth and let nature take its course.

right now, i shall just wait for my horrible female boss to bombard me tomorrow about work, work and more work. *hAiz

| 7 Detestable |

last week, while waiting for the boyfriend who was again late, as usual - i had my bible with me and i was reading to pass time. came across this chapter in proverbs which caught my attention:

"There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to Him:
(1) haughty eyes
(2) a lying tongue,
(3) hands that shed innocent blood,
(4) a heart that devises wicked schemes,
(5) feet that are quick to rush into evil,
(6) a false witness who pours out lies
(7) and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers." - Proverbs 6:16-19

David was warning against folly when he wrote this passage and i thought it was pretty interesting that he mentioned these 7 things. i mean, it has never really occured to me until now, so yeah, i learnt something again~!

p.s HOWEVER, i must stress that these 7 detestable things are NOT the 7 deadly sins as categoried in the book of Galatians.

| Still Around |

i just want to say - I'M ALIVE~!

| Tired |

.tired.

truly i am.

though i know i'm reaching the finishing line, i dun wanna live my life with regrets.

regrets about not being able to experience university life.

its my last chance - do i give it up again? life doesn't always give second chances, but when i am presented with one, do i give it up once again?

you can say that i'm running away from reality, you can say that i refuse to grow up, you can say anything you want to but the fact is, i'm really tired.

for once, maybe its time i take matters into my own hands and not care at how others would look at me. for once, and maybe i'll grow up and be more independent than i already am. just once, and i won't live to regret.

| Payback? |

i need to rant.

*SCREAMS

been feeling really depressed since yesterday and i have no idea why.

OR maybe i do have an idea, BUT there's just too many AND i feel like i will explode if i dun do something about it now.

think i've given up enough. issit payback time yet? pls put that smile back on my face.

| Apprehension |

its official - 6th of June will be my last day at my current workplace. with effect from 9th of June, i will be transferred internally to another department at a different location.

i made this request some time in april. at that time, i was extremely determined that my decision to leave my current workplace and job scope and be transferred to the HQ was a right choice. i was excited at the bountiful knowledge that awaited me, i didn't give a second or third thought at how my close colleagues would feel, afterall, i had been with them for 2.5 years and the only closest person back there - my ex-boss - had already left. there was nothing, absolutely nothing holding me back.

today i received the official letter of transfer, handed personally to me by my big boss whom i had worked with since last november.

in all honesty, he wasn't how all those people along the grapevine pictured him to be. on the contrary, he was a big man who commanded respect and authority whenever he went, and i respected him for who he is. we had a chat after work since he's hardly ever around, and we talked about many things, one of which was my further studies. he was also surprisingly, very supportive of further education and had been the most understanding person, supporting me in secret, since my ex-boss. i was very touched, i even almost teared. he wished me all the best for my new career and my studies and instructed how i must do well, or i would be letting him down. he said letting go of someone as capable as me was something he struggled with. i thanked him for his unwavering support be it in my change of career or studies. he was truly a man worth my respect.

now that this chapter of my life is ending and another will be starting soon, i wonder how my journey in the real world would be like. if i may be honest, i had been very protected for the past 2.5 years. this decision to step outta my comfort zone and confront the realities of life is one of my bravest - though apprehension is slowly but surely threatening me, i must stay focus and be strong. i will not let the people who care so much for me down. i will show them that my thirst for knowledge was a right decision.

the same verse which i repeatedly meditated in my heart during my last driving test - and which i see alot of truth in it - will continue to be the guiding verse in my life:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding.
But in all your ways, trust in Him
and He will make your paths straight." - Proverbs 3:5-6

| BEST Love |

i just want to say that i have the BEST boyfriend in this whole wide world who loves me dearly, and who hand-makes stuff for me~!

i'm blessed, truly i am. =)

Taylor Swift - Teardrops on My Guitar

my current favourite..

| Work Work |

we are the unfortunate,

led by the unworthy,

doing the unnecessary for the ungrateful.

how apt in my current situation @ work now. argh~!