| Studies |

i just got to work and i don't feel good, physically and emotionally.

studying. its what's been keeping me going for the last one year plus since dear went into army and had to serve 2 years. and all these while i've been waiting for him, just so we could go study together, whether locally or overseas.

the idea of course came from my father who has 2 rules before we can be married off:
1. finish your degree
2. and get our car license

we're not exactly pursuing our studies because his rules, but rather, we want to do it for ourselves and for our future.

at first we were looking at local unis and also institutions that carry recognised overseas degrees, we've even decided on a few.

but all of a sudden, dad insisted that i must go to aussie itself to experience life and study there. ok, perhaps not all of a sudden, he's always had the intention for the 3 of us to all go abroad for our studies, but his intention became alot stronger and it was hard. we've had our reservations and doubts, we worried and fretted about it, and after a long while, finally came to terms with the fact that yeah, going abroad may not be a bad idea after all.

so we're all settled, more or less, on a university.
and now suddenly, she tells me because i haven't been saving, and i haven't changed from my spendful nature at all, therefore it is unwise of me to want to go aussie to study.

a whole lot of the reason why we were able to accept studying overseas was her encouragement, her persuasion and her telling us how wonderful, how this and how that studying there was.

i feel so horrible now, i feel so lost. i feel so cheated and betrayed, like i just got stabbed in the back or something.

what's wrong with pampering oneself after every 6 months? if she was referring to our lil getaway to sentosa, it was also because my parents refused to let us go for a short trip to the neighbouring countries, and we halved it, it wasn't much to begin with.

how much i earn now, as compared to her while she was still teaching is alot lesser. she was drawing a 2K figure and me? she had more than 3 years to save up for her studies, while me? just graduated and settling down, then resigned, bummed around for awhile before finding another job. i need to settle down first too, how can you expect me to save x amount of money in sucha short time?! its ridiculous!

anyhow, with determination, we'll still get ourselves a legitimate degree from a recognised university.