| Forgiveness |

sometimes forgiveness is a hard thing to do. forgiveness and love goes hand in hand, you need to have love to forgive, and you'll forgive if you love.
sometimes love requires us to say, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do" (Lk. 23:34). sometimes love requires us to forgive over and over (Mt. 18:21-22). and sometimes love requires us to withhold forgiveness for the sake of the one who has harmed us. in biblical terms, therefore, forgiveness is the loving, voluntary cancellation of a debt. The point is that sin incurs a debt that must be canceled or forgiven. It is the kind of release Jesus spoke of in the many instances in the Bible, therefore there are 5 parts to forgiveness:
1. the offense
2. the confrontation
3. the repentence
4. the forgiveness
5. the restoration
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1. the offense
sin can be defined as any failure to love. denial of pain is a common form of self-deception. we pretend things really don't hurt that much, or we tell ourselves that we are just being too sensitive. a small crack begins in a relationship and steadily widens to the point that there is no real closeness. we then continue the charade by simply saying, "oh well, people change." we miss an opportunity to experience the joy of honest love, forgiveness, and reconciliation. sin is an ongoing problem that erodes the trust and intimacy for which we were made for. forgiveness, therefore, is an ongoing necessity for dealing with our sins against one another. not only do we need to forgive, but we ourselves need to be forgiven by those we have hurt.
2. the confrontation
"Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do" (Lk. 23:34; see also Acts 7:60) but sometimes the nature of the offense and the attitude of the offender require a more direct response like, "i need to let you know how much you have hurt me. you need to know what this has done to our relationship. i feel that you have betrayed my trust." unresolved problems of relationship can result in unexplained distance and coolness. they break down mutual trust, breed fear and avoidance, and if not dealt with can leave the offending party free to go on without accountability. letting an offender off the hook actually encourages him to repeat the same pattern of behavior again and again. a willingness to be lovingly honest with someone who has wronged us takes wisdom and courage. it takes wisdom to know when to speak up and when to keep quiet. it takes courage because there is no way to predict what the outcome will be.
3. the repentence
repentance refers specifically to the change of heart and mind that is necessary for a real change of behavior to take place.
4. the forgiveness
when an offense is dealt with, a forgiving heart can rightly say, "I will no longer hold this against you. I can see that you know you have hurt me and that it was wrong for you to do so."
5. the restoration
when there has been a separation in a relationship and things are made right through repentance and forgiveness, there is a wonderful moment of release that words cannot describe. restoration in our human relationships gives us a finite taste of the joy God experiences when we in repentance come to Him admitting our sin.

a high price is required from both sides involved in the forgiving process. while the cost of forgiveness is high for both the offended and the offender, the price is well worth the joy of restoration and the release that comes because of the renewed relationship. our unwillingness to love those who have harmed us reflects our own failure to understand how much God has loved us.
laymen have this strange thinking to forgive is to forget. well, the "forgive and forget" approach to forgiveness is an attempt to find a way to escape the hurt of the past. but it is based on a wrong assumption. God does not teach us to forget, but rather not to hold sins against one another.

well, that's all i have for you guys. i think after reading this, you would know who this piece of article is directed at. but i only mean well, and thinking through the forgiving process, will help you determine if you can forgive him, and carry on the relationship, or let him go totally.
the offense you found out, you've had the confrontation with him, he also repented and gave you his word of eternity with you. he's done all, now its your turn, all up to you whether you wanna forgive him and restore this relationship with him. i'm still sitting on the fence, not siding either one. please do pray and think about it.