| Russ |

think i'm calm enough to blog now since the news on saturday.

after seeking a second opinion, russ' heart murmur was confirmed by his usual attending vet on monday. its mainly due to old age, his bad temper, as well as the fact that he eats human food. Dr. Chua did not say how long russ can live but as long as russ is taking the long-term medication that Dr. Chua has put him under, he should be fine.

but now russ has to do a complete diet change; one that is low in sodium. he can't have his favorite milk, biscuits and stuff anymore. i hope he'll adapt well. the last few days when he was coughing, he did not have any appetite, it made us all so worried.

thank God he seems to be responding pretty well to the medication; we have to call Dr. Chua to report this to him today. his appetite also came back and his cough stopped. but he's still pretty tired and restless all the time and pico definitely cannot go near russ anymore because russ cannot afford to be agitated. he also can't go for long walks anymore because its too taxing on his lil heart.

russ will be 9 years old this national day. we'll celebrate earlier since we'll be away for the hols.

and i am still tearing as i'm typing this entry.

truth is, i can't take it!

i don't want russ to leave us so soon! i don't wanna come home just to see pico alone, i wanna be able to see russ too!

russ has been a big part in my life. he came the same year as the fiance came into my life in 2001. he was so tiny back then and we all grew to love him very much. i remember the very first time he set foot in our home, the three of us were lying on the floor and watching him curiously walking around us. shortly after, we smelled a fart and asked who did it and all three of us denied, next thing we knew, he poo-ed on the floor mat. he was real cute cos he contemplated for a long time and he wasn't sure where he could poo and because he was only paper-trained, he went to the nearest paper-looking thing to poo. what a smart boy! he's sucha dear in our hearts.

russ is God's gift to us, especially in a time where we needed stronger family ties - something or someone that could bond us closer as a family and russ came along.

even though he's grown to be so grumpy and bad tempered (it runs in the blood), he still loves us in his own special way.

and now if i may ask the Lord, the one thing is for russ to have a strong, healthy life. i don't want him to be in pain or to be upset in any way, i just want him to know how much all of us love him and will always always love him.

| Forever |

can i cry pls?

i don't wanna lose my baby boy so soon..he's not even 9 years old

and i was still hoping on sunday when i woke up that everything we heard at the vet was a bad dream.

can i keep my baby boy with me forever pls?

| Thinking |

i've been thinking.

i'm always thinking (and imagining) about everything and i think its innate.

i was doing so much thinking yesterday until it got me depressed to a point in time. what was i thinking about? many things.

we've settled the hotels for our trip and now its just left with researching on things to do. in fact, i'd be happy if we don't do anything during those 5 days and we just watch the world go by in my favorite part of the island - just you and i.

------------------------

i love daniel very much. it isn't something i just realised; its something i've always known. i love him to the extent of wanting a child with him that will look like the both of us - a little girl or boy that will carry a small part of him and me that is concrete evidence of our love. yes i think i would like that very much :)

everyone knows how i used to shun the idea of having a child but now i'm beginning to think otherwise. it'll be sweet :)

CLARIFICATION
yes, i'm still a virgin.
no, this coming trip is not and will not be a consummation of our love.
no, he hasn't proposed again.
no, we're not getting married anytime soon.

so just take this purely as a love story; OUR love story.

----------------------------

we're trapped.

we've got a design on hand and no factory that is willing to manufacture for us. apparently everyone's stopped taking in orders infinitely and i wonder if its got to do with what's going on in BKK. anyhow, we'll be meeting a supplier after work today and see if they'll be willing to take in our order in the meantime. *prays*

---------------------------

remember about the Inifinity Loop i mentioned about in my previous post? well its made me feel so small and insignificant that i burst out crying as soon as we left church last saturday.

i think i'm old enough to tell if someone is belittling us or if they are genuinely passionate about a cause. in any case, we should let God be the judge.

i'm not almighty; in fact even in terms of Bible knowledge/doctrines, i'm nowhere near those attending Sunday school. i'm insufficient in many ways, lacking in a lot of virtues as a Christian, but i know my cause and its very simple - open a blogshop to take back what rightfully belongs to the Lord i.e. money, and commit a portion to communities who have a need for it. and the reason for a blogshop is so that i can take care of it while i am still holding my full-time job because God is good, He didn't give me my day job for nothing you know.

and of course in the midst of that, i can expand myself to becoming a 'designer' of my own dresses, as well as use some of that marketing i've learnt through the books in actual practice here so i'll know i didn't major in marketing for nothing.

so while you are highly passionate about your cause, you need to know where other people are coming from. we all have our individual causes that God called us to do and if He dictates dresses, then who's to say pants? some may have the calling earlier, others (like me) later in life, so everyone's at different stages of fulfilling His purposes. if you're so up there right now doesn't mean i won't get there eventually. i will, but in any case, how fast or slow we get to the finishing point is also dictated by God so who has the right to belittle what we have done so far?

you may not mean it in a bad way; and if that's the case, take a different approach the next round. because i am beginning to understand why non-believers hate Christians so much. its because of bad eggs like YOU that spoil God's name!

and if you ever read this and want to apologise, DON'T.

i'm only blogging this out so i can have a happier day today.

| Happiness? |

just finished re-watching The Little Nonya on xinmsn and damn its a tear-jerker alright. *sobs

such rich culture and history lie beneath a minority, i dunno whether to be proud of or ashamed to be a quarter of a Nonya myself. some of the traditions in our family are different as compared to the Hokkiens and/or Teochews but i guess that's not the point i'm driving at.

what i'm trying to say is, why can't two people who love each other be together? its so sad and i'm feeling all-so-emo about the fact that the main characters, yueniang and chen xi did not end up together eventually. *sobs

though they supposedly moved on and are successful and happy in their own way, i can't help but wonder if that is true happiness?

and what is true happiness on earth?

| Let me RANT |

let me rant.

i'm sick and i'm in pain but i'm at work and i just want to rant.

stupid irresponsible people who are sick and refuse to stay home to recuperate, end up passing the germs to the fiance and then to me! i was just on MC 2 weeks ago for a cold that i caught outta nowhere and now this - stomach virus!

and i can't even stay home today even though i was given yesterday and today to rest because i have some stupid VIPs coming in at work today, i want to cry! i really want to cry! i am SO mad i could bite anything that irritates me today i tell you.

i'm hungry and yet i can't eat much cos anything i eat and i will LAU SAI big time, argh!

and when i posted something on his wall to indirectly scold his boss, he got angry with me. like pls, do i deserve to go down like that?

SHE NEEDS TO BE TOLD THAT IF SHE IS SICK, SHE SHOULD JOLLY WELL STAY HOME AND NOT COME TO WORK TO SPREAD GERMS, PERIOD!

| My Testament on Seven Dresses |

nat told us over lunch last sunday that he's volunteered on our behalves, to put Seven Dresses up for display at Infinite Loop - an intiative by CSCC to promote God-inspired projects in the marketplace.

wow.

that caught me off-guard for a few moments.

and now i'm required to write, sort of like a testimony on how Seven Dresses was born.

i tried putting my writing into good use yesterday but somehow it lacked the personal touch that i had hoped would bring across. and so i've decided what better place to pen this than in my own journal - like how i've been doing for the past 6 years :)

think i shared before, amidst my 678 posts on blogger, that eprincessdiary is like my personal letters to God, since i seem to be more expressive with written words anyway.

ok so here goes:

to me, Seven Dresses represents alot of things. it represents God's calling for me, His moulding process in me, a testament of God's grace and faithfulness to my pre-believing family whom i hope one day - soon enough - will also give their lives to Christ, as well as His way of helping me financially in the area of the next phase of my life - marriage.

it was at one sermon in March 2010 at CSCC - sister Karen Dunham - a missionary in Palestine spoke about “Launching” and taking back what rightfully belongs to the Lord that planted an idea within me. it was something that I’ve always wanted to do but never had the courage or capital to do so, and which i felt extremely compelled to make it happen this time round - opening a blogshop and channelling a portion of the earnings back to His' name. in this way, i could bring the Bible and even the Gospel to the marketplace and help poor starving children in Jericho be less hungry. it would feel like myself, personally being out there on the mission field - which had also been my dream since i knew Christ 15 years ago but never had the chance too.

as i think back on everything that had happened in the last couple of months, i am slowly coming into the realisation (after piecing everything up together) that the Lord has never left me, He's always been in my life, slowly but surely fulfilling the purpose He's had for me since i received my first prophesy from a preacher when i was 12:

"..that her studies are well..that she'll do great things..things that her mother would never expect and would be so proud of her for...that she'll soar on eagles' wings..."

this is all i could remember. the rest of the prophecy, which my sister later wrote out for me, went missing together with my other boxes of stuff when we shifted house in 1999.

and although i do not know what these great things are, and/or if Seven Dresses is part of these "great things", i'm convinced that success comes only from the Lord and He is faithful; He will finish the work He started out in us.

| Travel Bug |

been hit by the travel bug of late and have the strong urge to re-visit some old places (with unfinished business) and visit new places as well.

BUT it'll never be the only place i'll ever want to be in.

nevertheless, i am still thankful and count my lil blessings - at least i am leaving the country. God has been so wonderful and i've learnt that no matter what goes on in my life, His hand is always on it, in it and He leads as i allow Him to.

so the tics have been booked and we'll be away for the National Day hols. good riddance! ha!

remind me to write about PURPOSES tomorrow. till then.

| My Wants |

i've been dying to do the Great Ocean Road drive for the longest time now! when issit my turn?


i wanna go to Philip's Island and see the penguins too!

i hear they're real cute - like they'll wait for one another and never leave anyone behind *lolx*

i also wanna go up to the Blue Mountains which the big sista happily went without me!
tell me again - what are sisters for? :/


i've decided that i shall not wait for the fiance any longer and will just do this road trip on my own..once i've saved up enough that is :S

| Deadbuyers |

just a quick one before i knock off from work and rush off to another round of photoshoot tonight. *shag*

i'm very thankful and overwhelmed by the response of collection 6 - peace but at the same time, am so tired of all the deadbuyers. i mean, if you're not that interested then just refrain from commenting? thing is girls comment and confirm and yet back out. worse - they don't even reply to tell you they're no longer interested even when i send reminder emails! isn't that only basic courtesy? come on...

in the first place, i didn't even have to restock those 2 items but because so many girls were asking for it, and i know i'd feel bad if i didn't try to help to get some more stock, so in the end i relented and went to restock. :S

AND as it is, we unlike other blogshops are not blacklisting deadbuyers because we believe that everyone should be given a second or even third/fourth chance, just like how Jesus always give sinners like us so many second chances but pls don't take advantage can?

i'm so tired that i even have to resort to asking interested buyers to email me directly for the last pieces of that 2 items which i don't normally accept. *sigh

just be nice pls? ;(

| FAIL |

i screwed up JY's birthday dinner yesterday.

its been so many years since i last screwed up someone's birthday. i'm pretty good at that, i think. somehow, i am always the root of so much unhappiness and over the years, i am beginning to doubt my value of living on this earth and how i've shamed Jesus' name in being His child.

people are shallow; they always look at the surface of things. nobody cares about what really happened, the countless heartaches and disappointments that i've gone through. not like i would even bother explaining, but sometimes, i just wish that he would be a man and stand up to his own mistakes and say, "yes i was the one who upset her because i gave her empty promises time and time again".

throughout these 9 years, i wonder if he's ever fulfilled anything he ever promised me. i wonder also the worth of his words, and the reaction of people if they know that we are on the verge of a break up now? but then again, everyone who knows us, from NTUC where we met, to TP, Uni and work, are betting on 2 things:

1. our wedding
or
2. our break-up

either which, both are very highly anticipated events of the decade (pun intended).

even people whom we just know - my photographer and model for seven dresses, also commented that he always looks so pathetic when i'm scolding him or being mean to him.

???

i don't blame them cos they only just got to know us, but why is everyone's underlying first comments be "i'm the devil and he's the saint"? and just like that, he's won the hearts of everyone of our friends and even families.

no matter how much i cry and rant on my blog or in the toilet, no one will ever believe that i am the one always suffering. that's just life - unfair.

men will always fail you; but God is forever faithful.

Seven Dresses' virgin FLEA

haha, i just love the use of puns.


click on pic to find out more @ seven dresses lj

so we've been mad-rushing for this flea ever since we confirmed for it which was not too long ago; last week to be exact. and instead of 2 days, we're only gonna be there for 1 day because...i think i'm getting old and i need to REST. *lolx

its a LONG weekend after all, i can't possibly deprive myself of rest and some ME time right?

so anyway, we thought of the promotional mechanics and stuff in sucha short time and i hope it works? *cross fingers most importantly, kbox has got to have wifi or we're screwed BIG time. :/

i hope there'll be pple
i hope there'll be a crowd
i hope there'll be wifi at kbox
i hope they'll let us tap on their wifi if they really have
i hope i'll get to see some of my mailing list darlings who will come right up to me and tell me they are so-and-so
i hope we'll have fun nevertheless
i hope we'll learn to thank God and count our blessings no matter what

its only tomorrow; till then! :)

| Hana |

she's sucha doll, don't you think?

| Blogging |

i'm beginning to be convinced that some blogshop owners start a blog purely for the sake of advertising their blogshop. in a way its clever, but in another way, i find that tactic like gaining sympathy points.

whatever happened to blogging being for the love of writing?

well, maybe these girls just have all the friends and support whereas i have none. not even my fiance comes to my blog to check on my updates.

blah.

i shall just be content with writing and blogging which i have been doing so for the past 6 years (*gasps!) even though eprincessdiary is just a tiny space in the whole cyber world, where no one even knows of my existence or the existence of Seven Dresses. well, at least God does :)

| Silence & Trust |

today's reading in ODB moved me to tears.

in it wrote:

His (God's) silence is the sign that He is bringing you into a marvellous understanding of Himself - a greater run of His purposes

Wow.

with nothing going my way since my return from redang, this message came as a comfort to me.

~difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage~

following the 6-steps to building faith, i may be right to say that right now, we are in the 4th stage - difficulties. so i will continue looking to the Lord for He is Jehovah Jireh; He will provide.

yesterday, we celebrated our 9th anniversary @ his new workplace. i'm so happy and proud that he got into my dream company and/or workplace. the benefits and perks are limitless, wait till he gets his pass. hmpf!

| Not Okay |

the only thing that is keeping me from bursting out crying now is the fact that its our 9th anniversary today.

| Redang Redang! |

slightly more than 30 minutes to knock off time and i'm starting to feel the excitement slowly creeping back, ha!

and this is where we'll be staying. let's just hope the room does live up to its description on its website.

this short trip supposedly celebrates our 9th anniversary together, but we're not alone. we'll be accompanied by another 2 more of the fiance's childhood buds. romance + friendship spells FUN!

be back late on monday night! *muack*

White Christmas & New Year 2009/2010

Seoul Tower


Along Streets of Seoul

before i visit a new place, i told myself that i must upload the previous country's pictures first. look at my half uploaded HongKong Disneyland 2007...*sigh

so anyway, here are the long awaited pictures of our last Christmas in Korea, enjoy :)

Part I

Part II

Part III (Finale)

| Back! |

haha, promised i'd be BACK with more pictures! ;p i'm so lovin' my TX-5 *muack*

| 1 more week... |

its next friday...1 more week...

| Exercising Faith |

how does God build FAITH in us?

you know how we always talk about "having faith in God" but we don't actually know how to exercise that faith. so last week's sermon came very timely, especially what i'm going through in my personal life right now and i thought its only right to share :)

6 Ds of what happens from the time we are called to be His children.

1) DREAM

firstly, God plants a DREAM in our hearts and minds. He gives us that dream, a picture of what He wants to paint in our lives. This dream is usually impossible to reach (because if it were possible then it wouldn't be called a dream, DUH heh ;p).

2) DECISIONS

decisions - the most important part in the 6-steps process as our dream would usually cost some investment of time, money and energy on our part in order to pursue it. this is also the part where God wants to teach us to let go of the security and comfort zone of what we have known all along and to look only to Him for security. this is also where OBEDIENCE and WILLINGNESS comes in place.

"obedience is more costly than sacrifice"

what God wants to see is how obedient are we to His calling.

3) DELAY

after we have obediently done what the Lord has called us to do, step number three is the season of delay, dryness and drought. :/

this is the most trying time and i believe currently, Seven Dresses and myself are in this situation. and the funny part is, there are people around us that are prospering and somehow those people whom we thought were friends, are somehow supporting other blog/physical shops. and you can only wonder to yourself if this is the right path that the Lord has set out for us? YES without a doubt, it is!

this dry season is where most people lose the DREAM as it is a test of our faith. and this is the time where all the more, we have to look to God and shut our mouths in case we are whiney and complaining. easy to say but hard to do. i for one am guilty of that. :S and if we do open our mouths, it should only to be agreeing to the word of God because its only when we do so, that we are setting the thermostat of what will eventually happen.

"...if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." (Matthew 17:20)

this step is vital because God needs to take away the ugliness and to purify as well as beautify the DREAM that He gave us in the beginning; and this takes time.

4) DIFFICULTIES

things will still not be improving and in fact, MORE difficulties and obstacles will come our way and the only thing we should do is still to look to the Lord - very similar to what we should do in Step 3.

5) DEAD-END

in this context, the meaning of a dead-end means no U-turning, no going back and there is only 1 way left. where God's hidden treasures are found, things here will start to look slightly better.

"only God can turn cruxifiction into resurrection"

6) DELIVERANCE

once the Potter has moulded us into the clay that He wants us to become, painted the DREAM to what He had in mind right from the start, then things will finally begin to pick up. He will finally come to deliver us and that, my friends, is God's way of teaching us how to build faith.

"faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ" (Romans 10:17)

hope you learnt something here because i certainly did.

things sure ain't easy with Seven Dresses but ultimately, it is a test of faith. we know that as long as we stand firm with God, we can overcome this drought that we are facing now. Amen!