| Love, Children |

on my way home just now, there was a down-syndrome child sitting across me. she was together with her maid, i think. despite her abnormality (pardon me here, i am not professionally trained to use the correct terms; these are just laymen terms if you will), her maid was singing to her, reading to her; of these, the bottom line was to make the lil gal happy.

that was what got me thinking: she was just a maid, someone totally not related to the lil gal but she found such joy in singing to her and making her happy, like seeing the lil gal smile was her own joy~! i was amazed.

then the real question came: how many of us can actually love a physically challenged/abnormal child like the maid i just mentioned? i kept pondering and wondering and thinking and i still couldn't find an question; it definitely ain't easy. to a cetain extent, it is so heart-wrenching just to think about it.

i can only say that i will try my very best to love them because every child is a gift from God. and every parent will always think their own child is beautiful, like how i would think my very own in the future would also be the most beautiful thing alive.

| Airport |

just some randoms before i fly off to macau tonight. the flight is delayed till dunno-when and i reckon from now till they announce the time, we'd be really free. so the boyfriend and i are standing here, with a glass panel in front of me to see the person standing opposite me (usually an ang moh), using the free internet access in the customs area to do a bit of research for our trip and for me - to waste my time away.

this was suppose to be my graduation trip to aussie if not for the swine flu. i had everything planned out, just waiting for the opportune moment and wa-la, the swine flu just had to hit that particular part of aussie so badly that my parents had to practically beg me not to go. what else could i have done? *sigh*

and i just realise i have about 2.5 minutes more to complete this post before i am auto-logged out. WTH?! fine, i'll go now.

| Learnt |

i have learnt that there are some things in life that i may wish and hope and even pray very hard for, but at the end of the day, if its not the Lord's will for me, it will never happen.

its not that i'm not good or qualified enough, its not that i don't deserve it; its just not the Father's will for me.

and despite this, i have to learn to trust Him completely that He will make my paths right; that only He knows what's best for me.

EVEN if the path that He sometimes chosen for us may not be the most smooth-sailing one, we can trust that what we wish and hope and pray for, will only happen in His time.

| Ivan's Wedding |

just some randoms to share...1 May 09, Carlton Hotel. too bad we didn't get a picture of the bride and groom. *shrugs*

| Final |

today, i handed in my final ASSignment for Monash's grading.

i cannot even begin to describe how i felt just now and am feeling right now...all i remember was that i was shaking when i clicked on the 'submit' button. even on my drive to office, i was still shaking. now that reality has set in, i can finally heave a sigh of relief and pray for the best.

next, the final hurdle - EXAMS

| Infidelity |

its common isn't it? but i never expected it to happen within such close proximity.

temptation, pleasure, folly.
deceit, lies, tears, guilt.
sadness, brokenness, anguish.
love, respect, trust, hope - how to regain them?




石欣卉 - 你没想像中爱我

你小心翼翼 牵我手
其实是担忧 藏不住我
自尊也投降 活在她之下
我 好傻

你字字句句说 你不爱她
那又是什么 让你害怕
我疑惑但是原谅 因为你留下
我 好傻

不是我不说就不在意空等候
原来 你没想像中那么爱我
我不懂该拿什么安慰我的难受
你的存在 让我更寂寞

你寸步不离 像天使的她
挥霍我的爱 从不放心上
我有一丝无奈 也有一些明白
该 放开

不是我不说就不在意空等候原来
你没想像中那么爱我
我不能再从你的怀抱感觉到什么
不爱我别再说 假装爱那是撒盐在伤口啊

谁说我不在意空等候原来
你从来都没深刻爱我
我才懂不是我不心痛
其实是心没了感受

你没想像中爱我

| Grad |

i just applied and paid off my graduation fees. this is significant, that's why i'm making the extra effort to pen it down. in years to come, i will look back on the 3 years of the most painful time in my life - working and studying, AND i wonder what i will say then.

*lolx*

will see.

| Bye |

he was the one who cheered me on in the office when i thought i of giving up
he was the one who never failed to perk me up with his crappiness
and now that he has left for greener pastures, i guess all i can say is God Bless the work that you're doing - its really something.

p.s. i know the collage isn't well done, but its an effort, so pls keep your harsh comments to yourselves. =)

| Abhor |

if its anything i absolutely abhor, it will the fact that ANYONE wakes me up in the middle of my nap time. especially after i've barely had 3 hours of sleep in the night.

even waking me up prematurely on a weekend is fine. yes i will be grouchy and whiney but the point is, i will not scream and yell and be scary.

its ASSignments mulling period and i have extremely lil rest and therefore i get edgy more easily than usual. so pls, do me a HUGE favour and just leave me alone.

| Marina Barrage |

i'm suppose to be doing my ASSignment due wednesday, but i couldn't help but get distracted and i did this. Nice?

| Personal Space |

i finally had a talk with him about how i'd been feeling lately. he wasn't happy...

let's just say 8 years is a really long time. and i'm tired. 8 years is an unnaturally long time for any couple to date. and in all honesty, i dunno how many more "8 years" i can bear before we are finally across the next stage in life - marriage.

while i recognise the seriousness of marriage and not to mention the cash involved, i can't help it when it happens to be the next step in the equation. unfortunately, that is not the direction we're headed to, not for the next 3 years at least.

dun get me wrong, i'm not dying to get married, i just think that if that's not gonna happen in the near future then perhaps its time i'm given more personal space to get in tune with myself again, to rediscover myself again. after all, you have to begin to know yourself first before anyone can know you better right?

i also have to clarify that wanting my personal space has absolutely nothing to do with any "greener pastures" as how some have quickly jumped to. it has also nothing to do with the story that i've read - its purely just wanting to be able to spend some alone time.

on the flip side, if things do go well, my personal space may well reveal how much more i need him, miss him and even teach me to treasure him more. as it is, i can't deny the fact that we have both been guilty of taking one another for granted. he also agreed that my request is an accumulation of pent-up frustrations. undeniably, he knows that for me to ask this of him is indeed a grave matter, and no matter how much he didn't want to agree to this, he still did - for me.

this isn't a cooling off period, neither is this the preliminaries to a break-up (i hope). at the end of the day, i just hope to be able to find what i'm looking for.

| The Twillight Saga |

4 months after i first watched the movie, i decided it was time to go borrow the book(s) since the facade would have already died down by then. but, i was pleasantly surprised how intriguing the story was and the way it captured me to the point that i finished all 4 books within sucha short span (considering the fact i never read except for a few rare books like the Memoirs of a Geisha and The Da Vinci Code) that even i wasn't sure if i had been reading or if i had been watching the story in my imagination.

i'm buying all 4 books to keep (that's another rarity!) because i can forsee myself re-reading them again.

no doubt the story is fictional in nature, still i can't help but wish that there was a guy like Edward Cullen for me in this world. no matter what, its just fantasy.

| Back! |

i'm back from my second taiwan trip...watch this space for the pics~!

| Movie of the Year 2008 |

this has got to be, without a doubt, yours truly's favourite movie of the year (of course High School Musical 3 is also on my top list)!

but this movie is a.m.a.z.i.n.g!

Twilight is something totally different from your average movie. go watch it if you haven't, oh and i'm searching for the book(s) as well as for a date to watch this movie again with because the boyfriend simply refuses to waste another penny on a movie like that. *major eyeroll



p.s (the boyfriend and i are still together! *hooray)

| Issit The End? |

i drove home alone crying the whole time.
i dunno what happened tonight that made us fight so hard.

maybe it was because of the old girlfriend and the young boyfriend...
maybe it was because i was just feeling anti-social tonight...
maybe it was because i was jealous of the graduate that just flew home...
maybe it was because i was too shagged after OT-ing until 8 plus...
maybe it was because i was never interested in that stupid alien movie...
maybe it was because i was too hungry...
maybe it was because of the way he always makes me look in front of his friends - devilish
maybe it was because of the way he always picks a fight with me when we're just about to meet his friends
maybe...lotsa maybe

but he still said it nevertheless.

he said he didn't see it coming.
he said he's tired. he said that i am tired too. after all, its been 7 years.

he said that was the last movie we're ever watching with his friends.
i told him it would be our last movie together.

my girlfriend told me to think things through carefully before making a haste decision.
but now the onus doesn't fall on me i guess; its on him.
even though they say it takes two to clap, this time, i'll leave it solely to him to make this decision.

he's hurt, and so am i.
do we give each other time or do we simply let go?

may the Father's will be done.

| Season Shopping? |

i'm so bumped this christmas!

thought since we're on holiday this semester, we'd have more time for christmas shopping but its the exact opposite, damn!

oh and did i mention how i hate my job? yeah i still do.

*sigh

| Hats |

this season, its all about hats (made the boyfriend take these pics cos he spent too much time @ muji *evil laughter)

My Favourite!!!

| Graduate? |

i think i will cry the day i hand in my LAST assignment for Monash's grading.

i think i will be overjoyed the day i finish my LAST exam in Monash.

i think i will cry even harder the day i officially wear the square hat and don the graduation gown.

i just think...

| Whines |

if i blog consecutively for 2 or more days, it means i am very troubled.

indeed i am.

sometimes the ups and downs of life can really get me down. this morning, i witnessed a subtle form of betrayal during a meeting and it didn't feel good - it was then did i realise my time here just became shorter. it will be my 3rd year with the Company come 26 Sept, yes its about time i move on.

i dun feel like talking or doing anything. i just want to laze and stare in the sky all day long. but assignments' coming up and exam timetable is out, i have to hit the books again. DAMN.

it was my CEO's last day today. everyone's leaving, i wanna leave too. i wanna leave singapore and never come back in a long long time. can i pls? *help, i'm drowning!

i hate my job.
i hate the hyprocrital people that i have to work with.
i hate how they can lie through their teeth.
i hate how they can change the things that they say so easily.
i hate how they push every lil thing to me to do.
i hate it!

i have become so disillusioned with this job, i wonder where will i be in the months to come.

i also hate how the boyfriend keeps lying to me.
i hate the boyfriend for not being there for me.
i hate the boyfriend for not being understanding.
i hate the boyfriend's personality and how he's the Mr Nice Guy to everyone EXCEPT his own baby.
i hate the empty promises that he's made to me in the last 2 years since this stupid stupid job of his.
i hate the world around me now.

why is there no one listening to my whining anymore?
why am i feeling like that?
why am i falling into depression mode?
can someone get me outta this job and my life in singapore?

i wanna escape.........