| Filling In |

i finally feel the urge to write and update.

biz stats - my most feared module. anything to do with numbers/figures/graphs/charts etc and i squirm at the very thought of it. but biz stats is a core module and we had no choice but to take it last semester. results will be out midday, this friday. i'm not exactly looking forward to it but i honestly hope for a pass, just a simple borderline pass for all 3 modules.

a week after the exams ended and summer sem started, this time we are taking only one subject - it indeed feels more relaxed.

in the midst of my peak at work, i came across a weird email in my boss' mailbox from the HR dept that titled "Exit Interview". a simple one sentence that read, "Pls fill out the attached form and return to me, thank you." i got hot and red and it all felt strange, i turned to my colleague behind and asked if my boss threw in the white towel and she nodded sadly.

i cried.

my boss was at a meeting that morning and i was very thankful for the time i had alone to think about what his resignation could mean to me. but i was highly emotional and i couldn't stop crying even when he got back in the afternoon. the whole time for 2 days, we barely spoke, and even if we did, it was in the presence of other people because i was afraid i would get emotional. this piece of news came at a wrong time - i was so busy at work and at the same time i had to mull for exams; the whole thing was just too much.

but life still had to go on. tried my best to focus on exams and even when the last paper ended, it wasn't over for me. there was more to come in fact. despite all that, during those 2 weeks, i calmed down alot. i also stopped crying so much and slowly accepted the truth. my boss talked to me like how he always did - like a brother - and i came to understand his reason for leaving.

it was necessary.

all along, my boss had been my shield at work. because of his status, most revered him and didn't dare hurt me though they had very strong vibes for me, i can feel it, trust me. i had been mostly happy the last 2 years here because he had been very understanding particularly towards my part-time studies. i appreciated him as my boss very much and thanked the Lord for that priceless gift. but what has a beginning must have an ending. we talked about it before but never once had i thought the end was so close. farewell dinners, farewell gifts, photo-taking, tons of clearance work and a 3-hour long chat with him the day before he left.

i'm proud to say i was able to hold back the tears on his last day. =)

and that closed another chapter in my life.

the following week, i was down with flu and gastric flu and was on MC for most days of the week. the big boss came looking for me the minute he heard that i came back. we had a talk. what he told me irked me but work is workand i will tolerate for as long as i can, hopefully till the day i get my degree and get the hell outta here. this company is a goner.

this week has seen many trials and obstacles so far. there'll be more to come i believe. but whether it was intentional or not, i finally see how my boss had protected me from evil people in the past and how my big boss just happily threw me into the lions' dens the minute i became boss-less.

well done.

i will still try. i will continue to persevere not by my will, but by the Father's will. however if all these prove too much to bear, i will leave.

but right now, i'm living each day at a time, taking things slowly. i've almost become a pessimist but take heart, when the clock strikes 5.30pm on mondays to fridays, i become alive again. is this what real urban working life feels like? maybe this is the side i haven't tasted in the 3 years since i came into the society. now it gets harsher and worser.

thank God i still have some very good colleagues/friends to fall back on here. and the boyfriend most importantly, for ever being so supportive in whatever i do. i'm so blessed, i really am.