| Depression |

there's an annual function that my company is holding in a couple of weeks' time. i'd like to go, but seems like most of my closer colleagues have no wish to go. i wonder why when they tell me how nice it seemed back then and now that's its reality, no one wants to go. i figured it must be inferior complex.
hmmm will see. if there's any reason i'm going, its only for the food.

anyway, i was so tied up at work yesterday i had no time to blog. but it felt good to be busy. honest. and today is the same but since boss is on leave, i can take my time.

i think i am very prone to depression. i did a survey just the other day and i might be suffering from Dysthymia, minor yet chronic depression they call it. and turns out that depression is very common among women as compared with men.

why? i dunno.

i was depressed before, during my student internship programme (sip) where my supervisor was pregnant and because of her natal blues, she was leashing it out on me every single day and it was just pure torture. 6 months and i almost gave up along the way. i was really going crazy and i lost 5 kg within the second month. the doctor i was seeing gave me medication but i never took them because i didn't wanna be reliant on them. slowly but surely i prayed about it and God was good, she stopped coming to work, was fired or quitted rather. and then she went back to malaysia. then another supervisor came and things were never better.

was that an indication of my inability to contain stress? perhaps but could anyone have taken it assuming it was accusation and scolding for no apparent reason day after day? anyone could have gone crazy i guess.

but now, i got so much pent-up frustrations, i can't talk to anyone about it, and its giving me very negative thoughts about myself, my life and everything around me. and i thought this job was good. issit really good?

people are mean in big organisations, they're even meaner in bigger offices.

not that i've been bullied, but it just sux in here. really.

and my dear has been aimed at to help out at the great minister, Rajaratnum's funeral @ esplanade today and tomorrow, thus my weekend is burnt. BUT the good thing is that will be meeting up with my girls and guy pals for ktv. which is good i guess?