| Marina Barrage |

i'm suppose to be doing my ASSignment due wednesday, but i couldn't help but get distracted and i did this. Nice?

| Personal Space |

i finally had a talk with him about how i'd been feeling lately. he wasn't happy...

let's just say 8 years is a really long time. and i'm tired. 8 years is an unnaturally long time for any couple to date. and in all honesty, i dunno how many more "8 years" i can bear before we are finally across the next stage in life - marriage.

while i recognise the seriousness of marriage and not to mention the cash involved, i can't help it when it happens to be the next step in the equation. unfortunately, that is not the direction we're headed to, not for the next 3 years at least.

dun get me wrong, i'm not dying to get married, i just think that if that's not gonna happen in the near future then perhaps its time i'm given more personal space to get in tune with myself again, to rediscover myself again. after all, you have to begin to know yourself first before anyone can know you better right?

i also have to clarify that wanting my personal space has absolutely nothing to do with any "greener pastures" as how some have quickly jumped to. it has also nothing to do with the story that i've read - its purely just wanting to be able to spend some alone time.

on the flip side, if things do go well, my personal space may well reveal how much more i need him, miss him and even teach me to treasure him more. as it is, i can't deny the fact that we have both been guilty of taking one another for granted. he also agreed that my request is an accumulation of pent-up frustrations. undeniably, he knows that for me to ask this of him is indeed a grave matter, and no matter how much he didn't want to agree to this, he still did - for me.

this isn't a cooling off period, neither is this the preliminaries to a break-up (i hope). at the end of the day, i just hope to be able to find what i'm looking for.

| The Twillight Saga |

4 months after i first watched the movie, i decided it was time to go borrow the book(s) since the facade would have already died down by then. but, i was pleasantly surprised how intriguing the story was and the way it captured me to the point that i finished all 4 books within sucha short span (considering the fact i never read except for a few rare books like the Memoirs of a Geisha and The Da Vinci Code) that even i wasn't sure if i had been reading or if i had been watching the story in my imagination.

i'm buying all 4 books to keep (that's another rarity!) because i can forsee myself re-reading them again.

no doubt the story is fictional in nature, still i can't help but wish that there was a guy like Edward Cullen for me in this world. no matter what, its just fantasy.

| Back! |

i'm back from my second taiwan trip...watch this space for the pics~!

| Movie of the Year 2008 |

this has got to be, without a doubt, yours truly's favourite movie of the year (of course High School Musical 3 is also on my top list)!

but this movie is a.m.a.z.i.n.g!

Twilight is something totally different from your average movie. go watch it if you haven't, oh and i'm searching for the book(s) as well as for a date to watch this movie again with because the boyfriend simply refuses to waste another penny on a movie like that. *major eyeroll



p.s (the boyfriend and i are still together! *hooray)

| Issit The End? |

i drove home alone crying the whole time.
i dunno what happened tonight that made us fight so hard.

maybe it was because of the old girlfriend and the young boyfriend...
maybe it was because i was just feeling anti-social tonight...
maybe it was because i was jealous of the graduate that just flew home...
maybe it was because i was too shagged after OT-ing until 8 plus...
maybe it was because i was never interested in that stupid alien movie...
maybe it was because i was too hungry...
maybe it was because of the way he always makes me look in front of his friends - devilish
maybe it was because of the way he always picks a fight with me when we're just about to meet his friends
maybe...lotsa maybe

but he still said it nevertheless.

he said he didn't see it coming.
he said he's tired. he said that i am tired too. after all, its been 7 years.

he said that was the last movie we're ever watching with his friends.
i told him it would be our last movie together.

my girlfriend told me to think things through carefully before making a haste decision.
but now the onus doesn't fall on me i guess; its on him.
even though they say it takes two to clap, this time, i'll leave it solely to him to make this decision.

he's hurt, and so am i.
do we give each other time or do we simply let go?

may the Father's will be done.

| Season Shopping? |

i'm so bumped this christmas!

thought since we're on holiday this semester, we'd have more time for christmas shopping but its the exact opposite, damn!

oh and did i mention how i hate my job? yeah i still do.

*sigh

| Hats |

this season, its all about hats (made the boyfriend take these pics cos he spent too much time @ muji *evil laughter)

My Favourite!!!

| Graduate? |

i think i will cry the day i hand in my LAST assignment for Monash's grading.

i think i will be overjoyed the day i finish my LAST exam in Monash.

i think i will cry even harder the day i officially wear the square hat and don the graduation gown.

i just think...

| Whines |

if i blog consecutively for 2 or more days, it means i am very troubled.

indeed i am.

sometimes the ups and downs of life can really get me down. this morning, i witnessed a subtle form of betrayal during a meeting and it didn't feel good - it was then did i realise my time here just became shorter. it will be my 3rd year with the Company come 26 Sept, yes its about time i move on.

i dun feel like talking or doing anything. i just want to laze and stare in the sky all day long. but assignments' coming up and exam timetable is out, i have to hit the books again. DAMN.

it was my CEO's last day today. everyone's leaving, i wanna leave too. i wanna leave singapore and never come back in a long long time. can i pls? *help, i'm drowning!

i hate my job.
i hate the hyprocrital people that i have to work with.
i hate how they can lie through their teeth.
i hate how they can change the things that they say so easily.
i hate how they push every lil thing to me to do.
i hate it!

i have become so disillusioned with this job, i wonder where will i be in the months to come.

i also hate how the boyfriend keeps lying to me.
i hate the boyfriend for not being there for me.
i hate the boyfriend for not being understanding.
i hate the boyfriend's personality and how he's the Mr Nice Guy to everyone EXCEPT his own baby.
i hate the empty promises that he's made to me in the last 2 years since this stupid stupid job of his.
i hate the world around me now.

why is there no one listening to my whining anymore?
why am i feeling like that?
why am i falling into depression mode?
can someone get me outta this job and my life in singapore?

i wanna escape.........

| Work? Friendship? |

i'm upset about work and about friendship.

never thought things between us would turn sour, but its starting to and i can feel it. call me paranoid but its happening. although its not verbally spoken, it seems rather apparent to me.

everyone in the finance department is betting on how i wouldn't last in this position beyond december. its sad to know people are taking your livelihood as a gamble. its even sadder to know how immature people can still get despite their age.

i'm being involved in every lil single thing at work and if this carries on, i will either go into depression or i'll leave. it has come to a point where everyone is weary of everyone else, what happened to friendship? for the first time today, i teared when i was on the phone with my mentor. the stress at work is tremendous + my assignments are gonna be due very soon + friends whom i thought were my friends are all giving me a very tough time. that's why i need to blog it out. maybe somewhere somehow there's misunderstanding but knowing myself and how i so cannot keep friends, maybe i should just shut my mouth and let nature take its course.

right now, i shall just wait for my horrible female boss to bombard me tomorrow about work, work and more work. *hAiz

| 7 Detestable |

last week, while waiting for the boyfriend who was again late, as usual - i had my bible with me and i was reading to pass time. came across this chapter in proverbs which caught my attention:

"There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to Him:
(1) haughty eyes
(2) a lying tongue,
(3) hands that shed innocent blood,
(4) a heart that devises wicked schemes,
(5) feet that are quick to rush into evil,
(6) a false witness who pours out lies
(7) and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers." - Proverbs 6:16-19

David was warning against folly when he wrote this passage and i thought it was pretty interesting that he mentioned these 7 things. i mean, it has never really occured to me until now, so yeah, i learnt something again~!

p.s HOWEVER, i must stress that these 7 detestable things are NOT the 7 deadly sins as categoried in the book of Galatians.

| Still Around |

i just want to say - I'M ALIVE~!

| Tired |

.tired.

truly i am.

though i know i'm reaching the finishing line, i dun wanna live my life with regrets.

regrets about not being able to experience university life.

its my last chance - do i give it up again? life doesn't always give second chances, but when i am presented with one, do i give it up once again?

you can say that i'm running away from reality, you can say that i refuse to grow up, you can say anything you want to but the fact is, i'm really tired.

for once, maybe its time i take matters into my own hands and not care at how others would look at me. for once, and maybe i'll grow up and be more independent than i already am. just once, and i won't live to regret.

| Payback? |

i need to rant.

*SCREAMS

been feeling really depressed since yesterday and i have no idea why.

OR maybe i do have an idea, BUT there's just too many AND i feel like i will explode if i dun do something about it now.

think i've given up enough. issit payback time yet? pls put that smile back on my face.

| Apprehension |

its official - 6th of June will be my last day at my current workplace. with effect from 9th of June, i will be transferred internally to another department at a different location.

i made this request some time in april. at that time, i was extremely determined that my decision to leave my current workplace and job scope and be transferred to the HQ was a right choice. i was excited at the bountiful knowledge that awaited me, i didn't give a second or third thought at how my close colleagues would feel, afterall, i had been with them for 2.5 years and the only closest person back there - my ex-boss - had already left. there was nothing, absolutely nothing holding me back.

today i received the official letter of transfer, handed personally to me by my big boss whom i had worked with since last november.

in all honesty, he wasn't how all those people along the grapevine pictured him to be. on the contrary, he was a big man who commanded respect and authority whenever he went, and i respected him for who he is. we had a chat after work since he's hardly ever around, and we talked about many things, one of which was my further studies. he was also surprisingly, very supportive of further education and had been the most understanding person, supporting me in secret, since my ex-boss. i was very touched, i even almost teared. he wished me all the best for my new career and my studies and instructed how i must do well, or i would be letting him down. he said letting go of someone as capable as me was something he struggled with. i thanked him for his unwavering support be it in my change of career or studies. he was truly a man worth my respect.

now that this chapter of my life is ending and another will be starting soon, i wonder how my journey in the real world would be like. if i may be honest, i had been very protected for the past 2.5 years. this decision to step outta my comfort zone and confront the realities of life is one of my bravest - though apprehension is slowly but surely threatening me, i must stay focus and be strong. i will not let the people who care so much for me down. i will show them that my thirst for knowledge was a right decision.

the same verse which i repeatedly meditated in my heart during my last driving test - and which i see alot of truth in it - will continue to be the guiding verse in my life:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding.
But in all your ways, trust in Him
and He will make your paths straight." - Proverbs 3:5-6

| BEST Love |

i just want to say that i have the BEST boyfriend in this whole wide world who loves me dearly, and who hand-makes stuff for me~!

i'm blessed, truly i am. =)

Taylor Swift - Teardrops on My Guitar

my current favourite..

| Work Work |

we are the unfortunate,

led by the unworthy,

doing the unnecessary for the ungrateful.

how apt in my current situation @ work now. argh~!